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10 Things Beta Men Do That Make Them Truly Great Guys

10 Things Beta Men Do That Make Them Truly Great Guys

Let’s face it. Beta men aren’t always seen as the most exciting, thrilling, or interesting guys. In fact, Beta men wouldn’t even describe themselves as “Beta.” In other words, I can’t imagine two guys chest bumping one another and yelling out, “Beta bros for life!”

So then, what is beta? According to Psychgrad on Urban Dictionary, Beta guys are those on the side lines supporting the team. After all, each team however big or small, may only have one true leader. They often seek more meaningful relationships because they measure value by how well they work with others. Because of this, they are often the best long-term partners.

Instead of acting like someone they truly aren’t and fighting the system, beta males can actually start to act more like who they already are and use these qualities to their advantage. Here are 10 unique reasons why they are great guys.

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1.  They think before they act

Beta guys are often quieter and more introspective. They want to think before they say the wrong thing and genuinely care about other people. For example, they might not want to be the center of attention, because they see the value of bringing the group together, rather than promoting their individual needs. Sometimes beta guys think too much and can forget to act at all!

2.  They listen before they speak

Beta guys like to listen to other perspectives and opinions before butting in with their own beliefs. They would rather get all the facts in order before stating their own. Beta guys are often called “great listeners” who will do anything to understand another point of view. Sometimes beta guys do this to a fault, and can forget to share their own perspective because they don’t want to disrupt the system.

3.  They notice the little things

Beta guys are often acutely aware of their surroundings. They notice things that other people may not notice. They pay attention to detail and are often proud of the work they put into something. Often, beta guys will know their friends, co-workers, and partners better than they know themselves. Sometimes beta guys don’t communicate this knowledge in the right way and notice a little bit too much.

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4.  They want to make a deeper connection

Instead of shallow relationships or “picking up” dates, beta guys want to make a deep connection with other people. They aren’t concerned so much about the moment, but rather a long term future with someone. They’d rather put in the work of getting to know one person, rather than randomly finding anyone to talk at.

5.  They don’t like to talk about themselves

Sometimes beta guys forget to talk about why they are important and how they can add value to a relationship. They don’t like to brag about themselves because they often don’t see how it will benefit the greater good. Beta guys would rather spend their time listening to someone else than talking about how awesome they are.

6.  They are great problem solvers

Because beta guys typically think deeply, they often have a natural ability to problem solve. Sometimes it means solving a complex math problem; sometimes it means crafting something out of love. Sometimes it means offering a unique solution that no-one else has even considered. Beta guys can easily take a step back and look at something for what it is and leave their ego at the door.

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7.  They enjoy spending time doing what they love

Passion is often synonymous with beta guys. They like to fully immerse themselves in whatever they are doing. Sometimes it can come across as overbearing because they are passionate about other people. On the other hand, they can often forget to acknowledge other people, because they are so enthralled with what they are doing, even if what they’re doing doesn’t appear to be “interesting” to others.

8.  They want to improve their relationships

Beta guys don’t care as much about themselves, and would rather enhance the relationship, over their own self interests. They would rather keep the peace in their relationships, instead of getting their own way. Beta guys often deeply care about their significant other and would do anything for them. Beta men care about themselves but would readily sacrifice themselves for the greater good of the relationship.

9. They want to be with the right person

Sometimes beta guys believe they’ve found the “right” person too quickly. They think they’ve found the one quickly after meeting someone that pays any attention to them. They often would do anything to try and convince the other person why they are right for them, instead of looking at who is actually right for them. Deep down, beta guys don’t want to be with just anyone, and want to find someone who will love them for who they are.

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10.  They want to really get to know you

Beta guys want to get to know the real you. They don’t want like to be around fake people who put on a show. They will take the time to listen, but only if you show them who you really are, over time. Beta guys quickly become overwhelmed over the long term with too much information that they don’t know how to fix. However, beta guys can often cut through the nonsense and understand where someone else is coming from.

Beta guys don’t have to finish last and they aren’t destined to be alone. They are often overlooked as valuable potential partners because they aren’t seen as the most thrilling, bodacious, or rad guys. On the other hand, beta men don’t always show other people just how important they are.

The more we can better understand one another, the more beta guys will be seen as great guys who can be themselves, instead of living in a manly world that tells them they can’t.

Featured photo credit: StartupStockPhotos via pixabay.com

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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