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How To Stop Beating Yourself Up

How To Stop Beating Yourself Up

“You’re sick? So what? Get up! You’re not working hard enough.”

“Why are you so fat? You’re one pound heavier than the runway model.”

“Why did you trust him? The company is doomed because of you.”

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Do any of these sound familiar to you? It may be easier for us to deny the naysayers. The problem arises when those criticisms don’t come from others, but from ourselves.

Negative self talk and sabotaging often happen when you don’t manage to meet your own expectations. However, being cruel to yourself is not a good approach. After all, most great things are done with love, not force. Here are four ways to stop beating yourself up.

1. Stop over planning

Everyone says “Life is short.” Soon enough, these three little words become like a curse. They threaten you that if you don’t use your time wisely, you may end up with regrets and sorrows. So you started to plan everything, from daily tasks to your spare time. You keep filling every moment that you have with things to be done. And when you fail to carry out the works, there will be an internal voice starting to criticize you.

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Well, stop. Remember that you’re just a human, not a programmable, error-free robot. You need some time to rest and re-energize yourself. Not following a plan occasionally doesn’t mean you are lazy or useless. Sometimes it’s even more rewarding if you stop jam-packing your life. Just listen to your heart and go with the flow.

2. Stop working hard

So you have a goal that you eagerly want to achieve? Beware. Don’t get burned by your own intense desire. This is because when you want it so much, you will certainly push yourself constantly to work on it. You are willing to sacrifice anything to accomplish it. And when you are too serious with your goal, you will not allow anything or anyone to ruin your progress, including yourself.

You may force yourself to work day and night. You may even kick yourself when you make any mistakes. In the end you may be suffering from burnout. The key here is to work smart and let yourself breath. In most cases, people create awesome works when they feel happy and comfortable. Try it.

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3. Stop chasing perfection

The ladies in the magazine are pretty and sexy; The guys are handsome and rich. Those are what the media love to promote. It’s okay to admire them, but don’t use them to attack yourself. Avoid comparison and destructive self criticism. Using harsh words on yourself won’t help to improve the condition. It will only make you feel worthless and depress.

Notice that we all have our good, bad and ugly sides. Learn to embrace them unconditionally. Meanwhile, care less about what others think of you. As Les Brown said, “Other people’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.” Accept imperfections and make peace with yourself.

4. Stop controlling the outcome

Breakup, divorce, misunderstanding, accidents, business failure… there are unpleasant yet inevitable things that happen in our life. Well we surely wish to turn back time and prevent the loss and pain. Unfortunately we can’t. As a result, we feel guilty and started to blame and hate ourselves.

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The truth is, being hard on ourselves doesn’t benefit at all. The past has ended and we should just stop trying to control or change it. Mistakes are not meant to be reversed, but to be learned. Take the lessons and get it right in the future. Bill Cosby said it well, “People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what’s bitter and move on.”

Let today be a new start for you! Apply the steps above and be gentle to yourself.

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Featured photo credit: Ana Julaton (#100476) by Mark Sebastian via flic.kr

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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