Advertising
Advertising

10 Reasons Why Your Cousins Are Your Best Friends

10 Reasons Why Your Cousins Are Your Best Friends

Growing up, I was good friends with pretty much all of my first cousins, as well as a handful of my second cousins. What makes a cousin a good friend? Well, to put it simply, they are like siblings who you only have to see on holidays and special events, which of course means that you’re never around them enough to get mad at them (we all know how contentious things can get with a brother or sister, no matter how much we love them)! Or to put it in even simpler terms, cousins are like your good friends from school or work, with the only difference being that you share the same blood. Which means that, no matter how different you and your cousin are, you always have something that ties you together. But beyond all of that, what are some of the concrete reasons as to why we grow close to our cousins in the first place? Read on!

1. They make family gatherings enjoyable.

As much as we all love eating our Grandmother’s cooking and deflecting questions from various Aunts and Uncles, what we really enjoy about seeing family is getting to catch up with our cousins. Whether it’s joking about a random subject you came up with, or playing some game on the side, your cousin is always there to help you pass the time.

Advertising

2. You have a long history with them.

This one is very important. Most of us don’t see our cousins on a consistent basis; a product of becoming an adult I suppose. That said, we always have something to talk about regardless of how long it has been since we last saw them. Indeed, I have memories with most of my cousins that date back to when I was 4 or 5 years old, and thus, when in doubt, we can always talk about those past adventures!

3. They don’t pry.

While your Aunt and Uncle might feel the need to ask you about your future, your current job, and your hypothetical girlfriend, your cousins know to stay away from topics that make you uncomfortable. That’s what is great about cousins. You know them well enough to be able to spend a lot of time with them, but not enough to feel obligated to pry into every aspect of their lives.

Advertising

4. They teach you about the opposite gender.

For the majority of the time that I was in school, all of my friends were guys, and so by having several female cousins I really got to see what the other side was all about. I like to think that this has made me a well-balanced individual!

5. There is no uncomfortable silence.

Ever been in a long road trip with an acquaintance? It is absolutely unbearable. When you’re with a cousin, you can either talk a lot or a little, and nobody will ask questions or get uncomfortable either way.

Advertising

6. You share the same inside jokes.

Yeah, so you thought you were the only one who joked about Uncle John’s funny laugh, or Grandma Jane’s “interesting” sense of style? Wrong! Your cousin likely already thought of the same things. The sooner you both come to that realization, the sooner you can start laughing at your shared observations.

7. They know about your embarrassing moments.

I can’t tell you how many times my cousins poke fun at me for some of my youthful foibles (hint: too many to count). That said, calling out each other’s ridiculous childhood moments only brings you closer together. No matter how serious and adult-like you and your cousins become, you can always bring each other back down to earth with a little lighthearted jab…

Advertising

8. They never abandon you.

While your friends might grow distant to the point that they stop hanging out with you, your cousins will never leave you behind. They’ll be with you for the long haul, always there to save you from awkward conversations and other miserable familial situations when you need them.

9. You can talk about the future with them.

You know that moment when you are at a family party and you and the other young people are at one table, and the older people are at another? Of course you do. During those moments, there’s always one cousin who turns to you, points at the other table, and says, “wow, that’s going to be us in twenty years!” It’s at that point that you realize how intertwined your futures are. To me at least, that’s a pretty cool thing to think about.

10. You don’t have to impress them.

When you’re with cousins, you get to be buddies with them without the added social pressure that comes with hanging out with non-family members. That means you can forgo the makeup, pause your kale-based diet, leave your face unshaven, and forget about having to do anything fancy with your hair. Let it all go! With your cousin, all that matters is your presence. And if that doesn’t signify true friendship, I don’t know what does! Are you best friends with your cousins? Share your stories in the comments below!

Featured photo credit: Laughter/ Becca Peterson via flickr.com

More by this author

5 Reasons Why Overusing Hand Sanitizer Isn’t Good For You 5 Life Lessons I Learned From Dean Winchester 10 Best Online Shopping Sites I Wish I Knew Earlier 10 Reasons Why Dogs Are Man’s Best Friend 30 Incredible Things Your iPhone Can Do

Trending in Communication

1 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples 2 Take Back Your Personal Power (Part 1) 3 Take Back Your Personal Power (Part 2) 4 When You Start to Let Go of Your Past, These 10 Things Will Happen 5 How to Learn to Let Go of What You Can’t Control

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on January 24, 2021

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

Do you say yes so often that you no longer feel that your own needs are being met? Are you wondering how to say no to people?

For years, I was a serial people pleaser[1]. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time, especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

It took a long while, but I learned the art of saying no. Saying no meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. When that happened, I became a lot happier.

And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

The Importance of Saying No

When you learn the art of saying no, you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey, considered one of the most successful women in the world, confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything.

Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

Warren Buffett views “no” as essential to his success. He said:

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

When I made “no” a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success, focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say no.

From an early age, we are conditioned to say yes. We said yes probably hundreds of times in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work, to get a promotion, to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

We say yes because we feel good when we help someone, because it can seem like the right thing to do, because we think that is key to success, and because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist.

And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

Advertising

At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we are feeling bad that we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

The message, no matter where we turn, is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

How Do You Say No Without Feeling Guilty?

Deciding to add the word “no” to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say no, but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of no that you could finally create more time for things you care about.

But let’s be honest, using the word “no” doesn’t come easily for many people.

3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time, especially you haven’t done it much in the past, will feel awkward. Your comfort zone is “yes,” so it’s time to challenge that and step outside that.

If you need help getting out of your comfort zone, check out this article.

2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

When you want to learn how to say no, remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it: who else knows about all of the demands in your life? No one.

Only you are at the center of all of these requests. You are the only one that understands what time you really have.

3. Saying No Means Saying Yes to Something That Matters

When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else that we may care more about. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

6 Ways to Start Saying No

Incorporating that little word “no” into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

Advertising

1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

One of the biggest challenges to saying no is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no will reflect poorly on you?

Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because of FOMO, even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better[2].

3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say No

Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say yes because we worry about how others will respond or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose their respect. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

Keep in mind that saying no can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way.

You might disappoint someone initially, but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to. And it will often help others have more respect for you and your boundaries, not less.

4. When the Request Comes in, Sit on It

Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say no. There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

5. Communicate Your “No” with Transparency and Kindness

When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest[3] to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

Advertising

How do you say no? 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

    Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

    Clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

    6. Consider How to Use a Modified No

    If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” as this will give you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

    Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task, but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

    Final Thoughts

    Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

    Use the request as a way to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself.

    Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project, but not by working all weekend. You’ll find yourself much happier.

    More Tips on How to Say No

    Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

    Reference

    [1] Science of People: 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You
    [2] Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Tips to Get Over Your FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out
    [3] Cooks Hill Counseling: 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

    Read Next