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How To Stop Beating Yourself Up

How To Stop Beating Yourself Up

“You’re sick? So what? Get up! You’re not working hard enough.”

“Why are you so fat? You’re one pound heavier than the runway model.”

“Why did you trust him? The company is doomed because of you.”

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Do any of these sound familiar to you? It may be easier for us to deny the naysayers. The problem arises when those criticisms don’t come from others, but from ourselves.

Negative self talk and sabotaging often happen when you don’t manage to meet your own expectations. However, being cruel to yourself is not a good approach. After all, most great things are done with love, not force. Here are four ways to stop beating yourself up.

1. Stop over planning

Everyone says “Life is short.” Soon enough, these three little words become like a curse. They threaten you that if you don’t use your time wisely, you may end up with regrets and sorrows. So you started to plan everything, from daily tasks to your spare time. You keep filling every moment that you have with things to be done. And when you fail to carry out the works, there will be an internal voice starting to criticize you.

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Well, stop. Remember that you’re just a human, not a programmable, error-free robot. You need some time to rest and re-energize yourself. Not following a plan occasionally doesn’t mean you are lazy or useless. Sometimes it’s even more rewarding if you stop jam-packing your life. Just listen to your heart and go with the flow.

2. Stop working hard

So you have a goal that you eagerly want to achieve? Beware. Don’t get burned by your own intense desire. This is because when you want it so much, you will certainly push yourself constantly to work on it. You are willing to sacrifice anything to accomplish it. And when you are too serious with your goal, you will not allow anything or anyone to ruin your progress, including yourself.

You may force yourself to work day and night. You may even kick yourself when you make any mistakes. In the end you may be suffering from burnout. The key here is to work smart and let yourself breath. In most cases, people create awesome works when they feel happy and comfortable. Try it.

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3. Stop chasing perfection

The ladies in the magazine are pretty and sexy; The guys are handsome and rich. Those are what the media love to promote. It’s okay to admire them, but don’t use them to attack yourself. Avoid comparison and destructive self criticism. Using harsh words on yourself won’t help to improve the condition. It will only make you feel worthless and depress.

Notice that we all have our good, bad and ugly sides. Learn to embrace them unconditionally. Meanwhile, care less about what others think of you. As Les Brown said, “Other people’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.” Accept imperfections and make peace with yourself.

4. Stop controlling the outcome

Breakup, divorce, misunderstanding, accidents, business failure… there are unpleasant yet inevitable things that happen in our life. Well we surely wish to turn back time and prevent the loss and pain. Unfortunately we can’t. As a result, we feel guilty and started to blame and hate ourselves.

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The truth is, being hard on ourselves doesn’t benefit at all. The past has ended and we should just stop trying to control or change it. Mistakes are not meant to be reversed, but to be learned. Take the lessons and get it right in the future. Bill Cosby said it well, “People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what’s bitter and move on.”

Let today be a new start for you! Apply the steps above and be gentle to yourself.

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Featured photo credit: Ana Julaton (#100476) by Mark Sebastian via flic.kr

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Last Updated on May 17, 2019

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

The pursuit of worthwhile goals is a part of what makes life enjoyable. Being able to set a goal, then see yourself progress towards achieving that goal is an amazing feeling.

But do you know the biggest obstacle for most people trying to achieve their goals, the silent dream killer that stops people before they ever even get started? That obstacle is the comfort zone, and getting stuck there is bound to derail any efforts you make towards achieving the goals you’ve set for yourself.

If you want to achieve those goals, you’ll have to break free from your comfort zone. Let’s take a look at how your life will change once you build up the courage to leave your comfort zone.

What Is the Comfort Zone?

The comfort zone is defined as “a behavioural state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.”

What stands out to me the most about that definition is the last part: “using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.” How many successful people do you know who deliver a steady level of performance?

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The goal in life is to continually challenge yourself, and continually improve yourself. And in order to do that, you have move out of your comfort zone. But once you do, your life will start to change in ways you could never have imagined. I know because it’s happening right now in my own life.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

1. You will be scared

Leaving your comfort zone isn’t easy. In fact, in can be downright terrifying at times, and that’s okay. It’s perfectly normal to feel a little trepidation when you’re embarking on a journey that forces you to try new things.

So don’t freak out or get overwhelmed when you feel yourself getting a little scared. It’s perfectly normal and all part of the process. What’s important is that you don’t let that fear hold you back. You must continue to take action in the face of fear.

That’s what separates winners from losers.

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2. You will fail

Stepping out of your comfort zone means you’re moving into uncharted territory. You’re trying things that you’ve never tried before, and learning things you’ve never learned before.

That steep learning curve means you’re not going to get everything right the first time, and you will eventually fail when you move out of your comfort zone. But as long as the failures aren’t catastrophic, it can actually be a good thing to fail because …

3. You will learn

Failure is the best teacher. I’ve learned more from each one of my failures than I have from each one of my successes. When you fail small, and fail often, you rapidly increase the rate at which you learn new insights and skills. And that new knowledge, if applied correctly, will eventually lead to your success.

4. You will see yourself in a different way

Once you move out of your comfort zone, you immediately prove to yourself that you’re capable of achieving more than you thought was possible. And that will change the way you see yourself.

Moving forward, you’ll have more confidence in yourself whenever you step out of your comfort zone, and that increased confidence will make it more likely that you continue to step outside your comfort zone. And each time you do, you’ll prove to yourself again and again what you’re really capable of.

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5. Your peers will see you in a different way

Whether we want to admit or not, people judge other people. And right now, people view you in a certain way, and they have a certain idea of what you’re capable of. That’s because they’ve become accustomed to seeing you operate in your comfort zone.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you’ll prove to other people, as well, that you’re capable of much more than you’ve shown in the past.

The increased confidence other people place in you will bring about more opportunities than ever before.

6. Your comfort zone will expand

The good thing about the comfort zone is that it’s flexible and malleable. With each action you take outside of your comfort zone, it expands. And once you master that new skill or action, it eventually becomes part of your comfort zone.

This is great news for you because it means that you can constantly increase and improve upon the behaviors that you’re comfortable with. And the more tools and skills you have at your disposal, the easier it will be to achieve your goals.

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7. You will increase your concentration and focus

When you’re living inside of your comfort zone, the bulk of your actions are habitual: automatic, subconscious, and requiring limited focus.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you no longer rely on those habitual responses. You’re forced to concentrate and focus on the new action in a way you never do in your comfort zone.

8. You will develop new skills

Moving out of your comfort zone requires that you develop new skills. One of the many benefits you’ll experience is that you’ll be stepping away from the “limited set of behaviors” and start to develop your ability and expertise in new areas.

Living inside of your comfort zone only requires a limited skill set, and those skills won’t contribute much to your success. Once you can confidently step outside of your comfort zone and learn a new skill, there’s no limit to how much you can achieve.

9. You will achieve more than before

With everything that happens once you move out of your comfort zone, you’re naturally going to achieve more than ever before.

Your increased concentration and focus will help you develop new skills. Those new skills will change the way you see yourself, encouraging you to step even further out of your comfort zone.

Featured photo credit: Josef Grunig via farm3.staticflickr.com

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