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Last Updated on February 27, 2018

You Will Be So Fly After Reading These 5 Books On How To Smooth Talk

You Will Be So Fly After Reading These 5 Books On How To Smooth Talk

Admit it. We like people to buy into our ideas and beliefs. We like to know that we are right and when others agree, it validates your value and intelligence. We constantly persuade people intentionally and unintentionally. Sales people persuade others to buy; marketers persuade audiences to like; you persuade your boss to give you a raise. There is no way we can deny that persuasion is the modern killing-skill to play in anyone’s career. Yet there are some who seem to have this skill mastered a lot better than others. Fortunately, we have curated a selection of books for you to step up your persuasion game and take what is yours.

To Sell Is Human: The Surprising Truth About Moving Others by Daniel H. Pink

    According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, every day more than fifteen million people earn their keep by persuading someone else to make a purchase. This book is about human behaviour, motivation, and about how EVERYONE “sells”.

    To Sell Is Human reveals the new ABCs of moving others (it’s no longer “Always about Closing”), and explains why extraverts don’t make the best salespeople. Pink gives practical frameworks and theories to closing the deal. The book is incredibly informative, and is recommended for everyone who has a job or even any kind of relationship with that involves some form of persuasion.

    Reading duration: 3hrs 51mins

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    Get To Sell Is Human: The Surprising Truth About Moving Others from Amazon at $12.87

    Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die by Chip Heath and Dan Heath

      What is a sticky idea? It is an idea that is so impressive the audience can remember and adopt. In the book Made to Stick, the authors offer six principles to developing a sticky idea. Readers are encouraged to think about a big idea and test with these six principles that include simplicity, unexpectedness, concreteness, credibility, emotions and stories.

      The book itself adopted the principles, providing a lot of stories (examples) from the non-profit sector, how these organisations work hard to spread the message across, including examples of charities which used the mother-Teresa effect.

      Reading duration: 4hrs 7mins

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      Get Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die from Amazon at $14.31

      Yes!: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive by Noah J. Goldstein, Robert B. Cialdini, Steve J. Martin

        Small changes can make a big difference in your powers of persuasion. While we believe human communication is a form of social science, the book tries to decipher human persuasion with science and provide us with practical tricks to be more persuasive.

        The authors pointed out researchers who studied persuasion have uncovered a series of hidden rules for moving people in your direction. Here is the sneak peek to some of his principles to persuasive expressions – Reciprocation (mirroring what others do can increase liking); and scarcity, we all know the effect of the “Last piece” on all shopaholics. The book offers more of these useful scientific findings that are easily applicable to the daily conversation and even in a business setting.

        Reading duration: 3hrs 52mins

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        Get Yes!: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive from Amazon at $5.76

        Ogilvy on Advertising by David Ogilvy

          This cannot be a persuasive booklist without a slight touch from the advertising giant David Ogilvy. Although this read was written decades ago and contains information that may be considered outdated (especially since advertising has been evolving and with the emergence of the internet), a lot of it is still sound and relevant. Examples in the books are all classic, well-known advertisements/campaigns, including the Got Milk campaign.

          Advertising is the industry of persuasion, and we certainly can take away a lot of tips from this billion revenue industry to apply to our business persuasion.

          Reading duration: 3hrs 10mins

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          Get Ogilvy on Advertising from Amazon at $21.47

          Contagious: Why Things Catch On by Jonah Berger

            Contagious is the book to look for if you need an alternative to traditional advertisements. Berger offers insights into the most powerful free promotion ever – word of mouth.

            Why do people talk about certain products and ideas more than others? Why are some stories and rumours more infectious? And what makes online content go viral?

            The award-winning read combines real business stories with consumer behaviour psychology to support how you can persuade your customers to buy certain products, essentially revealing the secrets to businesses that can successfully create word of mouth among its customers as a free promotion. This is certainly a book to read for people aiming to grow their businesses and get noticed among the crowd without spending big money.e

            Reading duration: 3hrs 37mins

            Get Contagious: Why Things Catch On from Amazon at $7.77

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            Last Updated on January 15, 2019

            How to Talk to Strangers Without Feeling Awkward

            How to Talk to Strangers Without Feeling Awkward

            Many of us feel awkward talking to strangers. I’m a very outgoing person, even though I sometimes feel uncomfortable walking up to someone and asking a question or starting a conversation. I consider myself pretty high up on the extrovert meter. So what is it that makes us pause and become worried or anxious about talking to people we don’t know?

            In this article, we will discuss why we feel this way as well as some tips on how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

            Step right up, don’t be shy!

            Why We Feel Awkward Talking to Strangers

            The next time you feel uncomfortable talking to a stranger, tell yourself that’s completely normal. There are numerous reasons why it’s actually natural to feel awkward talking to strangers:

            Our Stress Levels Rise Around Strangers

            Numerous studies have show that our levels of cortisol go up when we are around strangers.[1] Cortisol is the hormone inside of us which produces stress responses.[2]
            So there you go, right off the bat you can see part of your standard response to strangers is due to a chemical reaction!

            A very interesting by product of increased cortisol is that it makes us less empathetic. More than likely this can be traced to our evolution. The increase in the cortisol and the corresponding decrease in empathy makes us want to stay away from strangers. We are biologically wired to feel concern around strangers.

            Evolution Taught Us to Be Wary

            Evolution has also taught us to be wary of strangers in general. Humans as a whole have spent a large chunk of their history banded together in small protective groups. We did this in order to help protect each other and maximize resources.

            When you think about it in this context, outsiders to our small groups or strangers are considered potential threats. Fear of strangers is common across almost all human cultures.

            Culturally Conditioned

            We can also thank our society for helping us feel uncomfortable and sometimes afraid of strangers. The term “stranger danger” is something most of us can relate to either growing up or raising kids. Or both.

            I remember hearing this from my parents, mostly about not getting in someone’s car I didn’t know. And as the father of 2 teenage girls, you can be sure I’ve talked to them about this very concept more times that they want to hear.

            The thought that strangers can be dangerous is built into us as it is. Toss in the amplification of the media on strangers doing things such as kidnapping kids and it takes it to an even higher level.

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            Now that we’ve reviewed some of the reasons why we are nervous, let’s look at why you should talk to strangers more.

            Benefits of Getting over the Awkwardness

            Let’s take a quick look at some of the advantages of how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward. These are some high level benefits of talking to strangers.

            1. Broadens Your Network

            After you talk to someone, you didn’t know previously they become someone you know at least a little bit. This alone helps broaden your network of people you know. This is helpful in many ways whether it is work related or socially related.

            2. Improves Your Communication Skills

            I am a huge proponent of the value of solid communication skills and have written about it often. The more you talk to people, especially people you don’t know, the better your communication skills become.

            Interacting with a wider variety of people will bring the added benefit of improving your communication skills.

            3. Continually Learning

            So many of us don’t actively seek to learn new things. This is one of the primary keys to staying engaged in life and our own personal self fulfillment.

            Almost every time I speak to someone I didn’t know previously, I’ve learned something new. When we speak to strangers, it pushes us out of our comfort zones and we tend to learn new things.

            4. Increases Self Confidence

            Every time we learn to do something we were previously anxious about, we feel better about ourselves.

            Forcing ourselves to talk to strangers will lead to increased self confidence. As we get more and more comfortable doing something that previously made us feel awkward, our self confidence will go up and up.

            So, how to talk to strangers to reap these benefits?

            How to Talk to Strangers

            Here are some tips to on how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

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            1. Say Hello

            Putting “say hello” first may seem a bit obvious but let’s take a deeper look. Much of the social awkwardness when speaking to strangers is simply breaking the ice. The first words that will engage someone.

            Most people will respond when someone says hello or hi to them. And those that don’t, you probably don’t want to talk to anyway.

            Practice being the person that opens the door to a conversation. Say hello.

            2. Ask About Them

            Something that I have noticed over the years is that people love to talk about themselves. Even fairly private people tend to open up when asked about events in their lives.

            You can ask leading questions that get people to talk about themselves and recent events. Things like recent movies watched or the summer vacation are great to get someone talking.

            As a father, I also know that people love to talk about their kids. Asking about kids is a fairly easy topic to bring up and in general, most people will expound upon all the great things their kids do or are involved with.

            3. Just Do It

            One of the biggest reasons we don’t do things we want to or know we should is because we overthink it. Quit thinking about it so much and just do it.

            When you give yourself the time to analyze every little angle about a situation, you also give plenty of time to talk yourself out of it. You’ll wind up thinking what if this happens or what if that happens.

            Try to force yourself to jump right in without thinking about it too much. Whenever I have done this, I always feel great about it afterwards, no matter how it turned out.

            4. Don’t Take It Personal

            One of the greatest lessons in life I ever learned was don’t take anything personally. We all go through life with our own sets of experiences and see things through our own lens. The way people react to different situations has almost nothing to do with us. It has to do with previous experiences and the way people feel about things other than us.

            When someone’s reaction isn’t what you’d hoped or expected, chances are it has nothing to do with you. Remember that and keep it in context.

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            5. Get a Chuckle If Possible

            I used the word chuckle purposely because it makes me laugh. In my opinion, it’s one of those funny words. We all like to laugh because it makes us feel good. And when someone makes us laugh, we typically remember those people in a positive light.

            One of the best ways to make a conversation easy and free flowing is to get some laughter going. It doesn’t mean you have to be the master joke teller or anything. See if you can work in a way to make the person you are talking to get a smile or some laughter in. In fact, laughing at yourself maybe a nice try.

            6. Detach

            A great feeling is when you don’t mind which way something turns out, that you will be fine no matter what happens. Kind of like when I watch my two favorite football teams play against each other. I don’t really care who wins, I just want a fun game.

            Treat talking to strangers the same way. You don’t really care how the conversation goes because you are detaching from the outcome. Make it a fun time with yourself and if the conversation goes well, awesome! If not then no big deal, move on.

            7. Share Your Stories

            Well, all like to feel connected to other people. And many times we wind up hanging out with people that we have things in common with. No surprise here.

            To help with how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward, tell stories that have commonalities with the person you are talking to. Kids are an easy one. I have a daughter who was a competitive cheerleader and now plays club volleyball. I have instant connection and stories with strangers I speak with who have kids that play sports. It’s easy to relate to.

            So when you are speaking to a stranger and you have a story or mutual connection point, bring it up.

            8. Give a Compliment

            Almost everyone likes hearing a compliment, whether they admit to it or not. As a general rule, we don’t give out enough compliments. It’s amazing how one small remark someone tosses your way about how good you look can literally make your entire day.

            When you are speaking with someone you don’t know, see if you can work a compliment in. Nothing creepy here. Not a good idea to tell someone you just met that they are the prettiest or handsomest person you ever met. However, if you can share how you like their tattoo or shoes or something like that, it will help put the conversation into an easy going, smiling place.

            9. Relax Your Body Language

            If you go into a situation all worried and nervous, it shows on your body. Your shoulders are tensed up, there’s a look of consternation on your face, things like that.

            When you engage a stranger in conversation, make it a point to relax your body language. Take a deep breath before you engage the person, let your body relax, and put a smile on your face. This will help relax you and it has the added benefit of putting the other person more at ease.

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            If they see that you are relaxed, it helps them relax. Plus having open, engaging body language is very conducive to inviting someone to open up into a conversation with you.

            10. Practice, Practice, Practice

            Like everything else in life, talking to strangers gets easier with practice. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

            Make it a point to talk to several strangers each week and it will definitely help you relax as you do it more and more.

            After a while, it will become something you don’t even think about, you just do it. And that takes all of the awkwardness out of being in these type situations.

            The Bottom Line

            As we have seen, it is perfectly natural to feel awkward talking to strangers. We are biologically built that way and we have our own society constantly warning us how dangerous it is. It’s no wonder we feel awkward talking to strangers!

            There are numerous benefits to learning to be more comfortable talking to strangers. See if you can employ some of the techniques mentioned to learn how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

            Once you start practicing speaking with strangers more often and utilizing some of the tips, you will become more comfortable doing so. This in turn will lead to a learned new skill and increased self confidence.

            Remember, everyone you know was a stranger at one time. Now get out there and make some new friends.

            More Resources About Strengthening Communication Skills

            Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

            Reference

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