Advertising
Advertising

10 Reasons To Let Go Of People Who Choose To Leave Your Life

10 Reasons To Let Go Of People Who Choose To Leave Your Life

Why is it so much easier to let go of people we chose to let go of, but find it so much harder to let go of people who chose to leave our lives? Could it be something to do with the fact, that when we make that decision, we are in control, but that control is taken from us by another when they go, and there is little we can do about it?

Lets break things down a little and look at the reasons first why we need to let go of people and secondly why people chose to leave our life in the first place.

1. Because it is not always about us.

Sometimes it is about them, when they walk out, and what they need to get from life and for their personal happiness and well being. We are not center of the universe for anyone’s life except our own!

We all want different things in our lives no matter how compatible we may be, or how well we get on. When someone recognizes a strong need or desire that grows, or doesn’t fade, and they feel they cannot fulfill that passion or desire they have, while being with you, then they must ultimately leave or  live resenting you.

Is that what you really want for you or for them? Do you now see why you need to let go of people who chose to leave your life?

Advertising

Sometimes it may be a new career, a place they have always wanted to live, something they want to do, but to do it alone and not have to commit to a time frame or to being with a person. This really is about them and not you, so let them go, so they can be fulfilled. Go find something that will fire you up and inspire you in the same way.

2. Because some relationships are toxic.

Can I put it any more simply than that? It will either be detrimental for one person (you) even if you were prepared to hang in there, keep hoping that things would change, or was it detrimental for the other person and they  realized that and left.

Or was your relationship detrimental for both parties? Where any part of a relationship is toxic, it is not a good place to be for either person. Being with a manipulative, controlling, jealous or abusive partner are examples of a toxic relationship.

Don’t expect them to change and stop making excuses for them. It doesn’t change a thing. Let them go.

On the other hand if you were accused of being the toxic component of your relationship, then again just let them go, and use that time wisely to reflect on why you may need help, to resolve any issues you are going through.

Advertising

3. Because some people will do what they want whenever they want.

They won’t cast you a second thought. Call them what ever names you want but I doubt they will care. Yes, some people will never change. They may have promised to change or may have had no interest in changing. After all they think they are perfect, so why suffer with someone who will never see you as someone of any significance?

Their ego and degree of self importance blinded them to your pain and suffering. Have you waited up for them to come home, did they ignore you or belittle you, did they forget your birthday, to take you out? Was your relationship very one sided and all about them and they decided to leave you for someone else without casting a thought your way? If so, let go, breathe a sigh of relief, you had a lucky escape. Count your blessings. It is no loss!

4. Because maybe you have driven them away.

Have you changed? Has something happened? Did you miss the signals or alarm bells going off? Were they trying to tell you something? Did they act differently? Only you can answer this, or if you find it too difficult, confide in someone whose opinion you respect, but may not always like! You deserve an honest answer before you can make peace and get some closure.

5. Because sometimes you just have to recognize that it was only you trying to make things work.

Maybe they found what they were looking for elsewhere and you no longer met their expectations. You were surplus to their requirements, they lost interest. I know this can be devastating and hard to face, but is that possibly what happened? Sometimes we try so hard to meet all the expectations of another, but it is unsustainable and exhausting.

You tried to look perfect, smart, cool, try to really fit in to the other persons life, interests and hobbies but there is no guarantee that they would stay.  Maybe they are so fickle, they will continue to float between people, not quite sure what they really need or what they are looking for. Do you really want to be with someone like this?

Advertising

6. Because sometimes letting go of someone is kinder than holding someone back.

Yes, sometimes letting someone go is the kindest thing to do. Are you now free to do the things you always wanted to do, are you no longer held back from doing something you have been putting off or felt unable to do before this?

Alternatively maybe that is why someone left because they felt held back and stagnant in an aspect of their life that was making them very unhappy, so unhappy they had to do something. That something was walking out on you no matter how hard that was for either or both of you.

7. Because you have become too dependent.

Did you lose yourself along the way and become too dependent on this person and you craved being with them and having them around you and they recognized this and feel trapped, stifled and wanted out! Were you less independent since you have been together, did you have greater expectations from the other person? Did they see you as needy, clingy, vulnerable and perhaps a bit demanding?

8. Because together you no longer worked.

You constantly argued and underlying resentment and hostility built up. You either didn’t want to acknowledge it or keep thinking it would get better but the other person decided to get out first but you still find it hard to let go.

9. Because the trust has simply gone.

It is very hard to turn back the clock and if significant trust has been broken by either party, being in a relationship will become unsustainable when one person has had enough and isn’t going to work at the relationship any longer. Where someone chooses to leave your life, let them go, learn and build yourself up again. Take what was best from the relationship so you don’t become cynical but learn also from what went wrong.

Advertising

10. Because your relationship was all about control.

Lets face it, this was not a healthy relationship to be in. Looking back, is it possible you were being controlled by the other person or were you trying to call all the shots?  Either way, there are no real winners and regardless of who left, it was not a recipe for success. Going forward neither person would be happy.

I know the above may be hard to take in, process and work through. What I find helps in very troubling situations is the Serenity Prayer. Look it up and keep repeating it when you find yourself dwelling on why someone left and finding it hard to let them go. If this does not work or if it is not something you are interested in pursuing, then I leave you with the following:

“There comes a point in your life when you realize:
Who matters,
Who never did,
Who won’t anymore,
And who always will.
So, don’t worry about people from your past, there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.”
― Adam Lindsay Gordon

More by this author

10 Reasons To Let Go Of People Who Choose To Leave Your Life 15 Important Things Kids Should Know by Age 15 teach kids money 16 Fun And Inspirational Ways To Teach Kids About Money An Open Letter To My Beautiful Child Who Will Always Shine 25 Pieces of Practical Advice You Should Take to Master Anything

Trending in Communication

1 How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life 2 How to Live Your Best Life Starting Today 3 How to Not Take Things Personally for a Happier Life 4 How to Say No When You Say Yes Too Often 5 How to Fight Your Irrational Fears And Stay Strong

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

There will always be times in your life when you may need to learn how to reinvent yourself. This could come when you experience a big change, such as leaving your job, moving on from a relationship, transferring to a new home, or losing a loved one. If you are going through a major shift in your life, you may have to find new ways of thinking or doing things, or risk failing to reach your full potential.

“When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”

Many people who dared to leave their old unhappy lives enabled themselves to pursue their passions and find a renewed zest for living. You can also achieve the same if you take a leap of faith and make things happen for yourself.

To help you always be at your best wherever you may be in your life, here are some practical tips on how to reinvent yourself.

The Reinvention Checklist

Before embarking on a journey of self-reinvention, you need to make sure that you have everything that you need to make the trip bump-proof. These things include:

Resilience

Problems and obstacles are guaranteed to happen. Some of them will be difficult and may knock you off course; the important thing, however, is that you learn from these difficulties, never lose focus, and always get back up. This requires building resilience to get through the tough times.

Advertising

Support

Humans are social beings. Although it is important that you learn to rely on yourself when facing any challenge, it is also important to have a support team that you can lean on to give you a boost when things get too tough and to correct you when you’re making mistakes.

The key is to find the right balance between independence and dependence. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and share the difficulties you’re facing. When you open up, you’ll find the people who are really going to be there for you.

Self-Care

During the process of learning how to reinvent yourself, you will have to pull yourself away from your old comfort zones, habits, roles, and self-perceptions. This can be difficult and cause you to question your self-worth, so it’s important to engage in self-care to maintain a positive outlook and keep your mind and body healthy as you face the challenges that await you. Self-care can include:

  • Participating in a hobby you enjoy
  • Spending time with your support system
  • Taking some time to walk in nature
  • Practicing loving-kindness meditation

Find what works for you and what helps you feel like your true self as you seek a reinvented version of you.

How to Reinvent Yourself

Once you’re sure that you’re equipped with all the tools in the self-reinvention checklist, you can begin your journey of learning how to reinvent yourself.

1. Discover Your Strengths

This step provides valuable information on how you deal with certain situations. If you have this information, you will be able to manage difficulties more efficiently.

Advertising

To find out what your strengths are, you can ask your friends and colleagues for feedback, engage in self-reflection, or try these 10 Ways to Find Your Own Personal Strengths.

2. Plan

This step calls for a thorough assessment of your current emotional, psychological, and financial status so that you can develop plans that are realistic and practical.

It’s okay to have ambitious dreams, but your plans have to be realistic. Making use of SMART goals can help you plan your life better.

You can also consult your mentor or life coach for practical tips and advice.

Ultimately, you’ll want to create specific long-term and short-term goals that you can create milestones for. By doing this, you’ll lay out a specific roadmap to your reinvented self.

3. Try Things Out

Sometimes, we don’t know if solutions actually work until we try them out. This is why it is important to experiment whenever possible, especially if you’re dealing with a career change. You may need to simply experiment in order to find the things you like. This can be the same with hobbies. If you’re not sure what you would like doing, accept invitations from friends to join them in their favorite sport or take a class, like pottery or photography.

Advertising

By seeing what’s out there in any area of your life, you’ll have a better chance of finding the things you enjoy and the goals you want to create.

4. Manage Your Finances Well

Changes may require a bit of money. If you’re shifting to a new career, you may have to pay for training. If you’re going through a tough divorce or having a hard time dealing with the death of a loved one, you may have to pay for therapy. If you’re moving to a new home, you’ll definitely have to pay a whole lot of expenses.

All of these things are possible, but it will require a bit of money savviness as you learn how to reinvent yourself. If you have that cushion, you’ll feel more comfortable straying from your current path to try new things.

5. Muster Your Courage

Fears and self-doubt may arise when you encounter difficulties and setbacks. Sometimes, they may also come when you’re taking risks. You have to manage these negative emotions well and not allow them to discourage you. Tap into your courage and try doing at least one new thing each week to develop it.

Learn how to deal with your self-doubts to move forward in this article: How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck (And How to Overcome It)

6. Use Your Support Group

As stated above, you need to build a strong support group before you even start the process of reinventing yourself. Your group will keep you from taking wrong turns and encourage you when you get too weighed down by problems. Don’t be afraid to call them, or even ask them out for coffee if you need to vent about the current difficulties you’re facing.

Advertising

7. Remind Yourself Every Day of Your Commitment

Write your goals on different-sized cards and scatter them at home and at work in places where you can easily see them. This way, you will constantly be reminded of where you want to be. Remember, writing down your goals helps them stick[1].

8. Accept Failure, Learn, and Resume Your Journey

Failing is normal, especially when we’re trying out something new. When you fail, simply recognize it, learn from it, and move on. Failure, in the end, is the best way to learn what does and doesn’t work, and you simply won’t be able to learn how to reinvent yourself if you don’t accept the inevitable failures that await you.

Final Thoughts

If you truly want to learn how to reinvent yourself and live the life you desire, take the advice above and start taking action. It will take time, patience, and plenty of effort to make the change you want happen, but it will be all worth it.

More Tips on How to Reinvent Yourself

Featured photo credit: Ashley Rich via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next