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The Less You Care, The Simpler And Better Your Life Will Be

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The Less You Care, The Simpler And Better Your Life Will Be

Let’s be honest. Life can be complicated most of the time. At its worse, it’s stressful, exhausting, and difficult to understand. Granted, this isn’t the absolute rule, but chances are you can relate to this. Think about how you spend your typical day. Is it happy-go-lucky and carefree or do you feel pressure most of the time? How many decisions are you faced with on a daily basis? Do you stress about every single one of them?

It’s time to take control of your life! You deserve better. Nobody should have a complicated, stressful life when it isn’t necessary. If you accept that you deserve better, that you shouldn’t stress needlessly, your life will take on a more simplistic and more enjoyable aspect. So, what can you do to take control of your life and stop stressing? Take a look below.

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“Care less and you’ll stress less.”

The trick to living a simpler and better life has nothing to do with thinking positively, with smiling, or with meditating. Don’t expect that sort of advice here. Self-love means caring about yourself. The truth is, if you want self improvement and happiness in your life you need to have the confidence to stop caring about so many little things.

You’re probably thinking that this sounds like the opposite of everything you’ve ever heard and you’re right. Author Mark Manson writes about this concept in his book. There are only so many things in life that you can possibly care about. Stop caring about the things that don’t matter.

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“Going back to a simpler life is not a step backward.” – Yvon Chouinard

Think about all of those so-called stressful decisions you make every day. Really think about them. Is your happiness truly bound to finding the perfect dress, taking a better vacation than your friends, or even buying the latest cell phone? No, it isn’t.

In your quest for self improvement, have the confidence to reassess your decisions- to decide for yourself what is important and what isn’t. Self-love is not about making sure you have the best of everything that the market offers, so why are you made to feel this way? One quote from Mark Manson’s book explains it perfectly, because caring a lot “about more stuff is good for business.”

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“It’s only by saying ‘no’ that you can concentrate on the things that are really important.”- Steve Jobs

How do you follow this advice? How do you stop caring about the things that don’t matter much? Turns out, finding happiness through a simpler life is all about saying, “No”. Focus on your relationship with yourself. Look deep down inside of yourself, find the magic word, and make it part of your daily communication. Try saying “no” to everything, with some very carefully-considered exceptions.  You’ll find that your life becomes much simpler after employing this practice.

“Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects.” – Dalai Lama

Happiness comes from living a simpler life. As you work toward achieving this goal, remember that every decision you make has a consequence. Caring about fewer things and saying “no” more often does not mean that you should not practice kindness. Living more intentionally is just the opposite. Plan out your life, but know that everything you do will affect someone else. Your power to change somebody’s life is in your communication, your actions, and your decisions. Incorporate simple changes in your life that promote kindness. Remember, simply smiling at a stranger could be enough to change their entire day.

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By caring less, learning to say no, and incorporating more kindness into your daily life, you’ll be well on your way to a simpler and better life.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via pexels.com

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Amber Pariona

EFL Teacher, Lifehack Writer, English/Spanish Translator, MPA

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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