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How To Stop Beating Yourself Up

How To Stop Beating Yourself Up

“You’re sick? So what? Get up! You’re not working hard enough.”

“Why are you so fat? You’re one pound heavier than the runway model.”

“Why did you trust him? The company is doomed because of you.”

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Do any of these sound familiar to you? It may be easier for us to deny the naysayers. The problem arises when those criticisms don’t come from others, but from ourselves.

Negative self talk and sabotaging often happen when you don’t manage to meet your own expectations. However, being cruel to yourself is not a good approach. After all, most great things are done with love, not force. Here are four ways to stop beating yourself up.

1. Stop over planning

Everyone says “Life is short.” Soon enough, these three little words become like a curse. They threaten you that if you don’t use your time wisely, you may end up with regrets and sorrows. So you started to plan everything, from daily tasks to your spare time. You keep filling every moment that you have with things to be done. And when you fail to carry out the works, there will be an internal voice starting to criticize you.

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Well, stop. Remember that you’re just a human, not a programmable, error-free robot. You need some time to rest and re-energize yourself. Not following a plan occasionally doesn’t mean you are lazy or useless. Sometimes it’s even more rewarding if you stop jam-packing your life. Just listen to your heart and go with the flow.

2. Stop working hard

So you have a goal that you eagerly want to achieve? Beware. Don’t get burned by your own intense desire. This is because when you want it so much, you will certainly push yourself constantly to work on it. You are willing to sacrifice anything to accomplish it. And when you are too serious with your goal, you will not allow anything or anyone to ruin your progress, including yourself.

You may force yourself to work day and night. You may even kick yourself when you make any mistakes. In the end you may be suffering from burnout. The key here is to work smart and let yourself breath. In most cases, people create awesome works when they feel happy and comfortable. Try it.

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3. Stop chasing perfection

The ladies in the magazine are pretty and sexy; The guys are handsome and rich. Those are what the media love to promote. It’s okay to admire them, but don’t use them to attack yourself. Avoid comparison and destructive self criticism. Using harsh words on yourself won’t help to improve the condition. It will only make you feel worthless and depress.

Notice that we all have our good, bad and ugly sides. Learn to embrace them unconditionally. Meanwhile, care less about what others think of you. As Les Brown said, “Other people’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.” Accept imperfections and make peace with yourself.

4. Stop controlling the outcome

Breakup, divorce, misunderstanding, accidents, business failure… there are unpleasant yet inevitable things that happen in our life. Well we surely wish to turn back time and prevent the loss and pain. Unfortunately we can’t. As a result, we feel guilty and started to blame and hate ourselves.

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The truth is, being hard on ourselves doesn’t benefit at all. The past has ended and we should just stop trying to control or change it. Mistakes are not meant to be reversed, but to be learned. Take the lessons and get it right in the future. Bill Cosby said it well, “People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what’s bitter and move on.”

Let today be a new start for you! Apply the steps above and be gentle to yourself.

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Featured photo credit: Ana Julaton (#100476) by Mark Sebastian via flic.kr

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Last Updated on April 9, 2020

How To Trust Your Intuition When You’re Making a Decision

How To Trust Your Intuition When You’re Making a Decision

When you have an important decision to make, what is the first thing you do?

You want to know if your decision is right or wrong because, of course, you want to make the right choice. Do you go to friends hoping they will tell you? Do you agonize over it writing lists? Or have you ever tried to feel into the wisdom of your body? We all have the ability to read the body’s signs – inwards and out. But not everyone knows how to listen and trust your intuition.

You may have noticed two voices in your head arguing back and forth. They can get loud and confusing because they both seem concerned for your well-being.

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So which one is your inner knowing and which is simply resistant? You can tell through the simple exercise of slowing down, breathing deeply and tuning into your body. You will notice very real signs.

Everyone can tune into their intuition with the simple exercise outlined below. If you want to know how to trust your intuition, read on.

The Golden Rule

A rising, light and expansive feeling in your heart is a yes. A sinking, contracting and heavy feeling in your gut is a maybe or a no, which are both a no. The best way to access these feelings is by slowing down with a deep breath.

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Access Your Inner Guidance

Think of a simple decision you have to make that has two sides to it. Forgetting your background stories, take each at a time and sort of role play as you alternate each option in your mind.

Don’t go into the details of how you’ll get there or how a certain person might feel about it. Drop the stories and worries around it, simply be with one option, as though it is your choice. Remember, you can always pick up your concerns again right afterwards, if you want!

Bring option A into your mind like you are already there. It doesn’t have to be super specific, just imagine it is the direction you take. Start with the breath because it is clearing, it resets your nervous system and brings you to be completely present. Begin with your long, deep breath, exhaling all the way out.

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As you sit there and think of option A, notice what is happening in your body. What sensations are there, and where? Do you feel a buzzing in a limb or a prickling sensation? Maybe butterflies in your stomach? Sit with it, not judging it. Simply take note of what your body is telling you. If it is light and expansive then you have a good option. Now, take another breath to clear out option A.

Next you will probably notice feelings in different parts of your body as you focus on option B. Again, drop the fear and doubt you might have around it. Let yourself imagine (just for now) that this is what you’re choosing. Your breath is so important in this because it slows you down and connects you with your inner guidance. Give yourself that few extra seconds to deepen your breath. It will help you feel incredibly clear.

Become curious about the feelings in your body and how they are different from the last option. What do they mean? The answer is always in the weight of them. If they rise and feel light, you have your yes. The option that feels shrouded, heavier, contracted and sinking deeper in your stomach is the warning. It sounds simplistic, because it is.

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Your body has a profound and simple wisdom. When you let go of old expectations and open up to myriad possibilities, you can easily feel the best avenue to take simply by following what feels best. This is an important key in manifestation because how you feel at the start of any endeavor is generally how it will play out. So the lighter you feel about a situation, the happier it will be.

The Bottom Line

A special thing about intuition is that it never explains, it simply points the way. It may not always seem logical, but if it feels best then it will lead you to your success.

Remember, you need not to explain yourself either. Your internal yes will always be with you. The more you practice this and follow your internal yes, the stronger it will become and the more confidence you will gain! Soon you will notice it to be second nature, and the answer will come to you in a heart beat.

How have you connected to your intuition? We would love to hear how this exercise works for you. Where did you feel the yes or the no in your body? 

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Featured photo credit: Adrià García Sarceda via unsplash.com

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