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10 Things Children of Divorce Would Never Tell You

10 Things Children of Divorce Would Never Tell You

Children from divorced homes go through certain struggles only they can understand. We have been through a major breaking point where we saw the two people we care about leave us before we could get the best out of them. Now here are some things we bottle up and we cannot share with others.

1. We build walls around ourselves

We have been there before. We don’t want to see people leave the way our parents did. We want to be secure. We want to be safe. And so we build walls around ourselves to protect us from persons who could repeat that period of leaving us and finding a new direction.

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2. We can be over attached to our items

Perhaps this is our only security. When our parents divorced, items were divided among the two of them. So we know how important items can be and we always want to have a hold on what we have got.

3. We prefer one parent over the other

As much as we do not want to have a preference between our parents there is always who meet our demands and we can relate better with. Although we are not really vocal about it, as you become intimate with us you will find out that we do prefer one parent over the other.

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4. We are afraid of commitment

Although at some point we will have to see reason with committing ourselves to someone, yet commitment is something that marvels us. We do not want what happened to our parents to repeat itself with us.

5. We do not like cheaters

This feeling pops in if one of our parents was cheating on the other and this was what caused the divorce. We want to uphold the value of being responsible to the relationships we are into. We hate cheaters and do not want to be involved with them.

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6. We are overly critical

We ask questions a lot. It is difficult to trust others and think anyone can be truly faithful. We give meanings too rather flimsy and lesser important things and translate them the way we want to.

7. We appreciate communication

We didn’t receive constant communication as our parents didn’t even have the best of communications between themselves. We love to receive the news first and be offered every detail of the matter. Any short sentences as “It is okay” or “I will be fine” puts us immediately on the spot. We value honesty and cherish openness as it signals to us that we are important in the relationship.

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8. We are attached to our siblings

Nobody has been connected to our pain like them. Truthfully all our siblings can understand what we have been through and what we are still dealing with. We understand we need each others support to keep on going. Most importantly any reminders or reservations on our parents’ divorce we can discuss with them, and they will provide us with the support we need.

9. We want to be loved and accepted

We didn’t have the balance of affection of both parents at the same time. It was a bit here and there and so disjointed. We want something total and complete. We want to be spoken to and treated like every other kids. We want to show off our parents as being together and complete. Since this is not possible we try to gain it from someone who can truly care and reach out to us.

10. We are more concerned about the flaws

We ask ourselves, “is he/she stubborn?,” “ is he yielding?”. Before we enter into any friendship or relationship we want to be sure with what we are dealing with. This equips and makes us prepared on what we have to do in case of any failings from the other party.

Featured photo credit: http://www.pixabay.com via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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