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It’s Better to Be Nobody Than Somebody

It’s Better to Be Nobody Than Somebody

Most of us desire to fit in, but if we’re good at what we do, we want to stand out. The quest for notoriety leads people to reach incredible heights, but is fame all it’s cracked up to be?

Pixar’s rise to greatness is a good example of how fame has its pros and cons. When they made Toy Story, they invented an entirely new way to make animated films. They knew that the film would present many challenges, but they also felt they could tell a great story.

Toy Story wound up grossing $373,554,033 worldwide, and Pixar became a household name. John Lasseter, the company’s founder, describes his experience with Pixar’s second film, A Bug’s Life:[1]

“When we made Toy Story nobody knew who we were but now… I felt like we were making A Bug’s Life in a fishbowl.”

    The notoriety put the studio under pressure to make something as good as or better than Toy Story. They had to improve their technique and avoid the sophomore slump.

    The unknown studio had the freedom to do whatever it wanted, provided they could find talent and money.[2] As a big animation studio, audiences are much more critical, and they have to answer to Disney.

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    Being famous has its perks. We love validation, and having people recognize our talents is an amazing feeling. Feeling like a nobody who can’t seem to turn their dreams into reality doesn’t feel great.

    Obscurity isn’t all bad, though. Don’t let the quest for fame deprive you of the fruits that come from being an unknown.

    Being invisible is scary

      We humans are a social bunch. We learned to stick together because doing so increased our chances of survival. Exile from the group made it tough to get all the resources necessary to make it.

      Beyond evolutionary reasons for sticking together, we’re sensitive to being left out. Deep down, most people just want to be wanted. When we feel invisible, it can create an existential crisis for us.

      When we’re left in the shadows, we often feel sad and envious of people in the spotlight, who seems happy to live in the spotlight and have the attention of people around him.

      When we feel like somebodies instead of nobodies, we don’t question our existence. Our position in society is constantly reinforced by the attention we receive from others.

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      Being famous is not fun

        Being famous satisfies some needs, but it creates others. When you’re famous, you can’t just do whatever you want. You can’t take on certain types of projects because your audience has expectations about what you can and can’t create.

        When you live “under the radar,” you are free to make mistakes. As more people recognize and look up to you, they’ll watch your every move. They usually do this out of love, but it can feel like you don’t have any privacy. Every decision you make is on display. You have to be careful about everything you do when you’re famous.

        Fame also brings more responsibility. The stakes are higher when you start a new project because you have a lot to lose. As you gain fame, other people depend on you. If your new project fails miserably, you might cost yourself and your team their livelihoods.

        Pixar has much more at stake now than when started. They’re responsible to shareholders, and they have an audience that expects them to deliver. Taking a big risk could cost them more money and resources than when they first got into the animation business.

        The perk of obscurity

          Everyone is an unknown for some of their journey. You should embrace and enjoy having the chance to rise and improve. You can make mistakes, and nobody will notice. You don’t have as many worries, your risks are smaller, and if you fail, you can bounce back quickly. Obscurity can be liberating.

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          Imagine you’re an unknown author who decides to publish a novel unlike anything you’ve done before. The novel tanks, but since nobody knew who you were, you were able to spend some time reflecting on what happened. You realized that you were writing what you thought people wanted instead of being true to yourself.

          If you had made the same mistake as an established author, your audience would not be forgiving. They might think that you’re washed up instead of recognizing that you are experimenting. Obscurity gives you the freedom to find out who you are without having to answer to others.

          Being well-known has its advantages, but the cost can be high too. It’s best to appreciate your life for exactly what it is. If you want to achieve fame, realize that the entire journey from being nobody to somebody (not just the part where you’re famous) is important.

          Being somebody doesn’t mean that you need to be world-famous. You can be somebody in your hometown or city. If you’ve achieved what you want, you are somebody. Obscurity is just one part of that journey to being who you want to be and doing what you want to do.

          Fame is an endless chase

          We’ve all heard about people getting their 15 minutes of fame or becoming one-hit wonders. Fame is always subject to change. You may have times when your work is very popular, and there might be points when people don’t know your name. Only a few people have staying-power to be famous forever.

          The public’s attention span is short. Even very famous people don’t get attention 24/7. Some of them crave their alone-time, while others seem confused and upset by it. Lady Gaga stated in the documentary Gaga: Five Foot Two:[3]

          “…And I go from everyone touching me all day and talking at me all day to total silence.”

          The endless chase to be validated and recognized is exhausting and unhealthy.

          Be a nobody for a while

          Realize that fame is the side effect of luck, hard work, and circumstance. Take in the good and bad about living in obscurity for a while. Being an unknown gives you the chance to fail and take risks without destroying your career.

          Every failure will help you improve and refine your mission. Obscurity is your playground. Go there and get creative without worrying about anything other than the things that you love. Living in obscurity and being okay with it will teach you what you need to know to handle fame one day.

          We think that the lives of famous people are easy, but that is only because we see the results of the hard work that they did in obscurity. When Sylvester Stallone wrote the script for Rocky, he was so poor that he had to sell his dog to survive.[4] Chris Pratt lived in a van before he got his big break in Hollywood.[5]

          The journey from obscurity takes time, and you learn many lessons along the way. You find out what you’re made of, and you refine your craft until it’s ready for the world to enjoy. Instead of worry about getting famous, concentrate on being the best version of yourself that you can be.

          Reference

          More by this author

          Leon Ho

          Founder & CEO of Lifehack

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          Last Updated on July 17, 2019

          How to Make Changes in Life To Be The Best Version of You

          How to Make Changes in Life To Be The Best Version of You

          Let’s start with the problem:

          You get back from work. You’re tired. It was a long day. You know there’s things you could do, to get out of the rut you’re in.

          But, let’s be honest. You really would rather relax, sit down and chill for a bit. Grab a snack. Watch your favourite show.

          By the time you’ve done that, the day’s over. There’s just not enough time. To make this worse – you don’t have the energy or willpower to make changes in your life today.

          So where do you go from there?

          What you need are some easy to apply actions that are proven to work.

          This article is going to give you 4 steps on how to make changes in life so you can follow today and get closer to success – even when you are feeling tired and lazy.

          These steps have proven to work for me, and many of the coaching clients I work with privately.

          1. Squash Inconsistency by Giving up Motivation

          Now most people, when they want to make changes to their lives, focus on making lengthy to-do lists and plans. They think over and over again about what is going wrong, what is going well and what they want, etc.

          All in a bid to push themselves to getting more motivated.

          Guess what? This isn’t going to work.

          Willpower and motivation are feelings. Feelings are vague and unreliable.

          Instead, what you should do is focus on putting your flawed unpredictable self in the best possible environments.

          If you do one thing first from this list, it’s THIS:

          Find and go to the best possible environment for the area of your life you want to change.

          For example:

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          • If you want to get fit, make your first goal to show up at the gym three times a week.
          • If you want to find a new relationship, show up to a meet up in your city for single people.
          • If you want to be productive and make your business idea work, don’t work at home, go to a co working space nearby.

          The reason people fail to become the best version of themselves is because they underestimate the power of environments to influence behavior.

          Accept that you are flawed, prone to distractions and your motivation and willpower will fail you.

          The best hack at your disposal? Show up to “change inducing” environments and get out of your comfort zone (physically)!

          OK. Next step.

          2. Recruit an Elite Team to Help You (For Free)

          Open up any social media platform you’re active on that contains some positive connections you have.

          Send this message to one person you already know and trust ton help you make changes to your life:

          “Hey [first name]. Can I be really frank and honest with you? I’m having one of those – ‘OMG I NEED TO MAKE CHANGES TO MY LIFE!’ moments.

          And I was browsing the internet, looking for tips and this article I came across suggested accountability. So here I am, messaging you to be part of my accountability system.

          My ask is simple.

          Can we sit together once a week at [x place] but do absolutely no socializing? I’ll buy the [coffee/food] and it will be a space to force me to do [x thing]. You literally have to do nothing other than eat the free coffee/food I pay for lol. But it will keep my accountability high, which is what I need.

          What you reckon? Can you help? Thanks!”

          Now obviously, change the language to suit you but you get the idea.

          Not only are you going to environments that will help you make changes, but by bringing a friend (or two), you make it even likelier that you will succeed. It doesn’t even have to be in person, it could be a video call.

          People fail to make changes to their lives because they try to do it all themselves.

          It doesn’t really work in long term, and it doesn’t have to be this way.

          You can recruit and “enlist” people to help you. By doing this, you’re taking care of the up and down motivation you have.

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          Not only are people happy to help, when they see this type of behavior, they’re also inspired and motivated to change their lives. Pretty soon, you end up creating change in not just your life, but other people’s too.

          So when the next dip in willpower comes?

          You have a friend sitting right next to you, watching your every move, making sure you get things done anyway.

          3. Build Good Habits Effortlessly

          Changing your life means changing your day to day habits.

          Habits are automated behaviors you do everyday, like how a clock works, without thinking or motivating yourself to do them.

          Some habits help you to change, others can stop you. One of the best ways to replace your ‘bad’ habits with good ones is to treat them like old clothes. What happens when your t-shirt gets old, faded and out of fashion? You replace it with something new and improved.

          Do the same thing with your habits – upgrade and replace them with something better. Start small, then slowly graduate to higher levels of difficulty.

          Let me give you a clear example of what I mean:

          A few years ago (before it became mainstream), I was trying to start my own habit of meditating every single day to help boost my productivity and mindfulness. I’d done a mind blowing course called Vipassana. It involved 10 days of deeply powerful meditation combined with noble silence in a remote part of the UK.

          Now it was easy to do when I was there (#1 – environment!) with all those other meditators (#2 – people helping me). All I could do was meditate. There were ZERO distractions. I had NO CHOICE.

          When I got home however, after a few days of sticking with it, I quickly caved.

          Those extra 30 minutes of sleep were just so much easier than waking up everyday at 4am for a long one hour meditation.

          So what did I do to build this really important habit?

          Like with most things, I wanted to make changes to my life. I wanted to become my best self.

          I knew how important it was. I just couldn’t follow through consistently and kept failing over and over.

          Then, it hit me.

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          I needed to start small. I made a tiny change, that made all the difference.

          I made a tiny change, that I could stick to – without fail – that has me meditating daily every single day now.

          What was it?

          Instead of trying to do something BIG inconsistently (1 hour of 4am morning meditation) and failing again and again. I decided to do something small consistently.

          Building any good habit really just comes down to repetition. The way the brain is built works in favour of this.

          My new habit became:

          When I wake up, I will fold my bedding neatly. Then I will sit cross legged for 30 seconds with my eyes closed.

          Eventually, once I did this consistently for a few months. I increased difficulty.

          When I wake up, I will fold my bedding neatly. Then I will meditate for 10 minutes.

          Why does this work?

          What’s important here is that the behavior you want (meditating) is tied to another consistent habit (folding your bedding).

          I attached my new habit to one that already is consistent.

          Making it more likely to happen.

          Secondly, I aimed for consistency, not perfection. This is where a lot of people fail. They have an idea of the change they want, but things become all or nothing.

          When you do this, you fail to realize the power of consistency. The brain you have loves patterns. In this case, I trained my brain to repeat a set pattern every morning when I fold my bed.

          There was no motivation or willpower required.

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          This training has gone so far now that if I miss a day of meditating, I really feel uncomfortable. I’m just as conditioned to meditate as most people are to checking their phones in the morning.

          If you want to learn more about quitting bad habits, Lifehack’s CEO also has a guide on it: How to Break Bad Habits: I Broke 3 Bad Habits in Less Than 2 Months

          4. Create More Time by Quitting Social Media

          You know the best thing I’ve ever done for my productivity and it took me 30 seconds to do?

          I deleted all social media apps from my phone and blocked them on my laptop.

          Then, to reinforce it, I told all my friends and followers on Facebook (my most used platform) I wasn’t using it for a while.

          Now, there’s nothing wrong with my social media. Social media is a tool. Tools are neutral. It’s how we use them that is “productive” or “distracting”.

          We each have to judge how healthy our usage is, especially when weighed against unlocking our best self. That said, for most people reading this, including me, I think limiting our usage is a very favorable advantage.

          One of the best ways to make changes in our lives is not to add new tools or tricks. But simply remove things that distract us.

          Social media is something I use heavily for my businesses. Technically I’m a “social media influencer” and “YouTuber”. I need to be posting constantly, right?

          Our situations are unique, so I came up with a unique solution for this. After deleting and blocking these apps from my devices, I installed a social media management software that still allows me to post my updates.

          The big difference, however, is I cannot spend any time scrolling and being distracted.

          Final Thoughts

          Change is not always about more. Sometimes it’s about doing less and getting rid of what distracts or blocks you.

          Trying to do things by yourself is a good way to fail. Share your goals and pitfalls with people, no one helps until you ask.

          Start with small changes consistently instead of big changes failed at consistently. The momentum will give you results over time.

          So what to do next to make changes in your life?

          1. Write down where you are going to GO to create the changes you want.
          2. Message 3 to 4 people on social media and ask them to help you using the message template I gave you.
          3. Choose one small habit to get started with immediately and upgrade it over time.
          4. Delete all, or at least most social media apps on your devices, and notify people you are leaving to make it stick.

          More About Making Changes in Life

          Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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