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Long Distance Relationship Is No Issue If You Have Great Answers to These Questions!

Long Distance Relationship Is No Issue If You Have Great Answers to These Questions!

Longing can be such a sweet sorrow. But sometimes the sorrow can outweigh the sweet, and then you just have heartache. This is among the many reasons that long distance relationship falls into the top 3 most unwanted relationships.

Everyone says they would never entertain the idea of a long distance relationship. That is, until they meet the one person that they’re willing to wait for. Love can happen at any time, and in most cases, it happens at the worst time. But some individuals refuse to let timing get in the way and pursue this flourishing love regardless of the risks. It may seem romantic; but it’s really very draining, frustrating, and lonely.

Unfortunately, love is not enough to make a relationship work. Before committing to a long distance commitment, you and your partner really need to iron out the details to see if you are capable of maintaining your bond.

Instead of Romanticizing, Start Realizing.

I’m not hating on long distance relationships. In fact, I always find myself in these situations where I meet the right person at the wrong time. So trust me, I speak from experience. And I’ve personally watched a beautiful functional relationship get torn down to tattered bits until we both finally let go. We knew it would be hard, but we just didn’t know how much.

We met as travelers, backpacking the Australian terrain. We didn’t start dating right away, and maintained a budding relationship as we explored opposite ends of the country. Since we were used to the lifestyle and had spent so much time apart already, we thought that it would actually be ideal. He being from England, and I being from America, there was an entire ocean between us. Blinded by love and naivety, we went for it.

There’s no way to really prepare yourself for the issues and emotions that will arise during your time apart. But whether or not you’ve already decided to commit, it’s crucial to be honest with yourself about your true nature and your partners to see if your love can withstand the distance.

These Questions Give a Hint on How Your Coming Long Distance Relationship Goes

It may be hard to imagine while you’re still in the idealistic honeymoon phase where nothing can go wrong, but eventually something will. Then you will realize just how fragile your relationship really is. Distance creates that fragility, and issues that would quickly get snuffed out in a normal relationship will cause your entire relationship to hang in the balance. You’ll find yourself asking, “is this all even worth it?”

Ask yourself and your partner these very important questions to determine whether your relationship can survive the distance:

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1. Are you BOTH willing to commit?

What does this matter?

It takes two to make this thing work. If only one of you is on the fence, then this thing isn’t going to happen. One-sided relationships are crippling, and open-relationships are confusing. You need to be on the same page.

What consequences might arise?

One of the partners is going to get fed up with making all of the effort. If they are constantly questioning your intentions and commitment to them, it’s going to cause a mess of insecurity and inevitably destroy the relationship.

2. Do both of you have enough trust?

What does this matter?

In today’s hook-up culture of side pieces and main squeezes, infidelity is glorified. You truly have to trust your partner and yourself to be completely honest about intentions and mistakes. And most of all, be honest about insecurity. Jealousy is toxic.

What consequences might arise?

If the trust is already flimsy, then your partner is going to constantly question where you are, what you’re doing, who you’re with, and if you’re telling the truth when you provide the answers to these questions. If they feel you cannot be trusted, then they may do something regrettable out of spite or insecurity.

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3. Do you both communicate well?

What does this matter?

This isn’t just a matter of whether you can maintain an interesting conversation. You must be able to speak openly and freely to your partner, unafraid of their negative reactions to your concerns. You’re going to experience many negative emotions during your time apart, and it’s important to be able to talk about it.

What consequences might arise?

The conversation will dry out very quickly if you can’t find things to talk about. Going through the motions of your days is not very riveting. Or sometimes you may feel that your partner can’t relate to your situation, so you don’t talk to them about it; unintentionally creating distance. And if you can’t fully communicate your feelings, then you’re going to internalize them where they will convert into resentment, jealousy, insecurity, and a slew of awful emotions that no one wants to feel.

4. Are you willing to give extra security support to your partner?

What does this matter?

Your once strong and impenetrable partner will become extremely vulnerable to you during these trying times. They’re going to need extra reassurance and surprise pick-me-ups from you to know that you still care.

What consequences might arise?

More likely than not, the reason that you are dating long distance is because you have obligations elsewhere that you need to attend to. So, you’re probably very busy and can’t be bothered by neediness. You may get turned off by the vulnerability and constant need for attention and may not be willing to give them all of that extra reassurance that they need. This will make your partner feel that you don’t care.

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5. Is it OK to have less physical attachment?

What does this matter?

One of the main issues with long distance, is that the relationship is no longer tangible. You can’t touch, kiss, or cuddle your partner. Yes, sex isn’t everything but it is absolutely a component in a healthy relationship. And sometimes, it’s not even about sex. It’s just about intimacy, and having someone next to you (which has proven to have therapeutic effects [1]).

What consequences might arise?

Even for people who don’t consider themselves sexual, this will get taxing after awhile. You’re living out a virtual relationship, where you can only see digital projections of your lover, and hear their voice over a landline. Many people need something tangible; and a simple Skype call can’t fill that void. For some, this is where the prospect of cheating may arise. Not because their distant partner isn’t enough, but because they feel that they need that physical connection.

6. Do you each have an independent life outside your love life? Can you live alone?

What does this matter?

This is so incredibly crucial. Whether your relationship is distant or not, it’s very important to have an independent life outside of your relationship. Or else you will cling to them, monopolizing all of their time. This is still possible in a long-distance relationship; and you can drive your partner crazy no matter how far away you are. Independence is not only an important quality to have, but it is also very, very sexy.

You don’t necessarily have to live alone while they are away. Roommates can make the distance a lot less lonely as long as you can live in harmony. What’s more important is whether you can swing sleeping in an empty bed every night.

What consequences might arise?

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Without your own life, job, friends, or hobbies keeping you occupied, you’re going to drive your partner insane with the constant need for entertainment from them. They’ll feel that you don’t respect their busy life and goals that they are trying to reach, and may think less of you for being so helpless and needy.

If you have issues with being alone, then you will have serious struggles with infidelity. There’s nothing wrong with needing companionship, some of us need it more than others. But you need to be honest with yourself and your partner so that no one gets hurt when you reach out for attachment.

7. Do you guys have an end plan?

What does this matter?

Without an end plan or goal to work towards, you’re just floating in a lovers limbo with no way out. You need goals such as moving closer to one another, marriage, or planning a trip to see one another.

What consequences might arise?

As with anything, you need a reward to make the effort worth it. Without these goals to work towards, your relationship will start to feel like it isn’t worth the hassle. At this point you’re basically pen-pals tied up in a melodramatic, failing love. The relationship will inevitably fizzle out, leaving the two of you feeling jilted and angry that they didn’t try any harder. But the truth is, long distance relationships are their own breed, and it takes a very specific kind of couple to tame that kind of beast.

Featured photo credit: Love My Britt via google.com

Reference

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Jenn Beach

Traveling vagabond, freelance writer, & plantbased food enthusiast.

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Last Updated on June 19, 2019

6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances

6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances

I’ve stood on the edge of my own personal cliffs many times. Each time I jumped, something different happened. There were risks that started off great, but eventually faded. There were risks that left me falling until I hit the ground. There were risks that started slow, but built into massive successes.

Every risk is different, but every risk is the same. You need to have some fundamentals ready before you jump, but not too many.

It wouldn’t be a risk if you knew everything that was about to happen, would it? Here’re 6 ways to be a successful risk taker.

1. Understand That Failure Is Going to Happen a Lot

It’s part of life. Everything we do has failure attached to it. All successful people have stories of massive failure attached to them. Thinking that your risk is going to be pain free and run as smooth as silk is insane.

Expect some pain and failure. Actually, expect a lot of it. Expect the sleepless nights with crazy thoughts of insecurity that leave you trembling under the covers. It’s going to happen, no matter how positive you are about the risk you are about to take.

When failure hits, the only options are to keep going or quit. If you expect falling into a meadow of flowers and frolicking unicorns, then you’re going to immediately quit once you realize that getting to that meadow requires you to go through a rock filled cave filled with hungry bats.

2. Trust the Muse

Writing a story isn’t a big risk. It’s really just a risk on my time. So when I start writing a story, I’m scared it will be time wasted. Of course, it never really is. Even if the story doesn’t turn out fabulous, I still practiced.

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When I’ve taken risks in my life, the successful ones always seemed to happen when I followed the muse. Steven Pressfield describes the muse,

“The Muse demands depth. Shallow does not work for her. If we’re seeking her help, we can’t stay in the kiddie end. When we work, we have to go hard and go deep.”

The muse is a goddess who wants our attention and wants us to work on our passion.

If you’re taking a risk in anything, it’s assumed that there is some passion built up behind that risk. That passion, deep inside you, is the muse. Trust it, focus on it, listen to it.

The most successful articles and stories I write are the ones I’ve focused all my attention on. There were no interruptions during their creative development. I didn’t check my phone or go watch my Twitter feed. I was fully engaged in my work.

Trust the muse, focus your attention on your risk, let the ideas and path develop themselves, and leave the distractions at the side of the road.

3. Remember to Be Authentic

Taking a risk and then turning into something you’re not, is only going to lead to disaster. Whether you are risking a new relationship or new opportunity, you must be yourself throughout the entire process.

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How many times have you acted like you loved something just because the men or woman you just started going out with loved it?

For example, I’m not an office worker. I have an incredibly hard time working in a confined timeline (ie. 9-5). That’s why I write. I can do it whenever the mood strikes, I don’t have somebody breathing down my neck, telling me that I’m five minutes late, or missed a comma somewhere. I don’t have to walk on eggshells wondering if what I’m writing will get me fired or make me lose a promotion. I can just be myself, period.

One girlfriend didn’t understand that. She believed solely in the 9-5 motto, specifically something in human resources because that was a very stable job. I was scared for my future, but I stuck with the relationship because of my own insecurities and acted like I would do it to make her happy.

Here’s a tip: NEVER take away from your happiness to make somebody else satisfied (note I didn’t say happy).

Making somebody else happy will make you happy. Doing something to satisfy somebody is murder on your soul.

4. Don’t Take Any Risks While You’re Not Clearheaded

I’d been considering the risk for a couple weeks. It all sounded good. I was 22 and I could be rich in a couple of years. That’s what they were selling me, anyways.

One night, while at a house party with some friends, I found myself at a computer. A couple of my friends were standing nearby and asked me what I was doing. I told them I was considering starting my own business and it was only going to cost me $1,500.

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Of course, when a bunch of drunk people are surrounded by more drunk people, things get enthusiastic. It sounded like the best business venture in the world to everybody, including me. So I signed up and gave them my credit card number.

A few painful months and close to $4,000 dollars lost later, I quit the business. I was young and fell into the pyramid scheme trap. It was an expensive drunk decision.

Drinking heavily and making decisions has a proven track record of failure. So when you have something important to decide, don’t let your emotions take over your brain.

5. Fully Understand What You’re Risking

It was the start of my baseball comeback. I got a tryout with a professional scout and killed it. After the tryout, he talked to my girlfriend and myself, making sure we understood I would be gone for up to 6 months at a time. That strain on the relationship could be tough.

We understood. I left to play ball, chose to stay in the city I played in, and a year later we broke up. Not because of baseball, see point 3 above. Taking big risks can have massive impacts on everything in your life from relationships to money. Know what you’re risking before you take the risk.

If you believe the risk will be worth it or you have the support you need from your family, then go ahead and make the leap.

You can get more guidance on how to take calculated risks from this article: How to Take Calculated Risk to Achieve More and Become Successful

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6. Remember This Is Your One Shot Only

As far as we know officially, this is our one shot at life, so why not take some risks?

The top thing people are saddened by on their deathbeds are these regrets. They wish they did more, asked that girl in the coffee shop out, spoke out when they should have, or did what they were passionate about.

Don’t regret. Learn and experience. Live. Take the risks you believe in. Be yourself and make the world a better place.

Now go ahead, take that risk and be successful at it!

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Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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