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Don’t Wait for People’s Validation, Do It Yourself, Every Single Day

Don’t Wait for People’s Validation, Do It Yourself, Every Single Day

Most people are familiar with the proverb “As a Man thinketh, so is he”. That is no understatement. You are what you think and what you think becomes what you do. Yet somehow most of us leave that “what we think of ourselves” part to external factors that we have no control over i.e. other people.

This behavior is confirmed by how many people spend so much time in editing a photo to post on Social Media just to get those likes. Every like is like a validation of something. How smart or beautiful we are. so what happens when your entourage is not having a good day or just not affirming what you want? Well, it’s not their job nor their place. There are valid reasons [1] why you need to have positive self image. Here are ways you can ensure you have positive affirmations to validate yourself every single day.

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Video Summary

As we age, we tend to focus more on what we lack

Your mind is the ultimate battlefield. Most people make decisions based on their past experiences and things they have seen. That’s why as we get older we tend to be a bit more pessimistic, as this study done in 2013 called, Psychology and Aging [2], shows. So, its ideas and re programing of the mind that needs to get undone almost daily. You need to tell yourself every day that you are good enough, smart enough and strong enough. With enough repetition and consistency, it will start believing what it hears. As right now it can’t tell the difference between reality and sub-consciousness, so when you start telling yourself, you start believing and you see yourself becoming what you confirm. Fake it till you make it.

You don’t have to undo your weaknesses

We spend too much time trying to undo our weaknesses and being something we are not. This is also a wrong approach. Embracing your flaws is not only more effective but it can help you overcome them.

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If for example you’ve been told that you’re too emotional and sensitive, don’t be emotional and sensitive, that’s almost like erasing your own DNA. Your weaknesses are on the opposite end of your strengths, like a con to every pro. Being a perfectionist probably stems from having an eye that’s attentive to detail and etcetera.

So, what you need to do, is; create a line in the middle to journal all your flaws and any other negative, self-limiting beliefs on the one side and then on the other side write what you think compliments that flaw. If you think you’re too bossy, next to it write leadership abilities. If you’re too competitive, next to it, say ambitious. Writing things down helps you visualize and actualize them.

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When you’ve written your pros and cons, try find the balance. Next time you speak to someone be mindful of how you come across, if you’re being too aggressive it’s probably because you want to get your point across, take a moment and remind yourself of that fine line from your journal. Maybe raising your voice is not the best option. If you in a leadership position ask yourself, when dealing with sub ordinates, if you’re being bossy or a leader and from there you’re able to work your way around it.

Say it out loud every morning

When you look in the mirror every morning, have a conversation with yourself. If you need to close a deal, tell yourself that you can and therefore you will. This may sound silly but it takes us back to point number one, when you hear it enough times, you start believing it and what you believe you then become. So speak your vision into your reality. In due time your life will catch up with your thoughts

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Nothing good ever comes from envy and self-hate

There is just something about society and that green lawn. The grass is greener on the other side because they’ve put more work into it. to be and have the things you want, and/or envy is simply a matter of working hard for it. nothing good ever comes from envy and self-hate. Being aware of the things you are grateful for and reminding yourself how fortunate you are just to be alive, goes a long way when you want validation or need a boost. Every day is an opportunity for you to do a better job on yourself than you did yesterday. Realizing and appreciating what you have and how far you’ve come is the affirmation you need to believe that you are worthy and deserving.

Listen to everything and be attached to nothing

Critics are an essential part of life and we need criticism to grow. Every garden needs the rain to pour for it to grow but it can’t rain forever, otherwise we would never be able to enjoy the beauty that is summer and spring flowers. That’s exactly how nature works, with every bad comes the good. If someone says something negative or critical of you, hear them out, assess, see if it’s useful or not and then, move on whether it’s your parents or your boss. This is the best thing you can do for yourself. Don’t hold onto what they said and how much it hurts you. there’s always a lesson to be learnt in pain, make sure you learn it, grow wiser and keep moving forward

Reference

More by this author

Kayiba Mpoyi

Writer by birth

Don’t Wait for People’s Validation, Do It Yourself, Every Single Day 10 Reasons Why Some People Will Never Succeed Successful Businesses Use This Tool to Predict the Future and Get Ahead of Their Competitors 15 Signs You’re Doing Better You Think You Are The Key To Reaching Your Goals: Willpower And Planning

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Last Updated on October 30, 2019

How the Stages of Change Model Helps You Change Your Habits

How the Stages of Change Model Helps You Change Your Habits

Change is tough, there’s no doubt about it. Old habits are hard to shift, and adopting a new lifestyle can feel like an uphill battle!

In this article, you will learn about a simple yet powerful model:

Stages of change model, that explains the science behind personal transformation.

You’ll discover how and why some changes stick whereas others don’t last, and how long it takes to build new habits.

What is the Stages of Change Model?

Developed by researchers J.O. Prochaska and Carlo C. DiClemente over 30 years ago[1] and outlined in their book Changing For Good, the Stages of Change Model, also known as the Transtheoretical Model, was formed as a result of the authors’ research with smokers.

Prochaska and DiClemente were originally interested in the question of why some smokers were able to quit on their own, whereas others required professional help. Their key conclusion was that smokers (or anyone else with a bad habit) quits only when they are ready to do so.

Here’s an illustration done by cartoonist and illustrator Simon Kneebone about the different stages a smoker experiences when they try to quit smoking:

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    The Stages of Change Model looks at how these conscious decisions are made. It emphasizes that change isn’t easy. People can spend a long time stuck in a stage, and some may never reach their goals.[2]

    The model has been applied in the treatment of smoking, alcoholism, and drugs. It is also a useful way of thinking about any bad habit. Social workers, therapists, and psychologists draw on the model to understand their patients’ behaviors, and to explain the change process to the patients themselves.

    The key advantages to the model is that it is simple to understand, is backed by extensive research, and can be applied in many situations.

    The Stages of Change Model is a well-established psychological model that outlines six stages of personal change:

    1. Precontemplation
    2. Contemplation
    3. Determination
    4. Action
    5. Maintenance
    6. Termination

    How are these stages relevant to changing habits?

    To help you visualize the stages of change and how each progresses to the next one, please take a look at this wheel:[3]

      Let’s look at the six stages of change,[4] together with an example that will show you how the model works in practice:

      Stage 1: Precontemplation

      At this stage, an individual does not plan to make any positive changes in the next six months. This may because they are in denial about their problem, feel too overwhelmed to deal with it, or are too discouraged after multiple failed attempts to change.

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      For example, someone may be aware that they need to start exercising, but cannot find the motivation to do so. They might keep thinking about the last time they tried (and failed) to work out regularly. Only when they start to realize the advantages of making a change will they progress to the next stage.

      Stage 2: Contemplation

      At this stage, the individual starts to consider the advantages of changing. They start to acknowledge that altering their habits would probably benefit them, but they spend a lot of time thinking about the downside of doing so. This stage can last for a long time – possibly a year or more.

      You can think of this as the procrastinating stage. For example, an individual begins to seriously consider the benefits of regular exercise, but feels resistant when they think about the time and effort involved. When the person starts putting together a concrete plan for change, they move to the next stage.

      The key to moving from this stage to the next is the transformation of an abstract idea to a belief (e.g. from “Exercise is a good, sensible thing to do” to “I personally value exercise and need to do it.)[5]

      Stage 3: Preparation

      At this point, the person starts to put a plan in place. This stage is brief, lasting a few weeks. For example, they may book a session with a personal trainer and enrol on a nutrition course.

      Someone who drinks to excess may make an appointment with a drug and alcohol counsellor; someone with a tendency to overwork themselves might start planning ways to devise a more realistic schedule.

      Stage 4: Action

      When they have decided on a plan, the individual must then put it into action. This stage typically lasts for several months. In our example, the person would begin attending the gym regularly and overhauling their diet.

      Stage 4 is the stage at which the person’s desire for change becomes noticeable to family and friends. However, in truth, the change process began a long time ago. If someone you know seems to have suddenly changed their habits, it’s probably not so sudden after all! They will have progressed through Stages 1-3 first – you probably just didn’t know about it.

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      Stage 5: Maintenance

      After a few months in the Action stage, the individual will start to think about how they can maintain their changes, and make lifestyle adjustments accordingly. For instance, someone who has adopted the habit of regular workouts and a better diet will be vigilant against old triggers (such as eating junk food during a stressful time at work) and make a conscious decision to protect their new habits.

      Unless someone actively engages with Stage 5, their new habits are liable to come unstuck. Someone who has stuck to their new habits for many months – perhaps a year or longer – may enter Stage 6.

      Maintenance can be challenging because it entails coming up with a new set of habits to lock change in place. For instance, someone who is maintaining their new gym-going habit may have to start improving their budgeting skills in order to continue to afford their gym membership.

      Stage 6: Termination

      Not many people reach this stage, which is characterized by a complete commitment to the new habit and a certainty that they will never go back to their old ways. For example, someone may find it hard to imagine giving up their gym routine, and feel ill at the thought of eating junk food on a regular basis.

      However, for the majority of people, it’s normal to stay in the Maintenance period indefinitely. This is because it takes a long time for a new habit to become so automatic and natural that it sticks forever, with little effort. To use another example, an ex-smoker will often find it hard to resist the temptation to have “just one” cigarette even a year or so after quitting. It can take years for them to truly reach the Termination stage, at which point they are no more likely to smoke than a lifelong non-smoker.

      How long does each stage take?

      You should be aware that some people remain in the same stage for months or even years at a time. Understanding this model will help you be more patient with yourself when making a change. If you try to force yourself to jump from Contemplation to Maintenance, you’ll just end up frustrated. On the other hand, if you take a moment to assess where you are in the change process, you can adapt your approach.

      So if you need to make changes quickly and you are finding it hard to progress to the next stage, it’s probably time to get some professional help or adopt a new approach to forming habits.

      The limitations of this model

      The model is best applied when you decide in advance precisely what you want to achieve, and know exactly how you will measure it (e.g. number of times per week you go to the gym, or number of cigarettes smoked per day). Although the model has proven useful for many people, it does have limitations.

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      Require the ability to set a realistic goal

      For a start, there are no surefire ways of assessing whereabouts in the process you are – you just have to be honest with yourself and use your own judgement. Second, it assumes that you are physically capable of making a change, whereas in fact you might either need to adjust your goals or seek professional help.

      If your goal isn’t realistic, it doesn’t matter whether you follow the stages – you still won’t get results. You need to decide for yourself whether your aims are reasonable.[6]

      Difficult to judge your progress

      The model also assumes that you are able to objectively measure your own successes and failures, which may not always be the case.[7] For instance, let’s suppose that you are trying to get into the habit of counting calories as part of your weight-loss efforts. However, even though you may think that you are recording your intake properly, you might be over or under-estimating.

      Research shows that most people think they are getting enough exercise and eating well, but in actual fact aren’t as healthy as they believe. The model doesn’t take this possibility into account, meaning that you could believe yourself to be in the Action stage yet aren’t seeing results. Therefore, if you are serious about making changes, it may be best to get some expert advice so that you can be sure the changes you are making really will make a positive difference.

      Conclusion

      The Stages Of Change Model can be a wonderful way to understand change in both yourself and others.

      While there’re some limitations in it, the Stages of Change Model helps to visualize how you go through changes so you know what to expect when you’re trying to change a habit or make some great changes in life.

      Start by identifying one of your bad habits. Where are you in the process? What could you do next to move forwards?

      Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

      Reference

      [1] Psych Central: Stages Of Change
      [2] Boston University School Of Public Health: The Transtheoretical Model (Stages Of Change)
      [3] Empowering Change: Stages of Change
      [4] Boston University School Of Public Health: The Transtheoretical Model (Stages Of Change)
      [5] Psychology Today: 5 Steps To Changing Any Behavior
      [6] The Transtheoretical Model: Limitations Of The Transtheoretical Model
      [7] Health Education Research: Transtheoretical Model & Stages Of Change: A Critique

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