Advertising
Advertising

How to Jump on the Road To Success Today and Change Your Life

How to Jump on the Road To Success Today and Change Your Life

It was like being hit in the head with a sledge hammer as she turned the corner expecting a clear street dotted with tall trees and bird song, her face had a look of utter shock and horror, how could this have happened? How could she find herself here?When you are someone that works hard to get what you want in life, how can it be that you find yourself on the wrong road? How can you tell you are on the wrong road and what can you do about it?

The person above was a recent client, although to be fair it could be anyone of thousands who I’ve helped in one way or another who suddenly as they divulge their inner most thoughts, feelings and desires realises with acute horror that this is the wrong road.

That realization that they had been working incredibly hard and it is going to get them no nearer their goals and ambitions. The person above had come to me to look at how they could work their way up their career ladder while growing their own business.

And the reason for the smack in the head the opposite of a Eureka moment was because they’d realized they’d spent the last 2 years working tirelessly, long days, with determination and passion on a goal that they didn’t really want.

Often you find that people are working in a direction thinking it will lead them to what they want when in actual fact they are getting no closer to the things that really matter like happiness, health, fun and time.

Let’s look at how you can identify the wrong road, what you can do to get off of it and how you can get yourself working in the direction you really want so you can have a life that makes you feel genuinely happy, successful and full of life.

Signs you’re on the wrong track

So what’s the signs that you are on the wrong road?

  • Your bank balance looks healthy and yet it fills you with no joy.
  • Your schedule is booked with new business and yet you dread the thought of every meeting and every minute of work.
  • You get home at the end of the day dispirited and wishing you were on holiday.
  • You can’t get the idea out of your head that other people have better lives.
  • You lean heavily on the wrong things in life – box sets, alcohol, gym fixes, chocolate or spending sprees to feel good.
  • You procrastinate even when deadlines loom and don’t feel a lot of guilt if you miss deadlines or make mistakes.
  • Your face smiles and says “I’m fine” when people ask you how you feel and yet your heart and mind can’t register your smile or any satisfaction in the conversation.

These (and many more) are all signs that life is not working for you, that you don’t feel like you are on the road to success; rather the road to purgatory, endlessly destined to feel negative emotions and like you need a good holiday far away from here.

How to jump on the road to success today

I want to take you on a metaphorical journey, share with you some ideas I know work (because they’ve helped so many of my clients) and some routes to success from my clients about the kind of results you too could get if you are ready to jump on the road to success today.

1. Plan your journey

    Sometimes we can be too close to the problem to create solutions.

    Advertising

    Have you ever noticed you are a genius at fixing other people’s life dilemmas and yet you lay awake thinking “What the hell do I do now?” or “How do I get out of this? Or “How do I get where I want to go?”

    A good idea can be to pull away from what you are looking to achieve and think in a more metaphorical way. When we stay too close to our problems and in our own heads, it can be hard to think clearly. That is often because our minds get bogged down with the negative emotions that our mind is happy to play out like any series of Friends that is on a loop somewhere in the world.

    Our brains love to finish things for us; find yourself thinking 1 + 1? It’s hard not to conclude “2”. Therefore when you want to find a new road to success first of all stop travelling down this one for a moment to assess where you are and where you thought you were aiming to go.

    You wouldn’t get in the car and drive from Alaska to Argentina without some preparation, would you? (My friend is about to do this very journey on a motorbike and the planning has taken nearly a year!)

    Consider your own journey and can you say you put in the effort to appreciate:

    • Where are you going?
    • Are you prepared?
    • Have you planned your route?

    Think about a long journey and the things you would load up into your car. Food, water, good music, a phone, GPS, or map? What else would you take with you?

    A journey planned is far more likely to reach its destination. Don’t think of your own ambitions or goals in life (remember we can be too close to our problems to work out the best course of action) imagine a road trip and the items you would deem essential, now add what you would feel would make the journey more enjoyable?

    Now bring yourself back to the issues that you feel are in your way, did you really plan for this trip properly? What do you need to add or do to help you get where you want to go?

    2. Choose the right transport

      Would you jump on the highway on a 3 year olds tricycle? No? Why not?

      It will move you forward, it has wheels, what’s the issue? Obvious right, it clearly is the wrong tool for the job. It would be dangerous, you could physically get squashed and it could take you an awful long time!

      Advertising

      A perfect example is the client who was looking to take on a big challenge and they’d made the mistake of treating their friends and family like their mentor or coach. A real mentor or coach is only on your agenda, that is tough for a family member or friend to do without a lot of training. The minute this client realized that these people had an vested interest and didn’t want this person to get hurt, they could see they needed a new coach.

      One that would listen, challenge and enable them to go for what they really wanted. Tools for the journey come in many guises, metaphorical and physical, would you say you are using the right ones?

      3. Don’t follow everyone else

        If you get lost, you might find you can see everyone else taking the turning up ahead and think to yourself “that must be the best way to go.” And before you know it, you are on a country lane in the middle of nowhere!

        If you have planned what you want, you then need to stick to it. Just because other people are going in different directions that doesn’t mean it is right for you. It is so important to know who you are.

        I think one of the most powerful things I do with clients is enable them to appreciate the science of being who they are, knowing what matters to them, what makes them excited, passionate, angry, determined. If you don’t know your own values, desires and passions in life, it can be all too easy to find yourself heading down someone else’s definition of success.

        Another sign that you are following other people’s roads to success is that you are easily convinced to try something new. Trying new things is good for you and your success, however they are detrimental to your success if you can’t honestly justify that they fit into your own agenda and life plans.

        4. Stay in the same lane

          Have you ever been stuck in a traffic jam and found yourself switching from one lane to the other, only to discover that the new lane seems to be the slow lane and the one you were in is now faster?

          Infuriating isn’t it?

          A study by The University of Toronto researchers Dr Donald Redelmeier and Dr Robert Tibshirani found that cars that constantly switch lanes actually spend more time being passed by other vehicles than they would overtaking them. And probably find themselves a lot more stressed by the journey too.

          Advertising

          Sometimes you have to accept that the route to success is going to have a slow day and stick with it. On those days it is worth checking you are doing the best you can and are on the right track.

          Are you working in the best possible way? Could it be more beneficial to slow down and take the time to research ideas or further your knowledge (something you can always do in the car on a long journey with a podcast) so that your patience is rewarded with a broader knowledge to achieve your success.

          Don’t be tempted to divert from where you want to go, a slow day is still getting you nearer your success.

          Remember sticking to your own path that is right for you will not always feel easy. Sometimes it is the people that dared to think differently and act differently that change the world. Your own path is far more likely to help you be one of the disrupters, innovators, and thought leaders.

          A slower day can also be a great opportunity to ask yourself these questions:

          • What can I visualize coming up ahead?
          • What obstacles may I find in the future?
          • What plans do I have to deal with those obstacles?
          • What have I just been through that I know has helped me to get to this stage?
          • What have I journeyed though that I can replicate in the future?

          Understanding the science of being you, what works, how you naturally deal with obstacles can be massively empowering and motivating.

          5. Swap lanes

            “Whoa Mandie, you just told us to stay in the same lane. Now you are telling us to swap, make up your mind!” I hear you complain.

            Hear me out.

            I’ve seen clients belligerently carrying on with a plan of action and slogging their guts out on stupidly long hours and they look completely emotionally destroyed and like they will never get what they want. I remember one client who was stacked with new clients, business was booming and they were great at their job, but they hated every minute of it.

            It was really tough to admit that this was not what they wanted after all. They clung on for dear life to a perception of reality that didn’t exist and was causing a lot of stress and even the risk of burnout. By accepting how much they hated their job, they were able to change lanes.

            Advertising

            The assumption had been that they’d “been lucky” and couldn’t replicate that level of success again, that their partner would be frustrated and annoyed with them; breaking down the barriers to honesty and enabling them to see what they really wanted and needed to have the guts to do literally changed their whole life.

            They even discovered the constant stomach troubles that plagued them disappeared too. That was a bonus they’d not expected! It takes guts to change lane and realise you were going the wrong way, don’t be hard on yourself and go it alone, who will you lean on to ensure you know you are doing the right thing and can help you to achieve it?

            6. Know that floods will be ahead

              Whether you are facing a road block, a diversion, blizzards or storms. On the journey to success, no one gets a clear ride all the time.

              I know someone that lost their premises and they were devastated. They had put so much time, effort, money and life into their big ambition only to lose the premises that would bring it all beautifully to life.

              As we worked together, you could see that that was so huge to them they could easily have given up and be knocked into a path of action that would never make them happy. Here’s what we did to help them keep going (and for the record they are now in far more awesome premises and one of the leading distributors for their company in the country!)

              1. Is this really what you want?
              2. What have you learned from this situation?
              3. What could you do? (Make this a massive long list of options, don’t narrow down to time restrictions, financial consideration, health implications or even skill set. At this stage, write every possible idea down for your brain to process and play with.)
              4. What do I know I can do to move forward?
              5. Who do I need to rely on?
              6. Who is my positivity and results vampire? (You know the person that says things like “I told you it wouldn’t work” and “it’s probably for the best” and “Maybe it just was never to be.” Keep negativity out of your life, it won’t help you.
              7. What is my plan of action?
              8. How will I know it is working?
              9. What time scale am I working to?

              Pick your road and go for it

              I hope our metaphorical journey has helped you to visualize what you wish to achieve and given you some easy to action tools to make it happen. It does take confidence to go for it and find your true road to success; however, don’t turn out like the person that it took 7 years to come and see me.

              They’d considered it on numerous occasions and they’d always found a reason to keep plodding on hoping things would miraculously improve, it cost them their home, their marriage and their health before they really felt the pain and decided to re-write their future.

              Remember that no matter what road you wish to take in life, it is yours for the choosing. And if you don’t choose one, life has a way of throwing you on a road and you never know where you may end up!

              Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

              More by this author

              Mandie Holgate

              Coach, International BEST Selling Author, Speaker & Blogger helping thousands around the world.

              How to Make Positive Changes Now (And Start Living a Fulfilling Life) What Is Self Efficacy and How to Improve Yours 6 Types of Fear of Success and How to Overcome Them 20 Coping Skills for Stress That Will Help You Stay Strong How to Stop Living in Fear and Start Stepping out of Your Comfort Zone

              Trending in Mental Strength

              1 How to Make Changes in Life To Be The Best Version of You 2 How to Make Positive Changes Now (And Start Living a Fulfilling Life) 3 50+ Best Motivational Quotes To Overcome Life’s Challenges 4 10 Simple Strategies to Make Your Life Better Starting Today 5 13 Simple Habits to Cultivate Self-Compassion

              Read Next

              Advertising
              Advertising
              Advertising

              Last Updated on July 17, 2019

              How to Make Changes in Life To Be The Best Version of You

              How to Make Changes in Life To Be The Best Version of You

              Let’s start with the problem:

              You get back from work. You’re tired. It was a long day. You know there’s things you could do, to get out of the rut you’re in.

              But, let’s be honest. You really would rather relax, sit down and chill for a bit. Grab a snack. Watch your favourite show.

              By the time you’ve done that, the day’s over. There’s just not enough time. To make this worse – you don’t have the energy or willpower to make changes in your life today.

              So where do you go from there?

              What you need are some easy to apply actions that are proven to work.

              This article is going to give you 4 steps on how to make changes in life so you can follow today and get closer to success – even when you are feeling tired and lazy.

              These steps have proven to work for me, and many of the coaching clients I work with privately.

              1. Squash Inconsistency by Giving up Motivation

              Now most people, when they want to make changes to their lives, focus on making lengthy to-do lists and plans. They think over and over again about what is going wrong, what is going well and what they want, etc.

              All in a bid to push themselves to getting more motivated.

              Guess what? This isn’t going to work.

              Willpower and motivation are feelings. Feelings are vague and unreliable.

              Instead, what you should do is focus on putting your flawed unpredictable self in the best possible environments.

              If you do one thing first from this list, it’s THIS:

              Find and go to the best possible environment for the area of your life you want to change.

              For example:

              Advertising

              • If you want to get fit, make your first goal to show up at the gym three times a week.
              • If you want to find a new relationship, show up to a meet up in your city for single people.
              • If you want to be productive and make your business idea work, don’t work at home, go to a co working space nearby.

              The reason people fail to become the best version of themselves is because they underestimate the power of environments to influence behavior.

              Accept that you are flawed, prone to distractions and your motivation and willpower will fail you.

              The best hack at your disposal? Show up to “change inducing” environments and get out of your comfort zone (physically)!

              OK. Next step.

              2. Recruit an Elite Team to Help You (For Free)

              Open up any social media platform you’re active on that contains some positive connections you have.

              Send this message to one person you already know and trust ton help you make changes to your life:

              “Hey [first name]. Can I be really frank and honest with you? I’m having one of those – ‘OMG I NEED TO MAKE CHANGES TO MY LIFE!’ moments.

              And I was browsing the internet, looking for tips and this article I came across suggested accountability. So here I am, messaging you to be part of my accountability system.

              My ask is simple.

              Can we sit together once a week at [x place] but do absolutely no socializing? I’ll buy the [coffee/food] and it will be a space to force me to do [x thing]. You literally have to do nothing other than eat the free coffee/food I pay for lol. But it will keep my accountability high, which is what I need.

              What you reckon? Can you help? Thanks!”

              Now obviously, change the language to suit you but you get the idea.

              Not only are you going to environments that will help you make changes, but by bringing a friend (or two), you make it even likelier that you will succeed. It doesn’t even have to be in person, it could be a video call.

              People fail to make changes to their lives because they try to do it all themselves.

              It doesn’t really work in long term, and it doesn’t have to be this way.

              You can recruit and “enlist” people to help you. By doing this, you’re taking care of the up and down motivation you have.

              Advertising

              Not only are people happy to help, when they see this type of behavior, they’re also inspired and motivated to change their lives. Pretty soon, you end up creating change in not just your life, but other people’s too.

              So when the next dip in willpower comes?

              You have a friend sitting right next to you, watching your every move, making sure you get things done anyway.

              3. Build Good Habits Effortlessly

              Changing your life means changing your day to day habits.

              Habits are automated behaviors you do everyday, like how a clock works, without thinking or motivating yourself to do them.

              Some habits help you to change, others can stop you. One of the best ways to replace your ‘bad’ habits with good ones is to treat them like old clothes. What happens when your t-shirt gets old, faded and out of fashion? You replace it with something new and improved.

              Do the same thing with your habits – upgrade and replace them with something better. Start small, then slowly graduate to higher levels of difficulty.

              Let me give you a clear example of what I mean:

              A few years ago (before it became mainstream), I was trying to start my own habit of meditating every single day to help boost my productivity and mindfulness. I’d done a mind blowing course called Vipassana. It involved 10 days of deeply powerful meditation combined with noble silence in a remote part of the UK.

              Now it was easy to do when I was there (#1 – environment!) with all those other meditators (#2 – people helping me). All I could do was meditate. There were ZERO distractions. I had NO CHOICE.

              When I got home however, after a few days of sticking with it, I quickly caved.

              Those extra 30 minutes of sleep were just so much easier than waking up everyday at 4am for a long one hour meditation.

              So what did I do to build this really important habit?

              Like with most things, I wanted to make changes to my life. I wanted to become my best self.

              I knew how important it was. I just couldn’t follow through consistently and kept failing over and over.

              Then, it hit me.

              Advertising

              I needed to start small. I made a tiny change, that made all the difference.

              I made a tiny change, that I could stick to – without fail – that has me meditating daily every single day now.

              What was it?

              Instead of trying to do something BIG inconsistently (1 hour of 4am morning meditation) and failing again and again. I decided to do something small consistently.

              Building any good habit really just comes down to repetition. The way the brain is built works in favour of this.

              My new habit became:

              When I wake up, I will fold my bedding neatly. Then I will sit cross legged for 30 seconds with my eyes closed.

              Eventually, once I did this consistently for a few months. I increased difficulty.

              When I wake up, I will fold my bedding neatly. Then I will meditate for 10 minutes.

              Why does this work?

              What’s important here is that the behavior you want (meditating) is tied to another consistent habit (folding your bedding).

              I attached my new habit to one that already is consistent.

              Making it more likely to happen.

              Secondly, I aimed for consistency, not perfection. This is where a lot of people fail. They have an idea of the change they want, but things become all or nothing.

              When you do this, you fail to realize the power of consistency. The brain you have loves patterns. In this case, I trained my brain to repeat a set pattern every morning when I fold my bed.

              There was no motivation or willpower required.

              Advertising

              This training has gone so far now that if I miss a day of meditating, I really feel uncomfortable. I’m just as conditioned to meditate as most people are to checking their phones in the morning.

              If you want to learn more about quitting bad habits, Lifehack’s CEO also has a guide on it: How to Break Bad Habits: I Broke 3 Bad Habits in Less Than 2 Months

              4. Create More Time by Quitting Social Media

              You know the best thing I’ve ever done for my productivity and it took me 30 seconds to do?

              I deleted all social media apps from my phone and blocked them on my laptop.

              Then, to reinforce it, I told all my friends and followers on Facebook (my most used platform) I wasn’t using it for a while.

              Now, there’s nothing wrong with my social media. Social media is a tool. Tools are neutral. It’s how we use them that is “productive” or “distracting”.

              We each have to judge how healthy our usage is, especially when weighed against unlocking our best self. That said, for most people reading this, including me, I think limiting our usage is a very favorable advantage.

              One of the best ways to make changes in our lives is not to add new tools or tricks. But simply remove things that distract us.

              Social media is something I use heavily for my businesses. Technically I’m a “social media influencer” and “YouTuber”. I need to be posting constantly, right?

              Our situations are unique, so I came up with a unique solution for this. After deleting and blocking these apps from my devices, I installed a social media management software that still allows me to post my updates.

              The big difference, however, is I cannot spend any time scrolling and being distracted.

              Final Thoughts

              Change is not always about more. Sometimes it’s about doing less and getting rid of what distracts or blocks you.

              Trying to do things by yourself is a good way to fail. Share your goals and pitfalls with people, no one helps until you ask.

              Start with small changes consistently instead of big changes failed at consistently. The momentum will give you results over time.

              So what to do next to make changes in your life?

              1. Write down where you are going to GO to create the changes you want.
              2. Message 3 to 4 people on social media and ask them to help you using the message template I gave you.
              3. Choose one small habit to get started with immediately and upgrade it over time.
              4. Delete all, or at least most social media apps on your devices, and notify people you are leaving to make it stick.

              More About Making Changes in Life

              Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

              Read Next