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10 Things Beta Men Do That Make Them Truly Great Guys

10 Things Beta Men Do That Make Them Truly Great Guys

Let’s face it. Beta men aren’t always seen as the most exciting, thrilling, or interesting guys. In fact, Beta men wouldn’t even describe themselves as “Beta.” In other words, I can’t imagine two guys chest bumping one another and yelling out, “Beta bros for life!”

So then, what is beta? According to Psychgrad on Urban Dictionary, Beta guys are those on the side lines supporting the team. After all, each team however big or small, may only have one true leader. They often seek more meaningful relationships because they measure value by how well they work with others. Because of this, they are often the best long-term partners.

Instead of acting like someone they truly aren’t and fighting the system, beta males can actually start to act more like who they already are and use these qualities to their advantage. Here are 10 unique reasons why they are great guys.

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1.  They think before they act

Beta guys are often quieter and more introspective. They want to think before they say the wrong thing and genuinely care about other people. For example, they might not want to be the center of attention, because they see the value of bringing the group together, rather than promoting their individual needs. Sometimes beta guys think too much and can forget to act at all!

2.  They listen before they speak

Beta guys like to listen to other perspectives and opinions before butting in with their own beliefs. They would rather get all the facts in order before stating their own. Beta guys are often called “great listeners” who will do anything to understand another point of view. Sometimes beta guys do this to a fault, and can forget to share their own perspective because they don’t want to disrupt the system.

3.  They notice the little things

Beta guys are often acutely aware of their surroundings. They notice things that other people may not notice. They pay attention to detail and are often proud of the work they put into something. Often, beta guys will know their friends, co-workers, and partners better than they know themselves. Sometimes beta guys don’t communicate this knowledge in the right way and notice a little bit too much.

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4.  They want to make a deeper connection

Instead of shallow relationships or “picking up” dates, beta guys want to make a deep connection with other people. They aren’t concerned so much about the moment, but rather a long term future with someone. They’d rather put in the work of getting to know one person, rather than randomly finding anyone to talk at.

5.  They don’t like to talk about themselves

Sometimes beta guys forget to talk about why they are important and how they can add value to a relationship. They don’t like to brag about themselves because they often don’t see how it will benefit the greater good. Beta guys would rather spend their time listening to someone else than talking about how awesome they are.

6.  They are great problem solvers

Because beta guys typically think deeply, they often have a natural ability to problem solve. Sometimes it means solving a complex math problem; sometimes it means crafting something out of love. Sometimes it means offering a unique solution that no-one else has even considered. Beta guys can easily take a step back and look at something for what it is and leave their ego at the door.

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7.  They enjoy spending time doing what they love

Passion is often synonymous with beta guys. They like to fully immerse themselves in whatever they are doing. Sometimes it can come across as overbearing because they are passionate about other people. On the other hand, they can often forget to acknowledge other people, because they are so enthralled with what they are doing, even if what they’re doing doesn’t appear to be “interesting” to others.

8.  They want to improve their relationships

Beta guys don’t care as much about themselves, and would rather enhance the relationship, over their own self interests. They would rather keep the peace in their relationships, instead of getting their own way. Beta guys often deeply care about their significant other and would do anything for them. Beta men care about themselves but would readily sacrifice themselves for the greater good of the relationship.

9. They want to be with the right person

Sometimes beta guys believe they’ve found the “right” person too quickly. They think they’ve found the one quickly after meeting someone that pays any attention to them. They often would do anything to try and convince the other person why they are right for them, instead of looking at who is actually right for them. Deep down, beta guys don’t want to be with just anyone, and want to find someone who will love them for who they are.

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10.  They want to really get to know you

Beta guys want to get to know the real you. They don’t want like to be around fake people who put on a show. They will take the time to listen, but only if you show them who you really are, over time. Beta guys quickly become overwhelmed over the long term with too much information that they don’t know how to fix. However, beta guys can often cut through the nonsense and understand where someone else is coming from.

Beta guys don’t have to finish last and they aren’t destined to be alone. They are often overlooked as valuable potential partners because they aren’t seen as the most thrilling, bodacious, or rad guys. On the other hand, beta men don’t always show other people just how important they are.

The more we can better understand one another, the more beta guys will be seen as great guys who can be themselves, instead of living in a manly world that tells them they can’t.

Featured photo credit: StartupStockPhotos via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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