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Asking a Girl Out Doesn’t Need To Be Hard, You Just Need To Know How

Asking a Girl Out Doesn’t Need To Be Hard, You Just Need To Know How

Tinder has revolutionized the way that we date. As of 2016, the app had 25 million users, 1.5 million of whom pay for it. There’s a clear demand for the service, and it represents a shift in how people date. Back in the day, we used to meet people first to decide whether we wanted to date them. Today, we’ve flipped this model on its head. We prefer to talk before we have an in-person meeting.

Date the real person, not the person she created using her phone

Starting a proper relationship requires so much more than typing into a chat box. You can’t stay in the chat room forever. If you want to make a real connection with someone, you have to be able to have a face to face meeting.

You can never truly know someone if your communication consists only online messages. People can easily fake their reactions or disguise their intentions through text. Think about how often people type “lol” without laughing out loud. Even worse, some individuals create fake online personas to swindle people.

When you meet someone in person, you can see their facial expressions, pick up on their tone of voice, and get a real sense of who they are. They won’t be as likely to fake a reaction, and you can see their response in real time.

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Being physically present with a person is an important part of building a relationship. Having physical interactions can confirm intimacy and attraction. Online dating can involve far too much fantasy. If you spend too much time chatting with a person online, you may build up unreasonable expectations about the person.

The bottom line is, you’re going to have to ask her out. You may feel nervous doing this, but simply asking her for a date is the first step in forming an authentic real-world connection. Asking someone out can seem difficult, but there are a few things that you can do to ensure that you succeed.

1. Pay attention to your conversation

Your instincts about a person and situation can be a powerful indicator of whether it’s time to take the relationship off the screen and into reality. You should have a good feeling about the person before you suggest a meeting.

Have you been talking for a while? Sometimes people go online to look for casual dates. Their attention-span might be short. If you’re interested in having a more serious relationship, you’ll only want to ask someone you’ve been talking to for a while. Having a few conversations online first will help you determine whether it is the right time to ask her out.

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If you’re having frequent conversations, you can determine a lot about the other person and choose your moment to ask for a date. If she seems to be hung up on her ex, or some of her responses don’t sit well with you, you may not want to ask her out.

On the other hand, if the girl seems genuinely interested in learning more about you, or if she’s indicated that she’s ready for a serious relationship, your chances of success are higher.[1] If you feel like you have a connection with this person, remember to take things slowly. Girls tend to avoid guys who seem insecure or clingy.

Does it seem like she shares some interests with you? If you’ve discussed ethical questions, do you agree with her philosophy. Knowing that you have a few things in common can make the prospect of asking her out less scary. Even if you go on the date and don’t feel a romantic connection, you may still gain a new friend.

2. Ask about her availability before you suggest an activity

You certainly don’t want to be rejected because you suggested an activity that doesn’t appeal to her. Imagine if you ask her to see a movie that she doesn’t want to see. She can just say she’s busy that day, and you may never get the chance to meet.

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See if she has some free time first. If she is interested, she will likely offer you some details about her schedule, and you can coordinate.[2] Then, if you suggest an activity and she isn’t interested, you can decide on something else together, but the date will still happen.

3. Talk about possible date topics

You might feel like you have no idea what this girl would like to do for a date. Discussing topics that could become dates is a great way to improve your odds. Talking about movies and food are great choices. You can learn a little bit more about her, and you’ll get some hints about the types of things she’s like to do.

When she shows interest in a particular topic, you can use that as a natural lead into asking her out on a date. You might invite her to watch the movie or offer to take her to a restaurant that she likes. This is one of the smoothest ways to ask a girl out.

Imagine that she has gone on at length about how much she loves ice cream. You know that the new Wonder Woman movie will be playing in the theater soon, but you haven’t seen it yet. Ask her if she’s seen it. If she says that she hasn’t, but would like to, then you could say something like, “I haven’t seen the film either, but I’d like to. Would you be interested in going to see it with me?” If she says yes, you can watch the film, and you’ll get brownie points if you take her for ice cream afterward.

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4. Make mental notes of things she has mentioned

This is one of the easiest ways to ask a girl out because you can use information that she’s given you to suggest something in which she’s interested. If you do this well, she’ll also see that you are a good listener.

In this case, you can suggest that you both go to a place she’s mentioned before. If she told you that she loves Mexican food from Guadalajara Grill, asking her if she’d like to go there with you isn’t too much of a stretch. In this case, you save yourself some worry because you already know that she likes the place.

You’ll never know if you never ask

Asking someone out can feel intimidating, but if you don’t give it a shot, you’ll be stuck sending her texts until she gets bored and moves on to someone brave enough to meet her in person. Yes, rejections do happen, but wouldn’t you rather be rejected early-on instead of devoting lots of time and energy to someone who isn’t interested in you? If someone rejects you, dust yourself off and find someone else. When one door closes, another one opens.

Stay positive, be yourself, and take the chance to meet the girl in person.

Reference

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Anna Chui

Anna is a communication expert and a life enthusiast. She's the editor of Lifehack and loves to write about love, life, and passion.

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Last Updated on January 6, 2019

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

No one wants to suffer. As a general rule, people like to avoid hurt and pain as much as possible. As a species, humans want a painless existence so much that scientists make a living trying to create it.

People can now choose “pain-free” labor for babies, and remedies to cure back pain, headaches, body-pains and even mental pains are a dime a dozen. Beyond medicine, we also work hard to experience little pain even when it comes to loss; often times we believe a breakup won’t hurt as much if we are the ones to call it off.

But would a world without pain truly be painless? It’s unlikely. In fact, it would probably be painful exactly for that reason.

If people never experienced hurt, they wouldn’t know what it was. On the surface level, that seems like a blessing, but think for a moment: if we didn’t know pain, how would we know peace? If you don’t know you’ve hurt or been hurt, how would you know that you need to heal? Imagine someone only knowing they have an incurable cancer at the final stage because no obvious symptoms have appeared at early stages.

Without the feeling of pain, people won’t be aware of dangerous situations—what should or shouldn’t do for survival.

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Pain Is Our Guardian

Pain serves to protect human beings from harmful actions. It’s the same reason parents teach babies that fire equals hot, and that hot equals hurt. Should the baby still place its hand in a fire or on a stove, the intense pain remains so memorable, that the child is certain never to repeat that action.

In the same way, pain within human bodies can serve as a warning that something is not right. Because you know what it is to feel “well,” you know what it is to feel poorly.[1]

Along with serving as a teacher of what not to do, pain also teaches you what you are made of in terms of what you can handle as an individual.

While the cliche, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is a tired term, it’s used excessively for a reason: it’s true. Pain helps you learn to cope with life’s inevitable difficulties and sadnesses— to develop the grit it takes to push past hardships and carry on.

Whether it’s a shattering pain, like the loss of a loved one or a debilitating accident, pain affects everyone differently. But it still affects everyone. Take a breakup as an example, anyone who has experienced it knows it can hurt to the point of feeling physical. Especially the first breakup. At a young age, it feels like the loss of the only love you’ll ever know. As you grow and learn, you realize you’re more resilient with every ended relationship.

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No Pain, No Happiness

You only know happiness when you have known pain. While the idea of constant happiness sounds nice, there is little chance it would be. Without the comparison to happiness, there’s no reason to be grateful for it. That is to say, without ever knowing sadness or pain, you would have no reason to be grateful for happiness.

In reality, there is always something missing, or something unpleasant, but it is only through those realizations that you know to be grateful when you feel you have it all. Read more about why happiness and pain have to exist together: Chasing Happiness Won’t Make You Happy

In a somewhat counter-intuitive finding, researchers found one of the things that brings about the most happiness is challenge. When people are tested, they experience a greater sense of accomplishment and happiness when they are successful. It is largely for this reason that low-income individuals can often feel happier than those who have a sense of wealth.[2]

This is a great thing to remember the next time you feel you would be happier if you just had a little more cash.

Avoiding Pain Leads to More Suffering

Pain is inevitable, embrace it positively. Anyone who strives to have a painless life is striving for perfectionism; and perfectionism guarantees sadness because nothing will ever be perfect.

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This isn’t a bleak outlook, but rather a truthful one. The messy moments in life tend to create the best memories and gratitude. Pain often serves as a reminder of lessons learned, much like physical scars on the body.

Pain will always be painful, but it’s the hurt feelings that help wiser decisions be made.

Allow Room for the Inevitable

Learning how to tolerate pain, especially the emotional kind, is a valuable lesson.

Accepting and feeling pain makes you human. There is no weakness in that. Weakness only comes when you try to blame your own pain on someone else, expecting the blame to alleviate your hurting. There’s a saying,

“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die.”

Think back to the last time you were really angry with someone. Maybe you were hurt because you got laid off from a job. You felt angry and that anger caused so much pain that you could feel it in a physical way. Being angry and blaming your ex boss for that pain didn’t affect him or her in any way; you’re the only one who lost sleep over it.

The healthier thing to do in a situation like that is acknowledge your pain and the anger along with it. Accept it and explore it in an introspective way. How can you learn and grow? What is at the root of that pain? Are you truly hurting and angry about being laid off, or is the pain more a correlation to you feeling like you failed?

While uncomfortable, exploring your pain is a way to raise your self-awareness. By understanding more about yourself, you know how to deal with similar situations in the future. You can never expect to be numb to difficult situations, but you will learn to better prepare financially for the loss of a job and be grateful for an income since you now know nothing is promised (no matter how much you work or how deserving you may feel).

Pain Hurts, but Numbness Would Be Worse

Pain does not feel good, but the bad feeling of it will help you learn and grow. It makes the sweet moments in life even sweeter and the gratitude more sincere.

To have a happier and more successful life, you don’t learn from success or accomplishment, but through pain and failures. For it is in those moments that you learn how to do better in the future or at least cope a little more easily.

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You are the strong person you are today because of the hardships this life has presented to you. While you may have felt out of control when those hard times came, the one thing you will always have control over is how you choose to react to things. The next time you hurt or you’re angry or sad, acknowledge it and allow yourself to ruminate in it. Then take a deep breath and start learning from that pain. You’ve got this!

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1]University of Calgary: Why is Pain Important?
[2]Greater Good Magazine: The Importance of Pain

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