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10 Things Unhappy People Do That You Shouldn’t Be Doing

10 Things Unhappy People Do That You Shouldn’t Be Doing

Living an unhappy lifestyle only leads to a wasted lifetime. Life is short, so why waste a minute feeling upset about things that you can’t control?

While we should all embrace our negative emotions instead of neglecting them, don’t let your sadness linger.

If you want to live a happier life, take notes of what unhappy people do so you know what to avoid.

1. They seek approval from others.

Unhappy people look for happiness in the wrong places. They spend their time focusing on what others think of them, when they should focus on themselves. An unhappy person concentrates on trying to please others, in an effort to gain approval.

This is something we should refrain from doing. You cannot always gain approval from others, nor can you tailor your beliefs to suit others. You will only find dissatisfaction in this. To be happy you must put yourself and your beliefs first. Do what makes you happy and not what others will approve others.

2. They need to be in control of everything.

Unhappy people need to feel like they are in control. They want to ensure they know every detail, to enable them to have full control. They believe that by having full control, they have the ability to stop any negative side effects.

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But you cannot control everything. Life is uncertain and unpredictable, meaning you cannot prepare against everything. When you go into full control mode, you find that you waste too much energy. Yet in the end, things can change and your efforts are wasted. So don’t spend all your time focusing on every detail. Accept that you cannot control everything. Try your best and let whatever happens, happen.

3. They don’t take risks.

Unhappy people have a habit of not taking risks. When they handed opportunities they often decline the invite, or find excuses not to. For example, a friend may ask them if they want to go go-karting at the weekend. An unhappy person’s first response would be whether they can afford it, or how scary go-karting seems like (how risky it is). Their own fear stops them from taking that opportunity, thus not taking a risk. The problem with this is the more you decline, the more fearful a situation becomes.

You need to let go and take risks to be happy. Saying no to life’s opportunities only stops you from living your life fully. So don’t let excuses hold you back, if you can do it, then go ahead!

4. They focus on what they don’t have.

Unhappy people see the negatives in life, their main focus being what they don’t have. They tell themselves, “if only I had this job, I’d be happier” or “if only I had more time, I could focus on my real talents”. Unhappy people believe that they need something they don’t have to be happier. Their focus remains on these things they don’t have, making their everyday life boring and unsatisfying.

Maybe it would be better if you had a different job or you had more time on your hands. But that shouldn’t stop you from living in the now. If you did get that dream job, there will always be something more you want (more money, more time and so forth).

You need to remember to focus on what you do have, or what is good in your current situation. Do you have great friends and family around you? Do you have a roof over your head and money so you can pay bills? Use that time and energy spent on dreaming about a different life and enjoy what you have.

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5. They don’t follow their heart.

Unhappy people have a way of focusing on the details. Because of this they tend to think about things logically, using their brain and not their heart. They ignore their gut instinct and choose to think things through, weighing out the pros and cons.

Yet what do the movies tell you? Do they tell you to list the pros and cons? No, they tell you to follow your heart to be happy. The pros and cons may tell you not to go to your friend’s birthday party, but what if your heart told you otherwise?

Your heart is the key to your happiness. You should trust it to guide you to what you want in life. So next time you need to make a decision, listen to your gut instinct.

6. They see only the negatives.

If you haven’t already gathered, unhappy people see only the negatives in life. Their whole outlook on life is that the world is a miserable place. They don’t see the positives in life, like the goods things in their life. They see only the negatives in life, like what they don’t have and what is going wrong in their life. This makes unhappy people pessimistic.

When faced with challenges in life, you shouldn’t focus on the negatives. I know easier said than done, but you really should try looking at the focuses in a situation.

Have you gained anything out of this situation? Perhaps that lost job opportunity means you have a shot at a better job. Sometimes it may seem like there are only negative results, however you can still find the positives. Just think, what have you gained from this experience? Has this taught you more about yourself and what you like? Has it provided you with the skills to be more prepared next time? Remember, you can always find a positive in a situation.

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7. They hold on to grudges.

Unhappy people don’t let go of grudges and instead hold onto the painful memory. They ask themselves questions like “What if…” and “Why did this happen?” They find it hard to connect with people who have wronged them and find it difficult to forgive them. Instead they choose to dwell on what others have done and the hurt they have felt.

You should never be unhappy because of something someone has done to you. Yes, it might be unfair and totally unjustified. You might wish you had said or acted differently, or that the wronged person would apologise. But it is wrong to think this way. It is wrong to let something in the past take over your life today.

Don’t let someone else’s actions or words control how you feel today. You are the one that will suffer by holding onto this painful memory. Learn to forget and forgive, because you deserve to be happy today.

8. They don’t take responsibility.

Unhappy people blame others when something goes wrong. Instead of taking responsibility, they will point their finger at someone. They might say something like, “If it wasn’t for Josie, I wouldn’t have stayed out late and made it to my morning lecture”.

What you should be doing is taking responsibility. By pointing the finger at someone else, you are unable to admit you did wrong. Soon, the blaming spirals out of control and you are blaming everything on someone else. Accept when you are wrong and learn from your mistakes. You cannot learn if you don’t see you are at fault.

9. They hang around the wrong crowd.

Unhappy people draw in others of their kind. It is said that you attract the energy you give, thus negative people attract more negative people. And being around negative people will lower your mood, giving you a more sombre outlook on life.

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If you want to be happy, don’t let yourself be surrounded by negative people. Negative people will drain your energy and influence you into a negative attitude. Only allow positive people to be around you, people who will spur you on, not focus on your flaws.

10. They don’t enjoy the present.

Unhappy people focus on the negatives in life. They look at what they don’t have and the negative experiences they have had. Because they are lost in their bitter memories, they are unable to focus on the present moment. With their thoughts preoccupying them, they are unable to have fun and let go.

True happiness is living in the present moment, to be able to have fun and enjoy life today. What happened in the past, or what may happen in the future, does not matter. You should enjoy this moment now. Get involved in conversation around you or simply watch those around you.

Enjoy this very moment you are in.

More About Living a Happy Life

Featured photo credit: Trym Nilsen via unsplash.com

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Jessica Charlotte

Jessica loves sharing her tips on life. She writes about happiness and motivation on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on September 30, 2020

How to Live a Stress Free Life in a Way Most People Don’t

How to Live a Stress Free Life in a Way Most People Don’t

Learning how to live a stress free life may seem impossible, but the truth is that there are specific things you can do to begin eliminating sources of stress.

No, it doesn’t look like a made-for-television movie. No, it doesn’t look like something only people with extra time and money can do. It looks like your life—but without any self-created stress triggers.

Here are 11 ways to help you live a stress-free life:

1. Stop Overanalyzing Situations That Haven’t Happened

The first step to living a stress-free life is to stop overanalyzing imaginary scenarios. It’s easy to spend time in the world of worst-case scenarios. People tend to cultivate this world for one of two reasons.

First, because if you know what the worst-case scenario is, then it won’t surprise you when it happens. Second, if you know what the worst-case scenario is, then you can do everything in your power to control the universe so the worst case never happens.

If that’s really the world you want to cultivate, then become a professional risk assessor. If not, then ask yourself how you are benefiting from continuing to live that way.

Does it make you feel better about yourself and your life? Does it make you want to leap out of bed in the morning, eager to embrace the worst-case scenario? Does it bring you joy or fulfillment?

If your answer to these three questions is no, then stop living in the future and bring yourself back into the present.

2. Don’t Take on Other People’s Problems

The whole advantage of other people having problems is that they aren’t your problems. When you frequently take on other people’s problems, you get into the habit of enabling.

Let’s get crystal clear about the definition of enabling: enabling is the art of continuing to take responsibility for other people, thereby disallowing their personal responsibility[1].

It is of no service to other people to take on their problems because they can’t/won’t/don’t know how to fix the problem.

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It is of service to empower others to take responsibility for themselves and their lives, to encourage, teach, and motivate others to address their own problems. So stop enabling, and start empowering.

3. Get Present in the Moment

Being present in the moment involves being in your body and feeling your feelings—two things that lots of folks actually don’t know how to do.

Ask yourself these two questions: What does fear feel like in your body? What are you afraid of?

If you don’t know the answer to these questions, you probably aren’t present in the moment. Being present involves vulnerability, humility, and openness[2].

How to live a stress free life by being present

    The past and the future stop being so relevant and intriguing when you’re able to get in your body and feel your feelings. When you can do these two things, you actually want to be in the present moment.

    To get started, close your eyes, focus on your breathing, and watch your stress levels drop. Then, try these tips: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying.

    4. Focus on What You Have, Not What You Don’t

    The easiest way to stop focusing on what you don’t have is by not watching TV commercials. Marketing teaches us to focus on what we don’t have, and advertising campaigns spend millions of dollars convincing us that we must have what we don’t yet have.

    Can you think of a marketing campaign that teaches you to enjoy what you already have without buying something to enhance it? Odds are you can’t.

    In a world dictated by Super Bowl commercials and Facebook ads, it takes stalwart focus to recognize what you have more than what you don’t. If you want a stress-free life now, get stalwart, and stop letting other people dictate your focus.

    In order to do this, try cultivating a gratitude practice to help refocus your mind toward what is good in your life. You can get started with this guide.

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    5. Stop Surrounding Yourself With People Who Don’t Make You Happy

    Honestly, what kind of people do you really like to be around with? People who get you, who see you clearly, who accept your flaws and all; people you can be yourself with; people who have shared interests?

    How many of those people are in your life? What characteristics do all of the other people in your life have?

    If you find that the people in your life aren’t adding anything positive, it may be time to make some changes. If you find that other relationships you have are downright toxic, start working to cut out those relationships immediately.

    6. Find a Job That Makes You Feel Good

    You don’t have to stay at a job just because it pays the bills. Most people spend more time working than sleeping. The average person spends 40 to 80 hours a week—or 2,000 to 4,000 hours a year—working. That is a significant investment!

    If your best friend or child told you that they were going to spend 4,000 hours giving their emotional, mental, and physical energy to something (or someone) that wasn’t going to value them, give anything back to them, or pay them what they were worth, what advice would you offer? Give that same advice to yourself. You won’t be stress-free unless you don’t learn this[3].

    Here’re 11 Signs That You Should Leave Your Job.

    7. Only Take on What You Can Handle

    Busyness is an addiction. Slowing down can actually be terrifying because it causes you to notice that you have feelings that you now have time to feel.

    I get it.

    By the time I slowed down, I had decades of busyness under my belt. I went into a tailspin depression because I didn’t understand how to be in the right relationship with my own emotions.

    When I finally figured out that feelings are just feelings and allowing them to express themselves is healthy and natural, I stopped experiencing withdrawal from my addiction to busyness and started figuring out the pace of life that felt best for me.

    Remarkably, I discovered that I don’t actually like being busy. What will you discover about yourself?

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    8. Let Go of Grudges and Anger

    For me, it took 20 years of adulthood to figure out that holding on to grudges and anger only hurt me. Lucky for you, though, you can benefit vicariously from my experience just by reading one short paragraph!

    No one is holding your feet to the fire, demanding that you hold on to grudges and anger. The energy of anger slowly eats away at your body, mind, and spirit, until one day you wake up more resentful than optimistic.

    One day, people no longer want to be around you because the stink of negativity is oozing out of your pores. One day, you even get tired of hearing yourself get angry. And the person or people you are angry at or holding grudges against probably haven’t been affected at all.

    Who gets hurt the most in that process of repeating negative thoughts? You do.

    Some good advice for you here: How to Let Go of Resentment and Anger

    9. Stop Reliving Your Past

    To live a stress-free life, you have to stop reliving your past. I know it seems like fun to compare everything in your present to your past, and to experience the present through past-colored glasses, but it actually isn’t.

    When you wear past-colored glasses, you can’t truly experience the present for what it is. Your boyfriend or girlfriend gets compared to a list of expectations and failed relationships rather than recognized for the unique blessing they are in your life.

    Your boss gets compared to all the bosses who came before her/him. Your friends’ ability to parent gets compared to your parents’ ability to parent.

    People, including you, deserve to stand on their own past-free merit.

    10. Don’t Complain About Things You Can’t Change

    There are always going to be people elected into office whom you don’t like, taxes that you don’t want to pay, idiot drivers who refuse to move out of the left-hand lane, and a person ahead of you in the check-out line who won’t stop chatting with the clerk.

    The great benefit of being human is that we get to experience all of what life offers us. To live stress-free is to learn to deal with this fact.

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    Dwelling on your frustration with something that can’t be changed doesn’t do anything other than drag you down. You are the only person who will ultimately decide how to respond to what is.

    11. Stop Living Through Other People’s Lives

    Someone else’s life is not your life. Your life is your life.

    What that means is you get to live your life in the way you want. You get to make ridiculous mistakes, take leaps of faith, and stuff things inside your handbag of fear just as much as the next person.

    Going through stuff is the whole great messy adventure of being human! Being alive and living life is terrifying and glorious and everything in between.

    Stop living through social media, trying to soak in all of the experiences everyone else is having. Focus, instead, on what it feels like to be you in this moment. You may find you like it.

    Final Thoughts

    An astounding thing happens when you reduce stress and anxiety, get into a relationship with your body, mind, and spirit, and just be yourself without judgment.

    Your life literally slows down. You stop wishing for the weekend. You begin to live in each moment, and you start feeling like a human being. You just ride the wave that is life, with this feeling of contentment and joy.

    You move fluidly, steadily, calmly, and gratefully. A veil is lifted, and a whole new perspective is born through improved mental health. And this is how you live a stress-free life.

    More Tips on How to Live a Stress-Free Life

    Featured photo credit: Drew Coffman via unsplash.com

    Reference

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