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10 Things Children of Divorce Would Never Tell You

10 Things Children of Divorce Would Never Tell You

Children from divorced homes go through certain struggles only they can understand. We have been through a major breaking point where we saw the two people we care about leave us before we could get the best out of them. Now here are some things we bottle up and we cannot share with others.

1. We build walls around ourselves

We have been there before. We don’t want to see people leave the way our parents did. We want to be secure. We want to be safe. And so we build walls around ourselves to protect us from persons who could repeat that period of leaving us and finding a new direction.

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2. We can be over attached to our items

Perhaps this is our only security. When our parents divorced, items were divided among the two of them. So we know how important items can be and we always want to have a hold on what we have got.

3. We prefer one parent over the other

As much as we do not want to have a preference between our parents there is always who meet our demands and we can relate better with. Although we are not really vocal about it, as you become intimate with us you will find out that we do prefer one parent over the other.

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4. We are afraid of commitment

Although at some point we will have to see reason with committing ourselves to someone, yet commitment is something that marvels us. We do not want what happened to our parents to repeat itself with us.

5. We do not like cheaters

This feeling pops in if one of our parents was cheating on the other and this was what caused the divorce. We want to uphold the value of being responsible to the relationships we are into. We hate cheaters and do not want to be involved with them.

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6. We are overly critical

We ask questions a lot. It is difficult to trust others and think anyone can be truly faithful. We give meanings too rather flimsy and lesser important things and translate them the way we want to.

7. We appreciate communication

We didn’t receive constant communication as our parents didn’t even have the best of communications between themselves. We love to receive the news first and be offered every detail of the matter. Any short sentences as “It is okay” or “I will be fine” puts us immediately on the spot. We value honesty and cherish openness as it signals to us that we are important in the relationship.

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8. We are attached to our siblings

Nobody has been connected to our pain like them. Truthfully all our siblings can understand what we have been through and what we are still dealing with. We understand we need each others support to keep on going. Most importantly any reminders or reservations on our parents’ divorce we can discuss with them, and they will provide us with the support we need.

9. We want to be loved and accepted

We didn’t have the balance of affection of both parents at the same time. It was a bit here and there and so disjointed. We want something total and complete. We want to be spoken to and treated like every other kids. We want to show off our parents as being together and complete. Since this is not possible we try to gain it from someone who can truly care and reach out to us.

10. We are more concerned about the flaws

We ask ourselves, “is he/she stubborn?,” “ is he yielding?”. Before we enter into any friendship or relationship we want to be sure with what we are dealing with. This equips and makes us prepared on what we have to do in case of any failings from the other party.

Featured photo credit: http://www.pixabay.com via pixabay.com

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Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on September 12, 2019

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

Even the most charismatic people you know, whether in person or celebrities of some sort, experience days where they feel lost in life and isolated from everyone else.

While it’s good to know we aren’t alone in this feeling, the question still remains:

What should we do when we feel lost and lonely?

Here are 12 things to remember:

1. Recognize That It’s Okay!

The truth is, there are times you need to be alone. If you’ve always been accustomed to being in contact with people, this may prove difficult.

However, learning how to be alone and comfortable in your own skin will give you confidence and a sense of self reliance.

We cheat ourselves out of the opportunity to become self reliant when we look for constant companionship.

Learn how to embrace your me time: What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It

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2. Use Your Lost and Loneliness as a Self-Directing Guide

You’ve most likely heard the expression: “You have to know where you’ve been to know where you’re going.”

Loneliness also serves as a life signal to indicate you’re in search of something. It’s when we’re in the midst of solitude that answers come from true soul searching.

Remember, there is more to life than what you’re feeling.

3. Realize Loneliness Helps You Face the Truth

Being in the constant company of others, although comforting sometimes, can often serve as a distraction when we need to face the reality of a situation.

Solitude cuts straight to the chase and forces you to deal with the problem at hand. See it as a blessing that can serve as a catalyst to set things right!

4. Be Aware That You Have More Control Than You Think

Typically, when we see ourselves as being lost or lonely, it gives us an excuse to view everything we come in contact with in a negative light. It lends itself to putting ourselves in the victim mode, when the truth of the matter is that you choose your attitude in every situation.

No one can force a feeling upon you! It is YOU who has the ultimate say as to how you choose to react.

5. Embrace the Freedom That the Feeling of Being Alone Can Offer

Instead of wallowing in self pity, which many are prone to do because of loneliness, try looking at your circumstance as a new-found freedom.

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Most people are in constant need of approval of their viewpoints. Try enjoying the fact that  you don’t need everyone you care about to support your decisions.

6. Acknowledge the Person You Are Now

Perhaps you feel a sense of loneliness and confusion because your life circumstances have taken you away from the persona that others know to be you.

Perhaps the new you differs radically from the old. Realize that life is about change and how we react to that change. It’s okay that you’re not who you used to be.

Take a look at this article and learn to accept your imperfect self: Accept Yourself (Flaws and All): 7 Benefits of Being Vulnerable

7. Keep Striving to Do Your Best

Often those who are feeling isolated and unto themselves will develop a defeatist attitude. They’ll do substandard work because their self esteem is low and they don’t care.

Never let this feeling take away your sense of worth! Do your best always and when you come through this dark time, others will admire how you stayed determined in spite of the obstacles you had to overcome.

And to live your best life, you must do this ONE thing: step out of your comfort zone.

8. Don’t Forget That Time Is Precious

When we’re lost in a sea of loneliness and depression, it’s all too easy to reflect on regrets of past life events. This does nothing but feed negativity and perpetuate the situation.

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Instead of falling prey to this common pitfall, put one foot in front of the other and acknowledge every positive step you take. By doing this, you can celebrate the struggles you overcome at the end of the day.

9. Remember, Things Happen for a Reason

Every circumstance we encounter in our life is designed to teach us and that lesson is in turn passed on to others.

Sometimes we’re fortunate enough to figure out the lesson to be learned, while other times, we simply need to have faith that if the lesson wasn’t meant directly for us to learn from, how we handled it was observed by someone who needed to learn.

Your solitude and feeling of lost, in this instance, although painful possibly, may be teaching someone else.

10. Journal During This Time

Record your thoughts when you’re at the height of loneliness and feeling lost. You’ll be amazed when you reflect back at how you viewed things at the time and how far you’ve come later.

This time (if recorded) can give you a keen insight into who you are and what makes you feel the way you feel.

11. Remember You Aren’t the First to Feel This Way

It’s quite common to feel as if we’re alone and no one else has ever felt this way before. We think this because at the time of our distress, we’re silently observing others around us who are seemingly fine in every way.

The truth is, we can’t possibly know the struggles of those around us unless they elect to share them. We ALL have known this pain!

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Try confiding in someone you trust and ask them how they deal with these feelings when they experienced it. You may be surprised at what you learn.

12. Ask for Help If the Problem Persists

The feeling of being lost and lonely is common to everyone, but typically it will last for a relatively short period of time.

Most people will confess to, at one time or another, being in a “funk.” But if the problem persists longer than you feel it should, don’t ignore it.

When your ability to reason and consider things rationally becomes impaired, do not poo poo the problem away and think it isn’t worthy of attention. Seek medical help.

Afraid to ask for help? Here’s how to change your outlook to aim high!

Final Thoughts

Loneliness and a sense of feeling lost can in many ways be extremely painful and difficult to deal with at best. However, these feelings can also serve as a catalyst for change in our lives if we acknowledge them and act.

Above anything, cherish your mental well being and don’t underestimate its worth. Seek professional guidance if you’re unable to distinguish between a sense of freedom for yourself and a sense of despair.

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Featured photo credit: Andrew Neel via unsplash.com

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