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12 Things Highly Confident People Don’t Do

12 Things Highly Confident People Don’t Do

I think some people confuse self-confidence with having a big ego. It’s almost like they think that if they love themselves, then other people will think that they are stuck-up and unlikable. I couldn’t disagree more. I always say that truly confident people don’t need to go around telling people how great they are because they don’t need to. People automatically notice their greatness from their positive behavior. Here are things that highly confident people just don’t do:

1. They don’t judge or make fun of other people.

When someone is confident, they want you to be confident too. Confident people are loving people. They want to lift you up, not tear you down.

2. They don’t seek attention for the sake of attention.

They may have an outgoing, life-of-the-party personality, or they might be quiet and shy. But even if an extrovert has high self-confidence, they don’t need the attention. They are fine if they receive it, but they don’t go actively seeking outside validation because they have already validated themselves. And that’s all they need.

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3. They don’t brag about their accomplishments.

Confident people are proud of their accomplishments. And they truly want to help people. But they do the things they do because they have passion for it. They don’t have a “Look at me! Look how awesome I am!” attitude.

4. They don’t spread negative energy.

People want to be around them. They ooze positive energy. Contrary to the “energy vampires” of the world who do nothing but suck the life out of you, confident people add to you; they don’t take away.

5. They don’t only talk about themselves.

Confident people are genuinely concerned about others, not just themselves. They ask questions. They offer suggestion and advice if they are asked. They make conversations and relationships a two-way street.

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6. They don’t over-complicate things.

They don’t make mountains out of mole hills. Confident people try to act calmly and rationally for the best of all concerned. Sometimes that includes simplifying things so that problems can be solved with a “team” mentality, not a “me vs. you” mentality.

7. They don’t focus on what they don’t want.

If you only focus on what you don’t want, you’re only going to get more of what you don’t want. Confident people know that. They look at the bright side and have a grateful heart. They set goals, hold up a positive vision of their desire, and then they take action and go after it.

8. They don’t act full of themselves.

Confident people never project an attitude. Instead, they project kindness and warmth. They smile and laugh. They want you to feel good about yourself, instead of telling you how great they are.

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9. They don’t break their word.

When someone breaks their word, it disappoints other people. Confident people know this. They don’t want other people to feel bad. Their intention is to lift up other people, so they make sure they do everything they can to do what they say they are going to do.

10. They don’t shy away from failure.

Highly confident people know that there really is no such thing as failure. There are only learning opportunities. And when the failures, or learning opportunities, come along, they know that they will be better for it. They don’t judge themselves negatively. They simply say, “thank you for the lesson” and move on.

11. They don’t waste time on things that don’t matter.

Confident people know what really matters in life. People matter. They prioritize time to spend with loved ones because it’s what life is all about. They also don’t sweat the small things. They put things into perspective and have an appreciation for everything.

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12. They don’t focus on the negative.

Generally speaking, confident people are optimists. They are happy. They look at what is good, not what is bad. They focus on what can go right, not what can go wrong. They don’t dwell in negativity. Instead, they see the positives in every situation.

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Carol Morgan

Dr. Carol Morgan is a communication professor, dating/relationship and success coach, TV personality, speaker, and author.

Dealing With Anxious Attachment: Advice from a Relationship Therapist Practical Advice for Overcoming Problems in INFP Relationships Learn the Different Types of Love (and Better Understand Your Partner) How to Become a Motivational Speaker and Influence Millions of People Why It’s Okay to Hit the Wall and How to Overcome It Fast

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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