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Published on September 14, 2020

How To Overcome Jealousy for a Happier Life

How To Overcome Jealousy for a Happier Life

Knowing how to overcome jealousy is really about knowing how to overcome yourself. You may have ideas about who you should be, often based on very high or unrealistic standards that you see others emulating. When you are jealous of others, it’s not because of how much they have. It’s because of how little you perceive yourself to be.

Now, with social media, getting likes and page views is the new gauge for popularity. Are people flocking to your profile? Are you keeping up with Instagram influencers? Are you marketing yourself properly? Do you have a personal brand? Do you have any following? Do you have all the latest things? Are you like your friends?

Are you happy?

Only one of those questions matter—whether you’re happy or not. When you are jealous, it is difficult to let in positive feelings about yourself and life. You play a constant game of comparison with others, and everything becomes about competition.

That leaves you with an ideal of who you can be, rather than feeling good about who you already are. It’s good to always want to better yourself, but there is a limit. There is a point where you have to look at yourself and think you’re enough. Otherwise, you’ll never really “make it.”

Success will always be this elusive thing that you try to grasp when comparing yourself to others. You run a race that isn’t your own, and you let go of the person you are truly meant to be.

The good news is that you can overcome jealousy for a happier life. You can still meet your goals, and accept yourself along the way. You can stop checking for who is checking you out on social media. You can breathe a little. You can learn to say “no.”

You can value others while not wanting to become them. You can choose happiness that is about self-compassion, fulfillment, and purpose, things that lead you away from jealousy—and you can start now.

Here are 5 ways on how you can overcome jealousy and become happier in life.

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1. It’s Not About Keeping up With the Joneses

Appearances are not everything. You don’t have to follow what’s shiny and new. You don’t have to meet others’ expectations of you.

If you don’t want to do something, say “no.” If you don’t want to be something, say “no.” And if you don’t want to just follow another’s example, say, “no.”

You have the power to control your decisions—your destiny.

If someone has everything perfectly together, they may not be all who you think they are. It may be an image or a facade. Because if you look deeper, everyone has flaws. Everyone has things about themselves that they don’t like.

You never know if someone may be looking to you as an example. You might be the person to lead rather than follow. Rather than seeking inspiration, BE the inspiration. That’s a game-changer.

You may fear rejection when you try to become like others. But what if you were comfortable with yourself to a point that others felt they could be comfortable with you too? What if everyone could let their guards down because of you? Maybe everyone’s waiting to relax and be reassured, too.

Comparing yourself to others may be difficult to pull away from at first. Avoid triggers that cause you to compare yourself to others by not looking at someone’s social media or taking a break to work on yourself—avoiding certain people who put you down or doing something spontaneous rather than just following those around you.[1] You can choose your life. You can find happiness.

2. Finding Satisfaction

On a scale of 1-10, how do you feel about your life?

If you are on the lower end, you are most susceptible to copying others. You don’t have to prove anyone to anything, though. If you find satisfaction with your life, be proud of it.

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As long as you can find some satisfaction, you can center yourself in what is good and right and find some meaning in everything. You can overcome jealousy towards others and let your ambitions be your own. When you find satisfaction, you find a newfound love of life—and that is happiness.

Being satisfied doesn’t come easily. It’s human nature to always want more—more stuff, more time, more achievements, more money, more more more. Instead, gratitude minimizes envy. Be grateful to be here, and you will see what’s worth it.

Are you prioritizing your life right? If you are feeling dissatisfied, you may have to readjust your value system. It’s not about your reputation. It’s about your realness.

Are you being honest with yourself in what you need? If not, start there. Start with what makes you happy, without having to have a reason for it—without wanting more or thinking about what it can get you. Just fall in love with the life you live. Then, you will be satisfied.

3. Look to Yourself, Not to Others

What if everything you’re doing is actually right? What if you are okay as you are? What if you have nothing to fear?

Uncertainty and desperation are what lead people to copy each other. A lack of confidence keeps people from coming back to themselves and overcoming jealousy. You might find out who you really are, or you might find out who someone else is. You can only choose one person to be—choose you.

It’s not your fault that you may be feeling insecure. If you listen to the small voice within, you may find that self-love is what you need, not societal approval. But it’s easy to mistake the two.

When you feel like you have nothing of worth, you look to others thinking they have more. It’s time to look to the person who knows you best- yourself. And only you can represent yourself.

Jealousy can lead you to look to anyone but you. This can harm relationships, cause tension, and cause added stress—but you have some control.

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Recognize when you are becoming jealous and work on mending the relationship you have with the person because jealousy happens to everyone.[2] You just have to know when it’s happening to you.

Rather than pulling together traits, values, priorities, passions, etc. from another person, pull from within. Your happiness depends on it. So, give up following the crowd because they may be going the wrong direction. It’s time to take a step forward as the real you.

4. Being Your Own Cheerleader

One day, you won’t look back and think, “I’m so happy because of all my energy placed into other people.” Instead, you will look back and think, “I’m so happy because I got to be myself and live a full life.”

When you are your own cheerleader, you are also your own advocate. You speak up for what you need, and you take care of yourself. No one can do it for you.

Sometimes, you may wait for others to validate you before you value yourself. Instead, try to stand tall with what you have, and you will go farther.

When you motivate yourself by healthy means, you rely less on jealousy or competition to fuel you, and this allows you to overcome jealousy. When you get up each morning and decide that life is worth it, that decision changes lives. Perhaps, those whom you look to are looking to you as well. You have to decide that your voice matters.

Positive affirmations are a great way to motivate yourself. For example:

  • I Am Enough
  • I Am Whole
  • I Am Worthy
  • I Am Loved
  • I Am…

Keep going. Keep saying “I am.” That will empower you to no longer need to envy others.

5. Realistic Expectations

Everyone wants to be on top. Everyone also wants the easy way to get there. But there’s a better way than just being like everyone. You don’t have to always have the answers to be authentic. You just have to have realistic goals.

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There’s no easy way to anything, and if there is, it most likely costs too much. When you choose the road best for you, it may be a lonely one.

Your road may be the one less traveled. You may not have much other than your vision of who you want to be. But you know what? You have your own road.

Not everyone ends up doing what they want to do in life; sometimes, envy has a say in that. Sometimes, envy and jealousy rip you from reality. You start diverging from the road meant for you, crossing into the paths of others’. You may get lost there, and before you know it, it’s too late to turn back.

There’s hope, though. You can stay the course and be the person you are meant to be. You can let go of jealousy and that anguish to be someone other than yourself.

There is no perfect person. But there is perfect happiness in being who you are. You can find it by letting it all go. That’s when you know you are enough.

Final Thoughts

“A flower never thinks of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.” –Unknown

It’s time to put jealousy behind you. Love yourself, and you will love your life. What do you have to lose?

Find who you are by letting go of others’ expectations. Authentically show up each day and say, “I am here.” Learn how to overcome jealousy, and happiness will come once you do.

More Tips on How to Overcome Jealousy

Featured photo credit: Andrew Le via unsplash.com

Reference

More by this author

Sarah Browne

Sarah is a speaker, writer and activist

How To Overcome Jealousy for a Happier Life How to Appreciate Life More and Be Grateful Why Taking Things for Granted Can Take Away Your Joy 40 Acts of Kindness to Make the World a Better Place How to Let Go of Toxic People in Your Life

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Published on September 23, 2020

6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

I don’t know about you, but many times when I hear the word negotiate I think of lawyers working out a business deal or having to do battle with a car salesman to try to get a lower price. Since I am in recruiting, the term “negotiation” comes up when someone is attempting to get a higher compensation package.

If we think about it, we tend to negotiate almost every day in a wide variety of things we do. Getting a handle on the important negotiation skills can be incredibly beneficial in many parts of our lives. Let’s take a look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

What is Negotiation?

First, let’s take a look at what negotiation is. Put simply, negotiation is a method by which people settle their differences. It is a process in which compromise or agreement can be reached without argument or dispute.

Anytime two people or sides disagree on something, they are almost always looking for the best possible outcome for their side. This could be from an individual’s perspective or someone representing an organization.

In reality, it’s rare that one side gets everything they want and the other side gets nothing that they are seeking. Seeking to reach a common ground of sorts where both sides feel like they are getting most of what they want is the key to being successful and maintaining the relationship.

Places We Negotiate

I’ve mentioned that we negotiate in just about all phases of our life. For those of you who are shaking your head no, I invite you to think about the following:

1. Work/Business

This one is the most obvious and it’s what naturally comes to mind when we think of the word “negotiate”.

When you first started at your current job, you might have asked for a higher salary. It could be that you delivered a huge new client to your company and used this as leverage in your most recent evaluation for more compensation. If you work with vendors (and just about every company does), maybe you worked them to a lower price or better contract terms.

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In recruiting, I negotiate with candidates and hiring managers all the time to land the best talent I can find. It’s very common to accept additional work with the (sometimes spoken, sometimes unspoken) agreement that it will benefit your career in the future.

Recently, I took over a project that was my boss was working on so that I would be able to attend a conference later in the year. And so it goes, we do this all day long at work.

2. Personal

I don’t know about you, but I negotiate with my spouse all the time. I’ll cook dinner with the understanding that she does the dishes. Who wants to mow the lawn and who wants to vacuum and dust the house?

I think we should save 10% for retirement, but she thinks 5% is plenty. Therefore, we save 8%. And don’t even get me started with my kids. My older daughter can borrow my car as soon as she finishes her chores. My younger daughter can go hang out with her friends when her homework is done.

Then, there are all those interactions in our personal lives outside our homes. The carpenter wants to charge me $12,000 to build a new deck. I think $10,000 is plenty so we agree on $11,000. I ask my neighbor if I can borrow his snowblower in the winter if I invite him over the next time I grill steak. And so on.

3. Ourselves

You didn’t expect this one, did you? We negotiate with ourselves all day long.

I’ll make sure I don’t skip my workout tomorrow since I’m going to have that extra piece of pizza. My spouse has been quiet the last few days, is it worth me asking her about, or should I leave it alone? I think the car place charged me for some repairs that weren’t needed, should I say something or just let it go? I know my friend has been having some personal challenges, should I check in with him? We’ve been friends for a long time, I’m sure he’d come to me if he needed help. I’ve got the #4 pick in this year’s Fantasy Football draft, should I choose a running back or a wide receiver?

Think about that non-stop voice inside your head. It always seems to be chattering away about something and many times, it’s us negotiating with ourselves. I’ll finish up that report that the boss needs before I turn on the football game.

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Why Negotiation Skills Are So Important

Put simply, negotiation skills are important because we all interact with other people, and not only other people but other organizations and groups of people as well.

We all rarely want the same thing or outcome. Most of the time a vendor is looking at getting you to pay a higher price for something than you want to spend. Therefore, it’s important to negotiate to some middle ground that works well for both sides.

My wife and I disagree on how much to save for retirement. If we weren’t married it wouldn’t be an issue. We’d each contribute how much we wanted to on our retirement funds. We choose to be married, so we have to come to some agreement that we both feel comfortable with. We have to compromise. Therefore, we have to negotiate.

If we each lived on a planet by ourselves, we would be free to do just about anything we wanted to. We wouldn’t have to compromise with anyone because we wouldn’t interact with anyone. We would make every choice unilaterally the way we wanted to.

As we all know, this isn’t how things are. We are constantly interacting with other people and organizations, each one with their own agenda’s, viewpoints, and opinions. Therefore, we have to be able to work together.

6 Negotiation Skills to Master

Having strong negotiation skills helps us create win-win situations with others, allowing us to get most of what we want in conjunction with others around us.

Now, let’s look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

1. Preparation

Preparation is a key place to start with when getting ready to negotiate. Being prepared means having a clear vision of what you want and how you’d go about achieving it. It means knowing what the end goal looks like and also what you are willing to give to get it.

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It also means knowing who you are negotiating with and what areas they might be willing to compromise on. You should also know what your “bottom line” is. By “bottom line” I mean what is the most you are willing to give up to get what you want.

For instance, several years ago, I decided it was time to get a newer car. I say newer because I wanted a “new to me” car, not a brand new car. I did my research and figured out what type of car I wanted. I decided on what must-have items on the car I wanted, the highest amount of miles that would already be on it, the colors I was willing to get it in, and the highest amount of money I was willing to pay.

After visiting numerous car dealerships I was able to negotiate buying a car. I knew what I was willing to give up (amount of money) and what I was willing to accept, things like the color, amount of miles, etc. I came prepared. This is critical.

2. Clear Communication

The next key skill you need to be an effective negotiator is clear communication. You have to be able to clearly articulate what you want to the other party. This means both clear verbal and written communication.

If you can’t clearly tell the other person what you want, how do you expect to get it? Have you ever worked through something with a vendor or someone else only to learn of a surprise right at the end that wasn’t talked about before? This is not what you would call clear communication. It’s essential to be able to share a coherent and logical vision with the person you are working with.

3. Active Listening

Let’s do a quick review of active listening. This is when you are completely focused on the speaker, understand their message, comprehend the information, and respond appropriately. This is a necessary ingredient to be able to negotiate successfully. You must be able to fully focus on the other person’s wants to completely understand them.

If you aren’t giving them your full attention, you may miss some major points or details. This leads to frustration down the road on both sides. Ensure you are employing your active listening skills when in arbitration mode.

4. Teamwork and Collaboration

To be able to get to a place of common ground and a win-win scenario, you have to have a sense of teamwork and collaboration.

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If you are only thinking about yourself and what you want without giving much care to what the other person is wanting, you are bound to wind up without a solution. The other person may get frustrated and give up if they see you are unwilling to meet them halfway or care little for what they want.

When you collaborate, you are working together to help each other get what is most important to you. The other upside to negotiating with a sense of teamwork and collaboration is that it helps create a sense of trust, which, in turn, helps provide positive energy for working to a successful conclusion.

5. Problem Solving

Problem-solving is another key negotiation skill. When you are working with the other person to get the deal done many times you’ll face new challenges along the way.

Maybe you want a new vendor to provide training on the software they are selling you but they say it’s going to cost an additional $20,000 to provide this service. If you don’t have the additional $20,000 in the budget to spend on the software but you feel the training is critical, how are you going to solve that problem?

From what I’ve seen, most vendors aren’t willing to provide additional services without getting paid for them. This is where problem-solving skills will help continue the discussions. You might suggest to the vendor that your company will also be looking to replace their financial software next year, and you’d be happy to ensure they get one of the first seats at the table when the time comes if they could perhaps lower the pricing on their training.

There’s a solution to most challenges, but it takes problem-solving skills to work through them effectively.

6. Decision-Making Ability

Finally, having strong decision-making ability will help you seal the deal when you get to a place where everyone feels like they are getting what works for them. Each step of the way you can cross off the list when you get what you are looking for and decide to move onto the next item. Then, once you have all of your must-have boxes checked and the other side feels good about things, it’s time to shake hands and sign on the dotted line. Powerful decision-making ability will help you get to the finish line together.

Conclusion

There you have it, 6 effective negotiation skills to master to lead a more fulfilling life. Once we realize that we negotiate in one form or another almost every day in every phase of our lives, we realize how critical a skill it is.

Possessing strong negotiation skills will help you in nearly every one of your relationships at both the workplace and in your personal life. If you feel your arbitration tools could use some sharpening, try some of the 6 effective negotiation skills to master that we’ve talked about.

More Tips to Improve Your Negotiation Skills

Featured photo credit: Windows via unsplash.com

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