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13 Things I Want To Tell The Single And Unhappy Ones

13 Things I Want To Tell The Single And Unhappy Ones

When did being single become some sort of disease that everyone wants to get rid of? Why does everyone think that being in a relationship or married is superior to being alone? Those are some questions you might want to think about. It’s all about how you look at it. So if you’re single and unhappy, here are 13 things I want to tell you to cheer you up:

1. Things can change. And they will.

I don’t care if you’ve been single for several decades or several days. It can be easy to get down on yourself over the “odds” finding that perfect partner. Don’t let yourself buy into the ridiculous myths like “It’s more likely to get abducted by an alien than it is to get married after 40.” Remember, anything and everything is possible. You just need to get out of your own way and start believing that.

2. Have high standards. Don’t just date someone because you don’t want to be alone.

I can’t tell you how many people I know who just “settle” because they hate being alone. If that’s you, why do you hate being alone so much? Don’t you like yourself? You should! You should love being alone because you’re such a cool person. You need to have the mindset that anyone who doesn’t want you is a fool and you wouldn’t want them anyway.

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3. Use this time to learn about yourself.

Often, people use being with others as an escape—an escape from themselves. If you’re with others, then the focus is on them, not you. But how well do you really know yourself? Being single is a precious time that can be used to really get to know and love yourself. So spend the time getting to know you. Discover new things. Work on personal growth.

4. Don’t chase anyone.

And I mean it. Don’t even think about it! If they have to be chased, then they don’t want you. And if they don’t want you, then you shouldn’t want them (see #2). As Maya Angelou says, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” If someone is showing you that they would rather not date you, believe them. Shrug your shoulders and move on. It’s their loss, not yours. No, really—it is.

5. Work on making yourself the kind of person you would want to date.

Jerry McGuire had it wrong. Don’t look for someone to “complete you.” If you need someone to complete you, then you aren’t whole to begin with. Re-read #2 and #3 as often as you need to in order to get that lesson. You want someone to think “Wow! This person is dating ME?!?! I’m the luckiest guy/girl on the planet!” And the right person will.

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6. Learn to love your own company.

You’re awesome! You’re cool! If you don’t believe me, then you are wrong. Everyone is perfect in their own way. The problem is, many people—especially single people—don’t believe it. It’s okay to spend a Saturday night alone with yourself and a movie and a glass of wine. As you do, you should say to yourself what my mother always says, “I wonder what the peasants are doing?” In other words, the “peasants” are anyone who’s not you—because you’re having such a good time by yourself that you don’t need anyone else.

7. There are still good people out there.

Again, don’t buy into the myths that “all the good ones are taken.” Hogwash! You’re not taken, right? Well, I rest my case! If you’re single and available, then not all the good ones are taken. So you just need to get out of your own head and stop believing those lies that society tells you. There are plenty of good eligible singles out there for you to match up with.

8. Uncertainty breeds opportunity.

One of the things that singles don’t like is that they can’t predict the future. Or control it. They think, “Will I be alone forever? Will I be an old maid? Where should I go to meet people?” Lots of people don’t like uncertainty and unanswered questions. But uncertainty brings a ton of opportunity. Your options are endless!! And that’s a good thing! You just need to believe that it is, too.

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9. Focus on what you have, not what you don’t.

This is rule #1 of the Law of Attraction. If you’re not familiar with it, I suggest you read about it. When you focus on the negativity of being single, you are only putting negative vibrations out there to everyone. They will pick up on it. Focus on your great job, wonderful friends, your health, your car, food on your table—you name it. When you focus on the good things, your vibration will change to being positive. Other people will pick up on it and want to be around you even more than they already do.

10. Keep busy with things that make you happy.

Do you like running? Join a running group! Do you love to read? Join a book club! Do you like to go to happy hour with your friends? Do it! The more you keep busy, the less you’ll focus on the negatives of being single (but there really aren’t any negatives—only what you think are negatives). Keep busy and have fun. And who knows who you will meet in the process?

11. You need to love yourself the way you want to be loved by a partner.

If you have been nasty to your partners in past relationships, re-think that! If you’re being nasty to yourself, stop doing that! Love yourself! Treat yourself with kindness and respect. If you want a quality relationship with a person who will treat you well, you need to start doing it yourself.

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12. When you feel lonely, give back to others.

Maybe you’re feeling down on yourself or you’re feeling lonely because haven’t been on a date for a long time. Then try giving back! Volunteer at a homeless shelter or a center for abused women. It always feels good to help others. The more you help others, the better you’ll feel about yourself. And it will also help you not focus on what you “don’t have” quite as much.

13. Be patient.

Perfection takes time! Rome wasn’t built in a day. The Great Pyramids weren’t even built in a century. So if you want greatness, you need to be willing to wait it out! Don’t just settle for whatever comes your way. Make sure that when you choose a partner, that he/she is who really you want. You two should be a good match. If not, you might find yourself having to repeat the process of being single once again. So decide what you want, and have confidence that in time, you will definitely find “the one.”

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Carol Morgan

Dr. Carol Morgan is the owner of HerSideHisSide.com, a communication professor, dating & relationship coach, TV personality, speaker, and author.

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Last Updated on November 4, 2020

15 Simple Ways To Make Self Improvement That Will Change Your Life

15 Simple Ways To Make Self Improvement That Will Change Your Life

Self-improvement doesn’t have to be big mind-blowing changes; it can actually be simple steps to improve upon what you already have to get you where you want to be.  However, what you will need is consistency, determination and wiliness to try some things that will stretch and challenge you.

Rather than setting your sights way off into the future, which leaves you feeling like you’ll never make it, you can start following these simple and effective self-improvement steps today.  So if you want to make an immediate impact on your life and are willing to take action, then keep reading— you’ll going to love these!

1. Be willing to work hard.

As with anything in life, if you want something, you’ve got to work hard to get it.  This doesn’t mean you burn the candle at both ends, leaving you exhausted and leaving your personal life in ruins.  It merely means that when you want something badly enough, you’ll put in the time to get there.  Action is what’s important here and the more ‘inspired’ the action is, the better the results in the end.

2. Make sure you have friends who you can talk to.

Sharing the load is important as with any self-improvement. If you can communicate with others and get feedback on how you are doing then that’s great.  We all need ‘cheerleaders’ in our corner to keep us going when times get hard, but you also need to have people who will tell you how it is even when you don’t want to hear it.  So make sure you have a good support network around you, especially those people whose opinions you respect.

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3. Adapt to your circumstances rather than over-thinking them.

Sometimes, we can hit a hard period. Perhaps you’ve lost your job or your partner has left you.  Instead of over analyzing the situation, learn to adapt to your circumstances and accept them as they are.  It’s not about making your circumstances into some kind of a drama; remember, what you focus on expands which means you’ll get more of it.  You then don’t become your problems and you’ll feel a lot less burdened by them.

4. Ensure that you use your time wisely.

Time is of the essence, some might say; whilst others will say that time is an illusion.  One thing we do know is that you have one life on this planet, so how you use that time is of the utmost importance.  So how can you use your time wisely? Only you know how to do that, but look at how you currently spend your days: do you sit working all day, get home, eat and then sit slumped in front of the TV for the rest of the evening?  Your time on this earth is precious, so isn’t it time to make use of the time you have left? Try something new, go for a walk, learn a new language or meditate but make sure it’s something you absolutely love.

5. Always be consistent.

A wonderful way to self-improvement is to make changes to how you do things.  For example, with your friends, are you always the unreliable one who bows out of an arrangement just before it happens? Or are you someone who starts a new exercise routine and then stops doing it 3 weeks into it?  Whatever it is and whatever you do, always be consistent. When you make a commitment, stick to it. It will improve your life immeasurably you’ll feel more confident and happier with yourself, especially because you’ll know that whatever you tackle, you’ll be able to consistently do it!

6. Go and find your happy place.

No, I’m not saying “place” as in popping to your local bar or restaurant and gorging yourself on your favorite drinks or food. What I’m saying is to find out what you love to do, what makes you happy and go there.  Your happy place is a place where you find peace, where you lose yourself and feel contented.  Meditation is a great way to find your happy place; it brings you back to you and ensures that you are always living in the present moment.

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7. Make sure you embrace all your emotions.

In life you are going to find that it throws you some difficult challenges, sometimes it will bring out your fears and lead you into uncertainty, and other times it will be joyful.  It’s important to embrace all emotions that come up in your life, embrace them wholeheartedly and understand why they are there and then let them go.  Try not to dismiss or resist them because remember “what you resist, persists,” so embrace them each and every time.

8. Always be prepared to step out of your comfort zone.

The idea of stepping out of your comfort zone for some people can leave you paralyzed with fear; however for any changing in your life, your comfort zone will always have to be stepped out of.  It doesn’t have to be something big, like doing a sky-dive or something just as crazy. However, it’s worthwhile to change something that you’d once have feared, like going to the cinema on your own or eating at a sushi restaurant when the thought of trying raw fish which would normally mean you running for the hills.

So try something new—it doesn’t have to be wacky, but it has to challenge you!

9. Be on hand to help others.

Whether it’s helping a stranger on the street or a family member or a friend helping someone else either in their time of need, lending a helping hand is a wonderful and simple self-improvement to make.  Giving to others is not only beneficial to those you are helping but also to yourself; it can give you a sense of purpose, of contribution and also takes your mind of your own troubles and worries.

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10. Live in the present moment.

A wonderful self-improvement tool is to live in the present moment, to live in the now.  It is within this moment that you’ll appreciate all that you have and see the beauty in the simplest of things.  Being mindful of your current circumstances and bringing your mind back to where it belongs will bring about a happier way of life instead of constant worry or stressing about the past or future—both of which do not exist. Only the present moment exists. When you get used to living that way, you’ll never want to go back!

11. Learn something new.

There is nothing so liberating as learning something new; it can lift both your confidence and self-esteem and give you a great reason to meet new people.  If you continually top up your brain activity by learning something new all the time, you’ll feel on top of your game and want to share the knowledge you have learned. There is nothing quite so empowering as learning a new tool in life that can either improve your circle of friends or raise confidence levels—or both!

Reading is also a great way to help you learn something new:

12. Exercise daily.

This seems an obvious one, but exercise is so important not only to your health but also to your spirit.  We all know that after exercise, the world can feel a brighter and more positive place, so why don’t we do it more often?  Exercise isn’t about getting the perfect body or losing weight; it’s more about feeling good inside and out!  With a healthy body comes a healthy mind—so start something today. Even if it’s just a daily walk, it’s better than staying on that couch, again.

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13. Go to new places, travel a bit.

I’m not saying go fly off to some far away distant forgotten land—although you can if you so wish. It’s more about going to new places and experiencing life outside of your own back yard.  Too many of us stay in one place too often. We only see the same people, the same streets and do the same things each and every day.  If you want to improve your life, get out there and see the world and what it can offer.  You can start by going to a town or city you’ve never been to in your own country and checking out the architecture, the landscapes and the people.  Anything new is good, so get out there!

14. Listen to uplifting music and dance.

If there’s one thing that can really improve your life and get you excited about it, it’s listening to great uplifting music and dancing.  When was the last time you really let go?  Let it all hang loose and got into a piece of music and let yourself go?  Dancing, like exercise, makes you feel great. It releases all kinds of emotions and can make you feel unbelievably good.  Self-improvement isn’t all about the serious stuff; it can be something as simple as finding new music, music that inspires you and makes you dance and have fun!

15. Get up earlier than normal.

This is the last one, and it’s last because it’s one of those self-improvement tips that we all know is a good thing, yet we seem to avoid it at all costs!  If you think about it, the earliest part of the day is when your brain is most active because it’s been turned off for the last 7 hours or so.  So don’t you think it’s best to get all those things above done in the morning?  Things like exercise, meditation and dancing, which can all be done in the first part of the day.  Take it from me: this early morning stuff can really get your day started with a bang!

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Featured photo credit: Laura Chouette via unsplash.com

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