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12 Things Truly Mature Men Don’t Do

12 Things Truly Mature Men Don’t Do

When men get to a certain age, they start to leave their old life behind in favour for one with fewer hangovers and more responsibilities. This all happens when men start to mature and in return for this maturity they begin to see life in a different way. Less stress and more results. Being more mature can help with moving up the career ladder or settling down with a beautiful woman. Read down our list to see if you have, like a good piece of steak, matured well.

1. They don’t go out on a school night.

When we’re young we tend not to worry about the consequences of coming into work with a hangover or just not turning up at all. When men become more mature they remember that it’s their job that allows them to pay for all the fun things in life. It’s important to turn up to work with a clear head and to make sure they’re working to their best ability as this can lead to a promotion, which can’t be a bad thing! Mature men don’t forget to have fun, though; they just remember that’s what days off are for!

2. They don’t see their partners as secondary to their friends.

It’s often said that men sometimes put their friends before their partner. There’s a whole culture surrounding men who want to “get away from the ball and chain” and have to ask permission to have a few pints. Mature men realize that their partner is a possible life companion so they deserve to be a priority. They aren’t ashamed to spend less time with “the lads” in favor of a quiet night in with their other half. Significant others are supposed to be best friends as well as lovers, so mature men begin to realize that and stop making them feel inadequate.

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3. They don’t put off seeing their moms.

Many of us resent having to go and see the family because we’d rather watch Netflix all day. A mature man remembers that his family isn’t going to be there forever and that it’s important to spend time with those who cared for him when he was young. Not only does he understand the importance of seeing family, but he actually wants to do it because he’s gotten over seeing it as a chore.

4. They don’t try to please others.

Men always want to please their friends. They’ll go out when they can’t afford it because they don’t want to be “that guy”. When men get older and more mature, they know that it’s more important to please yourself first because in all honesty, no one will even notice that you’re not there. Mature men know when it’s a good time to socialize and when it’s best to save the pennies.

5. They don’t meet confrontation with anger.

Young men are often noted for their violent nature. Not all men, of course, but when men get angry, they often use violence to solve it. Mature men realize that violence and anger don’t solve problems. They realize that there are repercussions when they become angry and that it’s best to avoid these for the future. Words are way more effective.

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6. They don’t run away from difficult situations.

When men are younger, they tend to see difficult situations as a reason to run away. The fight-or-flight instinct starts to flare up and more often than not, when things aren’t going well some men don’t stay and fight. When men have become more mature they realize that life isn’t always perfect and it’s important to deal with these situations, as they make us stronger. Mature men will fight head on and make sure that there are no leftover issues that could come up later in life.

7. They don’t shy away from their responsibilities.

Similarly, when men grow older, the amount of responsibilities they have increases. Men who are mature embrace these responsibilities and take ownership of them. Instead of pretending they don’t exist, a mature man will ensure that he is on top of everything he needs to do, knowing that he won’t be able to enjoy his leisure time without having done so.

8. They don’t live for the weekend.

We all enjoy having some time off from work but mature men know that wishing your life away is, well, just that, wishing it away. Instead, mature men like to enjoy everyday and fill up their weeks with not only things they have to do, but things they want to do.

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9. They don’t have a big group of friends.

Young men always have that group of “lads” that they do everything with. When men start to mature, they begin to stay in on a Friday night, favoring a takeaway and a beer rather than a night on the lash. This usually means that some friends are lost and replaced with a few great friends that don’t rely on you to come out every Saturday night to sustain your friendship. It’s not bad to prefer a few close friends to a group of friends who can sometimes be unreliable.

10. They aren’t afraid to be weak in front of their partners.

Men are known for not being in touch with their emotions and this tends to drive women crazy. When a man has become more mature he isn’t afraid of being judged for showing his sensitive side because he knows that it’s more healthy to show his emotions than to suppress them. He also knows that showing weakness to his partner ensures that they grow closer to each other and end up sustaining a much longer and healthier relationship.

11. They don’t get scared by the possibility of starting their own family.

Not everyone wants to have children and start a family but men who have matured aren’t running for the rooftops when they hear about all their friends having children. In fact they actually get a little broody and coo when they see little baby booties. A man who wants children will be excited by the prospect of having a mini me running around his ankles. It’s important to never push a man (or anyone!) to do something he doesn’t want to do, but when he’s ready, you’ll know.

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12. They don’t live in the moment.

When we’re young we’re taught to live for the moment and don’t worry about what tomorrow might bring. YOLO if you like, but when men begin to mature they realize that being reckless isn’t the best way to live. Of course it’s important to enjoy life and take every experience offered. But it’s not going to pay the bills. Mature men realize this and ensure that they take the future into consideration when they start to make plans.

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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