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10 Signs That Your Single Life Is Happy Even Though You Don’t Feel Like You Are

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10 Signs That Your Single Life Is Happy Even Though You Don’t Feel Like You Are

The single life is often viewed as negative, but in reality, living single symbolizes freedom, independence and untapped potential for growth.

The most obvious stigma attached to the single life is that one ominous word: ‘alone.’  Singles do most things alone, but you don’t have to feel lonely in the process. You just have to learn how to take what you have and use it to make a happy, successful life on your own.

If you have some of these signs, you’re actually on the right track to freedom and happiness as a single.

1.  You come home to an empty house/bed.

There’s nobody to greet you when you come home. Instead of wallowing in the silence, use it to recharge. Set up a routine centered around you. Cater to yourself. Pour that ice cold cocktail or iced tea for yourself. Draw a hot bath and turn down the bed sheets just like you would for a significant other. Cooking for one is still cooking for a loved one – yourself.

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Evenings, when you’re all alone is where you can take advantage of that untapped potential. Use this time to relax and pamper yourself. Read a great book. Work out. Brainstorm on how to get ahead in your job. Arrange and maintain your home to your exact preference so that when you come home after a long day, you feel safe, relaxed and comfortable.

2.  You can’t cry on your partner’s shoulder after a ‘bad day.’

Successful people, whether single or partnered, always focus on the positive. Instead of missing a partner to cry with, spend your time mentally preparing for the next ‘bad day.’  Look at things you can implement or avoid next time. Think about the skills you used to deal with your day and find ways to make them even stronger. Most of all, find gratitude in as much as possible. Focus on the good, your strengths and what you can do to improve.

3.  Your schedule only includes you and/or your kids.

You have, right before your eyes, your very own life that you run completely. You have the flexibility to control every aspect of your schedule without having to compromise or work around anyone else! This is freedom! Take it and run with it. Look at your goals, your responsibilities, your needs, your kids’ needs and completely organize your entire schedule around this.

4.  You’re the sole financial provider and decision maker.

This isn’t stressful, this is control! When you’re budgeting, you don’t have to worry about a partner’s needs or desires. It’s all about you and/or your children! You won’t be criticized for a decision you made in a hurry. You won’t be questioned as to why money was spent on something a partner might disagree with. Not only do you have time to invest in yourself, but you have the responsibility to invest in yourself, your kids, your interests and your passions. Consider this a gift and use it wisely!

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5.  You don’t have anybody to help you with the ‘Honey-Do’ list.

Does this sound familiar? You come home after a long day and discover your dogs, once again, have escaped out of the fence that you knocked yourself out trying to secure. There’s no money for a new fence. You go back to square one trying to find a way to prop, ‘jimmy-rig,’ and repair the fence to keep the dogs in. After about ten tries, blood, sweat and tears, it works!  At the same time, your neighbor’s dogs get out one time, her husband fixes the fence and their dogs are secure on the first try.

WHY are you frustrated? YOU solved an ongoing problem by yourself! The neighbor simply relied on her husband. What happens next time both of your dogs get out and the neighbor’s husband is no longer available? You have the knowledge and experience to not only help yourself, but to help your neighbor. This is what life is all about!  ‘Help thy neighbor.’

Apply this situation to every single incident that you have no ‘honey’ to help you with. You’ll soon find that your being single can, and will help others many, many times.

“I am thankful to all those who said no.  Because of them, I did it myself.”-Albert Einstein

6.  You feel awkward at social events where there’s always happy couples.

You stick out like a sore thumb because you don’t have a significant other. Embrace it and use it to your advantage. Share your funny stories of being single with married couples. Promote your business. Instead of feeling like you don’t relate, or don’t fit in, listen with an empathic heart and have gratitude that you’ve endured a broken heart and survived. You have no partner right now to endure these troubles with. You came alone, with no relationship issues and you leave alone, with none either!

7.  You don’t have anyone checking up on you if you’re working late.

Don’t let your mind trick you into thinking ‘nobody cares.’ In reality, you have nobody to answer to. You don’t have to face going home and waiting on your significant other even though you’re exhausted. You have nobody you’re letting down, or deserting. You owe nobody your time except for you and/or your kids. So use your time productively to manifest success.

8.  You have nobody to be spontaneous with.

The idea of spontaneity is acting on impulse. The advantage as a single is that you can be spontaneous without having to accommodate a partner’s preferences. Your spontaneous acts can be derived solely on what you like! So go! Be spontaneous, have fun and cater to your own impulses!

9.  You have no one to focus your love and adoration upon.

Showering love and adoration takes energy. So take your energy and invest your love and adoration into the one person who will always be there with you:  YOU.

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10.  You have to tell people you’re single all the time and hear them say, “I’m sorry,” or give you that look of empathy.

The next time someone gives you those puppy dog eyes and says, “Awww, you’re single. I’m sorry.”  Look at them puzzled and ask them why!  You’re flying solo but it’s not a disease! It’s a blessing.  Solo means ‘YOLO!’  You only live once and as a single, you’re 100% independent. Share your victories of independence with those who try and pity you. As a single, you’re accomplishing everything alone, when many others have a partner to fall back on. This is a victory, not a pity party!

Do you have any of these signs of the single life? If you do, you are on the right track! Take these signs and make them work for you instead of wallowing in self-pity. Make your single life a success, because in reality, the only thing that is for sure in this day and age is that YOU have YOU…until death do you part. Go make it a productive, single life!

Go here for more information on living a single life.

Featured photo credit: Viktor Hanacek via picjumbo.com

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Lynn Silva

Lynn Silva helps solo and entrepreneurs develop mental skills for business.

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Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

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How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

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