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10 Signs That Your Single Life Is Happy Even Though You Don’t Feel Like You Are

10 Signs That Your Single Life Is Happy Even Though You Don’t Feel Like You Are

The single life is often viewed as negative, but in reality, living single symbolizes freedom, independence and untapped potential for growth.

The most obvious stigma attached to the single life is that one ominous word: ‘alone.’  Singles do most things alone, but you don’t have to feel lonely in the process. You just have to learn how to take what you have and use it to make a happy, successful life on your own.

If you have some of these signs, you’re actually on the right track to freedom and happiness as a single.

1.  You come home to an empty house/bed.

There’s nobody to greet you when you come home. Instead of wallowing in the silence, use it to recharge. Set up a routine centered around you. Cater to yourself. Pour that ice cold cocktail or iced tea for yourself. Draw a hot bath and turn down the bed sheets just like you would for a significant other. Cooking for one is still cooking for a loved one – yourself.

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Evenings, when you’re all alone is where you can take advantage of that untapped potential. Use this time to relax and pamper yourself. Read a great book. Work out. Brainstorm on how to get ahead in your job. Arrange and maintain your home to your exact preference so that when you come home after a long day, you feel safe, relaxed and comfortable.

2.  You can’t cry on your partner’s shoulder after a ‘bad day.’

Successful people, whether single or partnered, always focus on the positive. Instead of missing a partner to cry with, spend your time mentally preparing for the next ‘bad day.’  Look at things you can implement or avoid next time. Think about the skills you used to deal with your day and find ways to make them even stronger. Most of all, find gratitude in as much as possible. Focus on the good, your strengths and what you can do to improve.

3.  Your schedule only includes you and/or your kids.

You have, right before your eyes, your very own life that you run completely. You have the flexibility to control every aspect of your schedule without having to compromise or work around anyone else! This is freedom! Take it and run with it. Look at your goals, your responsibilities, your needs, your kids’ needs and completely organize your entire schedule around this.

4.  You’re the sole financial provider and decision maker.

This isn’t stressful, this is control! When you’re budgeting, you don’t have to worry about a partner’s needs or desires. It’s all about you and/or your children! You won’t be criticized for a decision you made in a hurry. You won’t be questioned as to why money was spent on something a partner might disagree with. Not only do you have time to invest in yourself, but you have the responsibility to invest in yourself, your kids, your interests and your passions. Consider this a gift and use it wisely!

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5.  You don’t have anybody to help you with the ‘Honey-Do’ list.

Does this sound familiar? You come home after a long day and discover your dogs, once again, have escaped out of the fence that you knocked yourself out trying to secure. There’s no money for a new fence. You go back to square one trying to find a way to prop, ‘jimmy-rig,’ and repair the fence to keep the dogs in. After about ten tries, blood, sweat and tears, it works!  At the same time, your neighbor’s dogs get out one time, her husband fixes the fence and their dogs are secure on the first try.

WHY are you frustrated? YOU solved an ongoing problem by yourself! The neighbor simply relied on her husband. What happens next time both of your dogs get out and the neighbor’s husband is no longer available? You have the knowledge and experience to not only help yourself, but to help your neighbor. This is what life is all about!  ‘Help thy neighbor.’

Apply this situation to every single incident that you have no ‘honey’ to help you with. You’ll soon find that your being single can, and will help others many, many times.

“I am thankful to all those who said no.  Because of them, I did it myself.”-Albert Einstein

6.  You feel awkward at social events where there’s always happy couples.

You stick out like a sore thumb because you don’t have a significant other. Embrace it and use it to your advantage. Share your funny stories of being single with married couples. Promote your business. Instead of feeling like you don’t relate, or don’t fit in, listen with an empathic heart and have gratitude that you’ve endured a broken heart and survived. You have no partner right now to endure these troubles with. You came alone, with no relationship issues and you leave alone, with none either!

7.  You don’t have anyone checking up on you if you’re working late.

Don’t let your mind trick you into thinking ‘nobody cares.’ In reality, you have nobody to answer to. You don’t have to face going home and waiting on your significant other even though you’re exhausted. You have nobody you’re letting down, or deserting. You owe nobody your time except for you and/or your kids. So use your time productively to manifest success.

8.  You have nobody to be spontaneous with.

The idea of spontaneity is acting on impulse. The advantage as a single is that you can be spontaneous without having to accommodate a partner’s preferences. Your spontaneous acts can be derived solely on what you like! So go! Be spontaneous, have fun and cater to your own impulses!

9.  You have no one to focus your love and adoration upon.

Showering love and adoration takes energy. So take your energy and invest your love and adoration into the one person who will always be there with you:  YOU.

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10.  You have to tell people you’re single all the time and hear them say, “I’m sorry,” or give you that look of empathy.

The next time someone gives you those puppy dog eyes and says, “Awww, you’re single. I’m sorry.”  Look at them puzzled and ask them why!  You’re flying solo but it’s not a disease! It’s a blessing.  Solo means ‘YOLO!’  You only live once and as a single, you’re 100% independent. Share your victories of independence with those who try and pity you. As a single, you’re accomplishing everything alone, when many others have a partner to fall back on. This is a victory, not a pity party!

Do you have any of these signs of the single life? If you do, you are on the right track! Take these signs and make them work for you instead of wallowing in self-pity. Make your single life a success, because in reality, the only thing that is for sure in this day and age is that YOU have YOU…until death do you part. Go make it a productive, single life!

Go here for more information on living a single life.

Featured photo credit: Viktor Hanacek via picjumbo.com

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Lynn Silva

Lynn Silva helps solo and entrepreneurs develop mental skills for business.

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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