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10 Simple Ways To Deal With Sadness When You Still Need To Work

10 Simple Ways To Deal With Sadness When You Still Need To Work

There’s overwhelming pressure to look happy at work when you’re dealing with sadness. The “mask” you wear can be unbearable.  What happens when you just filed for divorce?  When your children are in trouble? When you’re in trouble?  There is a way to accept your sadness and not let it control you.  The last thing you want is to appear weak or vulnerable in the office.  Here are some ways to help you deal with sadness and stay focused.

1. Be sad.

Don’t force happy. As long as you get the work done on time, no one is going to notice. Aside from crying openly in the office, manage your sadness in other ways:  write yourself an email listing all your sad thoughts, bring a knitted-stress ball to work.  You can stick needles in it during lunch as you imagine the person or thing doing you wrong.  It’s important not to hold this heavy, negative energy in your body.  You may let it out on the wrong person in the next cubicle.

2. Put together a self-care kit & don’t forget it at home.

Your bag is going to be heavy during this time, but for good reason.  Bring a few of your favorite magazines, lavender oil for relaxation, scented hand cream, aspirin, and a few bags of your favorite hot beverage, like coffee, tea or cocoa.  When everything else fails, grab one of these before a meltdown.

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3. Eat well.

Cooking is one of the hardest things to do when sad, so keep it simple, but delicious.  Favorite kid foods can bring back memories of comfortable, safe moments growing up.  Fix a couple of almond butter and strawberry jam sandwiches or a simple grilled cheese with tomato soup.  These pack enough basic nutrition to keep you alive, give you some energy to make eye contact, and help you last until the next break.

4. Listen to audio books.

It’s one of the best ways to keep people off your back.  Pop in a motivational book or the latest novel and drift away.  If you find your mind wandering, turn it off, but keep the plugs in your ears. Passersby will think you’re still listening and will not want to disturb you.

5. Do productive spurts of 45 minutes.

You have little energy for work, when all your energy is working out what’s happening in your life. Break your days up into 45-minute blocks of steady productivity.  After each block, smoke a cigarette, take a walk, or disappear for a few minutes to clear your head.  If you have to stay near the phone, consider letting some calls go to voicemail in between blocks to give you time to clear your head, and start again.

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6. Keep pesky co-workers at bay.

Establish healthy boundaries with talkative types who demand time and energy to act like you’re really interested in what they’re saying. You can use email and skip the face-to-face “check-ins.”

7. Eat at your desk.

Instead of joining the crew for lunch, stay behind.  You can eat in your office or desk and sit with your sadness. Be open to any solutions that arise.  Again, don’t suppress how you feel.  Oftentimes, in the routine of a workday, you may get the answers you need.

8. Get some sun and fresh air.

Leave the office.  If eating lunch at your desk doesn’t work, step outside for some fresh air, and natural vitamin D.  Vitamin D is a natural mood booster, and all it takes is 10 minutes.  The fresh air will soothe your nerves and give you a sense of well-being.

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9. Spend time in the bathroom.

Can’t sit at your desk for lunch or leave the office without someone making a big stink?  Go to the bathroom for a little rest and relaxation.  Not exactly the most serene place, but a notable venue for contemplation.  Stand or sit and do some deep breathing (bring that lavender oil, just in case) and feel your sadness.  Let it out. There’s plenty of tissue on deck.

10. Ask for help.

If you feel overwhelmed, ask a trusted colleague to help.  Perhaps, you can offer to take a shift or finish one of their projects as an exchange.  Keep the work you’re handing over small, and manageable, and use your free-time to focus on less, demanding tasks.

Sometimes the best way to deal with sadness that lasts more than a few days is to take some time off.  They don’t call them “personal days” for nothing.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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