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Last Updated on January 10, 2018

10 Reasons To Let Go Of People Who Choose To Leave Your Life

10 Reasons To Let Go Of People Who Choose To Leave Your Life

Why is it so much easier to let go of people we chose to let go of, but find it so much harder to let go of people who chose to leave our lives? Could it be something to do with the fact, that when we make that decision, we are in control, but that control is taken from us by another when they go, and there is little we can do about it?

Lets break things down a little and look at the reasons first why we need to let go of people and secondly why people chose to leave our life in the first place.

1. Because it is not always about us.

Sometimes it is about them, when they walk out, and what they need to get from life and for their personal happiness and well being. We are not center of the universe for anyone’s life except our own!

We all want different things in our lives no matter how compatible we may be, or how well we get on. When someone recognizes a strong need or desire that grows, or doesn’t fade, and they feel they cannot fulfill that passion or desire they have, while being with you, then they must ultimately leave or  live resenting you.

Is that what you really want for you or for them? Do you now see why you need to let go of people who chose to leave your life?

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Sometimes it may be a new career, a place they have always wanted to live, something they want to do, but to do it alone and not have to commit to a time frame or to being with a person. This really is about them and not you, so let them go, so they can be fulfilled. Go find something that will fire you up and inspire you in the same way.

2. Because some relationships are toxic.

Can I put it any more simply than that? It will either be detrimental for one person (you) even if you were prepared to hang in there, keep hoping that things would change, or was it detrimental for the other person and they  realized that and left.

Or was your relationship detrimental for both parties? Where any part of a relationship is toxic, it is not a good place to be for either person. Being with a manipulative, controlling, jealous or abusive partner are examples of a toxic relationship.

Don’t expect them to change and stop making excuses for them. It doesn’t change a thing. Let them go.

On the other hand if you were accused of being the toxic component of your relationship, then again just let them go, and use that time wisely to reflect on why you may need help, to resolve any issues you are going through.

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3. Because some people will do what they want whenever they want.

They won’t cast you a second thought. Call them what ever names you want but I doubt they will care. Yes, some people will never change. They may have promised to change or may have had no interest in changing. After all they think they are perfect, so why suffer with someone who will never see you as someone of any significance?

Their ego and degree of self importance blinded them to your pain and suffering. Have you waited up for them to come home, did they ignore you or belittle you, did they forget your birthday, to take you out? Was your relationship very one sided and all about them and they decided to leave you for someone else without casting a thought your way? If so, let go, breathe a sigh of relief, you had a lucky escape. Count your blessings. It is no loss!

4. Because maybe you have driven them away.

Have you changed? Has something happened? Did you miss the signals or alarm bells going off? Were they trying to tell you something? Did they act differently? Only you can answer this, or if you find it too difficult, confide in someone whose opinion you respect, but may not always like! You deserve an honest answer before you can make peace and get some closure.

5. Because sometimes you just have to recognize that it was only you trying to make things work.

Maybe they found what they were looking for elsewhere and you no longer met their expectations. You were surplus to their requirements, they lost interest. I know this can be devastating and hard to face, but is that possibly what happened? Sometimes we try so hard to meet all the expectations of another, but it is unsustainable and exhausting.

You tried to look perfect, smart, cool, try to really fit in to the other persons life, interests and hobbies but there is no guarantee that they would stay.  Maybe they are so fickle, they will continue to float between people, not quite sure what they really need or what they are looking for. Do you really want to be with someone like this?

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6. Because sometimes letting go of someone is kinder than holding someone back.

Yes, sometimes letting someone go is the kindest thing to do. Are you now free to do the things you always wanted to do, are you no longer held back from doing something you have been putting off or felt unable to do before this?

Alternatively maybe that is why someone left because they felt held back and stagnant in an aspect of their life that was making them very unhappy, so unhappy they had to do something. That something was walking out on you no matter how hard that was for either or both of you.

7. Because you have become too dependent.

Did you lose yourself along the way and become too dependent on this person and you craved being with them and having them around you and they recognized this and feel trapped, stifled and wanted out! Were you less independent since you have been together, did you have greater expectations from the other person? Did they see you as needy, clingy, vulnerable and perhaps a bit demanding?

8. Because together you no longer worked.

You constantly argued and underlying resentment and hostility built up. You either didn’t want to acknowledge it or keep thinking it would get better but the other person decided to get out first but you still find it hard to let go.

9. Because the trust has simply gone.

It is very hard to turn back the clock and if significant trust has been broken by either party, being in a relationship will become unsustainable when one person has had enough and isn’t going to work at the relationship any longer. Where someone chooses to leave your life, let them go, learn and build yourself up again. Take what was best from the relationship so you don’t become cynical but learn also from what went wrong.

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10. Because your relationship was all about control.

Lets face it, this was not a healthy relationship to be in. Looking back, is it possible you were being controlled by the other person or were you trying to call all the shots?  Either way, there are no real winners and regardless of who left, it was not a recipe for success. Going forward neither person would be happy.

I know the above may be hard to take in, process and work through. What I find helps in very troubling situations is the Serenity Prayer. Look it up and keep repeating it when you find yourself dwelling on why someone left and finding it hard to let them go. If this does not work or if it is not something you are interested in pursuing, then I leave you with the following:

“There comes a point in your life when you realize:
Who matters,
Who never did,
Who won’t anymore,
And who always will.
So, don’t worry about people from your past, there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.”
― Adam Lindsay Gordon

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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