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Asking a Girl Out Doesn’t Need To Be Hard, You Just Need To Know How

Asking a Girl Out Doesn’t Need To Be Hard, You Just Need To Know How

Tinder has revolutionized the way that we date. As of 2016, the app had 25 million users, 1.5 million of whom pay for it. There’s a clear demand for the service, and it represents a shift in how people date. Back in the day, we used to meet people first to decide whether we wanted to date them. Today, we’ve flipped this model on its head. We prefer to talk before we have an in-person meeting.

Date the real person, not the person she created using her phone

Starting a proper relationship requires so much more than typing into a chat box. You can’t stay in the chat room forever. If you want to make a real connection with someone, you have to be able to have a face to face meeting.

You can never truly know someone if your communication consists only online messages. People can easily fake their reactions or disguise their intentions through text. Think about how often people type “lol” without laughing out loud. Even worse, some individuals create fake online personas to swindle people.

When you meet someone in person, you can see their facial expressions, pick up on their tone of voice, and get a real sense of who they are. They won’t be as likely to fake a reaction, and you can see their response in real time.

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Being physically present with a person is an important part of building a relationship. Having physical interactions can confirm intimacy and attraction. Online dating can involve far too much fantasy. If you spend too much time chatting with a person online, you may build up unreasonable expectations about the person.

The bottom line is, you’re going to have to ask her out. You may feel nervous doing this, but simply asking her for a date is the first step in forming an authentic real-world connection. Asking someone out can seem difficult, but there are a few things that you can do to ensure that you succeed.

1. Pay attention to your conversation

Your instincts about a person and situation can be a powerful indicator of whether it’s time to take the relationship off the screen and into reality. You should have a good feeling about the person before you suggest a meeting.

Have you been talking for a while? Sometimes people go online to look for casual dates. Their attention-span might be short. If you’re interested in having a more serious relationship, you’ll only want to ask someone you’ve been talking to for a while. Having a few conversations online first will help you determine whether it is the right time to ask her out.

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If you’re having frequent conversations, you can determine a lot about the other person and choose your moment to ask for a date. If she seems to be hung up on her ex, or some of her responses don’t sit well with you, you may not want to ask her out.

On the other hand, if the girl seems genuinely interested in learning more about you, or if she’s indicated that she’s ready for a serious relationship, your chances of success are higher.[1] If you feel like you have a connection with this person, remember to take things slowly. Girls tend to avoid guys who seem insecure or clingy.

Does it seem like she shares some interests with you? If you’ve discussed ethical questions, do you agree with her philosophy. Knowing that you have a few things in common can make the prospect of asking her out less scary. Even if you go on the date and don’t feel a romantic connection, you may still gain a new friend.

2. Ask about her availability before you suggest an activity

You certainly don’t want to be rejected because you suggested an activity that doesn’t appeal to her. Imagine if you ask her to see a movie that she doesn’t want to see. She can just say she’s busy that day, and you may never get the chance to meet.

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See if she has some free time first. If she is interested, she will likely offer you some details about her schedule, and you can coordinate.[2] Then, if you suggest an activity and she isn’t interested, you can decide on something else together, but the date will still happen.

3. Talk about possible date topics

You might feel like you have no idea what this girl would like to do for a date. Discussing topics that could become dates is a great way to improve your odds. Talking about movies and food are great choices. You can learn a little bit more about her, and you’ll get some hints about the types of things she’s like to do.

When she shows interest in a particular topic, you can use that as a natural lead into asking her out on a date. You might invite her to watch the movie or offer to take her to a restaurant that she likes. This is one of the smoothest ways to ask a girl out.

Imagine that she has gone on at length about how much she loves ice cream. You know that the new Wonder Woman movie will be playing in the theater soon, but you haven’t seen it yet. Ask her if she’s seen it. If she says that she hasn’t, but would like to, then you could say something like, “I haven’t seen the film either, but I’d like to. Would you be interested in going to see it with me?” If she says yes, you can watch the film, and you’ll get brownie points if you take her for ice cream afterward.

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4. Make mental notes of things she has mentioned

This is one of the easiest ways to ask a girl out because you can use information that she’s given you to suggest something in which she’s interested. If you do this well, she’ll also see that you are a good listener.

In this case, you can suggest that you both go to a place she’s mentioned before. If she told you that she loves Mexican food from Guadalajara Grill, asking her if she’d like to go there with you isn’t too much of a stretch. In this case, you save yourself some worry because you already know that she likes the place.

You’ll never know if you never ask

Asking someone out can feel intimidating, but if you don’t give it a shot, you’ll be stuck sending her texts until she gets bored and moves on to someone brave enough to meet her in person. Yes, rejections do happen, but wouldn’t you rather be rejected early-on instead of devoting lots of time and energy to someone who isn’t interested in you? If someone rejects you, dust yourself off and find someone else. When one door closes, another one opens.

Stay positive, be yourself, and take the chance to meet the girl in person.

Reference

[1] Ask Men: How To Ask A Girl Out
[2] Instructables: How To Ask A Girl Out On A Date

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Anna Chui

Anna is a communication expert and a life enthusiast. She's the editor of Lifehack and loves to write about love, life, and passion.

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Last Updated on February 28, 2019

The Desire to Be Liked Will End You up Feeling More Rejected

The Desire to Be Liked Will End You up Feeling More Rejected

Admit it, you feel good when other people think you’re nice. Maybe you were complimented by a stranger saying that you had a nice outfit. You felt good about yourself and you were happy for the rest of the day.

    We all like to feel liked, whether by a stranger or a loved one. It makes you feel valued and that feeling can be addictive. But when the high wears off and you no longer have validation that someone thinks you’re a good, sweet person, you may feel insecure and lacking. While wanting others to like you isn’t in itself a bad thing, it can be like a disease when you feel that you constantly need to be liked by others.

    Humans are wired to want to be liked.

    It’s human nature to seek approval from others. In ancient times, we needed acceptance to survive. Humans are social animals and we need to bond with others and form a community to survive. If we are not liked by others, we will be left out.

    Babies are born to be cute and be liked by adults.

      The large rounded head, big forehead, large eyes, chubby cheeks, and a rounded body. Babies can’t survive without an adult taking care of them. It’s vital for adults to find babies lovely to pay attention to them and divert energy towards them.[1]

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      Recognitions have always been given by others.

        From the time you were a child, whether at school or at home, you have been receiving recognition from external parties. For instance, you received grades from teachers, and if you wanted something, you needed approval from your parents. We’ve learned to get what we want by catering to other people’s expectations. Maybe you wanted to get a higher grade in art so you’d be more attentive in art classes than others to impress your teacher. Your teacher would have a generally good impression on you and would likely to give you a higher grade.

        When you grow up, it’s no different. Perhaps you are desperate to get your work done so you do things that your manager would approve. Or maybe you try to impress your date by doing things they like but you don’t really like.

        Facebook and Instagram have only made things worse. People posting their photos and sharing about their life on Instagram just to feels so good to get more likes and attention.

        Being liked becomes essential to reaching desires.

          We start to get hyper focused on how others see us, and it’s easy to imagine having the spotlight on you at all time. People see you and they take an interest in you. This feels good. In turn, you start doing more things that bring you more attention. It’s all positive until you do something they don’t like and you receive criticism. When this happens, you spiral because you’ve lost the feeling of acceptance.

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          But the reality is this is all just perception. Humans, as a species, are selfish. We are all just looking at ourselves; we only perceive others are giving us their focus. Even for those who please others are actually focusing on making themselves feel good. It’s like an optical illusion for your ego.

            The desire to be liked is an endless chase.

              Aiming to please others in order to feel better will exhaust you because you can never catch up with others’ expectation.

              The ideal image will always change.

              It used to be ideal to have a fair weight, a little bit fat was totally acceptable. Then it’s ideal to be very slim. Recently we’ve seen “dad-bods” getting some positive attention. But this is already quickly changing. In fact, a recent article from Men’s Health asked 100 women if they would date a guy who had a dad-bod, about 50% of women claimed to not care either way, only 15% exclusively date men with a “dad bod”.[2]

              People’s expectations on you can be wrong.

              Most people put their expectations on others based on what’s right in the social norms, yet the social norms are created by humans in which 80% of them are just ordinary people according to the 80/20 rules.[3]

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              Think about it, every day, from the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep, you filter what you believe to be truth. If someone compliments you, you take it and add it to an idea of what the best version of yourself is. When someone criticizes you, even in a destructive way, you might accept it altogether, or add it to a list of things you’re insecure about. When you absorb the wrong opinion from others, you will either sabotage your self-esteem or overestimate yourself by accepting all the good compliments and stop growing; or accepting all the destructive criticisms and sabotage your own self-esteem and happiness.

              Others’ desires are not the same as yours.

                If you live your life as one long effort of trying to please other people, you will never be happy. You’re always going to rely on others to make you feel worth living. This leads to total confusion when it comes to your personal goals; when there’s no external recognition, you don’t know what to live for.

                The only person to please is yourself.

                  Think of others’ approval as fuel and think of yourself as a car. When that fuel runs out, you can’t function. This is not a healthy mindset.

                  In reality, we’re human and we can create our own fuel. You can feel good based on how much you like yourself. When you do things to make you like yourself more, you can start to see a big change in your opinion. For example, if being complimented by others made you feel good and accepted, look in the mirror and compliment yourself. Say what you wish others would say about you.

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                  Internal approval takes practice, but it’s worth the effort. You have to re-train your own mind. Think of the dog who knows there is food when the bell rings, the reflex is hard wired into the dog.[4] We need our own triggers to reinforce the habit of internal approval too. Recognize yourself every day instead of waiting for people to do it for you, check out in this article the steps to take to recognize your own achievements and gain empowerment: Don’t Wait for People to Praise You. Do It Yourself Every Single Day

                  Notice that when you start to focus on yourself and what to do to make yourself happy, others may criticize you. Since you’ve stopped trying to please others to meet their expectations, they may judge you for what you do. Be critical about what they say about you. They aren’t always right but so are you. Everyone has blind spots. Let go of biased and subjective comments but be humble and open to useful advice that will improve you.

                  Remember that you are worth it, every day. It will take time to stop relying on others to make you feel important and worth something, but the sooner you start trying, the happier and healthier you will be.

                  Featured photo credit: Annie Spratt via unsplash.com

                  Reference

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