Advertising
Advertising

Long Distance Relationship Is No Issue If You Have Great Answers to These Questions!

Long Distance Relationship Is No Issue If You Have Great Answers to These Questions!

Longing can be such a sweet sorrow. But sometimes the sorrow can outweigh the sweet, and then you just have heartache. This is among the many reasons that long distance relationship falls into the top 3 most unwanted relationships.

Everyone says they would never entertain the idea of a long distance relationship. That is, until they meet the one person that they’re willing to wait for. Love can happen at any time, and in most cases, it happens at the worst time. But some individuals refuse to let timing get in the way and pursue this flourishing love regardless of the risks. It may seem romantic; but it’s really very draining, frustrating, and lonely.

Unfortunately, love is not enough to make a relationship work. Before committing to a long distance commitment, you and your partner really need to iron out the details to see if you are capable of maintaining your bond.

Instead of Romanticizing, Start Realizing.

I’m not hating on long distance relationships. In fact, I always find myself in these situations where I meet the right person at the wrong time. So trust me, I speak from experience. And I’ve personally watched a beautiful functional relationship get torn down to tattered bits until we both finally let go. We knew it would be hard, but we just didn’t know how much.

We met as travelers, backpacking the Australian terrain. We didn’t start dating right away, and maintained a budding relationship as we explored opposite ends of the country. Since we were used to the lifestyle and had spent so much time apart already, we thought that it would actually be ideal. He being from England, and I being from America, there was an entire ocean between us. Blinded by love and naivety, we went for it.

There’s no way to really prepare yourself for the issues and emotions that will arise during your time apart. But whether or not you’ve already decided to commit, it’s crucial to be honest with yourself about your true nature and your partners to see if your love can withstand the distance.

These Questions Give a Hint on How Your Coming Long Distance Relationship Goes

It may be hard to imagine while you’re still in the idealistic honeymoon phase where nothing can go wrong, but eventually something will. Then you will realize just how fragile your relationship really is. Distance creates that fragility, and issues that would quickly get snuffed out in a normal relationship will cause your entire relationship to hang in the balance. You’ll find yourself asking, “is this all even worth it?”

Ask yourself and your partner these very important questions to determine whether your relationship can survive the distance:

Advertising

1. Are you BOTH willing to commit?

What does this matter?

It takes two to make this thing work. If only one of you is on the fence, then this thing isn’t going to happen. One-sided relationships are crippling, and open-relationships are confusing. You need to be on the same page.

What consequences might arise?

One of the partners is going to get fed up with making all of the effort. If they are constantly questioning your intentions and commitment to them, it’s going to cause a mess of insecurity and inevitably destroy the relationship.

2. Do both of you have enough trust?

What does this matter?

In today’s hook-up culture of side pieces and main squeezes, infidelity is glorified. You truly have to trust your partner and yourself to be completely honest about intentions and mistakes. And most of all, be honest about insecurity. Jealousy is toxic.

What consequences might arise?

If the trust is already flimsy, then your partner is going to constantly question where you are, what you’re doing, who you’re with, and if you’re telling the truth when you provide the answers to these questions. If they feel you cannot be trusted, then they may do something regrettable out of spite or insecurity.

Advertising

3. Do you both communicate well?

What does this matter?

This isn’t just a matter of whether you can maintain an interesting conversation. You must be able to speak openly and freely to your partner, unafraid of their negative reactions to your concerns. You’re going to experience many negative emotions during your time apart, and it’s important to be able to talk about it.

What consequences might arise?

The conversation will dry out very quickly if you can’t find things to talk about. Going through the motions of your days is not very riveting. Or sometimes you may feel that your partner can’t relate to your situation, so you don’t talk to them about it; unintentionally creating distance. And if you can’t fully communicate your feelings, then you’re going to internalize them where they will convert into resentment, jealousy, insecurity, and a slew of awful emotions that no one wants to feel.

4. Are you willing to give extra security support to your partner?

What does this matter?

Your once strong and impenetrable partner will become extremely vulnerable to you during these trying times. They’re going to need extra reassurance and surprise pick-me-ups from you to know that you still care.

What consequences might arise?

More likely than not, the reason that you are dating long distance is because you have obligations elsewhere that you need to attend to. So, you’re probably very busy and can’t be bothered by neediness. You may get turned off by the vulnerability and constant need for attention and may not be willing to give them all of that extra reassurance that they need. This will make your partner feel that you don’t care.

Advertising

5. Is it OK to have less physical attachment?

What does this matter?

One of the main issues with long distance, is that the relationship is no longer tangible. You can’t touch, kiss, or cuddle your partner. Yes, sex isn’t everything but it is absolutely a component in a healthy relationship. And sometimes, it’s not even about sex. It’s just about intimacy, and having someone next to you (which has proven to have therapeutic effects [1]).

What consequences might arise?

Even for people who don’t consider themselves sexual, this will get taxing after awhile. You’re living out a virtual relationship, where you can only see digital projections of your lover, and hear their voice over a landline. Many people need something tangible; and a simple Skype call can’t fill that void. For some, this is where the prospect of cheating may arise. Not because their distant partner isn’t enough, but because they feel that they need that physical connection.

6. Do you each have an independent life outside your love life? Can you live alone?

What does this matter?

This is so incredibly crucial. Whether your relationship is distant or not, it’s very important to have an independent life outside of your relationship. Or else you will cling to them, monopolizing all of their time. This is still possible in a long-distance relationship; and you can drive your partner crazy no matter how far away you are. Independence is not only an important quality to have, but it is also very, very sexy.

You don’t necessarily have to live alone while they are away. Roommates can make the distance a lot less lonely as long as you can live in harmony. What’s more important is whether you can swing sleeping in an empty bed every night.

What consequences might arise?

Advertising

Without your own life, job, friends, or hobbies keeping you occupied, you’re going to drive your partner insane with the constant need for entertainment from them. They’ll feel that you don’t respect their busy life and goals that they are trying to reach, and may think less of you for being so helpless and needy.

If you have issues with being alone, then you will have serious struggles with infidelity. There’s nothing wrong with needing companionship, some of us need it more than others. But you need to be honest with yourself and your partner so that no one gets hurt when you reach out for attachment.

7. Do you guys have an end plan?

What does this matter?

Without an end plan or goal to work towards, you’re just floating in a lovers limbo with no way out. You need goals such as moving closer to one another, marriage, or planning a trip to see one another.

What consequences might arise?

As with anything, you need a reward to make the effort worth it. Without these goals to work towards, your relationship will start to feel like it isn’t worth the hassle. At this point you’re basically pen-pals tied up in a melodramatic, failing love. The relationship will inevitably fizzle out, leaving the two of you feeling jilted and angry that they didn’t try any harder. But the truth is, long distance relationships are their own breed, and it takes a very specific kind of couple to tame that kind of beast.

Featured photo credit: Love My Britt via google.com

Reference

More by this author

Jenn Beach

Traveling vagabond, writer, & plant-based food enthusiast.

How We Are Confusing Self-Love with Narcissism In This Generation How Traveling Can Drastically Improve Your Interpersonal Skills 10 Best Lumbar Support Cushions That All Desk Workers Need One Small Action Separates Success From Mediocrity. How Not To Turn Meaningful Discussions Into Arguments By Keeping This 1 Thing In Mind.

Trending in Communication

1 12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now 2 How to Use the 5 Minute Journal to Invest in Your Happiness 3 What’s the Purpose of Life? A Guide to Live with Meaning 4 Why Happiness is a Choice (And a Smart One to Make) 5 How to Survive a Midlife Crisis (The Definitive Guide for Men)

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on January 16, 2020

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

The way you feel about yourself greatly influences how you live and interact with others. If you are confident about yourself, you tend to see yourself positively and actually enjoy spending time with and around people. You don’t feel self-conscious or awkward around others, and that allows you to live your fullest and happiest life.

However, if you’re drowning in a sea of self-doubt, hesitancy and shyness, you often withdraw and isolate yourself from others and avoid interacting and connecting with people. That anxiety you feel in the pit of your stomach when you are around people is holding you back greatly and it is not good for your emotional health and overall well-being. You need to do something about it if you are low in self-confidence or have friends or family members who are not confident.

“Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you’re better than everyone, it’s walking in not having to compare yourself to anyone” – Anonymous

Here are simple, practical tips to boost your confidence right now and make you feel and act your best.

1. Stop labeling yourself as awkward, timid or shy.

When you label yourself as awkward, timid or shy, you sub-consciously tell your mind to act accordingly and psychologically feel inclined to live up to those expectations. Instead of labeling and entertaining negative self-talk, visualize and affirm yourself as confident and strong. Close your eyes for a minute and visualize yourself in different situation as you would like to be.

Be your own cheerleader. Experts believe that positive affirmation and good mental practices like picturing yourself winning or achieving a goal can lead to greater feelings of self-assurance and prepare your brain for success.[1] As the saying goes, “seeing is believing.” Picture yourself as confident and soon enough you will begin to manifest behavior that gives evidence to this new ‘fact.’

2. Recognize that the world is not focused on you (unless, of course, you are Kanye West).

That means you don’t have to be excessively sensitive about who you are or what you are doing (or not doing). You are not on the center stage; there is no need for preoccupation with self and perfectionism. As rap music star Rocko sings, “You just do you and I will do me, aight?”

Advertising

Forget about trying to please everyone or being perfect. Trying to be perfect and being a people-pleaser puts too much pressure on you and creates unnecessary anxiety. Besides, people are too preoccupied with their own issues to pay much attention to your every move unless, of course, you are a mega famous, super celebrity like Beyonce or Kanye West.

3. Focus on other people as opposed to yourself.

If you are low on confidence, self-conscious, nervous and shy in social situations, focus your attention on other people and what they are saying or doing instead of focusing on your own awkwardness.

For example, think about what it is that is interesting about the person who’s the centre of the party or the guy or girl you are talking with. Prompt them to talk more about themselves and be genuinely curious and interested in what they say. You will instantly come across as confident and warmhearted.

People generally want to talk about themselves, be heard and understood. They will love it when you’re eager and willing to listen to them and really hear what they have to say.

This habit of focusing more on what you love in others as opposed to what you dislike in yourself will not only help you become more assertive and comfortable in virtually all social situations, but also instantly make you feel great about yourself.

4. Know (and accept) yourself for who you are.

Chinese military general, strategist and philosopher Sun Tzu, author of the internationally acclaimed book The Art of War, said, “Know yourself and you will win all battles.” Even in the battle with lack of confidence, you will need to know yourself to win.

Knowing yourself starts with understanding that people are not all the same, neither are all social situation suitable for everyone. You might not be confident in large gatherings, but you could be bold and confident in one-on-one and small group interactions. We all have our own unique gifts and unique ways of expressing ourselves. Embrace yours!

Advertising

Introverts, for example, have a quiet confidence that is, unfortunately, often confused for shyness. They are naturally low key and prefer to spend time alone. However, this natural disposition affords them certain unique gifts, such as an ability to listen better than most people and notice things that others don’t.

Your uniqueness is where your strength and advantage lies. You won’t be comfortable and confident in all situations all the time. Albert Einstein said,

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

5. Crack a smile.

If there is one sure way to instantly boost your confidence, it’s cracking a smile. Christine Clapp, a public speaking expert at The George Washington University, says that flashing those pretty, pearly white teeth will immediately make you appear both confident and composed. But, the effect of smiling is not just external. Studies show that smiling can also help nix feelings of stress and pave the way for a happier and more relaxed you.[2]

Not a bad return for something seemingly so trite, wouldn’t you agree?

6. Break a sweat—with exercise.

Working out is another great way to make yourself feel amazing and confident. Science has shown that exercising increases your endorphins, helps reduce stress, tones your muscles and makes you feel happy and confident.[3]

And hey, all you have to do is take a walk a few times a week and you’ll see the benefits. What seems to matter—as far as your confidence goes—is whether you break a sweat, not how strenuous your session is, which is pretty cool. Start working out now.

Advertising

7. Groom yourself.

This might seem mundane, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and shave can have on your confidence and self-image. And when you spritz on a scent, the boost on confidence and self-esteem is incredible. As it turns out, your favorite fragrance does more than make you smell oh-so-nice.

A study found that a fragrance can inspire confidence in men. Interestingly, the study also found that the more a man likes the fragrance, the more confident he might feel. Another study found that 90% of women feel more confident while wearing a scent than those who go fragrance-free.

8. Dress nicely.

Another one that might seem trite, but it works. If you dress nicely, you’ll instantly feel good about yourself and give your confidence a real boost. That is largely because you’ll feel attractive, presentable and sometimes even successful in nice clothes.

While dressing nicely means something different for everyone, it does not necessarily mean wearing $500 designer outfits. It means wearing clothes that are clean, that you are comfortable in and that are nice-looking and presentable, including casual clothes.

9. Do activities you enjoy.

Whether it is reading a book, playing a musical instrument, riding your bicycle or going fishing, do what you really enjoy and what makes you truly happy often. It will boost your self-esteem, soothe your ego and allow you to identify with your gifts and talents. That will in turn bolster your self-belief and grow your confidence exponentially.

You might not become popular for doing what you love, but you might not even want to be popular at all. Being popular doesn’t make you happy; doing what you love does.

10. Prepare for the possibility of rejection / setback.

Late World No. 1 professional tennis player Arthur Ashe said, “One important key to success is self-confidence. A key to self-confidence is preparation.” You need to prepare for the possibility of rejection and setback.

Advertising

Why?

Everybody suffers rejection and setback at one point or another. You are not exempted. The question on your mind, therefore, should not be if you will be rejected, but how you will handle rejection when it comes.

Prepare yourself adequately in every situation to minimize the risk and effect of rejection and so that your confidence is not broken. For example, learn public speaking and rehearse what you are going to say beforehand if you have landed a public speaking engagement. That way, you are sure of yourself and confident you have what it takes to hack it. If you are rejected, don’t take it personally.

Rejection and setbacks happen to the best of us. Take it as a learning experience. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

11. Face uncomfortable situations square in the face.

Don’t run away from uncomfortable situations. Running away from people or situations because you feel scared, shy or timid only confirms and reinforces your shyness. Instead, face the situation that makes you uneasy square in the face. For example, go ahead and talk to that person you are afraid to approach, or go straight to the front of your yoga class! What’s the worst that can happen?

Prepare and be ready for any eventuality. The more you face your fears, the more you realize you are stronger than you thought and the more confident you get. This simple, yet admittedly courageous, act makes you unstoppable. You get comfortable being uncomfortable and begin to feel like you can take on the world. And that is the hallmark of someone destined for great things.

12. Sit up straight and walk tall—you are awesome!

Yes, sit up straight and believe you are awesome. Don’t slump in your chair or slouch your shoulders. Experts say the right stance can not only keep your self-esteem and mood lifted, but also lead to more confidence in your own thoughts.[4]

The way to sit is to open up your chest and keep your head level so that you look and feel poised and assured. And when you get up, stand tall and walk like you’re on a mission. People who sit up straight and walk tall are more attractive and instantly feel more confident. Try it now: you’ll feel fierce and confident just by sitting up straight and walking tall.

Featured photo credit: Freshh Connection via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next