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14 Things Dads Teach Their Daughters About the Boyfriends They Deserve

14 Things Dads Teach Their Daughters About the Boyfriends They Deserve

As a father, do you have the qualities your daughter deserves to see in her boyfriend? Even better, her future husband? I always ask myself this question to see how l can improve as a father, and teach my daughter who deserves to be her boyfriend.

You might have heard, “be the change you want to see” but are you truly working to be the change you want to see?

Here are some great things a daughter can learn from her father about the boyfriend she deserves.

Heck yes, even the husband she deserves to marry.

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1. She deserves a boyfriend who will treat her with respect.

She is an equal partner in the relationship and deserves to be treated as such. A father always treats his daughter with respect, so why not her boyfriend? Ladies, if your boyfriend does not treat you with respect, he does not deserve to be your man!

2. She deserves a boyfriend who believes in her.

Every woman deserves a boyfriend who will never give up on her and her dreams. Each one of us has dreams, goals we have set for ourselves. As a father myself, one of my dreams is to work from home. My daughter’s dreams might not be same as mine, but l will do all l can to help her achieve her dreams. She needs a partner who will do the same.

3. She deserves a boyfriend who is confident in her abilities and will value her opinion.

Sometimes, all it takes is for a father to sit down with his daughter and discuss a problem she is facing. By doing this together, she will appreciate her father believing in her abilities to have a great conversation. A great example is how a father can teach his daughter how to make her own opinions and not just accept any opinion someone throws at her. Two heads are better than one!

4. She deserves a boyfriend she can trust.

If a daughter cannot trust her father, neither will benefit from the relationship. Therefore a daughter who knows she can trust her father will expect her boyfriend to be trustworthy. If a daughter does not trust her father, it is very likely she will have a difficult time trusting her boyfriend.

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5. She deserves a boyfriend who loves kids, and plays with them.

You can love kids, but what happens if you do not know how to play with them? Loving kids is not enough; fathers need to also learn how to interact with their kids. By watching her father show affection towards herself and other kids by playing with them, a daughter can be certain a boyfriend with these qualities has the potential to be a great father in the future.

6. She deserves a boyfriend who will be honest with her, and critique her constructively.

There will be times when our daughters will make bad choices. It is during these moments that a father needs to be bold enough to tell her the truth, even if it’s not what she may want to hear. This will help her stay on track with her goals, and also help her make better decisions in the future.

7. She deserves a boyfriend who is smart, intelligent and hardworking.

A father should teach his daughter how to work hard and smart by being an example. She can learn that a man should not only work hard, but work smart.

8. She deserves a boyfriend who will admit when he is wrong.

As a father, there have been times when l have been wrong. Even though admitting being wrong is simple, sometimes l find it difficult to do. But as l have matured as a person, l am now quick to admit my mistakes. A daughter knowing her father can accept his mistakes and admit he is wrong means she can be be sincere and honest with her father when he is wrong. This is another great trait to look for in a boyfriend.

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9. She deserves a boyfriend who will treasure and protect her with all he’s got.

Your father will do everything he can to protect you from harmful things that come your way. It is because he treasures you like no other. So why not choose a boyfriend who will do the same? If you are not a treasure to him, he will treat you like he treats his other stuff. You should have a special place in his life, just as you have a special place in your father’s life.

10. She deserves a boyfriend who will listen to her.

A father listens to the concerns of his daughter; he wants her to know he is there for her. Your boyfriend should be able to listen and properly communicate with you. In today’s world of social media and business, our attention span is so short that we do not listen attentively. Finding a boyfriend who is a great listener is like hitting a home run.

11. She deserves a boyfriend who knows how to be serious when the time calls for it.

Having a life full of fun is great, but there will be a time that will require the balancing of fun with some seriousness to accomplish certain goals. When hard moments, such as financial difficulties arise, a father will put jokes aside to concentrate on resolving these difficulties. A boyfriend who plays and has fun all the time without taking anything seriously will not help you.

12. She deserves a boyfriend who treats her like a queen.

Fathers set a standard with not only the way they treat their daughters, but how they treat her mother. She will learn how she should expect to be treated by him.

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13. She deserves a boyfriend who is kind, patient, loving, gentle, and strong when he needs to be.

Fathers set examples by playing dolls, dress up, and allowing their daughters to paint their nails. Her boyfriend should not be afraid to do things that would “threaten his manhood”. A great man is secure in himself. There is a time to be strong, a time to be protective, and a time to be gentle.

14. She deserves a boyfriend who wants to be with her for more than her physical appearance and what she can do for him.

She can learn that her worth is not based on her physical appearance or ability. Her father loves her, and shows it through his actions as well as his words. You do not have to prove your love to your boyfriend by sleeping with him.

Featured photo credit: Baby Sweet Happy Human Papa Hands Hand/Maddox74 via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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