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10 Reasons To Let Go Of People Who Choose To Leave Your Life

10 Reasons To Let Go Of People Who Choose To Leave Your Life

Why is it so much easier to let go of people we chose to let go of, but find it so much harder to let go of people who chose to leave our lives? Could it be something to do with the fact, that when we make that decision, we are in control, but that control is taken from us by another when they go, and there is little we can do about it?

Lets break things down a little and look at the reasons first why we need to let go of people and secondly why people chose to leave our life in the first place.

1. Because it is not always about us.

Sometimes it is about them, when they walk out, and what they need to get from life and for their personal happiness and well being. We are not center of the universe for anyone’s life except our own!

We all want different things in our lives no matter how compatible we may be, or how well we get on. When someone recognizes a strong need or desire that grows, or doesn’t fade, and they feel they cannot fulfill that passion or desire they have, while being with you, then they must ultimately leave or  live resenting you.

Is that what you really want for you or for them? Do you now see why you need to let go of people who chose to leave your life?

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Sometimes it may be a new career, a place they have always wanted to live, something they want to do, but to do it alone and not have to commit to a time frame or to being with a person. This really is about them and not you, so let them go, so they can be fulfilled. Go find something that will fire you up and inspire you in the same way.

2. Because some relationships are toxic.

Can I put it any more simply than that? It will either be detrimental for one person (you) even if you were prepared to hang in there, keep hoping that things would change, or was it detrimental for the other person and they  realized that and left.

Or was your relationship detrimental for both parties? Where any part of a relationship is toxic, it is not a good place to be for either person. Being with a manipulative, controlling, jealous or abusive partner are examples of a toxic relationship.

Don’t expect them to change and stop making excuses for them. It doesn’t change a thing. Let them go.

On the other hand if you were accused of being the toxic component of your relationship, then again just let them go, and use that time wisely to reflect on why you may need help, to resolve any issues you are going through.

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3. Because some people will do what they want whenever they want.

They won’t cast you a second thought. Call them what ever names you want but I doubt they will care. Yes, some people will never change. They may have promised to change or may have had no interest in changing. After all they think they are perfect, so why suffer with someone who will never see you as someone of any significance?

Their ego and degree of self importance blinded them to your pain and suffering. Have you waited up for them to come home, did they ignore you or belittle you, did they forget your birthday, to take you out? Was your relationship very one sided and all about them and they decided to leave you for someone else without casting a thought your way? If so, let go, breathe a sigh of relief, you had a lucky escape. Count your blessings. It is no loss!

4. Because maybe you have driven them away.

Have you changed? Has something happened? Did you miss the signals or alarm bells going off? Were they trying to tell you something? Did they act differently? Only you can answer this, or if you find it too difficult, confide in someone whose opinion you respect, but may not always like! You deserve an honest answer before you can make peace and get some closure.

5. Because sometimes you just have to recognize that it was only you trying to make things work.

Maybe they found what they were looking for elsewhere and you no longer met their expectations. You were surplus to their requirements, they lost interest. I know this can be devastating and hard to face, but is that possibly what happened? Sometimes we try so hard to meet all the expectations of another, but it is unsustainable and exhausting.

You tried to look perfect, smart, cool, try to really fit in to the other persons life, interests and hobbies but there is no guarantee that they would stay.  Maybe they are so fickle, they will continue to float between people, not quite sure what they really need or what they are looking for. Do you really want to be with someone like this?

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6. Because sometimes letting go of someone is kinder than holding someone back.

Yes, sometimes letting someone go is the kindest thing to do. Are you now free to do the things you always wanted to do, are you no longer held back from doing something you have been putting off or felt unable to do before this?

Alternatively maybe that is why someone left because they felt held back and stagnant in an aspect of their life that was making them very unhappy, so unhappy they had to do something. That something was walking out on you no matter how hard that was for either or both of you.

7. Because you have become too dependent.

Did you lose yourself along the way and become too dependent on this person and you craved being with them and having them around you and they recognized this and feel trapped, stifled and wanted out! Were you less independent since you have been together, did you have greater expectations from the other person? Did they see you as needy, clingy, vulnerable and perhaps a bit demanding?

8. Because together you no longer worked.

You constantly argued and underlying resentment and hostility built up. You either didn’t want to acknowledge it or keep thinking it would get better but the other person decided to get out first but you still find it hard to let go.

9. Because the trust has simply gone.

It is very hard to turn back the clock and if significant trust has been broken by either party, being in a relationship will become unsustainable when one person has had enough and isn’t going to work at the relationship any longer. Where someone chooses to leave your life, let them go, learn and build yourself up again. Take what was best from the relationship so you don’t become cynical but learn also from what went wrong.

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10. Because your relationship was all about control.

Lets face it, this was not a healthy relationship to be in. Looking back, is it possible you were being controlled by the other person or were you trying to call all the shots?  Either way, there are no real winners and regardless of who left, it was not a recipe for success. Going forward neither person would be happy.

I know the above may be hard to take in, process and work through. What I find helps in very troubling situations is the Serenity Prayer. Look it up and keep repeating it when you find yourself dwelling on why someone left and finding it hard to let them go. If this does not work or if it is not something you are interested in pursuing, then I leave you with the following:

“There comes a point in your life when you realize:
Who matters,
Who never did,
Who won’t anymore,
And who always will.
So, don’t worry about people from your past, there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.”
― Adam Lindsay Gordon

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Last Updated on May 17, 2019

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

The pursuit of worthwhile goals is a part of what makes life enjoyable. Being able to set a goal, then see yourself progress towards achieving that goal is an amazing feeling.

But do you know the biggest obstacle for most people trying to achieve their goals, the silent dream killer that stops people before they ever even get started? That obstacle is the comfort zone, and getting stuck there is bound to derail any efforts you make towards achieving the goals you’ve set for yourself.

If you want to achieve those goals, you’ll have to break free from your comfort zone. Let’s take a look at how your life will change once you build up the courage to leave your comfort zone.

What Is the Comfort Zone?

The comfort zone is defined as “a behavioural state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.”

What stands out to me the most about that definition is the last part: “using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.” How many successful people do you know who deliver a steady level of performance?

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The goal in life is to continually challenge yourself, and continually improve yourself. And in order to do that, you have move out of your comfort zone. But once you do, your life will start to change in ways you could never have imagined. I know because it’s happening right now in my own life.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

1. You will be scared

Leaving your comfort zone isn’t easy. In fact, in can be downright terrifying at times, and that’s okay. It’s perfectly normal to feel a little trepidation when you’re embarking on a journey that forces you to try new things.

So don’t freak out or get overwhelmed when you feel yourself getting a little scared. It’s perfectly normal and all part of the process. What’s important is that you don’t let that fear hold you back. You must continue to take action in the face of fear.

That’s what separates winners from losers.

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2. You will fail

Stepping out of your comfort zone means you’re moving into uncharted territory. You’re trying things that you’ve never tried before, and learning things you’ve never learned before.

That steep learning curve means you’re not going to get everything right the first time, and you will eventually fail when you move out of your comfort zone. But as long as the failures aren’t catastrophic, it can actually be a good thing to fail because …

3. You will learn

Failure is the best teacher. I’ve learned more from each one of my failures than I have from each one of my successes. When you fail small, and fail often, you rapidly increase the rate at which you learn new insights and skills. And that new knowledge, if applied correctly, will eventually lead to your success.

4. You will see yourself in a different way

Once you move out of your comfort zone, you immediately prove to yourself that you’re capable of achieving more than you thought was possible. And that will change the way you see yourself.

Moving forward, you’ll have more confidence in yourself whenever you step out of your comfort zone, and that increased confidence will make it more likely that you continue to step outside your comfort zone. And each time you do, you’ll prove to yourself again and again what you’re really capable of.

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5. Your peers will see you in a different way

Whether we want to admit or not, people judge other people. And right now, people view you in a certain way, and they have a certain idea of what you’re capable of. That’s because they’ve become accustomed to seeing you operate in your comfort zone.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you’ll prove to other people, as well, that you’re capable of much more than you’ve shown in the past.

The increased confidence other people place in you will bring about more opportunities than ever before.

6. Your comfort zone will expand

The good thing about the comfort zone is that it’s flexible and malleable. With each action you take outside of your comfort zone, it expands. And once you master that new skill or action, it eventually becomes part of your comfort zone.

This is great news for you because it means that you can constantly increase and improve upon the behaviors that you’re comfortable with. And the more tools and skills you have at your disposal, the easier it will be to achieve your goals.

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7. You will increase your concentration and focus

When you’re living inside of your comfort zone, the bulk of your actions are habitual: automatic, subconscious, and requiring limited focus.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you no longer rely on those habitual responses. You’re forced to concentrate and focus on the new action in a way you never do in your comfort zone.

8. You will develop new skills

Moving out of your comfort zone requires that you develop new skills. One of the many benefits you’ll experience is that you’ll be stepping away from the “limited set of behaviors” and start to develop your ability and expertise in new areas.

Living inside of your comfort zone only requires a limited skill set, and those skills won’t contribute much to your success. Once you can confidently step outside of your comfort zone and learn a new skill, there’s no limit to how much you can achieve.

9. You will achieve more than before

With everything that happens once you move out of your comfort zone, you’re naturally going to achieve more than ever before.

Your increased concentration and focus will help you develop new skills. Those new skills will change the way you see yourself, encouraging you to step even further out of your comfort zone.

Featured photo credit: Josef Grunig via farm3.staticflickr.com

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