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11 First Date Tips for Modern Relationships

11 First Date Tips for Modern Relationships

It doesn’t matter where or how you got one, first dates are awesome. And terrifying.

Whether you’re meeting up with your hairdresser’s cousin’s single friend, or you’ve decided to choose an unusual date on HowAboutWe, there are more ‘first world problems’ in the world of dating now than ever. On your first date, they can be deal-breakers, so check out these 11 first date tips for modern love lives.

1. Know when it’s a date (and when it isn’t)

There are no hard rules any more when it comes to what counts as a date. You could go for nachos with several friends and still make that your first date if you both want to. Or you could meet one-on-one, have dinner, sleep together, and call it “friends with benefits”. That being so, your safest bet is to be clear by calling it a date when you agree where and when to meet up.

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2. Talk, don’t text

Asking someone on a date by text or IM might seem like a great way to dodge confidence issues, but it loses a lot of your message. Instead, make the arrangements the old-fashioned way by phone or in person so that you can hear each other’s voices. And if you’re invited on a date via SMS, text back, “Sounds good. Give me a call when you’re free to talk about it!”

3. Don’t do dinner

Dinner takes a while and if you’re desperate to escape after the first drink, you’ll wish you’d arranged a shorter date! Go for a lunch date instead, or choose a non-food situation like a walk in the park. That way you can leave early if you want, or make it last all afternoon if you’re having fun.

4. Agree a connectivity policy

Do you hate it when people answer phone calls during a date? Or are you too busy tweeting to notice? Agree with your date from the start about what’s OK and what’s rude so that you won’t get annoyed with each other’s mobile interruptions.

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5. Smell nice

Smell is one of the most complex human senses; it triggers emotions, memories, and physical feelings. If you smell nice to your date, they’ll find you more attractive; if you smell nice to yourself, you’ll feel more confident and attractive, too. Scents that most people (male or female) like include fruits, vanilla, and clean human skin.

6. Ask them to do you a favour

It may sound backwards, but it’s true. Research shows that asking somebody to do you a personal favour tends to make them like you more, so ask for something small like their help to choose a gift for a friend. Then thank them plenty and show your gratitude by inviting them on a second date!

7. Pick up your own tab

It’s so much less complicated than negotiating any other payment arrangement with someone you barely know. And because it’s fair, neither of you will feel owed or owing.

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8. No humblebragging

Yes, it’s impressive that you compete in triathlons/run your own business/know that DJ. It’s so impressive that pretending to be humble or embarrassed when you’re actually pretty damn proud is just silly. Brag openly and briefly, as in, “Yeah, I do triathlons. I won the Example Triathlon last year,” then get back to whatever you were talking about before that.

9. Eat mint

Do this not just to make sure your breath smells OK, but also because it perks you up. Mint helps you feel fresh, alert and ready for conversation. Plus, eating something minty prevents your mouth getting too dry if you’re nervous.

10. Be prepared

No matter who you are, there’s always a possibility that your first date could lead to sex, perhaps sooner than you thought. Be prepared with protection against pregnancy and STIs, of course, but it’s also important to prepare for the hormonal rush you’ll feel if there’s strong sexual chemistry between you and your date. Those hormones affect your judgement, so don’t take any unnecessary risks like driving too fast or drinking too much alcohol.

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11. Smile!

A genuine smile makes everyone look more attractive, without exception, so give your date a big smile when you see them. Because smiling triggers your nervous system to release serotonin, it improves your mood at the same time to help you enjoy the date.

Don’t worry about minor mishaps on a first date. The less you fret about it, the more relaxed and confident you’ll feel. Keep these first date tips in mind to boost your date from average to awesome, and remember: this isn’t a job interview. It’s supposed to be fun!

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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