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10 Signs That Your Single Life Is Happy Even Though You Don’t Feel Like You Are

10 Signs That Your Single Life Is Happy Even Though You Don’t Feel Like You Are

The single life is often viewed as negative, but in reality, living single symbolizes freedom, independence and untapped potential for growth.

The most obvious stigma attached to the single life is that one ominous word: ‘alone.’  Singles do most things alone, but you don’t have to feel lonely in the process. You just have to learn how to take what you have and use it to make a happy, successful life on your own.

If you have some of these signs, you’re actually on the right track to freedom and happiness as a single.

1.  You come home to an empty house/bed.

There’s nobody to greet you when you come home. Instead of wallowing in the silence, use it to recharge. Set up a routine centered around you. Cater to yourself. Pour that ice cold cocktail or iced tea for yourself. Draw a hot bath and turn down the bed sheets just like you would for a significant other. Cooking for one is still cooking for a loved one – yourself.

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Evenings, when you’re all alone is where you can take advantage of that untapped potential. Use this time to relax and pamper yourself. Read a great book. Work out. Brainstorm on how to get ahead in your job. Arrange and maintain your home to your exact preference so that when you come home after a long day, you feel safe, relaxed and comfortable.

2.  You can’t cry on your partner’s shoulder after a ‘bad day.’

Successful people, whether single or partnered, always focus on the positive. Instead of missing a partner to cry with, spend your time mentally preparing for the next ‘bad day.’  Look at things you can implement or avoid next time. Think about the skills you used to deal with your day and find ways to make them even stronger. Most of all, find gratitude in as much as possible. Focus on the good, your strengths and what you can do to improve.

3.  Your schedule only includes you and/or your kids.

You have, right before your eyes, your very own life that you run completely. You have the flexibility to control every aspect of your schedule without having to compromise or work around anyone else! This is freedom! Take it and run with it. Look at your goals, your responsibilities, your needs, your kids’ needs and completely organize your entire schedule around this.

4.  You’re the sole financial provider and decision maker.

This isn’t stressful, this is control! When you’re budgeting, you don’t have to worry about a partner’s needs or desires. It’s all about you and/or your children! You won’t be criticized for a decision you made in a hurry. You won’t be questioned as to why money was spent on something a partner might disagree with. Not only do you have time to invest in yourself, but you have the responsibility to invest in yourself, your kids, your interests and your passions. Consider this a gift and use it wisely!

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5.  You don’t have anybody to help you with the ‘Honey-Do’ list.

Does this sound familiar? You come home after a long day and discover your dogs, once again, have escaped out of the fence that you knocked yourself out trying to secure. There’s no money for a new fence. You go back to square one trying to find a way to prop, ‘jimmy-rig,’ and repair the fence to keep the dogs in. After about ten tries, blood, sweat and tears, it works!  At the same time, your neighbor’s dogs get out one time, her husband fixes the fence and their dogs are secure on the first try.

WHY are you frustrated? YOU solved an ongoing problem by yourself! The neighbor simply relied on her husband. What happens next time both of your dogs get out and the neighbor’s husband is no longer available? You have the knowledge and experience to not only help yourself, but to help your neighbor. This is what life is all about!  ‘Help thy neighbor.’

Apply this situation to every single incident that you have no ‘honey’ to help you with. You’ll soon find that your being single can, and will help others many, many times.

“I am thankful to all those who said no.  Because of them, I did it myself.”-Albert Einstein

6.  You feel awkward at social events where there’s always happy couples.

You stick out like a sore thumb because you don’t have a significant other. Embrace it and use it to your advantage. Share your funny stories of being single with married couples. Promote your business. Instead of feeling like you don’t relate, or don’t fit in, listen with an empathic heart and have gratitude that you’ve endured a broken heart and survived. You have no partner right now to endure these troubles with. You came alone, with no relationship issues and you leave alone, with none either!

7.  You don’t have anyone checking up on you if you’re working late.

Don’t let your mind trick you into thinking ‘nobody cares.’ In reality, you have nobody to answer to. You don’t have to face going home and waiting on your significant other even though you’re exhausted. You have nobody you’re letting down, or deserting. You owe nobody your time except for you and/or your kids. So use your time productively to manifest success.

8.  You have nobody to be spontaneous with.

The idea of spontaneity is acting on impulse. The advantage as a single is that you can be spontaneous without having to accommodate a partner’s preferences. Your spontaneous acts can be derived solely on what you like! So go! Be spontaneous, have fun and cater to your own impulses!

9.  You have no one to focus your love and adoration upon.

Showering love and adoration takes energy. So take your energy and invest your love and adoration into the one person who will always be there with you:  YOU.

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10.  You have to tell people you’re single all the time and hear them say, “I’m sorry,” or give you that look of empathy.

The next time someone gives you those puppy dog eyes and says, “Awww, you’re single. I’m sorry.”  Look at them puzzled and ask them why!  You’re flying solo but it’s not a disease! It’s a blessing.  Solo means ‘YOLO!’  You only live once and as a single, you’re 100% independent. Share your victories of independence with those who try and pity you. As a single, you’re accomplishing everything alone, when many others have a partner to fall back on. This is a victory, not a pity party!

Do you have any of these signs of the single life? If you do, you are on the right track! Take these signs and make them work for you instead of wallowing in self-pity. Make your single life a success, because in reality, the only thing that is for sure in this day and age is that YOU have YOU…until death do you part. Go make it a productive, single life!

Go here for more information on living a single life.

Featured photo credit: Viktor Hanacek via picjumbo.com

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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