Advertising
Advertising

10 Things About Love Only Introverts Would Understand

10 Things About Love Only Introverts Would Understand

Do you consider yourself an introvert?

Or maybe you are in a relationship with someone you consider an introvert?

If you are an introvert it’s easy to assume the extroverts in our life could never understand how we view love. But let’s give them some insight as to how we view love and our relationships. Time to help them out a bit at deciphering the magical mysterious beings we introverts are!

Advertising

1. Introverts need quiet time with those we love.

We are quiet, but the voice in our heads is very loud. Sometimes loving us is simply respecting the quiet we need to function. We don’t need the air full of words to feel love. We just need you with us, quietly there allowing us to be authentic. We love to enjoy simple, quiet time together with you by our side.

2. Introverts can step out of our comfort zone for love.

We can stretch and be more extroverted for brief periods of time. We only do so for people who truly mean the world to us. So when we agree to go to the large wedding party with you, we would love if you could balance that gift. The next day we may need time to recharge in solitude afterwards, and having your support for that time will make us more willing to step out of our comfort zone again.

introvert love lock

    3. Introverts only unlock our hearts for the most special of souls.

    If we have picked you we have already determined you’re worth the risk. We have chosen you as one of the few worthy of letting see our inner self. This leaves us vulnerable, but some people are worth that risk.

    Advertising

    4. Introverts deeply value listening.

    Listening is showing love to us. We are thoughtful before we speak. So if we have expressed something to you, know to us it is 100% true. We don’t take words lightly. When we communicate something important know that we have spent time beforehand considering our message carefully. Introverts are very good listeners and love to have that same respect returned in kind.

    5. Introverts do not mean to seem distant in love. 

    When you love an introvert you may always feel a tiny bit like an outsider in our little world. We are like our own little universe of being. Once you are granted deep connection know that never goes away for us. We risk that level to very few. There is no big secret we are hiding up in our heads. We are just thinking, processing, turning life over in constant examination. It’s just part of who we are.

    6. Introverts often fall in love with extroverts.

    We admire and envy you at the same time.  We are in awe of your ability to woo others, and charm the room. The ease at which you seem with strangers. It is part of why we are attracted to you. But it is also a little threatening to us. We see in you something we know we can’t be, and we worry you will grow bored of our quiet spirits.

    Advertising

    7. It’s best to let an introvert think before you argue. 

    We need time. We work things out in our heads first. We choose our words with care. Just diving into a reactive fight to is not going to work well for an introvert. Often when we go along with hashing it out before we are ready we won’t really buy into the resolution. If we process first, and then talk you will know exactly where we stand.

    introvert love couple

      8. Introverts long to be understood.

      We depend on those we love to understand us. Sometimes we do live in our heads far too long. We tend to over-think many things. Being in love with someone who understands these things about us helps us reach out more often. If you wonder just ask us. We appreciate knowing you are noticing, reaching out and that when we are ready to get out of our heads you are there for us.

      9. Introverts love to have fun.

      Just because we don’t gain energy from large gatherings doesn’t mean we don’t love to laugh and have a blast. Introverts have sharp witty humor that reveals itself when they are with people they trust. A quiet spirit doesn’t mean boring by any means.

      Advertising

      introvert love hands

        10. Introverts love to know you are happy. 

        We know we are different, or at least we feel different than others. We don’t expect everyone to be just like us, or enjoy the same things. We want to make you happy. We need to know if you are happy with the level of social activities we share, and in the depth that we share ourselves. It is a balance of taking turns giving to each other without giving more than we have. We want to know we are doing our part to meet your needs and that we make you happy.

        That’s not so mysterious is it? Introverts are some of the most loyal, supportive, uplifting, peaceful souls among us. For an introvert to have picked you to share life with means you are one amazing person worthy of risking our heart and soul for. Enjoy that honor and enjoy unwrapping layer by layer the depths of the person you love!

        If you are an introvert don’t be afraid to communicate fully who you are to your love and what you need. Introvert and extrovert alike we have a lot to learn from each other if we communicate with openness, love and a better understanding of each other.

        Featured photo credit: Andrii IURLOV via 123rf.com

        More by this author

        Dawn Hafner

        Dawn is a Practical Life Coach who offers concrete tools to help people implement life changes.

        6 Ways to Show Yourself the Love You Truly Deserve 5 Truths About Abusive Relationships 10 Things About Love Only Introverts Would Understand 20 Really Cute Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas For Your Special One 6 Things College Won’t Teach You That Make or Break Your Career

        Trending in Communication

        1 How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often 2 20 Excuses Most People Make That Stop Them From Reaching Their Dreams 3 5 Real Relationship Goals You Should Actually Strive Toward 4 When You Learn A Second Language, These 7 Amazing Things Will Happen To You 5 15 Things To Stop Doing If You Want To Be Truly Happy

        Read Next

        Advertising
        Advertising
        Advertising

        Last Updated on January 24, 2021

        How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

        How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

        Do you say yes so often that you no longer feel that your own needs are being met? Are you wondering how to say no to people?

        For years, I was a serial people pleaser[1]. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time, especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

        But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

        It took a long while, but I learned the art of saying no. Saying no meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. When that happened, I became a lot happier.

        And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

        The Importance of Saying No

        When you learn the art of saying no, you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

        In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

        Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey, considered one of the most successful women in the world, confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything.

        Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

        Warren Buffett views “no” as essential to his success. He said:

        “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

        When I made “no” a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success, focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

        How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

        It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say no.

        From an early age, we are conditioned to say yes. We said yes probably hundreds of times in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work, to get a promotion, to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

        We say yes because we feel good when we help someone, because it can seem like the right thing to do, because we think that is key to success, and because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist.

        And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

        Advertising

        At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we are feeling bad that we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

        The message, no matter where we turn, is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

        How Do You Say No Without Feeling Guilty?

        Deciding to add the word “no” to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say no, but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of no that you could finally create more time for things you care about.

        But let’s be honest, using the word “no” doesn’t come easily for many people.

        3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

        1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

        Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time, especially you haven’t done it much in the past, will feel awkward. Your comfort zone is “yes,” so it’s time to challenge that and step outside that.

        If you need help getting out of your comfort zone, check out this article.

        2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

        When you want to learn how to say no, remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it: who else knows about all of the demands in your life? No one.

        Only you are at the center of all of these requests. You are the only one that understands what time you really have.

        3. Saying No Means Saying Yes to Something That Matters

        When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else that we may care more about. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

        6 Ways to Start Saying No

        Incorporating that little word “no” into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

        Advertising

        1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

        One of the biggest challenges to saying no is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no will reflect poorly on you?

        Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

        2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

        Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because of FOMO, even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

        Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better[2].

        3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say No

        Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say yes because we worry about how others will respond or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose their respect. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

        Keep in mind that saying no can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way.

        You might disappoint someone initially, but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to. And it will often help others have more respect for you and your boundaries, not less.

        4. When the Request Comes in, Sit on It

        Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

        Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say no. There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

        5. Communicate Your “No” with Transparency and Kindness

        When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest[3] to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

        Advertising

        How do you say no? 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

          Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

          Clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

          6. Consider How to Use a Modified No

          If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” as this will give you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

          Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task, but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

          Final Thoughts

          Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

          Use the request as a way to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself.

          Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project, but not by working all weekend. You’ll find yourself much happier.

          More Tips on How to Say No

          Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

          Reference

          [1] Science of People: 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You
          [2] Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Tips to Get Over Your FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out
          [3] Cooks Hill Counseling: 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

          Read Next