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Last Updated on August 15, 2018

Don’t Wait for People’s Validation, Do It Yourself, Every Single Day

Don’t Wait for People’s Validation, Do It Yourself, Every Single Day

Most people are familiar with the proverb “As a Man thinketh, so is he”. That is no understatement. You are what you think and what you think becomes what you do. Yet somehow most of us leave that “what we think of ourselves” part to external factors that we have no control over i.e. other people.

This behavior is confirmed by how many people spend so much time in editing a photo to post on Social Media just to get those likes. Every like is like a validation of something. How smart or beautiful we are. so what happens when your entourage is not having a good day or just not affirming what you want? Well, it’s not their job nor their place. There are valid reasons [1] why you need to have positive self image. Here are ways you can ensure you have positive affirmations to validate yourself every single day.

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Video Summary

As we age, we tend to focus more on what we lack

Your mind is the ultimate battlefield. Most people make decisions based on their past experiences and things they have seen. That’s why as we get older we tend to be a bit more pessimistic, as this study done in 2013 called, Psychology and Aging [2], shows. So, its ideas and re programing of the mind that needs to get undone almost daily. You need to tell yourself every day that you are good enough, smart enough and strong enough. With enough repetition and consistency, it will start believing what it hears. As right now it can’t tell the difference between reality and sub-consciousness, so when you start telling yourself, you start believing and you see yourself becoming what you confirm. Fake it till you make it.

You don’t have to undo your weaknesses

We spend too much time trying to undo our weaknesses and being something we are not. This is also a wrong approach. Embracing your flaws is not only more effective but it can help you overcome them.

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If for example you’ve been told that you’re too emotional and sensitive, don’t be emotional and sensitive, that’s almost like erasing your own DNA. Your weaknesses are on the opposite end of your strengths, like a con to every pro. Being a perfectionist probably stems from having an eye that’s attentive to detail and etcetera.

So, what you need to do, is; create a line in the middle to journal all your flaws and any other negative, self-limiting beliefs on the one side and then on the other side write what you think compliments that flaw. If you think you’re too bossy, next to it write leadership abilities. If you’re too competitive, next to it, say ambitious. Writing things down helps you visualize and actualize them.

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When you’ve written your pros and cons, try find the balance. Next time you speak to someone be mindful of how you come across, if you’re being too aggressive it’s probably because you want to get your point across, take a moment and remind yourself of that fine line from your journal. Maybe raising your voice is not the best option. If you in a leadership position ask yourself, when dealing with sub ordinates, if you’re being bossy or a leader and from there you’re able to work your way around it.

Say it out loud every morning

When you look in the mirror every morning, have a conversation with yourself. If you need to close a deal, tell yourself that you can and therefore you will. This may sound silly but it takes us back to point number one, when you hear it enough times, you start believing it and what you believe you then become. So speak your vision into your reality. In due time your life will catch up with your thoughts

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Nothing good ever comes from envy and self-hate

There is just something about society and that green lawn. The grass is greener on the other side because they’ve put more work into it. to be and have the things you want, and/or envy is simply a matter of working hard for it. nothing good ever comes from envy and self-hate. Being aware of the things you are grateful for and reminding yourself how fortunate you are just to be alive, goes a long way when you want validation or need a boost. Every day is an opportunity for you to do a better job on yourself than you did yesterday. Realizing and appreciating what you have and how far you’ve come is the affirmation you need to believe that you are worthy and deserving.

Listen to everything and be attached to nothing

Critics are an essential part of life and we need criticism to grow. Every garden needs the rain to pour for it to grow but it can’t rain forever, otherwise we would never be able to enjoy the beauty that is summer and spring flowers. That’s exactly how nature works, with every bad comes the good. If someone says something negative or critical of you, hear them out, assess, see if it’s useful or not and then, move on whether it’s your parents or your boss. This is the best thing you can do for yourself. Don’t hold onto what they said and how much it hurts you. there’s always a lesson to be learnt in pain, make sure you learn it, grow wiser and keep moving forward

Reference

More by this author

Kayiba Mpoyi

Writer by birth

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Published on November 28, 2018

How to Do Meditation at Home to Calm Your Anxious Mind

How to Do Meditation at Home to Calm Your Anxious Mind

The woman in yoga pants sitting in a lotus position atop a rocky cliff, overlooking a valley draped in fog — this is the glamorized version of meditation you’ll come across as you search. Yet if you’re seeking meditation to calm your mind, a fantastic setting with no distractions is rarely available.

So how to do meditation?

The truth about meditation is it’s an everyday practice for anybody. You could be a mountain climber or you could be an accountant — either way, your home is just as good a place for meditation as any.

Are you seeking to corral your racing thoughts and relieve a sense of unease, awkwardness, or uncertainty? Look to home meditation to cultivate a laid-back, creative, confident, and organized frame of mind. According to extensive scientific research, meditation relieves stress and anxiety, decreases blood pressure, improves sleep, and improves your ability to pay attention. [1]

From start to finish, this article will give you quick, easy steps to follow so that you can meditate at home regularly. You’ll begin by assessing, identifying and altering things that need to change in your home environment. You’ll end by understanding the basics of meditation so that you can let yourself do what you already know how to do deep down in the hidden reality of your mind.

You’re ready to let your mind be, and just be, in your own home — let’s begin.

1. Find the Right Space in Your Home

Where is your right space for meditation at home? Is it in your basement, your bedroom, your living room, or your study?

The right space will be one with the least distractions built in to its purpose. In that case, it may be your bedroom. If you’ve set up your bedroom to be a place for sleep and only sleep, it will lend itself well to meditation.

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The right space will also be a reasonably spacious one. Although comfort is not your goal, you need room to sit. Choose a space that is private, spacious, and quiet. If you don’t have a space in your home like this, create one. Free it from clutter and get it ready for you to meditate there any time.

Ultimately, your right space is one you feel comfortable meditating in, the space you can enter with no other expectations.

2. Improve the Feng Shui in Your Home and Meditation Space

Feng shui means “wind and water.” It’s the ancient Chinese art of placement.[2]

Feng shui improves harmony with nature. Adherents to the principles of feng shui believe all things have energy (chi). The focus of feng shui is to send negative chi (sha) out of the space and attract positive chi (yun).

Here’s the truth about feng shui: it’s not complicated or hard. The following will influence feng shui positively in your home and meditation space:

  • Living things, such as plants
  • Beautiful objects, such as sculptures or even a well-polished piece of driftwood
  • Mirrors in symmetrical placement with the lines in a room
  • Mellifluous sounds, such as trickling water or wind chimes
  • Furniture away from walls
  • A centerpiece, such as a small table with books or an ornate lamp on it
  • Incense or something else that smells good
  • A lack of clutter and an attention to organization that emphasizes the usefulness, purpose, and essential being of each item in your house

Given that feng shui is connected to Taoism and Buddhism, it will complement the meditative atmosphere you want to cultivate in your home.

3. Eliminate Pervasive Distractions That Can Harm Your Wellbeing

In part, meditation is about accepting the existence of distractions. When you meditate, you don’t judge and assign a positive or a negative value to distractions — the ticking of a clock, an itch, the barking of a dog — you let them occur and let them dissipate like waves.

However, in the same way that feng shui removes objects that attract negative chi, there are certain types of distractions that don’t belong in your meditative space. You must remove them.

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In a survey of 1,700 people who visited social media sites at least 30 times per week, 30 percent reported high levels of sleep disturbance and 25 percent presented symptoms of depression. [3]

Those individuals who experience sleep disturbances or mental health issues due to social media are not setting boundaries between themselves and their connected devices.

Part of learning how to meditate at home is learning how and when to set boundaries between yourself and your connected devices and social media accounts. If you need your phone for a timed meditation practice, but you normally receive social media notifications on your phone, set it on Do Not Disturb or Airplane mode during your meditation time.

4. Flow into Meditation Through Time

Next, set aside a time for meditation each day. It’s right to be structured and disciplined about your meditation time.

Buddhist monks whose lives revolve around meditation are very structured and organized with their tasks each day. Structure provides the balance your being needs. Once you are meditating, your mind has no need for time. Outside of your given meditation time, you are completing tasks essential to the wellbeing of yourself and your home.

Consider meditating as the sun rises. This is a quiet and contemplative time of the day when it is natural to set your day’s balance through meditation.

5. Recognize the Rightness of Doing Nothing

At home, you’re probably used to always doing something. When you do meditation at home, you are being, which is doing something and nothing simultaneously.

Maryville University points out that successful people unplug by doing nothing. [4] Not only this, but they set the right expectations for the time during which they will do nothing.

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We oftentimes look forward to the future by expecting something to happen and by expecting something of ourselves. To meditate from home, look to that time and that space by expecting nothing. You will not do any chores. You will not catch up on work. You will do nothing but meditate for a certain amount of time each day.

This might sound crazy, but in taking on meditation from home, you’re not expecting yourself to improve and become a better person. As Ram Dass put it, you are expecting yourself to be here now.

6. Choose from the Incredible Variety of Meditative Practices

As I outlined in my post on types of meditation, there are many different and not-so-different types of meditation from which to choose.

Many beginners find it right to choose guided meditation, for which there are apps, videos, and audio tapes available.

If you are not necessarily a beginner but are merely moving your meditative practice into the home, you can facilitate a practice such as Nada Yoga — sound meditation — by placing a fountain in your space or listening to ambient alpha wave music.

If you’re used to meditating outside of your home — perhaps you are drawn to the outdoors because of the sounds of nature — a practice like Nada Yoga can help you transition into your home space.

7. Understand You Can Meditate Any Time at Home

What if I told you to throw out all of the tips that came before this? Sounds crazy but that is how radical mindfulness meditation really is. We don’t think of it as radical because it is now ingrained in our popular discourse.

Mindfulness meditation does start as a sitting meditation practice. It goes like this:

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  1. Sit comfortably and close your eyes.
  2. Focus on breathing. Inhale through your nose slowly and exhale slowly.
  3. As distracting thoughts arise, don’t judge them and don’t hang onto them. Let each thought go as you focus on breathing.
  4. Treat all physical sensations and feelings in the same way you do thoughts: register them, then let them go, returning to breathing.
  5. Extend this practice to everyday activity, remaining “in the moment” of the body’s activity with each new breath.

As you practice mindfulness around your home, note the physical characteristics of the things in themselves. Note physical sensations: sounds, smells, textures, appearances, tastes. Stop now and then and do a body scan from head to toe, noting what each section is doing and how it’s feeling.

Note thoughts that come and the emotions attached to them: let them go. Concentrate on the breath and the physical activities — including the details of the objects with which you’re interacting.

You’ll notice that your home will lend itself to a meditative state when things are in order. This is where true feng shui originates. You will naturally sense how the arrangement of things affects the energy in a room.

Clutter will disappear because mindfulness tells you to dispose of unnecessary things. Plants will bloom. Birds will make their nests in your backyard. Your home will smell pleasing and people will naturally be attracted to it and your presence.

You’ve Reached the Beginning and the End

Once you are able to do mindfulness meditation even as you are attending to the normal and abnormal requirements of your home, the mundane and the unusual, you are at both the beginning and the end.

You are at the beginning because meditation never ends. Continue setting aside time each day to do sitting meditation in the space you’ve set aside. Continue practicing mindfulness as you attend to the energy of your house, your own energy, and the energy of those around you.

You are at the end because you grasped what it means to do meditation at home: it means letting go of cares and concerns and being in your home as you attend to the right tasks. The right tasks are those necessary for being in your home.

As you sit in your home, rise, open the door and you leave, you are calm in your mind because you are home.

Featured photo credit: Simon Rae via unsplash.com

Reference

[1]Healthline: 12 Science-Based Benefits of Meditation
[2]Marquette University: Feng Shui: The Wind and Water
[3]Rutgers University: Social Media and Well-Being
[4]Maryville University: How Successful People Unplug

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