“Care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner.” – Lao Tzu
People who succeed in life generally have one thing in common. They have the uncanny ability to tune out the noise of the Could’s, Would’s and Should’s of external opinion; focusing instead on steering the wheel of their own lives. Listening to other people tell you how to live your life might feel reassuring at the time, but rest assured it is a road to nowhere. They don’t know what it really feels like to be you. They don’t know your emotional make-up, what makes you tick, your hopes or your fears. So why place any type of life decision into the hands of anyone else but you?
Here are 10 reasons why people who march to the beat of their own drum are more likely to court success:Advertising
1. They understand that advice is good, but not everything.
One important thing that successful people seem to intuitively understand is that any advice proffered should be taken with a pinch of salt. A sound piece of astute business advice can be a wonderful thing, especially when received in the midst of launching a newly burgeoning business. The power of someone else’s experience should never be underestimated and might just save you from making an expensive mistake.
But those that climb to the pinnacles of their career also understand that it’s important to put any advice received into context. They listen to their gut, if the advice resonates with them they tend to go for it. If not, they say thanks but no thanks.
2. They know the importance of tuning out the noise
Those that succeed have learnt to turn down the volume of other people’s opinions and tune into their inner dialogue instead. Whilst friends or family might be coming from a good place with their concern for the risks you are choosing to take, listening to any echoes of doubt is just not helpful. The importance of tuning into your own inner voice should never be underestimated.Advertising
Perhaps Steve Jobs said it best when he said; “Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice.”
3. They also know the importance of turning within
At the end of the day, only you know what really works for you. Everyone else might have an opinion, that doesn’t mean you have to listen to it. Listen to yourself instead. You are the only one that possesses an intimate knowledge of what works for you, how much risk you feel comfortable with, how far you like to push yourself. Tuning within ensures you climb the rungs of your own ladder of success, not someone else’s.
4. They understand the difference between being respected and being liked
People who succeed in life pointedly distinguish between approval and respect. They understand that being liked by each and every one is not only impossible but completely futile; therefore their resolve to be treated with dignity and respect is uncompromising. As they navigate their career path, they are simply not interested in winning any popularity contests. Their goal is to be emphatic and self-assured, but not aggressive, and the byproduct of this type of behavior is that people respect them for it.Advertising
5. They know that chasing approval is a waste of energy
Here’s the thing about being liked by everyone; much like a dog chasing its own tail, it’s a complete waste of time and energy. There are some people in life who, no matter what you do, will simply not like you. It’s a sad reality but in accepting that chasing approval leads you nowhere, it can also set you free. At the end of the day, the only acceptance we should be chasing is self-acceptance.
6. They appreciate the fact that you can’t control someone else’s opinion
Let’s face it, everyone has an opinion. But those that succeed know that they have a choice as to whether they choose to listen or not. They understand that people hold steadfastly onto their opinions and sometimes there is nothing you can do to change their mind. As a result they don’t waste their time trying and instead focus on the one opinion that matters the most, their own.
7. They are aware that the need for approval kills freedom
People who succeed in life have a deep understanding that in seeking someone else’s approval, they are effectively becoming their prisoner. In choosing not to mold themselves into a shape of someone else’s making, they are effectively removing any barriers to accomplishing their goals. When the motivation behind any decision or action doesn’t come from a need to please but from an individual desire, the need for constant reassurance falls away.Advertising
8. They have a sound sense of self-acceptance
Choosing not to listen to other people is no easy endeavor yet successful people appreciate that in order to bypass the court of public opinion one attribute is required. Self-acceptance. Carving out an individualistic path in the world is not easy, but if there is a foundation of self-acceptance, it can make the journey more meaningful. In accepting themselves for who they are, warts and all, the self-destructive patterns fall away.
9. They trust their ability to make decisions
With self-acceptance comes self-trust and this leads successful people to be able to firm in their decisive capacity and trust in the outcome. One of the main attributes to running a successful business or successful life is the ability to comprehend any risks involved in a certain matter and then make a calculated decision. Those that succeed appreciate that self-doubt can be incredibly destructive and lead to second-guessing. In reaching a place where they feel comfortable listening to their gut reaction and acting accordingly, this removes one of the main barriers to success, indecisiveness.
10. They don’t let small minds convince them their dreams are too big
Here’s the thing about small minds, they all come from the same place: fear. And so in choosing not to listen to a small minded person verbally dismantle your dreams you are choosing not to associate yourself with fear based thoughts. Whilst friends and family might have your best interests at heart, if they are coming from a place of fear, whatever they say will leave a residual seed of doubt. People who achieve success in life understand this and surround themselves with people that inspire them to be the best they can be.
Featured photo credit: pretty sad hipster girl. black and white photo via shutterstock.com
Last Updated on July 16, 2019
7 Ways to Get Rid of Negative Energy and Become Positive
Negativity affects ourselves and everyone around us. It limits our potential to become something great and live a fulfilling, purposeful life. Negativity has a tangible effect on our health, too. Research has shown that people who cultivate negative energy experience more stress, more sickness, and less opportunity over the course of their lives than those who choose to live positively.
When we make a decision to become positive, and follow that decision up with action, we will begin to encounter situations and people that are also positive. The negative energy gets edged out by all positive experiences. It’s a snowball effect.
Although negative and positive thoughts will always exist, the key to becoming positive is to limit the amount of negativity that we experience by filling ourselves up with more positivity.
Here are some ways to get rid of negativity and become more positive.
1. Become Grateful for Everything
When life is all about us, it’s easy to believe that we deserve what we have. An attitude of entitlement puts us at the center of the universe and sets up the unrealistic expectation that others should cater to us, our needs, and our wants. This vain state of existence is a surefire way to set yourself up for an unfulfilled life of negativity.
People living in this sort of entitlement are “energy suckers”–they are always searching for what they can get out of a situation. People that don’t appreciate the nuances of their lives live in a constant state of lacking. And it’s really difficult to live a positive life this way.
When we begin to be grateful and appreciate everything in our lives–from the small struggles that make us better, to the car that gets us from A to B every day–we shift our attitude from one of selfishness, to one of appreciation. This appreciation gets noticed by others, and a positive harmony begins to form in our relationships.
We begin to receive more of that which we are grateful for, because we’ve opened ourselves up to the idea of receiving, instead of taking. This will make your life more fulfilling, and more positive.
2. Laugh More, Especially at Yourself
Life gets busy, our schedules fill up, we get into relationships, and work can feel task oriented and routine-driven at times. Being human can feel more like being a robot. But having this work-driven, serious attitude often results in negative and performance oriented thinking.
Becoming positive means taking life less seriously and letting yourself off the hook. This is the only life that you get to live, why not lighten up your mood?
Laughter helps us become positive by lightening our mood and reminding us not to take life so seriously. Are you sensitive to light sarcasm? Do you have trouble laughing at jokes? Usually, people who are stressed out and overly serious get most offended by sarcasm because their life is all work and no play.
If we can learn to laugh at ourselves and our mistakes, life will become more of an experiment in finding out what makes us happy. And finding happiness means finding positivity.
3. Help Others
Negativity goes hand in hand with selfishness. People that live only for themselves have no higher purpose in their lives. If the whole point of this world is only to take care of yourself and no one else, the road to a long-term fulfillment and purpose is going to be a long one.
Positivity accompanies purpose. The most basic way to create purpose and positivity in your life is to begin doing things for others. Start small; open the door for the person in front of you at Starbucks or ask someone how their day was before telling them about yours.
Helping others will give you an intangible sense of value that will translate into positivity. And people might just appreciate you in the process.
4. Change Your Thinking
We can either be our best coach or our best enemy. Change starts from within. If you want to become more positive, change the wording of your thoughts. We are the hardest on ourselves, and a stream of negative self talk is corrosive to a positive life.
The next time you have a negative thought, write it down and rephrase it with a positive spin. For example, change a thought like, “I can’t believe I did so horribly on the test–I suck.” to “I didn’t do as well as I hoped to on this test. But I know I’m capable and I’ll do better next time.”
Changing our self-talk is powerful.
5. Surround Yourself with Positive People
We become most like the people that we surround ourselves with. If our friend group is full of negative energy-suckers and drama queens, we will emulate that behavior and become like them. It is very difficult to become more positive when the people around us don’t support or demonstrate positive behavior.
As you become more positive, you’ll find that your existing friends will either appreciate the new you or they will become resistant to your positive changes. This is a natural response.
Change is scary; but cutting out the negative people in your life is a huge step to becoming more positive. Positive people reflect and bounce their perspectives onto one another. Positivity is a step-by-step process when you do it solo, but a positive group of friends can be an escalator.
6. Get into Action
Negative thoughts can be overwhelming and challenging to navigate. Negativity is usually accompanied by a “freak-out” response, especially when tied to relationships, people and to worrying about the future. This is debilitating to becoming positive and usually snowballs into more worry, more stress and more freak-outs.
Turn the negative stress into positive action. The next time you’re in one of these situations, walk away and take a break. With your eyes closed, take a few deep breaths. Once you’re calm, approach the situation or problem with a pen and pad of paper. Write out four or five actions or solutions to begin solving the problem.
Taking yourself out of the emotionally charged negative by moving into the action-oriented positive will help you solve more problems rationally and live in positivity
7. Take Full Responsibility, Stop Being the Victim
You are responsible for your thoughts.
People that consistently believe that things happen to them handicap themselves to a victim mentality. This is a subtle and deceptive negative thought pattern. Phrases like “I have to work” or “I can’t believe he did that to me” are indicators of a victim mentality. Blaming circumstances and blaming others only handicaps our decision to change something negative into something positive.
Taking full responsibility for your life, your thoughts and your actions is one of the biggest steps in creating a more positive life. We have unlimited potential within to create our own reality, change our life, and change our thoughts. When we begin to really internalize this, we discover that no one can make us feel or do anything. We choose our emotional and behavioral response to people and circumstances.
Make positive choices in favor of yourself.
“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny” ― Lao Tzu
More About Positivity
- 15 Ways to Practice Positive Self-Talk for Success
- 10 Simple Ways To Make Positive Thinking Your Habit
- 10 Reasons Why You Should Avoid Negative People
Featured photo credit: Brooke Cagle via unsplash.com