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10 Ways To Turn a Conversation Into a Potential Friendship

10 Ways To Turn a Conversation Into a Potential Friendship

We have all been in situations where we meet someone that we feel we would really hit it off with as a friend, but then we end up walking away without having made a closer connection.  It’s tough to know how to change your interaction from just a casual conversation to a potential friendship, without seeming awkward or needy.  These ten tips will help you connect more deeply in the initial minutes of a conversation, and ensure that you’re not left regretting that you didn’t try hard enough to make a new acquaintance into a new friend.

1. Ask open ended questions.

It is difficult to connect with someone if you ask them questions that can be answered in two words.  There is no chance for a connection to develop.  Instead of asking, “Where do you live?” trying asking “What do you think of your neighborhood?”  Instead of “where did you get that shirt?” try “What do you think of the new store in the mall?”  The longer you talk, the more chance there is for a connection to grow.

2. Find things in common.

If your potential new friend interned at Credit Suisse, discuss that your brother works in finance.  If she is all about reality TV, tell her which shows you’re into.  Friendship is built on commonalities.

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3. Use emotion words.

Sticking to the facts makes a conversation dry and boring.  You want to capture your new acquaintance’s interest by using emotion words so they can connect with you on a genuine level.  Instead of going into detail about where you stayed on your trip to London, talk about how anxious you felt when you almost missed your connection. Instead of describing how long your commute is, discuss how much you dread that hour of your day.

4. Think of who this person reminds you of.

If this person reminds you of a friend, someone on TV, or a public figure, tell them, as long as it isn’t insulting, of course.  People love to hear who others think they look or act like.  It is flattering that someone thinks about you enough to compare you to someone that they know and like.

5. Say positive things.

Don’t complain or whine about your life or discuss how upset you are by friend or work drama.  This makes a potential friend wary of getting too close.  It can seem like you’re always creating drama and negative energy, which is a turn off.

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6. Don’t gossip.

Many people will gossip right back, but then won’t be interested in becoming a closer friend to you.  In the back of their mind, they will keep wondering what you’re going to say about them when their back is turned.  Try to stay positive and give people the benefit of the doubt when you talk about them, or better, just talk about the two of you without dragging others, who aren’t even there, into the conversation.

7. Don’t self-deprecate.

It can make people feel awkward to be around individuals who talk badly about themselves, complaining about their various terrible qualities.  They feel like they have to reassure you, and nobody wants to be someone’s therapist (unless they, like me, are a therapist).

8. Praise mutual friends.

If you know someone in common, talk nicely about them.  This will increase the chances that this new acquaintance thinks well of you, and it also makes it likely that the three of you can hang out sometime.

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9. Discuss potential future activities.

If your new acquaintance mentions an activity that you also enjoy, invite them to join you in the future.  Not in a creepy way where you bring out your phone and start looking at the calendar, but just say that you’d love to have them come along surfing the next time you go to the beach, or whatever the case may be.

10. Don’t be shy about asking to connect.

Plant the seed that you want to be closer friends by saying something like, “I’ll definitely have to friend you on Facebook.” This is also a good way to assess whether this person is also interested in being friends.  If they seem excited and later immediately accept your friend request, it’s likely that a friendship may be developing.

If you follow these 10 tips, it is likely you’ll be able to connect much more readily with people who interest you. Now try some of these out, and don’t blame us if you end up with too many plans for the weekend.

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Featured photo credit: friends talking via happinessweekly.org

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Last Updated on December 10, 2019

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

Here’s the truth: your effectiveness at life is not what it could be. You’re missing out.

Each day passes by and you have nothing to prove that it even happened. Did you achieve something? Go on a date? Have an emotional breakthrough? Who knows?

But what you do know is that you don’t want to make the same mistakes that you’ve made in the past.

Our lives are full of hidden gems of knowledge and insight, and the most recent events in our lives contain the most useful gems of all. Do you know why? It’s simple, those hidden lessons are the most up to date, meaning they have the largest impact on what we’re doing right now.

But the question is, how do you get those lessons? There’s a simple way to do it, and it doesn’t involve time machines:

Journal writing.

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Improved mental clarity, the ability to see our lives in the big picture, as well as serving as a piece of evidence cataloguing every success we’ve ever had; we are provided all of the above and more by doing some journal writing.

Journal writing is a useful and flexible tool to help shed light on achieving your goals.

Here’s 5 smart reasons why you should do journal writing:

1. Journals Help You Have a Better Connection with Your Values, Emotions, and Goals

By journaling about what you believe in, why you believe it, how you feel, and what your goals are, you understand your relationships with these things better. This is because you must sort through the mental clutter and provide details on why you do what you do and feel what you feel.

Consider this:

Perhaps you’ve spent the last year or so working at a job you don’t like. It would be easy to just suck it up and keep working with your head down, going on as if it’s supposed to be normal to not like your job. Nobody else is complaining, so why should you, right?

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But a little journal writing will set things straight for you. You don’t like your job. You feel like it’s robbing you of happiness and satisfaction, and you don’t see yourself better there in the future.

The other workers? Maybe they don’t know, maybe they don’t care. But you do, you know and care enough to do something about it. And you’re capable of fixing this problem because your journal writing allows you to finally be honest with yourself about it.

2. Journals Improve Mental Clarity and Help Improve Your Focus

If there’s one thing journal writing is good for, it’s clearing the mental clutter.

How does it work? Simply, whenever you have a problem and write about it in a journal, you transfer the problem from your head to the paper. This empties the mind, allowing allocation of precious resources to problem-solving rather than problem-storing.

Let’s say you’ve been juggling several tasks at work. You’ve got data entry, testing, e-mails, problems with the boss, and so on—enough to overwhelm you—but as you start journal writing, things become clearer and easier to understand: Data entry can actually wait till Thursday; Bill kindly offered earlier to do my testing; For e-mails, I can check them now; the boss is just upset because Becky called in sick, etc.

You become better able to focus and reason your tasks out, and this is an indispensable and useful skill to have.

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3. Journals Improve Insight and Understanding

As a positive consequence of improving your mental clarity, you become more open to insights you may have missed before. As you write your notes out, you’re essentially having a dialogue with yourself. This draws out insights that you would have missed otherwise; it’s almost as if two people are working together to better understand each other. This kind of insight is only available to the person who has taken the time to connect with and understand themselves in the form of writing.

Once you’ve gotten a few entries written down, new insights can be gleaned from reading over them. What themes do you see in your life? Do you keep switching goals halfway through? Are you constantly dating the same type of people who aren’t good for you? Have you slowly but surely pushed people out of your life for fear of being hurt?

All of these questions can be answered by simply self-reflecting, but you can only discover the answers if you’ve captured them in writing. These questions are going to be tough to answer without a journal of your actions and experiences.

4. Journals Track Your Overall Development

Life happens, and it can happen fast. Sometimes we don’t take the time to stop and look around at what’s happening to us at each moment. We don’t get to see the step-by-step progress that we’re making in our own lives. So what happens? One day it’s the future, and you have no idea how you’ve gotten there.

Journal writing allows you to see how you’ve changed over time, so you can see where you did things right, and you can see where you took a misstep and fell.

The great thing about journals is that you’ll know what that misstep was, and you can make sure it doesn’t happen again—all because you made sure to log it, allowing yourself to learn from your mistakes.

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5. Journals Facilitate Personal Growth

The best thing about journal writing is that no matter what you end up writing about, it’s hard to not grow from it. You can’t just look at a past entry in which you acted shamefully and say “that was dumb, anyway!” No, we say “I will never make a dumb choice like that again!”

It’s impossible not to grow when it comes to journal writing. That’s what makes journal writing such a powerful tool, whether it’s about achieving goals, becoming a better person, or just general personal-development. No matter what you use it for, you’ll eventually see yourself growing as a person.

Kickstart Journaling

How can journaling best be of use to you? To vent your emotions? To help achieve your goals? To help clear your mind? What do you think makes journaling such a useful life skill?

Know the answer? Then it’s about time you reap the benefits of journal writing and start putting pen to paper.

Here’s what you can do to start journaling:

Featured photo credit: Jealous Weekends via unsplash.com

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