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12 Things Truly Mature Men Don’t Do

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12 Things Truly Mature Men Don’t Do

When men get to a certain age, they start to leave their old life behind in favour for one with fewer hangovers and more responsibilities. This all happens when men start to mature and in return for this maturity they begin to see life in a different way. Less stress and more results. Being more mature can help with moving up the career ladder or settling down with a beautiful woman. Read down our list to see if you have, like a good piece of steak, matured well.

1. They don’t go out on a school night.

When we’re young we tend not to worry about the consequences of coming into work with a hangover or just not turning up at all. When men become more mature they remember that it’s their job that allows them to pay for all the fun things in life. It’s important to turn up to work with a clear head and to make sure they’re working to their best ability as this can lead to a promotion, which can’t be a bad thing! Mature men don’t forget to have fun, though; they just remember that’s what days off are for!

2. They don’t see their partners as secondary to their friends.

It’s often said that men sometimes put their friends before their partner. There’s a whole culture surrounding men who want to “get away from the ball and chain” and have to ask permission to have a few pints. Mature men realize that their partner is a possible life companion so they deserve to be a priority. They aren’t ashamed to spend less time with “the lads” in favor of a quiet night in with their other half. Significant others are supposed to be best friends as well as lovers, so mature men begin to realize that and stop making them feel inadequate.

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3. They don’t put off seeing their moms.

Many of us resent having to go and see the family because we’d rather watch Netflix all day. A mature man remembers that his family isn’t going to be there forever and that it’s important to spend time with those who cared for him when he was young. Not only does he understand the importance of seeing family, but he actually wants to do it because he’s gotten over seeing it as a chore.

4. They don’t try to please others.

Men always want to please their friends. They’ll go out when they can’t afford it because they don’t want to be “that guy”. When men get older and more mature, they know that it’s more important to please yourself first because in all honesty, no one will even notice that you’re not there. Mature men know when it’s a good time to socialize and when it’s best to save the pennies.

5. They don’t meet confrontation with anger.

Young men are often noted for their violent nature. Not all men, of course, but when men get angry, they often use violence to solve it. Mature men realize that violence and anger don’t solve problems. They realize that there are repercussions when they become angry and that it’s best to avoid these for the future. Words are way more effective.

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6. They don’t run away from difficult situations.

When men are younger, they tend to see difficult situations as a reason to run away. The fight-or-flight instinct starts to flare up and more often than not, when things aren’t going well some men don’t stay and fight. When men have become more mature they realize that life isn’t always perfect and it’s important to deal with these situations, as they make us stronger. Mature men will fight head on and make sure that there are no leftover issues that could come up later in life.

7. They don’t shy away from their responsibilities.

Similarly, when men grow older, the amount of responsibilities they have increases. Men who are mature embrace these responsibilities and take ownership of them. Instead of pretending they don’t exist, a mature man will ensure that he is on top of everything he needs to do, knowing that he won’t be able to enjoy his leisure time without having done so.

8. They don’t live for the weekend.

We all enjoy having some time off from work but mature men know that wishing your life away is, well, just that, wishing it away. Instead, mature men like to enjoy everyday and fill up their weeks with not only things they have to do, but things they want to do.

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9. They don’t have a big group of friends.

Young men always have that group of “lads” that they do everything with. When men start to mature, they begin to stay in on a Friday night, favoring a takeaway and a beer rather than a night on the lash. This usually means that some friends are lost and replaced with a few great friends that don’t rely on you to come out every Saturday night to sustain your friendship. It’s not bad to prefer a few close friends to a group of friends who can sometimes be unreliable.

10. They aren’t afraid to be weak in front of their partners.

Men are known for not being in touch with their emotions and this tends to drive women crazy. When a man has become more mature he isn’t afraid of being judged for showing his sensitive side because he knows that it’s more healthy to show his emotions than to suppress them. He also knows that showing weakness to his partner ensures that they grow closer to each other and end up sustaining a much longer and healthier relationship.

11. They don’t get scared by the possibility of starting their own family.

Not everyone wants to have children and start a family but men who have matured aren’t running for the rooftops when they hear about all their friends having children. In fact they actually get a little broody and coo when they see little baby booties. A man who wants children will be excited by the prospect of having a mini me running around his ankles. It’s important to never push a man (or anyone!) to do something he doesn’t want to do, but when he’s ready, you’ll know.

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12. They don’t live in the moment.

When we’re young we’re taught to live for the moment and don’t worry about what tomorrow might bring. YOLO if you like, but when men begin to mature they realize that being reckless isn’t the best way to live. Of course it’s important to enjoy life and take every experience offered. But it’s not going to pay the bills. Mature men realize this and ensure that they take the future into consideration when they start to make plans.

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Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

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How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

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