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Don’t Wait for People’s Validation, Do It Yourself, Every Single Day

Don’t Wait for People’s Validation, Do It Yourself, Every Single Day

Most people are familiar with the proverb “As a Man thinketh, so is he”. That is no understatement. You are what you think and what you think becomes what you do. Yet somehow most of us leave that “what we think of ourselves” part to external factors that we have no control over i.e. other people.

This behavior is confirmed by how many people spend so much time in editing a photo to post on Social Media just to get those likes. Every like is like a validation of something. How smart or beautiful we are. so what happens when your entourage is not having a good day or just not affirming what you want? Well, it’s not their job nor their place. There are valid reasons [1] why you need to have positive self image. Here are ways you can ensure you have positive affirmations to validate yourself every single day.

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Video Summary

As we age, we tend to focus more on what we lack

Your mind is the ultimate battlefield. Most people make decisions based on their past experiences and things they have seen. That’s why as we get older we tend to be a bit more pessimistic, as this study done in 2013 called, Psychology and Aging [2], shows. So, its ideas and re programing of the mind that needs to get undone almost daily. You need to tell yourself every day that you are good enough, smart enough and strong enough. With enough repetition and consistency, it will start believing what it hears. As right now it can’t tell the difference between reality and sub-consciousness, so when you start telling yourself, you start believing and you see yourself becoming what you confirm. Fake it till you make it.

You don’t have to undo your weaknesses

We spend too much time trying to undo our weaknesses and being something we are not. This is also a wrong approach. Embracing your flaws is not only more effective but it can help you overcome them.

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If for example you’ve been told that you’re too emotional and sensitive, don’t be emotional and sensitive, that’s almost like erasing your own DNA. Your weaknesses are on the opposite end of your strengths, like a con to every pro. Being a perfectionist probably stems from having an eye that’s attentive to detail and etcetera.

So, what you need to do, is; create a line in the middle to journal all your flaws and any other negative, self-limiting beliefs on the one side and then on the other side write what you think compliments that flaw. If you think you’re too bossy, next to it write leadership abilities. If you’re too competitive, next to it, say ambitious. Writing things down helps you visualize and actualize them.

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When you’ve written your pros and cons, try find the balance. Next time you speak to someone be mindful of how you come across, if you’re being too aggressive it’s probably because you want to get your point across, take a moment and remind yourself of that fine line from your journal. Maybe raising your voice is not the best option. If you in a leadership position ask yourself, when dealing with sub ordinates, if you’re being bossy or a leader and from there you’re able to work your way around it.

Say it out loud every morning

When you look in the mirror every morning, have a conversation with yourself. If you need to close a deal, tell yourself that you can and therefore you will. This may sound silly but it takes us back to point number one, when you hear it enough times, you start believing it and what you believe you then become. So speak your vision into your reality. In due time your life will catch up with your thoughts

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Nothing good ever comes from envy and self-hate

There is just something about society and that green lawn. The grass is greener on the other side because they’ve put more work into it. to be and have the things you want, and/or envy is simply a matter of working hard for it. nothing good ever comes from envy and self-hate. Being aware of the things you are grateful for and reminding yourself how fortunate you are just to be alive, goes a long way when you want validation or need a boost. Every day is an opportunity for you to do a better job on yourself than you did yesterday. Realizing and appreciating what you have and how far you’ve come is the affirmation you need to believe that you are worthy and deserving.

Listen to everything and be attached to nothing

Critics are an essential part of life and we need criticism to grow. Every garden needs the rain to pour for it to grow but it can’t rain forever, otherwise we would never be able to enjoy the beauty that is summer and spring flowers. That’s exactly how nature works, with every bad comes the good. If someone says something negative or critical of you, hear them out, assess, see if it’s useful or not and then, move on whether it’s your parents or your boss. This is the best thing you can do for yourself. Don’t hold onto what they said and how much it hurts you. there’s always a lesson to be learnt in pain, make sure you learn it, grow wiser and keep moving forward

Reference

More by this author

Kayiba Mpoyi

Writer by birth

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Last Updated on February 11, 2021

20 Amazing Facts About Dreams that You Might Not Know About

20 Amazing Facts About Dreams that You Might Not Know About

Dreams — Mysterious, bewildering, eye-opening and sometimes a nightmarish living hell. Dreams are all that and much more.

Here are 20 amazing facts about dreams that you might have never heard about:

Fact #1: You can’t read while dreaming, or tell the time

    If you are unsure whether you are dreaming or not, try reading something. The vast majority of people are incapable of reading in their dreams.

    The same goes for clocks: each time you look at a clock it will tell a different time and the hands on the clock won’t appear to be moving as reported by lucid dreamers.

    Fact #2: Lucid dreaming

    There is a whole subculture of people practicing what is called lucid or conscious dreaming. Using various techniques, these people have supposedly learned to assume control of their dreams and do amazing things like flying, passing through walls, and traveling to different dimensions or even back in time.

    Want to learn how to control your dreams? You can try these tips:

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    Lucid Dreaming: This Is How You Can Control Your Dreams

    Fact #3: Inventions inspired by dreams

    Dreams are responsible for many of the greatest inventions of mankind. A few examples include:

    • The idea for Google -Larry Page
    • Alternating current generator -Tesla
    • DNA’s double helix spiral form -James Watson
    • The sewing machine -Elias Howe
    • Periodic table -Dimitri Mendeleyev

    …and many, many more.

    Fact #4: Premonition dreams

    There are some astounding cases where people actually dreamt about things which happened to them later, in the exact same ways they dreamed about.

    You could say they got a glimpse of the future, or it might have just been coincidence. The fact remains that this is some seriously interesting and bizarre phenomena. Some of the most famous premonition dreams include:

    • Abraham Lincoln dreamt of His Assassination
    • Many of the victims of 9/11 had dreams warning them about the catastrophe
    • Mark Twain’s dream of his brother’s demise
    • 19 verified precognitive dreams about the Titanic catastrophe

    Fact #5: Sleep paralysis

    Hell is real and it is called sleep paralysis. It’s the stuff of true nightmares. I’ve been a sleep paralysis sufferer as a kid and I can attest to how truly horrible it is.

    Two characteristics of sleep paralysis are the inability to move (hence paralysis) and a sense of an extremely evil presence in the room with you. It doesn’t feel like a dream, but 100% real. Studies show that during an attack, sleep paralysis sufferers show an overwhelming amygdala activity. The amygdala is responsible for the “fight or flight” instinct and the emotions of fear, terror and anxiety. Enough said!

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    Fact #6: REM sleep disorder

    In the state of REM (rapid-eye-movement) stage of your sleep your body is normally paralyzed. In rare cases, however, people act out their dreams. These have resulted in broken arms, legs, broken furniture, and in at least one reported case, a house burnt down.

    Fact #7: Sexual dreams

    The very scientifically-named “nocturnal penile tumescence” is a very well documented phenomena. In laymen’s term, it simply means that you get a stiffy while you sleep. Actually, studies indicate that men get up to 20 erections per dream.

    Fact #8: Unbelievable sleepwalkers

      Sleepwalking is a very rare and potentially dangerous sleep disorder. It is an extreme form of REM sleep disorder, and these people don’t just act out their dreams, but go on real adventures at night.

      Lee Hadwin is a nurse by profession, but in his dreams he is an artist. Literally. He “sleepdraws” gorgeous portraits, of which he has no recollection afterwards. Strange sleepwalking “adventures” include:

      • A woman having sex with strangers while sleepwalking
      • A man who drove 22 miles and killed his cousin while sleepwalking
      • A sleepwalker who walked out of the window from the third floor, and barely survived

      Fact #9: Dream drug

      There are actually people who like dreaming and dreams so much that they never want to wake up. They want to continue on dreaming even during the day, so they take an illegal and extremely potent hallucinogenic drug called Dimethyltryptamine. It is actually only an isolated and synthetic form of the chemical our brains produce naturally during dreaming.

      Fact #10 Dream-catcher

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        The dream-catcher is one of the most well-known Native American symbols. It is a loose web or webs woven around a hoop and decorated with sacred objects meant to protect against nightmares.

        Fact #11: Increased brain activity

        You would associate sleeping with peace and quiet, but actually our brains are more active during sleep than during the day.

        Fact #12: Creativity and dreams

        As we mentioned before, dreams are responsible for inventions, great artworks and are generally just incredibly interesting. They are also “recharging” our creativity.

        Scientists also say that keeping a dream diary helps with creativity.

        In rare cases of REM disorder, people actually don’t dream at all. These people suffer from significantly decreased creativity and perform badly at tasks requiring creative problem solving.

        Fact #13: Pets dream too

          Our animal companions dream as well. Watch a dog or a cat sleep and you can see that they are moving their paws and making noises like they were chasing something. Go get ’em buddy!

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          Fact #14: You always dream—you just don’t remember it

          Many people claim that they don’t dream at all, but that’s not true: we all dream, but up to 60% of people don’t remember their dreams at all.

          Fact #15: Blind people dream too

          Blind people who were not born blind see images in their dreams but people who were born blind don’t see anything at all. They still dream, and their dreams are just as intense and interesting, but they involve the other senses beside sight.

          Fact #16: In your dreams, you only see faces that you already know

            It is proven that in dreams, we can only see faces that we have seen in real life before. So beware: that scary-looking old lady next to you on the bus might as well be in your next nightmare.

            Fact #17: Dreams tend to be negative

            Surprisingly, dreams are more often negative than positive. The three most widely reported emotions felt during dreaming are anger, sadness and fear.

            Fact #18: Multiple dreams per night

            You can have up to seven different dreams per night depending on how many REM cycles you have. We only dream during the REM period of sleep, and the average person dreams one to two hours every night.

            Fact #19: Gender differences

            Interestingly, 70% of all the characters in a man’s dream are other men, but women’s dream contain an equal amount of women and men. Also men’s dreams contain a lot more aggression. Both women and men dream about sexual themes equally often.

            Fact #20: Not everyone dreams in color

            As much as 12% of people only dream in black and white.

            Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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