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10 Ways To Turn a Conversation Into a Potential Friendship

10 Ways To Turn a Conversation Into a Potential Friendship

We have all been in situations where we meet someone that we feel we would really hit it off with as a friend, but then we end up walking away without having made a closer connection.  It’s tough to know how to change your interaction from just a casual conversation to a potential friendship, without seeming awkward or needy.  These ten tips will help you connect more deeply in the initial minutes of a conversation, and ensure that you’re not left regretting that you didn’t try hard enough to make a new acquaintance into a new friend.

1. Ask open ended questions.

It is difficult to connect with someone if you ask them questions that can be answered in two words.  There is no chance for a connection to develop.  Instead of asking, “Where do you live?” trying asking “What do you think of your neighborhood?”  Instead of “where did you get that shirt?” try “What do you think of the new store in the mall?”  The longer you talk, the more chance there is for a connection to grow.

2. Find things in common.

If your potential new friend interned at Credit Suisse, discuss that your brother works in finance.  If she is all about reality TV, tell her which shows you’re into.  Friendship is built on commonalities.

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3. Use emotion words.

Sticking to the facts makes a conversation dry and boring.  You want to capture your new acquaintance’s interest by using emotion words so they can connect with you on a genuine level.  Instead of going into detail about where you stayed on your trip to London, talk about how anxious you felt when you almost missed your connection. Instead of describing how long your commute is, discuss how much you dread that hour of your day.

4. Think of who this person reminds you of.

If this person reminds you of a friend, someone on TV, or a public figure, tell them, as long as it isn’t insulting, of course.  People love to hear who others think they look or act like.  It is flattering that someone thinks about you enough to compare you to someone that they know and like.

5. Say positive things.

Don’t complain or whine about your life or discuss how upset you are by friend or work drama.  This makes a potential friend wary of getting too close.  It can seem like you’re always creating drama and negative energy, which is a turn off.

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6. Don’t gossip.

Many people will gossip right back, but then won’t be interested in becoming a closer friend to you.  In the back of their mind, they will keep wondering what you’re going to say about them when their back is turned.  Try to stay positive and give people the benefit of the doubt when you talk about them, or better, just talk about the two of you without dragging others, who aren’t even there, into the conversation.

7. Don’t self-deprecate.

It can make people feel awkward to be around individuals who talk badly about themselves, complaining about their various terrible qualities.  They feel like they have to reassure you, and nobody wants to be someone’s therapist (unless they, like me, are a therapist).

8. Praise mutual friends.

If you know someone in common, talk nicely about them.  This will increase the chances that this new acquaintance thinks well of you, and it also makes it likely that the three of you can hang out sometime.

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9. Discuss potential future activities.

If your new acquaintance mentions an activity that you also enjoy, invite them to join you in the future.  Not in a creepy way where you bring out your phone and start looking at the calendar, but just say that you’d love to have them come along surfing the next time you go to the beach, or whatever the case may be.

10. Don’t be shy about asking to connect.

Plant the seed that you want to be closer friends by saying something like, “I’ll definitely have to friend you on Facebook.” This is also a good way to assess whether this person is also interested in being friends.  If they seem excited and later immediately accept your friend request, it’s likely that a friendship may be developing.

If you follow these 10 tips, it is likely you’ll be able to connect much more readily with people who interest you. Now try some of these out, and don’t blame us if you end up with too many plans for the weekend.

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Featured photo credit: friends talking via happinessweekly.org

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Samantha Rodman

Clinical psychologist, author, blogger, wife and mommy.

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

There will always be times in your life when you may need to learn how to reinvent yourself. This could come when you experience a big change, such as leaving your job, moving on from a relationship, transferring to a new home, or losing a loved one. If you are going through a major shift in your life, you may have to find new ways of thinking or doing things, or risk failing to reach your full potential.

“When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”

Many people who dared to leave their old unhappy lives enabled themselves to pursue their passions and find a renewed zest for living. You can also achieve the same if you take a leap of faith and make things happen for yourself.

To help you always be at your best wherever you may be in your life, here are some practical tips on how to reinvent yourself.

The Reinvention Checklist

Before embarking on a journey of self-reinvention, you need to make sure that you have everything that you need to make the trip bump-proof. These things include:

Resilience

Problems and obstacles are guaranteed to happen. Some of them will be difficult and may knock you off course; the important thing, however, is that you learn from these difficulties, never lose focus, and always get back up. This requires building resilience to get through the tough times.

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Support

Humans are social beings. Although it is important that you learn to rely on yourself when facing any challenge, it is also important to have a support team that you can lean on to give you a boost when things get too tough and to correct you when you’re making mistakes.

The key is to find the right balance between independence and dependence. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and share the difficulties you’re facing. When you open up, you’ll find the people who are really going to be there for you.

Self-Care

During the process of learning how to reinvent yourself, you will have to pull yourself away from your old comfort zones, habits, roles, and self-perceptions. This can be difficult and cause you to question your self-worth, so it’s important to engage in self-care to maintain a positive outlook and keep your mind and body healthy as you face the challenges that await you. Self-care can include:

  • Participating in a hobby you enjoy
  • Spending time with your support system
  • Taking some time to walk in nature
  • Practicing loving-kindness meditation

Find what works for you and what helps you feel like your true self as you seek a reinvented version of you.

How to Reinvent Yourself

Once you’re sure that you’re equipped with all the tools in the self-reinvention checklist, you can begin your journey of learning how to reinvent yourself.

1. Discover Your Strengths

This step provides valuable information on how you deal with certain situations. If you have this information, you will be able to manage difficulties more efficiently.

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To find out what your strengths are, you can ask your friends and colleagues for feedback, engage in self-reflection, or try these 10 Ways to Find Your Own Personal Strengths.

2. Plan

This step calls for a thorough assessment of your current emotional, psychological, and financial status so that you can develop plans that are realistic and practical.

It’s okay to have ambitious dreams, but your plans have to be realistic. Making use of SMART goals can help you plan your life better.

You can also consult your mentor or life coach for practical tips and advice.

Ultimately, you’ll want to create specific long-term and short-term goals that you can create milestones for. By doing this, you’ll lay out a specific roadmap to your reinvented self.

3. Try Things Out

Sometimes, we don’t know if solutions actually work until we try them out. This is why it is important to experiment whenever possible, especially if you’re dealing with a career change. You may need to simply experiment in order to find the things you like. This can be the same with hobbies. If you’re not sure what you would like doing, accept invitations from friends to join them in their favorite sport or take a class, like pottery or photography.

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By seeing what’s out there in any area of your life, you’ll have a better chance of finding the things you enjoy and the goals you want to create.

4. Manage Your Finances Well

Changes may require a bit of money. If you’re shifting to a new career, you may have to pay for training. If you’re going through a tough divorce or having a hard time dealing with the death of a loved one, you may have to pay for therapy. If you’re moving to a new home, you’ll definitely have to pay a whole lot of expenses.

All of these things are possible, but it will require a bit of money savviness as you learn how to reinvent yourself. If you have that cushion, you’ll feel more comfortable straying from your current path to try new things.

5. Muster Your Courage

Fears and self-doubt may arise when you encounter difficulties and setbacks. Sometimes, they may also come when you’re taking risks. You have to manage these negative emotions well and not allow them to discourage you. Tap into your courage and try doing at least one new thing each week to develop it.

Learn how to deal with your self-doubts to move forward in this article: How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck (And How to Overcome It)

6. Use Your Support Group

As stated above, you need to build a strong support group before you even start the process of reinventing yourself. Your group will keep you from taking wrong turns and encourage you when you get too weighed down by problems. Don’t be afraid to call them, or even ask them out for coffee if you need to vent about the current difficulties you’re facing.

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7. Remind Yourself Every Day of Your Commitment

Write your goals on different-sized cards and scatter them at home and at work in places where you can easily see them. This way, you will constantly be reminded of where you want to be. Remember, writing down your goals helps them stick[1].

8. Accept Failure, Learn, and Resume Your Journey

Failing is normal, especially when we’re trying out something new. When you fail, simply recognize it, learn from it, and move on. Failure, in the end, is the best way to learn what does and doesn’t work, and you simply won’t be able to learn how to reinvent yourself if you don’t accept the inevitable failures that await you.

Final Thoughts

If you truly want to learn how to reinvent yourself and live the life you desire, take the advice above and start taking action. It will take time, patience, and plenty of effort to make the change you want happen, but it will be all worth it.

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Featured photo credit: Ashley Rich via unsplash.com

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