Children from divorced homes go through certain struggles only they can understand. We have been through a major breaking point where we saw the two people we care about leave us before we could get the best out of them. Now here are some things we bottle up and we cannot share with others.
1. We build walls around ourselves
We have been there before. We don’t want to see people leave the way our parents did. We want to be secure. We want to be safe. And so we build walls around ourselves to protect us from persons who could repeat that period of leaving us and finding a new direction.
2. We can be over attached to our items
Perhaps this is our only security. When our parents divorced, items were divided among the two of them. So we know how important items can be and we always want to have a hold on what we have got.
3. We prefer one parent over the other
As much as we do not want to have a preference between our parents there is always who meet our demands and we can relate better with. Although we are not really vocal about it, as you become intimate with us you will find out that we do prefer one parent over the other.
4. We are afraid of commitment
Although at some point we will have to see reason with committing ourselves to someone, yet commitment is something that marvels us. We do not want what happened to our parents to repeat itself with us.
5. We do not like cheaters
This feeling pops in if one of our parents was cheating on the other and this was what caused the divorce. We want to uphold the value of being responsible to the relationships we are into. We hate cheaters and do not want to be involved with them.
6. We are overly critical
We ask questions a lot. It is difficult to trust others and think anyone can be truly faithful. We give meanings too rather flimsy and lesser important things and translate them the way we want to.
7. We appreciate communication
We didn’t receive constant communication as our parents didn’t even have the best of communications between themselves. We love to receive the news first and be offered every detail of the matter. Any short sentences as “It is okay” or “I will be fine” puts us immediately on the spot. We value honesty and cherish openness as it signals to us that we are important in the relationship.
8. We are attached to our siblings
Nobody has been connected to our pain like them. Truthfully all our siblings can understand what we have been through and what we are still dealing with. We understand we need each others support to keep on going. Most importantly any reminders or reservations on our parents’ divorce we can discuss with them, and they will provide us with the support we need.
9. We want to be loved and accepted
We didn’t have the balance of affection of both parents at the same time. It was a bit here and there and so disjointed. We want something total and complete. We want to be spoken to and treated like every other kids. We want to show off our parents as being together and complete. Since this is not possible we try to gain it from someone who can truly care and reach out to us.
10. We are more concerned about the flaws
We ask ourselves, “is he/she stubborn?,” “ is he yielding?”. Before we enter into any friendship or relationship we want to be sure with what we are dealing with. This equips and makes us prepared on what we have to do in case of any failings from the other party.
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