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10 Things to Remember If Your Loved Ones Are Scientists

10 Things to Remember If Your Loved Ones Are Scientists

Scientists are a strange lot. If you’re lucky enough to have a scientist as a loved one, you’ve also stared at them and wondered exactly what goes on in their heads. I know this because that’s what my wife tells me. I’ve spent my entire career as a scientist, from nuclear chemist to rocket scientist with multiple US Patents.

Being a scientist, I can tell you that there are times when even we aren’t sure what’s going on in our heads. Being the analytical people we are, we tend to be very introspective, very detail oriented, and, for better or worse, very straight forward.

I’ve been a scientist for over 20 years now, so here is some insight into the scientist’s world.

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1. We see the world through scientific lenses.

Just as artists see the world through an artist’s lens, scientists see the world through scientific lenses. We tend to think analytically, always wondering how things work, and sometimes looking for ways to improve whatever it is we’re looking at. Having this worldview also impacts the language we use to describe things to others and how they understand the way things work. If your loved one is a scientist, learning some of their language will be beneficial in translating their words from science-speak to plain English.

2. We’re slightly nuts.

Scientists often perform very mentally-taxing work. Having to think hard, seemingly all the time, can drive some people mad. Scientists, and good scientists in particular, channel that madness into their sense of humor. In the 20+ years I’ve worked as a scientist, I’ve found that some of the most talented people are also just a little bit crazy.

3. We’re always thinking.

For most scientists, the job doesn’t end when the work day is over. We know that inspiration can come at any time of the day and in any situation. Therefore, we all have a whiteboard in our heads where we mentally take notes, work out problems, design experiments, etc. If you catch us looking up and to the left, just know we’re writing on that mental whiteboard.

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Another side effect of always thinking is that we sometimes verbalize our thoughts to help us process. In the 10 years my wife and I have been together, she’s learned to ask whether I’m talking to her or just talking out loud. In the cases where it’s the latter, my wife knows she really doesn’t have to listen to a word I say, I’m just processing data.

4. We’re resilient.

Scientists know that >90% of their experiments will end up in failure and good scientists don’t let this stop them. Rebounding from endless failures in the laboratory transfers to real life where failures are often greeted with a shrug and a few moments of reflection on lessons learned before moving on to the next plan. Talk to any scientist and they’ll tell you far more “hmm…that wasn’t supposed to happen” stories than “eureka!” stories—and they typically involve unexpected fires, broken glassware, and sometimes even explosions.

5. We can come off as aloof.

Being analytically oriented, we take in data constantly. It doesn’t matter if we’re watching television, at the grocery store, or in social situations. If your scientist, like me, is an introvert by nature, being in their own heads is their safe space. In there we review everything that’s going on around us, analyzing the situation we’re in, and formulating the best solution. The downside to this is that we often come off as aloof, disinterested in what’s going on around us. It’s something almost all scientists struggle with how to engage in the seemingly banal after spending our days pondering how to unlock the secrets of the universe.

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6. We often give complicated answers to simple questions.

Scientists deal in complexity. Because of this, simplicity tends to be elusive. It’s like the old saying goes, “ask him what time it is and he’ll tell you how to build a watch.” For those of you who remember the TV series Cheers, asking a scientist a simple question will often get you a Cliff Claven answer. If you find yourself getting frustrated because your scientist won’t give you a simple answer, remember that, to him/her, the question you asked cannot be answered simply. Be patient with your scientist; they’ll get to the answer you’re looking for—eventually.

7. We can be painfully honest.

Scientists often don’t have time to entertain extraneous nonsense. We’re taught and trained to seek out and identify a problem’s root cause. We view data objectively, without emotion, and simply “calls ’em like we sees ’em.” Keep this in mind before you ask your scientist “what should I do?” They’ll ask you a few direct questions, mull over the information you give them, and usually give you an honest, no B.S. answer. Problem solving has no emotional component to it—most of the time. Because of this, we scientists do tend to deliver our opinions without the tact the situation sometimes needs. Think Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory and you’ll have an idea of how this plays out.

8. We can struggle to be empathetic at times.

After asking a scientist what you should do, be prepared to implement the suggested solution. If you come back to your scientist and ask them what you should do about the same problem, they’ll ask you if you did what they suggested last time you asked. If the answer is no, they’ll be disinterested in helping you out further until you’ve attempted the first solution they gave you. They see no sense in offering another solution when the first one hasn’t even been tried. Plus, we can’t offer a different solution if we don’t know how the first solution fared. It’s not that we don’t care about what you’re going through; it’s just that we see little sense in dwelling on a problem when there are solutions available.

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9. We’re creative problem solvers.

Scientists are innovators. Whether in the research lab, on the manufacturing floor, or around the house, we’re always looking for ways to best solve problems—even those that may not yet exist. Now, sometimes our solutions may be 2-parts Rube Goldberg and 4-parts Steam-punk and seem completely illogical to you, but you can never doubt our creativity! This, however, does not extend across multiple disciplines. There are plenty of times my wife has questioned the complexity of my solution to a problem outside of my expertise—and plenty of times she’s rightfully chuckled at my attempts at building a better mousetrap.

10. We sometimes have difficulty making decisions.

There is a downside to thinking analytically, and its common name is “paralysis by analysis.” Scientists hunger for data and, well, if we feel we don’t have enough data to make a good decision we won’t decide. For example, a few years ago I was searching for a new car. Most people will check a couple websites, test drive a couple models, and they’ll have enough to make their choice. Not me. I had a stack of brochures two feet high and a spreadsheet that cross compared every possible specification of the cars I was interested in. I wanted to be sure I was making the absolute best choice for my money. If your scientist has seemingly endless stacks of printed pages, brochures, or bookmarked product review websites, just know they’re doing all they can to make the best choice they can.

Scientists are a proud folk. We pride ourselves on problem solving, pushing technology forward, and unlocking the secrets of the universe. It’s sometimes difficult to transition from data driven scientist to personable human, particularly when working on a complex issue at our jobs. If you are close to a scientist, you’ll have a loyal, smart, and honest companion to travel the roads of life with,

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Christian Salafia

Rocket-scientist, Nuclear Engineer, Theologian, and creator of the TransformRadio podcast

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Published on May 18, 2021

How To Improve Listening Skills For Effective Workplace Communication

How To Improve Listening Skills For Effective Workplace Communication

We have two ears and one mouth for a reason—effective communication is dependent on using them in proportion, and this involves having good listening skills.

The workplace of the 21st century may not look the same as it did before COVID-19 spread throughout the world like wildfire, but that doesn’t mean you can relax your standards at work. If anything, Zoom meetings, conference calls, and the continuous time spent behind a screen have created a higher level of expectations for meeting etiquette and communication. And this goes further than simply muting your microphone during a meeting.

Effective workplace communication has been a topic of discussion for decades, yet, it is rarely addressed or implemented due to a lack of awareness and personal ownership by all parties.

Effective communication isn’t just about speaking clearly or finding the appropriate choice of words. It starts with intentional listening and being present. Here’s how to improve your listening skills for effective workplace communication.

Listen to Understand, Not to Speak

There are stark differences between listening and hearing. Listening involves intention, focused effort, and concentration, whereas hearing simply involves low-level awareness that someone else is speaking. Listening is a voluntary activity that allows one to be present and in the moment while hearing is passive and effortless.[1]

Which one would you prefer your colleagues to implement during your company-wide presentation? It’s a no-brainer.

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Listening can be one of the most powerful tools in your communication arsenal because one must listen to understand the message being told to them. As a result of this deeper understanding, communication can be streamlined because there is a higher level of comprehension that will facilitate practical follow-up questions, conversations, and problem-solving. And just because you heard something doesn’t mean you actually understood it.

We take this for granted daily, but that doesn’t mean we can use that as an excuse.

Your brain is constantly scanning your environment for threats, opportunities, and situations to advance your ability to promote your survival. And yet, while we are long past the days of worrying about being eaten by wildlife, the neurocircuitry responsible for these mechanisms is still hard-wired into our psychology and neural processing.

A classic example of this is the formation of memories. Case in point: where were you on June 3rd, 2014? For most of you reading this article, your mind will go completely blank, which isn’t necessarily bad.

The brain is far too efficient to retain every detail about every event that happens in your life, mainly because many events that occur aren’t always that important. The brain doesn’t—and shouldn’t—care what you ate for lunch three weeks ago or what color shirt you wore golfing last month. But for those of you who remember where you were on June 3rd, 2014, this date probably holds some sort of significance to you. Maybe it was a birthday or an anniversary. Perhaps it was the day your child was born. It could have even been a day where you lost someone special in your life.

Regardless of the circumstance, the brain is highly stimulated through emotion and engagement, which is why memories are usually stored in these situations. When the brain’s emotional centers become activated, the brain is far more likely to remember an event.[2] And this is also true when intention and focus are applied to listening to a conversation.

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Utilizing these hard-wired primitive pathways of survival to optimize your communication in the workplace is a no-brainer—literally and figuratively.

Intentional focus and concentrated efforts will pay off in the long run because you will retain more information and have an easier time recalling it down the road, making you look like a superstar in front of your colleagues and co-workers. Time to kiss those note-taking days away!

Effective Communication Isn’t Always Through Words

While we typically associate communication with words and verbal affirmations, communication can come in all shapes and forms. In the Zoom meeting era we live in, it has become far more challenging to utilize and understand these other forms of language. And this is because they are typically easier to see when we are sitting face to face with the person we speak to.[3]

Body language can play a significant role in how our words and communication are interpreted, especially when there is a disconnection involved.[4] When someone tells you one thing, yet their body language screams something completely different, it’s challenging to let that go. Our brain immediately starts to search for more information and inevitably prompts us to follow up with questions that will provide greater clarity to the situation at hand. And in all reality, not saying something might be just as important as actually saying something.

These commonly overlooked non-verbal communication choices can provide a plethora of information about the intentions, emotions, and motivations. We do this unconsciously, and it happens with every confrontation, conversation, and interaction we engage in. The magic lies in the utilization and active interpretation of these signals to improve your listening skills and your communication skills.

Our brains were designed for interpreting our world, which is why we are so good at recognizing subtle nuances and underlying disconnect within our casual encounters. So, when we begin to notice conflicting messages between verbal and non-verbal communication, our brain takes us down a path of troubleshooting.

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Which messages are consistent with this theme over time? Which statements aren’t aligning with what they’re really trying to tell me? How should I interpret their words and body language?

Suppose we want to break things down even further. In that case, one must understand that body language is usually a subconscious event, meaning that we rarely think about our body language. This happens because our brain’s primary focus is to string together words and phrases for verbal communication, which usually requires a higher level of processing. This doesn’t mean that body language will always tell the truth, but it does provide clues to help us weigh information, which can be pretty beneficial in the long run.

Actively interpreting body language can provide you with an edge in your communication skills. It can also be used as a tool to connect with the individual you are speaking to. This process is deeply ingrained into our human fabric and utilizes similar methods babies use while learning new skills from their parents’ traits during the early years of development.

Mirroring a person’s posture or stance can create a subtle bond, facilitating a sense of feeling like one another. This process is triggered via the activation of specific brain regions through the stimulation of specialized neurons called mirror neurons.[5] These particular neurons become activated while watching an individual engage in an activity or task, facilitating learning, queuing, and understanding. They also allow the person watching an action to become more efficient at physically executing the action, creating changes in the brain, and altering the overall structure of the brain to enhance output for that chosen activity.

Listening with intention can make you understand your colleague, and when paired together with mirroring body language, you can make your colleague feel like you two are alike. This simple trick can facilitate a greater bond of understanding and communication within all aspects of the conversation.

Eliminate All Distractions, Once and for All

As Jim Rohn says, “What is easy to do is also easy not to do.” And this is an underlying principle that will carry through in all aspects of communication. Distractions are a surefire way to ensure a lack of understanding or interpretation of a conversation, which in turn, will create inefficiencies and a poor foundation for communication.

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This should come as no surprise, especially in this day in age where people are constantly distracted by social media, text messaging, and endlessly checking their emails. We’re stuck in a cultural norm that has hijacked our love for the addictive dopamine rush and altered our ability to truly focus our efforts on the task at hand. And these distractions aren’t just distractions for the time they’re being used. They use up coveted brainpower and central processes that secondarily delay our ability to get back on track.

Gloria Mark, a researcher at UC Irvine, discovered that it takes an average of 23 minutes and 15 seconds for our brains to reach their peak state of focus after an interruption.[6] Yes, you read that correctly—distractions are costly, error-prone, and yield little to no benefit outside of a bump to the ego when receiving a new like on your social media profile.

Meetings should implement a no-phone policy, video conference calls should be set on their own browser with no other tabs open, and all updates, notifications, and email prompt should be immediately turned off, if possible, to eliminate all distractions during a meeting.

These are just a few examples of how we can optimize our environment to facilitate the highest levels of communication within the workplace.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Effective communication in the workplace doesn’t have to be challenging, but it does have to be intentional. Knowledge can only take us so far, but once again, knowing something is very different than putting it into action.

Just like riding a bike, the more often you do it, the easier it becomes. Master communicators are phenomenal listeners, which allows them to be effective communicators in the workplace and in life. If you genuinely want to own your communication, you must implement this information today and learn how to improve your listening skills.

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Choose your words carefully, listen intently, and most of all, be present in the moment—because that’s what master communicators do, and you can do it, too!

More Tips Improving Listening Skills

Featured photo credit: Mailchimp via unsplash.com

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