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13 Things I Want To Tell The Single And Unhappy Ones

13 Things I Want To Tell The Single And Unhappy Ones

When did being single become some sort of disease that everyone wants to get rid of? Why does everyone think that being in a relationship or married is superior to being alone? Those are some questions you might want to think about. It’s all about how you look at it. So if you’re single and unhappy, here are 13 things I want to tell you to cheer you up:

1. Things can change. And they will.

I don’t care if you’ve been single for several decades or several days. It can be easy to get down on yourself over the “odds” finding that perfect partner. Don’t let yourself buy into the ridiculous myths like “It’s more likely to get abducted by an alien than it is to get married after 40.” Remember, anything and everything is possible. You just need to get out of your own way and start believing that.

2. Have high standards. Don’t just date someone because you don’t want to be alone.

I can’t tell you how many people I know who just “settle” because they hate being alone. If that’s you, why do you hate being alone so much? Don’t you like yourself? You should! You should love being alone because you’re such a cool person. You need to have the mindset that anyone who doesn’t want you is a fool and you wouldn’t want them anyway.

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3. Use this time to learn about yourself.

Often, people use being with others as an escape—an escape from themselves. If you’re with others, then the focus is on them, not you. But how well do you really know yourself? Being single is a precious time that can be used to really get to know and love yourself. So spend the time getting to know you. Discover new things. Work on personal growth.

4. Don’t chase anyone.

And I mean it. Don’t even think about it! If they have to be chased, then they don’t want you. And if they don’t want you, then you shouldn’t want them (see #2). As Maya Angelou says, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” If someone is showing you that they would rather not date you, believe them. Shrug your shoulders and move on. It’s their loss, not yours. No, really—it is.

5. Work on making yourself the kind of person you would want to date.

Jerry McGuire had it wrong. Don’t look for someone to “complete you.” If you need someone to complete you, then you aren’t whole to begin with. Re-read #2 and #3 as often as you need to in order to get that lesson. You want someone to think “Wow! This person is dating ME?!?! I’m the luckiest guy/girl on the planet!” And the right person will.

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6. Learn to love your own company.

You’re awesome! You’re cool! If you don’t believe me, then you are wrong. Everyone is perfect in their own way. The problem is, many people—especially single people—don’t believe it. It’s okay to spend a Saturday night alone with yourself and a movie and a glass of wine. As you do, you should say to yourself what my mother always says, “I wonder what the peasants are doing?” In other words, the “peasants” are anyone who’s not you—because you’re having such a good time by yourself that you don’t need anyone else.

7. There are still good people out there.

Again, don’t buy into the myths that “all the good ones are taken.” Hogwash! You’re not taken, right? Well, I rest my case! If you’re single and available, then not all the good ones are taken. So you just need to get out of your own head and stop believing those lies that society tells you. There are plenty of good eligible singles out there for you to match up with.

8. Uncertainty breeds opportunity.

One of the things that singles don’t like is that they can’t predict the future. Or control it. They think, “Will I be alone forever? Will I be an old maid? Where should I go to meet people?” Lots of people don’t like uncertainty and unanswered questions. But uncertainty brings a ton of opportunity. Your options are endless!! And that’s a good thing! You just need to believe that it is, too.

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9. Focus on what you have, not what you don’t.

This is rule #1 of the Law of Attraction. If you’re not familiar with it, I suggest you read about it. When you focus on the negativity of being single, you are only putting negative vibrations out there to everyone. They will pick up on it. Focus on your great job, wonderful friends, your health, your car, food on your table—you name it. When you focus on the good things, your vibration will change to being positive. Other people will pick up on it and want to be around you even more than they already do.

10. Keep busy with things that make you happy.

Do you like running? Join a running group! Do you love to read? Join a book club! Do you like to go to happy hour with your friends? Do it! The more you keep busy, the less you’ll focus on the negatives of being single (but there really aren’t any negatives—only what you think are negatives). Keep busy and have fun. And who knows who you will meet in the process?

11. You need to love yourself the way you want to be loved by a partner.

If you have been nasty to your partners in past relationships, re-think that! If you’re being nasty to yourself, stop doing that! Love yourself! Treat yourself with kindness and respect. If you want a quality relationship with a person who will treat you well, you need to start doing it yourself.

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12. When you feel lonely, give back to others.

Maybe you’re feeling down on yourself or you’re feeling lonely because haven’t been on a date for a long time. Then try giving back! Volunteer at a homeless shelter or a center for abused women. It always feels good to help others. The more you help others, the better you’ll feel about yourself. And it will also help you not focus on what you “don’t have” quite as much.

13. Be patient.

Perfection takes time! Rome wasn’t built in a day. The Great Pyramids weren’t even built in a century. So if you want greatness, you need to be willing to wait it out! Don’t just settle for whatever comes your way. Make sure that when you choose a partner, that he/she is who really you want. You two should be a good match. If not, you might find yourself having to repeat the process of being single once again. So decide what you want, and have confidence that in time, you will definitely find “the one.”

More by this author

Carol Morgan

Dr. Carol Morgan is the owner of HerSideHisSide.com, a communication professor, dating & relationship coach, TV personality, speaker, and author.

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Last Updated on June 13, 2019

How to Quit Your Boring Life and Start Living an Interesting One

How to Quit Your Boring Life and Start Living an Interesting One

Think you have a boring life?

The definition of boring is dull or not interesting. Maybe you’ve been doing the same thing and living the same life for too long, or maybe your daily routine is limiting your growth and happiness. Whatever your reason is, the following list of 20 things can definitely make any day more interesting. Some of them are silly, while some are more meaningful, so hopefully just reading the list makes your life less boring and sparks your creativity.

Let’s dive in the list to quit your boring life and start living an interesting (and meaning) one!

1. Channel Your 7-Year-Old Self

What would he or she want to do right now? Color? Paint? Run around outside? Play dress up? Eat with your hands? Play that instrument hiding in the back of your closet that you haven’t touched in years?

Just because you’re a grown up doesn’t mean any of this stuff will be less enjoyable than you remember it. Give yourself permission to play.

2. Go Play with Kids

Speaking of little kids, if you have your own or access to any (in a non-creepy way, like they’re your niece or your best friend’s kid, you get the idea) go play with them!

They didn’t create an entire show called Kids Say The Darndest Things because kids aren’t hilarious. They also keep things so simple, and we can really stand to be reminded of this and stop allowing ourselves to get bogged down in boring details.

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3. Order a Hot Dog

While you’re eating it, Google: “What’s in a hot dog?” You decide whether or not you want to finish it.

4. For the Ladies: Wear Your Sexiest Lingerie Under Your Work Clothes

Your “little secret” will leave you feeling anything but boring all day!

5. Play Cell Phone Roulette

You’ll need at least one buddy for this. Scroll through the contacts in your phone, stop on a random one and call the person.

You could spark an incredible catch up session or be incredibly awkward. Neither are boring.

6. Fill out a Pack of Thank-You Cards

Give them to random people who probably don’t get thanked too often for doing what they do ever day.

Ideas: police officers, librarians, servers, baristas, cab drivers, sanitation workers, teachers, people behind any check out counter, receptionists, your friends, the guy at the falafel stand, etc.

7. Sign up for a Class in Something You’ve “Always Wanted to Do”, or Something That Makes You Really Uncomfortable

Ideas: pole dancing, salsa lessons, improv, pottery, cooking, knitting (yup, there are classes for this, too!), karate, boxing, something techy like the workshops they run in Apple stores, get Rosetta Stone and learn that language you’ve always wanted to speak, etc.

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What’s good about joining an interest class is that you will also meet new people!

8. Interview Your Grandparents About Their Lives

You can bet they’ve had some crazy experiences you probably never knew about.

9. Get up on Stage at an Open Mic Night

Whether you’re funny or not, get up on stage and just talk funny. And if you’re not, memorize a few of your favorite jokes and tell those!

10. Do Something for Someone Else That You Wish Someone Would Do for You

We all have a few ideas on this list. I promise you will feel amazing after and anything but bored.

11. Start a DIY Project in Your Home

It doesn’t have to be super complicated. If you need ideas, there’re plenty on Pinterest. Or you can also check out these 30 Awesome DIY Projects that You’ve Never Heard of.

12. Plan a Weekend Trip or an All-Out Vacation

This will give you something to look forward to.

Even if you don’t have the time or money to go on a vacation, plan for a staycation, which is same fun and relaxing!

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13. People Watch

Find a bench in a crowded area (centers of transportation like airports, bus stops and train stations are great for this!) and just observe.

People are infinitely interesting.

14. Eat Something You’ve Never Eaten Before

Bonus points if it’s a random fruit or veggie.

15. Dance

You can get your friends together for a night on the town or just pull up a video on YouTube and bust a move from your own living room.

If you’re feeling extra brave, you can even dance in public and get other people involved.

16. Go to YOUTUBE and Search “Funny Pets” or “Funny Babies”

This is also a great quickie ab workout as you will be laughing hysterically.

17. Pick up a Book and Start Reading

Check out the NY Times Best Sellers lists and grab a new book you can get lost in.

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18. Step Away from the Computer and Go Get Some Time with People You Care About in Real Life

Facebook stalking doesn’t count as real social interaction. You can even share this post with your friends and vote on which one you’d like to do together!

19. Check out a Museum You’ve Never Been to Before

OK, depending on your interests, this one might actually be boring. If you love learning, art or different cultures though, this one is for you!

20. Write a List of Things You Desire and Truly Want

This is a great way to help you figure out the real reason why you’re feeling bored about your life. Maybe you haven’t really done things that you truly enjoy? Maybe what you’ve wanted to do all the time has been left behind?

Think about the list of things you really want to do, and ask yourself why you aren’t doing these things (yet). Then start taking your first step to make what you want happen.

Now go make your life interesting and live your dream life!

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Featured photo credit: Kev Costello via unsplash.com

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