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12 Things Truly Mature Men Don’t Do

12 Things Truly Mature Men Don’t Do

When men get to a certain age, they start to leave their old life behind in favour for one with fewer hangovers and more responsibilities. This all happens when men start to mature and in return for this maturity they begin to see life in a different way. Less stress and more results. Being more mature can help with moving up the career ladder or settling down with a beautiful woman. Read down our list to see if you have, like a good piece of steak, matured well.

1. They don’t go out on a school night.

When we’re young we tend not to worry about the consequences of coming into work with a hangover or just not turning up at all. When men become more mature they remember that it’s their job that allows them to pay for all the fun things in life. It’s important to turn up to work with a clear head and to make sure they’re working to their best ability as this can lead to a promotion, which can’t be a bad thing! Mature men don’t forget to have fun, though; they just remember that’s what days off are for!

2. They don’t see their partners as secondary to their friends.

It’s often said that men sometimes put their friends before their partner. There’s a whole culture surrounding men who want to “get away from the ball and chain” and have to ask permission to have a few pints. Mature men realize that their partner is a possible life companion so they deserve to be a priority. They aren’t ashamed to spend less time with “the lads” in favor of a quiet night in with their other half. Significant others are supposed to be best friends as well as lovers, so mature men begin to realize that and stop making them feel inadequate.

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3. They don’t put off seeing their moms.

Many of us resent having to go and see the family because we’d rather watch Netflix all day. A mature man remembers that his family isn’t going to be there forever and that it’s important to spend time with those who cared for him when he was young. Not only does he understand the importance of seeing family, but he actually wants to do it because he’s gotten over seeing it as a chore.

4. They don’t try to please others.

Men always want to please their friends. They’ll go out when they can’t afford it because they don’t want to be “that guy”. When men get older and more mature, they know that it’s more important to please yourself first because in all honesty, no one will even notice that you’re not there. Mature men know when it’s a good time to socialize and when it’s best to save the pennies.

5. They don’t meet confrontation with anger.

Young men are often noted for their violent nature. Not all men, of course, but when men get angry, they often use violence to solve it. Mature men realize that violence and anger don’t solve problems. They realize that there are repercussions when they become angry and that it’s best to avoid these for the future. Words are way more effective.

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6. They don’t run away from difficult situations.

When men are younger, they tend to see difficult situations as a reason to run away. The fight-or-flight instinct starts to flare up and more often than not, when things aren’t going well some men don’t stay and fight. When men have become more mature they realize that life isn’t always perfect and it’s important to deal with these situations, as they make us stronger. Mature men will fight head on and make sure that there are no leftover issues that could come up later in life.

7. They don’t shy away from their responsibilities.

Similarly, when men grow older, the amount of responsibilities they have increases. Men who are mature embrace these responsibilities and take ownership of them. Instead of pretending they don’t exist, a mature man will ensure that he is on top of everything he needs to do, knowing that he won’t be able to enjoy his leisure time without having done so.

8. They don’t live for the weekend.

We all enjoy having some time off from work but mature men know that wishing your life away is, well, just that, wishing it away. Instead, mature men like to enjoy everyday and fill up their weeks with not only things they have to do, but things they want to do.

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9. They don’t have a big group of friends.

Young men always have that group of “lads” that they do everything with. When men start to mature, they begin to stay in on a Friday night, favoring a takeaway and a beer rather than a night on the lash. This usually means that some friends are lost and replaced with a few great friends that don’t rely on you to come out every Saturday night to sustain your friendship. It’s not bad to prefer a few close friends to a group of friends who can sometimes be unreliable.

10. They aren’t afraid to be weak in front of their partners.

Men are known for not being in touch with their emotions and this tends to drive women crazy. When a man has become more mature he isn’t afraid of being judged for showing his sensitive side because he knows that it’s more healthy to show his emotions than to suppress them. He also knows that showing weakness to his partner ensures that they grow closer to each other and end up sustaining a much longer and healthier relationship.

11. They don’t get scared by the possibility of starting their own family.

Not everyone wants to have children and start a family but men who have matured aren’t running for the rooftops when they hear about all their friends having children. In fact they actually get a little broody and coo when they see little baby booties. A man who wants children will be excited by the prospect of having a mini me running around his ankles. It’s important to never push a man (or anyone!) to do something he doesn’t want to do, but when he’s ready, you’ll know.

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12. They don’t live in the moment.

When we’re young we’re taught to live for the moment and don’t worry about what tomorrow might bring. YOLO if you like, but when men begin to mature they realize that being reckless isn’t the best way to live. Of course it’s important to enjoy life and take every experience offered. But it’s not going to pay the bills. Mature men realize this and ensure that they take the future into consideration when they start to make plans.

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Published on September 23, 2020

6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

I don’t know about you, but many times when I hear the word negotiate I think of lawyers working out a business deal or having to do battle with a car salesman to try to get a lower price. Since I am in recruiting, the term “negotiation” comes up when someone is attempting to get a higher compensation package.

If we think about it, we tend to negotiate almost every day in a wide variety of things we do. Getting a handle on the important negotiation skills can be incredibly beneficial in many parts of our lives. Let’s take a look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

What is Negotiation?

First, let’s take a look at what negotiation is. Put simply, negotiation is a method by which people settle their differences. It is a process in which compromise or agreement can be reached without argument or dispute.

Anytime two people or sides disagree on something, they are almost always looking for the best possible outcome for their side. This could be from an individual’s perspective or someone representing an organization.

In reality, it’s rare that one side gets everything they want and the other side gets nothing that they are seeking. Seeking to reach a common ground of sorts where both sides feel like they are getting most of what they want is the key to being successful and maintaining the relationship.

Places We Negotiate

I’ve mentioned that we negotiate in just about all phases of our life. For those of you who are shaking your head no, I invite you to think about the following:

1. Work/Business

This one is the most obvious and it’s what naturally comes to mind when we think of the word “negotiate”.

When you first started at your current job, you might have asked for a higher salary. It could be that you delivered a huge new client to your company and used this as leverage in your most recent evaluation for more compensation. If you work with vendors (and just about every company does), maybe you worked them to a lower price or better contract terms.

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In recruiting, I negotiate with candidates and hiring managers all the time to land the best talent I can find. It’s very common to accept additional work with the (sometimes spoken, sometimes unspoken) agreement that it will benefit your career in the future.

Recently, I took over a project that was my boss was working on so that I would be able to attend a conference later in the year. And so it goes, we do this all day long at work.

2. Personal

I don’t know about you, but I negotiate with my spouse all the time. I’ll cook dinner with the understanding that she does the dishes. Who wants to mow the lawn and who wants to vacuum and dust the house?

I think we should save 10% for retirement, but she thinks 5% is plenty. Therefore, we save 8%. And don’t even get me started with my kids. My older daughter can borrow my car as soon as she finishes her chores. My younger daughter can go hang out with her friends when her homework is done.

Then, there are all those interactions in our personal lives outside our homes. The carpenter wants to charge me $12,000 to build a new deck. I think $10,000 is plenty so we agree on $11,000. I ask my neighbor if I can borrow his snowblower in the winter if I invite him over the next time I grill steak. And so on.

3. Ourselves

You didn’t expect this one, did you? We negotiate with ourselves all day long.

I’ll make sure I don’t skip my workout tomorrow since I’m going to have that extra piece of pizza. My spouse has been quiet the last few days, is it worth me asking her about, or should I leave it alone? I think the car place charged me for some repairs that weren’t needed, should I say something or just let it go? I know my friend has been having some personal challenges, should I check in with him? We’ve been friends for a long time, I’m sure he’d come to me if he needed help. I’ve got the #4 pick in this year’s Fantasy Football draft, should I choose a running back or a wide receiver?

Think about that non-stop voice inside your head. It always seems to be chattering away about something and many times, it’s us negotiating with ourselves. I’ll finish up that report that the boss needs before I turn on the football game.

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Why Negotiation Skills Are So Important

Put simply, negotiation skills are important because we all interact with other people, and not only other people but other organizations and groups of people as well.

We all rarely want the same thing or outcome. Most of the time a vendor is looking at getting you to pay a higher price for something than you want to spend. Therefore, it’s important to negotiate to some middle ground that works well for both sides.

My wife and I disagree on how much to save for retirement. If we weren’t married it wouldn’t be an issue. We’d each contribute how much we wanted to on our retirement funds. We choose to be married, so we have to come to some agreement that we both feel comfortable with. We have to compromise. Therefore, we have to negotiate.

If we each lived on a planet by ourselves, we would be free to do just about anything we wanted to. We wouldn’t have to compromise with anyone because we wouldn’t interact with anyone. We would make every choice unilaterally the way we wanted to.

As we all know, this isn’t how things are. We are constantly interacting with other people and organizations, each one with their own agenda’s, viewpoints, and opinions. Therefore, we have to be able to work together.

6 Negotiation Skills to Master

Having strong negotiation skills helps us create win-win situations with others, allowing us to get most of what we want in conjunction with others around us.

Now, let’s look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

1. Preparation

Preparation is a key place to start with when getting ready to negotiate. Being prepared means having a clear vision of what you want and how you’d go about achieving it. It means knowing what the end goal looks like and also what you are willing to give to get it.

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It also means knowing who you are negotiating with and what areas they might be willing to compromise on. You should also know what your “bottom line” is. By “bottom line” I mean what is the most you are willing to give up to get what you want.

For instance, several years ago, I decided it was time to get a newer car. I say newer because I wanted a “new to me” car, not a brand new car. I did my research and figured out what type of car I wanted. I decided on what must-have items on the car I wanted, the highest amount of miles that would already be on it, the colors I was willing to get it in, and the highest amount of money I was willing to pay.

After visiting numerous car dealerships I was able to negotiate buying a car. I knew what I was willing to give up (amount of money) and what I was willing to accept, things like the color, amount of miles, etc. I came prepared. This is critical.

2. Clear Communication

The next key skill you need to be an effective negotiator is clear communication. You have to be able to clearly articulate what you want to the other party. This means both clear verbal and written communication.

If you can’t clearly tell the other person what you want, how do you expect to get it? Have you ever worked through something with a vendor or someone else only to learn of a surprise right at the end that wasn’t talked about before? This is not what you would call clear communication. It’s essential to be able to share a coherent and logical vision with the person you are working with.

3. Active Listening

Let’s do a quick review of active listening. This is when you are completely focused on the speaker, understand their message, comprehend the information, and respond appropriately. This is a necessary ingredient to be able to negotiate successfully. You must be able to fully focus on the other person’s wants to completely understand them.

If you aren’t giving them your full attention, you may miss some major points or details. This leads to frustration down the road on both sides. Ensure you are employing your active listening skills when in arbitration mode.

4. Teamwork and Collaboration

To be able to get to a place of common ground and a win-win scenario, you have to have a sense of teamwork and collaboration.

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If you are only thinking about yourself and what you want without giving much care to what the other person is wanting, you are bound to wind up without a solution. The other person may get frustrated and give up if they see you are unwilling to meet them halfway or care little for what they want.

When you collaborate, you are working together to help each other get what is most important to you. The other upside to negotiating with a sense of teamwork and collaboration is that it helps create a sense of trust, which, in turn, helps provide positive energy for working to a successful conclusion.

5. Problem Solving

Problem-solving is another key negotiation skill. When you are working with the other person to get the deal done many times you’ll face new challenges along the way.

Maybe you want a new vendor to provide training on the software they are selling you but they say it’s going to cost an additional $20,000 to provide this service. If you don’t have the additional $20,000 in the budget to spend on the software but you feel the training is critical, how are you going to solve that problem?

From what I’ve seen, most vendors aren’t willing to provide additional services without getting paid for them. This is where problem-solving skills will help continue the discussions. You might suggest to the vendor that your company will also be looking to replace their financial software next year, and you’d be happy to ensure they get one of the first seats at the table when the time comes if they could perhaps lower the pricing on their training.

There’s a solution to most challenges, but it takes problem-solving skills to work through them effectively.

6. Decision-Making Ability

Finally, having strong decision-making ability will help you seal the deal when you get to a place where everyone feels like they are getting what works for them. Each step of the way you can cross off the list when you get what you are looking for and decide to move onto the next item. Then, once you have all of your must-have boxes checked and the other side feels good about things, it’s time to shake hands and sign on the dotted line. Powerful decision-making ability will help you get to the finish line together.

Conclusion

There you have it, 6 effective negotiation skills to master to lead a more fulfilling life. Once we realize that we negotiate in one form or another almost every day in every phase of our lives, we realize how critical a skill it is.

Possessing strong negotiation skills will help you in nearly every one of your relationships at both the workplace and in your personal life. If you feel your arbitration tools could use some sharpening, try some of the 6 effective negotiation skills to master that we’ve talked about.

More Tips to Improve Your Negotiation Skills

Featured photo credit: Windows via unsplash.com

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