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Last Updated on August 15, 2018

Don’t Wait for People’s Validation, Do It Yourself, Every Single Day

Don’t Wait for People’s Validation, Do It Yourself, Every Single Day

Most people are familiar with the proverb “As a Man thinketh, so is he”. That is no understatement. You are what you think and what you think becomes what you do. Yet somehow most of us leave that “what we think of ourselves” part to external factors that we have no control over i.e. other people.

This behavior is confirmed by how many people spend so much time in editing a photo to post on Social Media just to get those likes. Every like is like a validation of something. How smart or beautiful we are. so what happens when your entourage is not having a good day or just not affirming what you want? Well, it’s not their job nor their place. There are valid reasons [1] why you need to have positive self image. Here are ways you can ensure you have positive affirmations to validate yourself every single day.

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Video Summary

As we age, we tend to focus more on what we lack

Your mind is the ultimate battlefield. Most people make decisions based on their past experiences and things they have seen. That’s why as we get older we tend to be a bit more pessimistic, as this study done in 2013 called, Psychology and Aging [2], shows. So, its ideas and re programing of the mind that needs to get undone almost daily. You need to tell yourself every day that you are good enough, smart enough and strong enough. With enough repetition and consistency, it will start believing what it hears. As right now it can’t tell the difference between reality and sub-consciousness, so when you start telling yourself, you start believing and you see yourself becoming what you confirm. Fake it till you make it.

You don’t have to undo your weaknesses

We spend too much time trying to undo our weaknesses and being something we are not. This is also a wrong approach. Embracing your flaws is not only more effective but it can help you overcome them.

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If for example you’ve been told that you’re too emotional and sensitive, don’t be emotional and sensitive, that’s almost like erasing your own DNA. Your weaknesses are on the opposite end of your strengths, like a con to every pro. Being a perfectionist probably stems from having an eye that’s attentive to detail and etcetera.

So, what you need to do, is; create a line in the middle to journal all your flaws and any other negative, self-limiting beliefs on the one side and then on the other side write what you think compliments that flaw. If you think you’re too bossy, next to it write leadership abilities. If you’re too competitive, next to it, say ambitious. Writing things down helps you visualize and actualize them.

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When you’ve written your pros and cons, try find the balance. Next time you speak to someone be mindful of how you come across, if you’re being too aggressive it’s probably because you want to get your point across, take a moment and remind yourself of that fine line from your journal. Maybe raising your voice is not the best option. If you in a leadership position ask yourself, when dealing with sub ordinates, if you’re being bossy or a leader and from there you’re able to work your way around it.

Say it out loud every morning

When you look in the mirror every morning, have a conversation with yourself. If you need to close a deal, tell yourself that you can and therefore you will. This may sound silly but it takes us back to point number one, when you hear it enough times, you start believing it and what you believe you then become. So speak your vision into your reality. In due time your life will catch up with your thoughts

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Nothing good ever comes from envy and self-hate

There is just something about society and that green lawn. The grass is greener on the other side because they’ve put more work into it. to be and have the things you want, and/or envy is simply a matter of working hard for it. nothing good ever comes from envy and self-hate. Being aware of the things you are grateful for and reminding yourself how fortunate you are just to be alive, goes a long way when you want validation or need a boost. Every day is an opportunity for you to do a better job on yourself than you did yesterday. Realizing and appreciating what you have and how far you’ve come is the affirmation you need to believe that you are worthy and deserving.

Listen to everything and be attached to nothing

Critics are an essential part of life and we need criticism to grow. Every garden needs the rain to pour for it to grow but it can’t rain forever, otherwise we would never be able to enjoy the beauty that is summer and spring flowers. That’s exactly how nature works, with every bad comes the good. If someone says something negative or critical of you, hear them out, assess, see if it’s useful or not and then, move on whether it’s your parents or your boss. This is the best thing you can do for yourself. Don’t hold onto what they said and how much it hurts you. there’s always a lesson to be learnt in pain, make sure you learn it, grow wiser and keep moving forward

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More by this author

Kayiba Mpoyi

Writer by birth

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Last Updated on February 1, 2019

How to Increase Your Self Awareness to Be Much More Successful

How to Increase Your Self Awareness to Be Much More Successful

Self awareness can be defined as having a clear understanding of your personality, including your beliefs, emotions, motivation, strengths and weaknesses.

A 2010 study by Green Peak Partners and Cornell’s School of Industrial and Labor Relations found that self awareness is a key and common characteristic of successful leaders. [1]

And research[2] by the Driehaus College of Business at De Paul University has also demonstrated that high self awareness leads to improved team performance.

Self Awareness Makes You Improve Much Faster Than the Others

“If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.” – Ralicoph Waldo Emerson

Self awareness allows us to understand who we are, and how others see us. From this, we can determine how similar or different we are to other people.

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Individuals with high self awareness tend to live happier and more fulfilling lives. That’s because being self aware brings several powerful benefits, including:

  • Finding and expressing your authentic self.
  • Being proactive, instead of reactive.
  • Enjoying positive and harmonious interpersonal relationships.
  • Having deeper thoughts.
  • Revealing your true purpose.

One secret behind the magic of self awareness, is the fact that being self aware allows you to see your weaknesses. Once you know what they are, you can then act accordingly to fix them (where possible).

As an example, think back to a time when you achieved a major success in your life. Your confidence jumped off the scale, and suddenly, everything in your life began to look rosy. However, success was fleeting, and before long you were not only back where you started – but had lost your initial faith and confidence too.

Instead of seeing this as bad luck or personal failure, the better response would be to analyze exactly what happened.

What caused your success? What caused your failure? And what could you have done differently?

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By answering these questions, you’ll gain insight into your decision making and personality traits. Most importantly, you’ll be able to discover where you went wrong, and how you could avoid this next time around. This is how self awareness becomes a crucial partner in reaching your dreams and goals.

How to Increase Your Self Awareness

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom.” – Lao-Tze

Okay, you’ve now seen some of the ways that self awareness can boost your success in life. (And we’ve only scratched the surface of potential benefits.)

It’s now time to reveal several tips and techniques that will increase your self awareness.

Take a psychometric test: You’ll understand more about yourself

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Psychometric tests are ideal for raising your self awareness. The tests force you to think deeply about yourself, and how your react to different situations. Self reflection = Self awareness. Try this free, 100-question psychometric test offered by the University of Cambridge.

Keep a personal journal: It can reduce anxiety and depression at the same time

Writing a daily journal can be a great tool for increasing your self awareness. If your writing is honest and open, you’ll quickly discover things about yourself that you’d never previously realised. You’ll also begin to see how habits create your conditions. For self awareness purposes, your daily journal should (at the very least) list your biggest failures and greatest successes of the day. Science supports the effectiveness of journalism, with a recent Psychotherapy Research study[3] showing that writing a daily journal reduced anxiety and depression.

Learn to meditate: To clear your thoughts

If you’ve never tried meditating before, then you should definitely consider trying it, if you want to boost your self awareness. Meditation can help you to delve below the incessant chatter of your conscious mind, and instead, let you tap into the depths of your subconscious mind. As well as boosting your well-being and health, meditation can clear your thoughts, and help you to become more creative.[4]

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How to get started? There are plenty of books and videos that can teach you the basics of meditation. Alternatively, you’ll be sure to find mediation classes in your local area.

Ask for feedback: You’ll be amazed

Choose a close family member or friend who knows you well. Ask then to give you an honest appraisal of your actions, beliefs and motivations. You’ll be amazed (and possibly shocked!) at what you hear. In fact, it’s likely that you’ll gain a completely new perspective on yourself. Use this new knowledge to make positive changes that could increase your effectiveness and success in life.

Through boosting your self awareness, you’ll begin to see new, exciting opportunities for growth and success. You’ll also learn how others see you. This will help your interpersonal relationships – as well as your ability to read others.

Self awareness can help you predict the success of others. It can also help you predict your own success.

So, choose to follow in the footsteps of the highly-successful, and start developing your self awareness today.

Reference

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