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Last Updated on February 28, 2018

Envy Used to Be a Good Thing, Why We Don’t Need It Any More?

Envy Used to Be a Good Thing, Why We Don’t Need It Any More?

Jealousy and envy is part of human nature, a trait that everyone has.

An experiment about envy was conducted by researchers from Oxford and Warwick Universities.[1] In the study, researchers created an online game that gave people the chance to win money. People who won were presented with the option to spend some of their winnings to burn the winnings of others. This at first sounds like a strange option. Yet during the experiment, 2/3 of the players chose to burn others winnings.

Their envy was so bad that, it was not enough for them to do well, other people had to do badly. Their victory had to be conclusive, and they were paradoxically willing to lose money to ensure this. In the end, everyone lost out.

If a person wasn’t envious of someone they considered more successful, they may not aspire to be like them and as a result, may not push themselves to greater success. However, make no mistake, envy is always destructive.

Envy Was for Survival, but Now It’s for Savage

It has been argued that envy originated as an early survival instinct. When humans lived as hunter-gatherers millions of years ago, survival and social advancement was based on competition. In such a world, it is easy to imagine that a person would have only judged themselves in direct comparison to others.

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The caveman would have been constantly on the lookout for rivals, or those in possession of things they desired. When such a person was identified, the caveman would have either eliminated that rival, or found a way to beat them in other ways. Not unlike how a wolf can become the alpha of his clan by beating them in other ways.

    But the fact is, humans no longer operate like this. We do not survive by eliminating our rivals anymore. Putting others down in order to raise yourself up is not the good way to succeed. While taking others down is irrational, it can be illegal too. As such we have outlived the need for envy.

      Envy makes us blind and unreasonable, think about it, have you ever seen a post on facebook by someone you know that makes it seem like their lives are different than in reality? Maybe it’s a flashy car a friend has just bought himself, or maybe it’s another friend traveling around the world. All of their lives seem perfect.

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        But the truth is, you never really know the real life behind each of these facebook posts. That friend who has a flashy car could be having loads of struggles that you don’t see, maybe he just wants attention from others yet he doesn’t really have true friends to share his thoughts with.

          You are assuming that they have a great life based on what they have showed others in a virtual world. Envy makes you admire another person’s life and believe that others are having better lives than yours. It’s like giving another person compliment in a way that make yourself feel bad.

          A Wise Man’s Take on Envy

          Next time when you feel like envy is popping up in your head, try these steps:

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          1. Stop Believing the Perfect Picture

          You’re not other people. You don’t really know the struggles behind that flashy car, that cool vacation, or that expensive house. For example, that friend who’s got himself a nice car doesn’t have real friends, that’s very sad.

          That “perfect” picture in our mind is purely imaginative. When we stop idealizing what others are experiencing, we will not be blinded by what we wee with our eyes.

          2. Reframe the Picture

          Ask yourself, the things that others have, do you really need them?

          Can you imagine how expensive it is to maintain a house like that? What’s the point of having nine or more rooms when they only have a family of three? Most of their money probably goes into merely keeping their house clean and in good condition. Ultimately, a house like that might not suit you.

          What about that car? Sure it looks nice, it’s probably comfortable and fast. But it’s pretty impractical for driving around a busy city. It might not be very fuel efficient. So right there, the two most appealing parts of the picture become less impressive and actually pretty useless.

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          Relate what you see to your own life, picture yourself being in that situation and what you really need to take care of. Then you’ll see the downside of those things too and realize that you don’t really need them.

          3. Look Away from the Picture and Look at Yourself

          It sounds like a cliche, but it’s always a good idea to be thankful for what you have. Look at the people and things you’ve already had and how these things have satisfied your needs.

          You might not think your car isn’t fancy, but it takes you to where you want to go. You might want a bigger house, but your current one could be cosy, warm and comfortable.

          Envy will only make you sadder. It doesn’t help you to make yourself better and happier. So when envy is hitting you again, stop, take a look at yourself and appreciate what you have.

          Reference

          More by this author

          Brian Lee

          Chief of Product Management at Lifehack

          100 Incredible Life Hacks That Make Life So Much Easier 10 Best New Products That People Don’t Know About Book Summary: The Power of Habit in 2 Minutes 1 Minute Book Summary: How To Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less 2 Minutes Book Summary: Thinking Fast and Slow

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          Last Updated on February 19, 2019

          How to Make Changes in Life To Be The Very Best Version of You

          How to Make Changes in Life To Be The Very Best Version of You

          Let’s start with the problem:

          You get back from work. You’re tired. It was a long day. You know there’s things you could do, to get out of the rut you’re in.

          But, let’s be honest. You really would rather relax, sit down and chill for a bit. Grab a snack. Watch your favourite show.

          By the time you’ve done that, the day’s over. There’s just not enough time. To make this worse – you don’t have the energy or willpower to make changes in your life today.

          So where do you go from there?

          What you need are some easy to apply actions that are proven to work.

          This article is going to give you 4 steps on how to make changes in life so you can follow today and get closer to success – even when you are feeling tired and lazy.

          These steps have proven to work for me, and many of the coaching clients I work with privately.

          1. Squash inconsistency by giving up motivation

          Now most people, when they want to make changes to their lives, focus on making lengthy to-do lists and plans. They think over and over again about what is going wrong, what is going well and what they want, etc.

          All in a bid to push themselves to getting more motivated.

          Guess what? This isn’t going to work.

          Willpower and motivation are feelings. Feelings are vague and unreliable.

          Instead what you should do is focus on putting your flawed unpredictable self in the best possible environments.

          If you do one thing first from this list, it’s THIS:

          Find and go to the best possible environment for the area of your life you want to change.

          For example:

          • If you want to get fit, make your first goal to show up at the gym three times a week.
          • If you want to find a new relationship, show up to a meet up in your city for single people.
          • If you want to be productive and make your business idea work, don’t work at home, go to a co working space nearby.

          The reason people fail to become the best version of themselves is because they underestimate the power of environments to influence behavior.

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          Accept that you are flawed, prone to distractions and your motivation and willpower will fail you.

          The best hack at your disposal? Show up to “change inducing” environments and get out of your comfort zone (physically)!

          OK. Next step.

          2. Recruit an elite team to help you (for free)

          Open up any social media platform you’re active on that contains some positive connections you have.

          Send this message to one person you already know and trust ton help you make changes to your life:

          “Hey [first name]. Can I be really frank and honest with you? I’m having one of those – ‘OMG I NEED TO MAKE CHANGES TO MY LIFE!’ moments.

          And I was browsing the internet, looking for tips and this article I came across suggested accountability. So here I am, messaging you to be part of my accountability system.

          My ask is simple.

          Can we sit together once a week at [x place] but do absolutely no socializing? I’ll buy the [coffee/food] and it will be a space to force me to do [x thing]. You literally have to do nothing other than eat the free coffee/food I pay for lol. But it will keep my accountability high, which is what I need.

          What you reckon? Can you help? Thanks!”

          Now obviously, change the language to suit you but you get the idea.

          Not only are you going to environments that will help you make changes, but by bringing a friend (or two), you make it even likelier that you will succeed. It doesn’t even have to be in person, it could be a video call.

          People fail to make changes to their lives because they try to do it all themselves.

          It doesn’t really work in long term, and it doesn’t have to be this way.

          You can recruit and “enlist” people to help you. By doing this, you’re taking care of the up and down motivation you have.

          Not only are people happy to help, when they see this type of behavior, they’re also inspired and motivated to change their lives. Pretty soon, you end up creating change in not just your life, but other people’s too.

          So when the next dip in willpower comes?

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          You have a friend sitting right next to you, watching your every move, making sure you get things done anyway.

          3. Build good habits effortlessly

          Changing your life means changing your day to day habits.

          Habits are automated behaviors you do everyday, like how a clock works, without thinking or motivating yourself to do them.

          Some habits help you to change, others can stop you. One of the best ways to replace your ‘bad’ habits with good ones is to treat them like old clothes.

          What happens when your t-shirt gets old, faded and out of fashion? You replace it with something new and improved.

          Do the same thing with your habits – upgrade and replace them with something better. Start small, then slowly graduate to higher levels of difficulty.

          Let me give you a clear example of what I mean:

          A few years ago (before it became mainstream), I was trying to start my own habit of meditating every single day to help boost my productivity and mindfulness. I’d done a mind blowing course called Vipassana. It involved 10 days of deeply powerful meditation combined with noble silence in a remote part of the UK.

          Now it was easy to do when I was there (#1 – environment!) with all those other meditators (#2 – people helping me). All I could do was meditate. There were ZERO distractions. I had NO CHOICE.

          When I got home however, after a few days of sticking with it, I quickly caved.

          Those extra 30 minutes of sleep were just so much easier than waking up everyday at 4am for a long one hour meditation.

          So what did I do to build this really important habit?

          Like with most things, I wanted to make changes to my life. I wanted to become my best self.

          I knew how important it was. I just couldn’t follow through consistently and kept failing over and over.

          Then, it hit me.

          I needed to start small. I made a tiny change, that made all the difference.

          I made a tiny change, that I could stick to – without fail – that has me meditating daily every single day now.

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          What was it?

          Instead of trying to do something BIG inconsistently (1 hour of 4am morning meditation) and failing again and again. I decided to do something small consistently.

          Building any good habit really just comes down to repetition. The way the brain is built works in favour of this.

          My new habit became:

          When I wake up, I will fold my bedding neatly. Then I will sit cross legged for 30 seconds with my eyes closed.

          Eventually, once I did this consistently for a few months. I increased difficulty.

          When I wake up, I will fold my bedding neatly. Then I will meditate for 10 minutes.

          Why does this work?

          What’s important here is that the behavior you want (meditating) is tied to another consistent habit (folding your bedding).

          I attached my new habit to one that already is consistent.

          Making it more likely to happen.

          Secondly, I aimed for consistency, not perfection. This is where a lot of people fail. They have an idea of the change they want, but things become all or nothing.

          When you do this, you fail to realize the power of consistency. The brain you have loves patterns. In this case, I trained my brain to repeat a set pattern every morning when I fold my bed.

          There was no motivation or willpower required.

          This training has gone so far now that if I miss a day of meditating, I really feel uncomfortable. I’m just as conditioned to meditate as most people are to checking their phones in the morning.

          If you want to learn more about quitting bad habits, Lifehack’s CEO also has a guide on it:

          How to Break Bad Habits: I Broke 3 Bad Habits in Less Than 2 Months

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          4. Create more time by quitting social media

          You know the best thing I’ve ever done for my productivity and it took me 30 seconds to do?

          I deleted all social media apps from my phone and blocked them on my laptop.

          Then, to reinforce it, I told all my friends and followers on Facebook (my most used platform) I wasn’t using it for a while.

          Now, there’s nothing wrong with my social media. Social media is a tool. Tools are neutral. It’s how we use them that is “productive” or “distracting”.

          We each have to judge how healthy our usage is – especially when weighed against unlocking our best self.

          That said. For most people reading this, including me, I think limiting our usage is a very favorable advantage.

          One of the best ways to make changes in our lives is not to add new tools or tricks. But simply remove things that distract us.

          Social media is something I use heavily for both my businesses. Technically I’m a “social media influencer” and “YouTuber”. I need to be posting constantly, right?

          Our situations are unique, so I came up with a unique solution for this. After deleting and blocking these apps from my devices, I installed a social media management software that still allows me to post my updates.

          The big difference however, is I cannot spend any time scrolling and being distracted.

          Summing it up

          Change is not always about more. Sometimes it’s about doing less and getting rid of what distracts or blocks you.

          Trying to do things by yourself is a good way to fail. Share your goals and pitfalls with people, no one helps until you ask.

          Start with small changes consistently instead of big changes failed at consistently. The momentum will give you results over time.

          So what to do next to make changes in your life?

          1. Write down where you are going to GO to create the changes you want.
          2. Message 3-4 people on social media and ask them to help you using the message template I gave you.
          3. Choose one small habit to get started with immediately and upgrade it over time.
          4. Delete all, or at least most social media apps on your devices, and notify people you are leaving to make it stick.

          Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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