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10 Signs You Have The Best Older Brother Ever

10 Signs You Have The Best Older Brother Ever

There is nothing that can replace an older brother in your life. They are the ones that showed us how to fight, patiently explained the rules of baseball and were always there for us when we needed someone to lean on. Here are ten more reasons they are immeasurable in our daily lives.

1. He showed you how to be strong

One of the most important life lessons you learned from your older brother was the necessity of developing tough skin and fighting your own battles. From playground disputes to middle school drama, he was always there to show you the importance of standing up for yourself. Even as grown-ups he continues to encourage you to be strong, whether it is standing up to your boss or getting rid of a toxic friend.

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2. He taught you the importance of healthy competition

Having an older brother as a mentor showed you that it’s important to be the best version of yourself in every task that you undertake, whether it’s securing a spot on the varsity soccer team in high school or getting your dream job. As adults, he continues to help you achieve your goals and calls you out when he thinks you can do better.

3. He highly influences your taste in music

One of the benefits of having an older brother is being able to discover great music through his impeccable taste. You might have not acknowledged it when you were younger, but now you fully appreciate having someone to recommend songs you should download for a stellar playlist that will brighten up your commute or your daily errands.

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4. He taught you about the world

Having an older brother who had already had his fair share of life lessons is beneficial for you when you are seeking life advice. Whether you want to learn how to drive a car or need a different perspective on something, you know he will always be there for you when you need him. You know that you can always call him late at night, when you need someone else’s perspective on a problem.

5. He will defend you to the end of the world and back

Whether you needed someone to side with you while you were fending off the mean girls in middle school or needed an ex to take hike, he was always at the ready to be by your side and fight for your honor. Even now that you are older, he still takes the role of older protective brother quite seriously and always will.

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6. He knows how to make you laugh

When you are having a bad day you know that calling him will be the perfect remedy to make you feel better. Your repertoire of inside jokes that you share with him is the ideal cure that you need when you are feeling blue. He also has always told you to not take yourself too seriously and that it is important to laugh at missteps that you have had that do not seem like a big deal in retrospect.

7. He knows how to really listen

Likewise, when you need someone to just to lend their ears and listen to your problems, you know he will always be there. When you were younger he always was there when you were having a bad day, knowing exactly what to say. You know he will always be on the other end of the line, while you vent about a fight that you had with your mom or a job interview that went south.

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8. He patiently explains sports terms to you

When it seems like football is another language, he is always there to take the time to teach you the ins-and-outs of his favorite sport. After he is done explaining the rules, he is more than willing to demonstrate how it’s done through a game of catch or shooting some hoops.

9. He gives you an ideal example of what to look for in a partner

When you are in a romantic relationship, you always hold all the men you date to high standards due to always comparing them to your older brother. He taught you from an early age that it’s important to find a mate that respects women, one of the most valuable life lessons you have learned. You respect yourself when it comes to men because of him.

10. He tells you the truth

If something does not feel right he will let you know. Whether it’s a career choice or a personal decision you have made, it’s this level of honesty that allowed you to gain a large amount of respect for him as a person. You trust his advice because although it is hard to hear the truth at first, you know he is always right and that he comes from a place of love.

Featured photo credit: Pixabay via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on December 17, 2018

Why You Think You’re Not Good Enough and How To Believe in Yourself

Why You Think You’re Not Good Enough and How To Believe in Yourself

Have you ever wanted to say something at work, but a little voice of doubt crept in and said, “what if you are wrong”?

Maybe you wanted to apply for that promotion or ask that special someone on a date, but something kept you from taking action. When you think you’re not good enough, you tend to fear the outcome and lack faith in your abilities. That is why it is vital you discover how to believe in yourself so you can accomplish your goals and create your dream life.

Whatever your situation, the fears and self-doubt your false beliefs create will always stop you in your tracks. Identifying the beliefs that cause you to sabotage your life is the first step to removing them.

Self-doubt causes inaction, and inaction leads to regret. When you are not following your passion and living your dream life, you are left with a lot of questions:

  • What if I took a chance on myself?
  • Could I have had a better life if I took more risks?
  • Am I be satisfied with the legacy I am leaving behind?
  • What could I have accomplished if I did not settle for less?

So why would you think you’re not good enough?

1. Parenting

The perception you have of yourself is based on your past experiences. There are studies that show children mimic everything from their parents ability to regulate emotions, to their parents belief about money.[1]

I have had clients who did not believe they were good enough because they did not receive any positive reinforcement as a child. When they were young, their parents were extremely overprotective.

Think of your childhood challenges like dragons you had to slay. Each obstacle you overcame was another dragon you successfully removed from your life. As you slay more dragons, your self-esteem and confidence increase. When someone has overprotective parents, their parents end up slaying the dragons.

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As a result, the child builds more confidence in their parent’s abilities, while still doubting their own.

If you are never encouraged to slay your own dragons, you start to doubt whether you can. It is only natural for a child to conclude their parents are always helping them because they think they need it. This child ages into an adult who still believes they are not good enough. They seek the help and confirmation of others, and they rarely stand-up to opposition.

Solution: Slay Your Dragons!

If you want to believe in yourself, you are going to have to take steps to rebuild your trust in yourself. Start by keeping your word to others and arriving on-time. By showing yourself that others can (and do) trust you, you are going to feel more comfortable trusting yourself.

As you move onto larger and more challenging tasks, you have built a foundation of trust in your ability to keep your word. Next, you are going to want to reclaim your sword from others. At first, you may want to confide in whoever it is currently slaying your dragons.

Understand if it is your parent or someone who loves you, they want the best for you and mean well. You are simply going to tell them that you want to do the work, and will ask them for their thoughts in the planning phase. Feel free to check in with them and give them updates on your progress, while making sure they understand you are wanting to do the work yourself.

Then when the task is completed, let them know so you can celebrate together. Now that you have slayed your own dragon, you can start to reclaim your confidence. By you utilizing them as your guide, you get the added bonus of someone you respect and admire, telling you how amazing you are.

Think of it like a symbolic passing of the torch. Now, you are both dragon slayers. Which means all the positive attributes you attributed to them slaying your dragons, now belong to you.

2. Over-Exaggerating and Oversimplifying

Your past experiences may involve you or someone close to you failing. When you experience failure, you can lose your desire to continue. This has less to do with whether you are brave or scared, and more to do with the fact that your mind does not like failure.

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No one enjoys participating in events in which they under-perform. Outside of the usual reasons of embarrassment, feelings of inadequacy, and fear of failure – it is simply not fun.

Who wants to play baseball if they strikeout every time it is their turn? Would you enjoy singing in front of an audience if you were booed off the stage every time you performed? I could go on, but I think you get the point.

The thing about those two examples is no one really strikes out “every” at-bat. It is also unlikely someone could be booed off the stage “every time” they performed in-front of an audience.

What ends up happening is you oversimplify and exaggerate your past experiences and then your mind believes you. If you believe you are not good enough to ask someone on a date because they “always” tell you no, then do not be surprised you never muster the courage to do so.

If you want to overcome these feelings of inadequacy, start by changing your beliefs. This exercise does not need to be complicated. If you believe you strikeout every time it is your turn, I want to you to go to a batting cage and keep swinging until you hit the baseball.

When you experience success, I want you to take a mental note, write it down, or have someone video it. This is your proof that you do not always strike out. Then, whenever your belief that you are not good enough resurfaces, you are going to replay that video.

Regardless of the situation, you can find a successful experience that you are overlooking.

Solution: Read About the Failures of Others

It sounds a little crazy, I know, but reading about the failures of other successful people will improve your confidence. In a study conducted by Columbia University, they found that teaching students about the failures of great scientists encouraged them to do better.[2]

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When you are battling fear and self-doubt, you tend to over-exaggerate the abilities of others and diminish your own by comparison. You start to believe the successful are successful because they are courageous risk-takers, who do not take no for an answer. You tell yourself, they are meant to succeed, while you on the other hand are not.

When you are able to relate to the successful, you start to realize they have the same struggles and challenges you do. The only difference is they kept going.

Now it is not a question of whether you can succeed, it is a question of whether you want to succeed.

3. Undervalue Yourself

What is the main difference between someone who believes they are good enough and someone who does not? The person who believes they are good enough understands they are a person of value.

What I mean by this is if you do not believe you are worth being listened to, you will not have anything to say. If you do not believe you are good enough to be respected and treated as such, you will accept and rationalize all kinds of mistreatment.

There is an old saying that we are treated as we allow ourselves to be treated. When someone has the confidence and self-esteem that commands respect, they will not accept being treated any kind of way. However, if someone does not see themselves as worthy, they will remain in toxic situations because they do not believe anything better is on the horizon.

Dr. Jennifer Crocker, who worked on a series of self-esteem studies, found in her latest research that:[3]

“College students who based their self-worth on external sources–including appearance, approval from others and even their academic performance–reported more stress, anger, academic problems, relationship conflicts, and had higher levels of drug and alcohol use and symptoms of eating disorders”

Solution: Internalize Your Self-Worth

Instead of valuing yourself based on the awards, recognition, and accolades of others, you need to search internally. By basing your perception of yourself on your core values, you can regain control over self-image.

Instead of focusing on things that are outside of control, keep your mind on what it is that makes you special. You are not defined by your job, relationships, religion, or education. Rather, you are defined by the manner in which you participate in these things. You may be a creative, hard-working, and compassionate person; and that shows up in every thing you do.

Understand that you do not need to be creative, hard-working, and compassionate all the time to consider yourself these things. You are not trying to be perfect, but you are trying to connect with your true self.

By understanding the similarities in which you tackle objectives, you will build a consistent and powerful self-worth that stands apart from external confirmation.

Final Thoughts

Do not allow your past experiences do dictate your future success. You do not want to look back on your life and have a lot of questions and regrets.

Build trust in yourself by taking action today. This will help you build the confidence you need to believe in yourself and your ability to become the champion of your life.

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Featured photo credit: Riccardo Mion via unsplash.com

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