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10 Signs That Your Single Life Is Happy Even Though You Don’t Feel Like You Are

10 Signs That Your Single Life Is Happy Even Though You Don’t Feel Like You Are

The single life is often viewed as negative, but in reality, living single symbolizes freedom, independence and untapped potential for growth.

The most obvious stigma attached to the single life is that one ominous word: ‘alone.’  Singles do most things alone, but you don’t have to feel lonely in the process. You just have to learn how to take what you have and use it to make a happy, successful life on your own.

If you have some of these signs, you’re actually on the right track to freedom and happiness as a single.

1.  You come home to an empty house/bed.

There’s nobody to greet you when you come home. Instead of wallowing in the silence, use it to recharge. Set up a routine centered around you. Cater to yourself. Pour that ice cold cocktail or iced tea for yourself. Draw a hot bath and turn down the bed sheets just like you would for a significant other. Cooking for one is still cooking for a loved one – yourself.

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Evenings, when you’re all alone is where you can take advantage of that untapped potential. Use this time to relax and pamper yourself. Read a great book. Work out. Brainstorm on how to get ahead in your job. Arrange and maintain your home to your exact preference so that when you come home after a long day, you feel safe, relaxed and comfortable.

2.  You can’t cry on your partner’s shoulder after a ‘bad day.’

Successful people, whether single or partnered, always focus on the positive. Instead of missing a partner to cry with, spend your time mentally preparing for the next ‘bad day.’  Look at things you can implement or avoid next time. Think about the skills you used to deal with your day and find ways to make them even stronger. Most of all, find gratitude in as much as possible. Focus on the good, your strengths and what you can do to improve.

3.  Your schedule only includes you and/or your kids.

You have, right before your eyes, your very own life that you run completely. You have the flexibility to control every aspect of your schedule without having to compromise or work around anyone else! This is freedom! Take it and run with it. Look at your goals, your responsibilities, your needs, your kids’ needs and completely organize your entire schedule around this.

4.  You’re the sole financial provider and decision maker.

This isn’t stressful, this is control! When you’re budgeting, you don’t have to worry about a partner’s needs or desires. It’s all about you and/or your children! You won’t be criticized for a decision you made in a hurry. You won’t be questioned as to why money was spent on something a partner might disagree with. Not only do you have time to invest in yourself, but you have the responsibility to invest in yourself, your kids, your interests and your passions. Consider this a gift and use it wisely!

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5.  You don’t have anybody to help you with the ‘Honey-Do’ list.

Does this sound familiar? You come home after a long day and discover your dogs, once again, have escaped out of the fence that you knocked yourself out trying to secure. There’s no money for a new fence. You go back to square one trying to find a way to prop, ‘jimmy-rig,’ and repair the fence to keep the dogs in. After about ten tries, blood, sweat and tears, it works!  At the same time, your neighbor’s dogs get out one time, her husband fixes the fence and their dogs are secure on the first try.

WHY are you frustrated? YOU solved an ongoing problem by yourself! The neighbor simply relied on her husband. What happens next time both of your dogs get out and the neighbor’s husband is no longer available? You have the knowledge and experience to not only help yourself, but to help your neighbor. This is what life is all about!  ‘Help thy neighbor.’

Apply this situation to every single incident that you have no ‘honey’ to help you with. You’ll soon find that your being single can, and will help others many, many times.

“I am thankful to all those who said no.  Because of them, I did it myself.”-Albert Einstein

6.  You feel awkward at social events where there’s always happy couples.

You stick out like a sore thumb because you don’t have a significant other. Embrace it and use it to your advantage. Share your funny stories of being single with married couples. Promote your business. Instead of feeling like you don’t relate, or don’t fit in, listen with an empathic heart and have gratitude that you’ve endured a broken heart and survived. You have no partner right now to endure these troubles with. You came alone, with no relationship issues and you leave alone, with none either!

7.  You don’t have anyone checking up on you if you’re working late.

Don’t let your mind trick you into thinking ‘nobody cares.’ In reality, you have nobody to answer to. You don’t have to face going home and waiting on your significant other even though you’re exhausted. You have nobody you’re letting down, or deserting. You owe nobody your time except for you and/or your kids. So use your time productively to manifest success.

8.  You have nobody to be spontaneous with.

The idea of spontaneity is acting on impulse. The advantage as a single is that you can be spontaneous without having to accommodate a partner’s preferences. Your spontaneous acts can be derived solely on what you like! So go! Be spontaneous, have fun and cater to your own impulses!

9.  You have no one to focus your love and adoration upon.

Showering love and adoration takes energy. So take your energy and invest your love and adoration into the one person who will always be there with you:  YOU.

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10.  You have to tell people you’re single all the time and hear them say, “I’m sorry,” or give you that look of empathy.

The next time someone gives you those puppy dog eyes and says, “Awww, you’re single. I’m sorry.”  Look at them puzzled and ask them why!  You’re flying solo but it’s not a disease! It’s a blessing.  Solo means ‘YOLO!’  You only live once and as a single, you’re 100% independent. Share your victories of independence with those who try and pity you. As a single, you’re accomplishing everything alone, when many others have a partner to fall back on. This is a victory, not a pity party!

Do you have any of these signs of the single life? If you do, you are on the right track! Take these signs and make them work for you instead of wallowing in self-pity. Make your single life a success, because in reality, the only thing that is for sure in this day and age is that YOU have YOU…until death do you part. Go make it a productive, single life!

Go here for more information on living a single life.

Featured photo credit: Viktor Hanacek via picjumbo.com

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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