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Last Updated on September 5, 2019

10 Emotional Regulation Skills for a Healthier Mind

10 Emotional Regulation Skills for a Healthier Mind

What is emotional regulation?

“It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It can not be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.” — Buddha

This quote encapsulates the essence of what “emotion regulation” is all about.

In its purest form, emotional regulation is about you having the skills to control your behavior, emotions and thoughts in the pursuit of long-term goals – for example living a resilient and flourishing life as opposed to living a life where you are languishing in discontent and frustration.

In this article, you will learn what emotional regulation is, and the skills you need to be mentally strong and healthy.

What Are Emotional Regulation Skills?

Emotional regulation skills help us to effectively manage and change the way we feel and cope with situations. Emotions, thoughts and what we do or feel the urge to do (behaviors) are all linked; and if not managed well can lead us down a path of self-sabotage and self destruction.

When we apply emotional regulation skills into our life then, there will be a definite improvement with our thoughts, attitude and mood. Living life in a more positive way brings major benefits for us – such as increasing our compassion, empathy and relationships with others.

Emotional Regulation Skills are the key to us living a healthy and well balanced life – physically, mentally and spiritually. When we strive to live a balanced life, we build our resilience and our coping strategies to effectively deal with the adversity and the challenges in life.

Why are Emotional Regulation Skills Important?

Self-regulation is one of the key emotional regulation skills. Historically, we have been taught to believe that the strategies around managing our responses and behaviors are self-taught.

For example, when toddlers have tantrums, parents just put that behavior down to a “phase” that they will grow out of. Some of us do and some of us, depending on what negative experiences we have in our lives, lose our ability to self regulate. Outbursts, yelling, displays of anger, aggressive behavior and extreme violent acts demonstrate the inability of a person to self regulate their responses to situations where they feel they have no control. A lack of self-regulation will only cause problems in one’s life.

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Self-regulation in its most basic form allows us to bounce forward from failure and stay calm under pressure. It is these two abilities that will essentially carry you through life – more than any other skills.

10 Important Emotional Regulation Skills

1. Applying Your Power Of Choice

The first step in the practice of self-regulation is for you to recognize that you have the choice in how you react to situations.

Using your power of choice is a self regulation skill that empowers you to work with the disruptions and challenges that you face in your life. Your power of choice is your gift. The sign that you are using your power of choice wisely is when you can honestly say out loud to others — ” By using my power of choice, I am able to live my life to my fullest potential and I am flourishing”

When you use your power of choice wisely, there is no compromises about how you live your life. You have clarity, focus and a purpose; and these elements all come together to build your resilience to deal with adversity and the tough times in life.

The other side to using your power of choice is accepting that you never have complete control over how you feel. The power of choice enables you to greatly influence how you choose to feel and thus, respond.

2. STOPP – A Technique Designed by Carol Vivyan to Manage Your Emotions

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our freedom to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom”. — Viktor Frankl.

If you are struggling to get your emotions under control, this technique is a great process to follow to manage your emotions more effectively:[1]

  • S – Stop
  • T – Take A Breath
  • O – Observe – your thoughts and feelings
  • P- Pull Back – put in some perspective – what is the bigger picture?
  • P – Practice What Works – Proceed – what is the best thing to do right now?

3. Take Care Of Your Body

“Caring for your body, mind, and spirit is your greatest and grandest responsibility. It’s about listening to the needs of your soul and then honoring them.” – Kristi Ling

Consistent physical activity, eating well and getting lots of sleep are critical to you having a resilient and well balanced life.

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4. Work on Having Positive Relationships In Your Life

“Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great.” — Mark Twain

The relationships you have in your life have a significant influence on how you live your life. The more positive and healthier your relationships are, the more resilient and optimistic you will feel about your life.

Toxic relationships do not serve you well and you need to eliminate these relationships from your life. Your wellbeing, mentally, physically and spiritually is influenced by the type of relationships you have in your life.

5. Find Ways to Have Fun

Below are a few quotes that demonstrate why it is important for you to have fun in your life.

‘When fun gets deep enough, it can heal the world” – the Oaqui

“There’s no fear when you’re having fun” – Will Thomas

“I am going to keep having fun every day I have left, because there is no other way of life. You just have to decide whether you are a Tigger or an Eeyore”-Randy Pausch

“In all of living, have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured” – Gordon B. Hinckley

6. Practice Mindfulness

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment” — Buddha

Mindfulness practices can help you to increase your ability to regulate emotions, decrease stress, anxiety and depression. It can also help you to focus our attention, as well as to observe our thoughts and feelings without judgment.

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The practice of mindfulness can be different for everyone. However, the most common practise of mindfulness is mediation. The main benefits you get from practicing mediation is that you learn how to calm down your mind. You also learn how to practice the art of gratitude and appreciation. These are key skills that help you to be present in the moment and mindful of the positive things that are in your life.

Take a look at this beginner’s guide to meditation: Meditation for Beginners: How to Meditate Deeply and Quickly

The more integrated the practice of mindfulness becomes in your life, the less you worry and stress about the past or the future. Mindfulness improves your mental health and your emotional wellbeing.

7. Find Ways for You to Let Go of Painful Emotions and Your Regrets

The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ― Steve Maraboli

Learning how to let go is probably one of the hardest emotional regulation skills to learn. When you do manage to release all these negative emotions, you will find that you resilience and ability to deal with the curveballs of life will soar.

When you accept that you are suffering, you stop running from the difficult emotions and turn to face them with strength and courage.

8. Learn How to Accept Your Vulnerability

“In our culture, we associate vulnerability with emotions we want to avoid such as fear, shame, and uncertainty. Yet we too often lose sight of the fact that vulnerability is also the birthplace of joy, belonging, creativity, authenticity, and love.”– Dr. Brené Brown

Brené Brown’s mission in life has been to teach others about the power of vulnerability. It was her Ted Talk that set her on the journey of spreading the message about how to step in to your vulnerability and find your power:

She has written a book not only on vulnerability but also on how to forgive yourself and dealing with shame.

For me, when I read Brené’s book Daring Greatly, I learned many life changing lessons; however, there were two life lesson that really stood out for me:

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  • Vulnerability Takes Courage – Allowing yourself to be vulnerable takes strength and courage. When you do this, you are truly standing in your power and it is at this point that you know who you truly are and you are not afraid.
  • Don’t Bottle Up Your Emotions – Become more self-aware. I was very good at hiding away how I was really feeling and overtime, these feelings of anxiety and sadness would overwhelm me. After I read Brené’s book, I realized that to become more emotionally resilient and self aware, you have to be able to explore your emotions, ask questions to get in touch with how you are feeling and thinking in a given moment.

9. Seek Excellence Not Perfection

This is another of Brené Brown’s life lessons, and this lesson so important when it comes to managing our emotions.

Brown says perfectionism is:

“the belief that if we live perfectly, look perfectly and act perfectly, we can avoid the pain of blame, judgment and shame.”

Perfectionism isn’t about growth, improvement, or personal achievement, it’s about fear and avoidance. Therefore, what you should really be focused on is realizing excellence, the best version of yourself despite your flaws. This perspective is healthy and inclusive and leads to real personal growth as opposed to a flawed perfectionism.

10. Become Better at Managing Your Negative Feelings Because They Never Go Away

These negative feelings such as fear and criticism will always be a part of our life. The best course of action you can take is to face your fears and move forward. The more you stand up to these negative forces, the more you’ll flex your courage and resilience and come out stronger for it.

Final Thoughts

Dare to be yourself – your strengths, skills, and beauty as well as your flaws and insecurities. This is who you are and the more you stand in your personal power the more courageous and stronger you will be especially when facing those challenges, disruptions and painful moments in your life.

Our emotions are a powerful force in influencing how we live our life. Our emotions are here to stay and the good news is that we are not victims of the negative feelings that are influencing our life.

When you integrate these 10 emotional regulation skills into your life, your emotional agility and courage will enable you to live your life to the fullest – a life where you are thriving, resilient and courageous.

More About Mental Strength

Featured photo credit: Matthew T Rader via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Get Self Help: STOPP Skill

More by this author

Kathryn Sandford

Career Resilience Coach passionate about supporting others to grow and thrive in a complex world.

How to Be Patient and Take Charge of Your Life What Is the Purpose of Life and What Should You Live For? How Continuous Improvement Can Enhance Your Personal Life 10 Emotional Regulation Skills for a Healthier Mind How to Always Choose Happiness Even During Tough Times

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Last Updated on November 19, 2019

20 Time Management Tips to Super Boost Your Productivity

20 Time Management Tips to Super Boost Your Productivity

Are you usually punctual or late? Do you finish things within the time you stipulate? Do you hand in your reports/work on time? Are you able to accomplish what you want to do before deadlines? Are you a good time manager?

If your answer is “no” to any of the questions above, that means you’re not managing your time as well as you want. Here are 20 time management tips to help you manage time better:

1. Create a Daily Plan

Plan your day before it unfolds. Do it in the morning or even better, the night before you sleep. The plan gives you a good overview of how the day will pan out. That way, you don’t get caught off guard. Your job for the day is to stick to the plan as best as possible.

2. Peg a Time Limit to Each Task

Be clear that you need to finish X task by 10am, Y task by 3pm, and Z item by 5:30pm. This prevents your work from dragging on and eating into time reserved for other activities.

3. Use a Calendar

Having a calendar is the most fundamental step to managing your daily activities. If you use outlook or lotus notes, calendar come as part of your mailing software.

I use it. It’s even better if you can sync your calendar to your mobile phone and other hardwares you use – that way, you can access your schedule no matter where you are. Here’re the 10 Best Calendar Apps to Stay on Track .

Find out more tips about how to use calendar for better time management here: How to Use a Calendar to Create Time and Space

4. Use an Organizer

An organizer helps you to be on top of everything in your life. It’s your central tool to organize information, to-do lists, projects, and other miscellaneous items.

These Top 15 Time Management Apps and Tools can help you organize better, pick one that fits your needs.

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5. Know Your Deadlines

When do you need to finish your tasks? Mark the deadlines out clearly in your calendar and organizer so you know when you need to finish them.

But make sure you don’t make these 10 Common Mistakes When Setting Deadlines.

6. Learn to Say “No”

Don’t take on more than you can handle. For the distractions that come in when you’re doing other things, give a firm no. Or defer it to a later period.

Leo Babauta, the founder of Zen Habits has some great insights on how to say no: The Gentle Art of Saying No

7. Target to Be Early

When you target to be on time, you’ll either be on time or late. Most of the times you’ll be late. However, if you target to be early, you’ll most likely be on time.

For appointments, strive to be early. For your deadlines, submit them earlier than required.

Learn from these tips about how to prepare yourself to be early, instead of just in time.

8. Time Box Your Activities

This means restricting your work to X amount of time. Why time boxing is good for you? Here’re 10 reasons why you should start time-boxing.

You can also read more about how to do time boxing here: #5 of 13 Strategies To Jumpstart Your Productivity.

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9. Have a Clock Visibly Placed Before You

Sometimes we are so engrossed in our work that we lose track of time. Having a huge clock in front of you will keep you aware of the time at the moment.

10. Set Reminders 15 Minutes Before

Most calendars have a reminder function. If you have an important meeting to attend, set that alarm 15 minutes before.

You can learn more about how reminders help you remember everything in this article: The Importance of Reminders (And How to Make a Reminder That Works)

11. Focus

Are you multi-tasking so much that you’re just not getting anything done? If so, focus on just one key task at one time. Multitasking is bad for you.

Close off all the applications you aren’t using. Close off the tabs in your browser that are taking away your attention. Focus solely on what you’re doing. You’ll be more efficient that way.

Lifehack’s CEO has written a definitive guide on how to focus, learn the tips: How to Focus and Maximize Your Productivity (the Definitive Guide)

12. Block out Distractions

What’s distracting you in your work? Instant messages? Phone ringing? Text messages popping in?

I hardly ever use chat nowadays. The only times when I log on is when I’m not intending to do any work. Otherwise it gets very distracting.

When I’m doing important work, I also switch off my phone. Calls during this time are recorded and I contact them afterward if it’s something important. This helps me concentrate better.

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Find more tips on how to minimize distractions to achieve more in How to Minimize Distraction to Get Things Done

13. Track Your Time Spent

When you start to track your time, you’re more aware of how you spend your time. For example, you can set a simple countdown timer to make sure that you finish a task within a period of time, say 30 minutes or 1 hour. The time pressure can push you to stay focused and work more efficiently.

You can find more time tracking apps here and pick one that works for you.

14. Don’t Fuss About Unimportant Details

You’re never get everything done in exactly the way you want. Trying to do so is being ineffective.

Trying to be perfect does you more harm than good, learn here about how perfectionism kills your productivity and how to ditch the perfectionism mindset.

15. Prioritize

Since you can’t do everything, learn to prioritize the important and let go of the rest.

Apply the 80/20 principle which is a key principle in prioritization. You can also take up this technique to prioritize everything on your plate: How to Prioritize Right in 10 Minutes and Work 10X Faster

16. Delegate

If there are things that can be better done by others or things that are not so important, consider delegating. This takes a load off and you can focus on the important tasks.

When you delegate some of your work, you free up your time and achieve more. Learn about how to effectively delegate works in this guide: How to Delegate Work (the Definitive Guide for Successful Leaders)

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17. Batch Similar Tasks Together

For related work, batch them together.

For example, my work can be categorized into these core groups:

  1. writing (articles, my upcoming book)
  2. coaching
  3. workshop development
  4. business development
  5. administrative

I batch all the related tasks together so there’s synergy. If I need to make calls, I allocate a time slot to make all my calls. It really streamlines the process.

18. Eliminate Your Time Wasters

What takes your time away your work? Facebook? Twitter? Email checking? Stop checking them so often.

One thing you can do is make it hard to check them – remove them from your browser quick links / bookmarks and stuff them in a hard to access bookmarks folder. Replace your browser bookmarks with important work-related sites.

While you’ll still checking FB/Twitter no doubt, you’ll find it’s a lower frequency than before.

19. Cut off When You Need To

The number one reason why things overrun is because you don’t cut off when you have to.

Don’t be afraid to intercept in meetings or draw a line to cut-off. Otherwise, there’s never going to be an end and you’ll just eat into the time for later.

20. Leave Buffer Time In-Between

Don’t pack everything closely together. Leave a 5-10 minute buffer time in between each tasks. This helps you wrap up the previous task and start off on the next one.

More Time Management Techniques

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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