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12 Things Truly Mature Men Don’t Do

12 Things Truly Mature Men Don’t Do

When men get to a certain age, they start to leave their old life behind in favour for one with fewer hangovers and more responsibilities. This all happens when men start to mature and in return for this maturity they begin to see life in a different way. Less stress and more results. Being more mature can help with moving up the career ladder or settling down with a beautiful woman. Read down our list to see if you have, like a good piece of steak, matured well.

1. They don’t go out on a school night.

When we’re young we tend not to worry about the consequences of coming into work with a hangover or just not turning up at all. When men become more mature they remember that it’s their job that allows them to pay for all the fun things in life. It’s important to turn up to work with a clear head and to make sure they’re working to their best ability as this can lead to a promotion, which can’t be a bad thing! Mature men don’t forget to have fun, though; they just remember that’s what days off are for!

2. They don’t see their partners as secondary to their friends.

It’s often said that men sometimes put their friends before their partner. There’s a whole culture surrounding men who want to “get away from the ball and chain” and have to ask permission to have a few pints. Mature men realize that their partner is a possible life companion so they deserve to be a priority. They aren’t ashamed to spend less time with “the lads” in favor of a quiet night in with their other half. Significant others are supposed to be best friends as well as lovers, so mature men begin to realize that and stop making them feel inadequate.

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3. They don’t put off seeing their moms.

Many of us resent having to go and see the family because we’d rather watch Netflix all day. A mature man remembers that his family isn’t going to be there forever and that it’s important to spend time with those who cared for him when he was young. Not only does he understand the importance of seeing family, but he actually wants to do it because he’s gotten over seeing it as a chore.

4. They don’t try to please others.

Men always want to please their friends. They’ll go out when they can’t afford it because they don’t want to be “that guy”. When men get older and more mature, they know that it’s more important to please yourself first because in all honesty, no one will even notice that you’re not there. Mature men know when it’s a good time to socialize and when it’s best to save the pennies.

5. They don’t meet confrontation with anger.

Young men are often noted for their violent nature. Not all men, of course, but when men get angry, they often use violence to solve it. Mature men realize that violence and anger don’t solve problems. They realize that there are repercussions when they become angry and that it’s best to avoid these for the future. Words are way more effective.

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6. They don’t run away from difficult situations.

When men are younger, they tend to see difficult situations as a reason to run away. The fight-or-flight instinct starts to flare up and more often than not, when things aren’t going well some men don’t stay and fight. When men have become more mature they realize that life isn’t always perfect and it’s important to deal with these situations, as they make us stronger. Mature men will fight head on and make sure that there are no leftover issues that could come up later in life.

7. They don’t shy away from their responsibilities.

Similarly, when men grow older, the amount of responsibilities they have increases. Men who are mature embrace these responsibilities and take ownership of them. Instead of pretending they don’t exist, a mature man will ensure that he is on top of everything he needs to do, knowing that he won’t be able to enjoy his leisure time without having done so.

8. They don’t live for the weekend.

We all enjoy having some time off from work but mature men know that wishing your life away is, well, just that, wishing it away. Instead, mature men like to enjoy everyday and fill up their weeks with not only things they have to do, but things they want to do.

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9. They don’t have a big group of friends.

Young men always have that group of “lads” that they do everything with. When men start to mature, they begin to stay in on a Friday night, favoring a takeaway and a beer rather than a night on the lash. This usually means that some friends are lost and replaced with a few great friends that don’t rely on you to come out every Saturday night to sustain your friendship. It’s not bad to prefer a few close friends to a group of friends who can sometimes be unreliable.

10. They aren’t afraid to be weak in front of their partners.

Men are known for not being in touch with their emotions and this tends to drive women crazy. When a man has become more mature he isn’t afraid of being judged for showing his sensitive side because he knows that it’s more healthy to show his emotions than to suppress them. He also knows that showing weakness to his partner ensures that they grow closer to each other and end up sustaining a much longer and healthier relationship.

11. They don’t get scared by the possibility of starting their own family.

Not everyone wants to have children and start a family but men who have matured aren’t running for the rooftops when they hear about all their friends having children. In fact they actually get a little broody and coo when they see little baby booties. A man who wants children will be excited by the prospect of having a mini me running around his ankles. It’s important to never push a man (or anyone!) to do something he doesn’t want to do, but when he’s ready, you’ll know.

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12. They don’t live in the moment.

When we’re young we’re taught to live for the moment and don’t worry about what tomorrow might bring. YOLO if you like, but when men begin to mature they realize that being reckless isn’t the best way to live. Of course it’s important to enjoy life and take every experience offered. But it’s not going to pay the bills. Mature men realize this and ensure that they take the future into consideration when they start to make plans.

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Published on April 7, 2021

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

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2. They Make Everything Transactional

Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

Some statements to be wary of include:

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  • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
  • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
  • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
  • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

3. They Criticize Everything

One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

  • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
  • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
  • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
  • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

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This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

5. They Socially Isolate You

Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

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6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

  • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
  • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
  • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
  • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

Final Thoughts

It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

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