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Why You Shouldn’t Suppress Yourself in Face of Temptations

Why You Shouldn’t Suppress Yourself in Face of Temptations

When that little devil pops up on your shoulder, urging you to give in to your desires, of course your first instinct is to swat him away and do the “right” thing. Right? Well, maybe not. Perhaps giving into your temptations is healthier than ignoring them, in calculated moderation of course.

Society tells us to suppress our urges, but releasing them in a healthy way could be more beneficial.

By suppressing our urges, we are denying ourselves of our true nature. There are a number of reasons why we hold ourselves back; be it social norms, laws or rules, or our own personal inhibitions.

But by letting go and letting ourselves act freely, we are transcending to a new level of self acceptance and empowerment. Furthermore, the more we suppress our urges, the more likely [1] they are to surface in an overwhelming or destructive manner.

With a little bit of compromise, you can give in to your urges, or find healthy alternatives to satisfy them. Depending on the nature of these urges, whether they’re bizarre, quirky, or on some level heinous, you can find a way to appropriately adapt them into your lifestyle.

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In the ancient practice of Ayurveda, denying your urges is a crime against wisdom.

We are taught to suppress our urges during our developmental years, conditioning us to do so throughout the rest of our lives. Wait until after class to use the bathroom, only eat during designated break times; refrain from coughing, sneezing, yawning, farting or burping in public. These are just a few examples of conditioned suppression. Because this is the polite thing to do.

Our bodies experience the sensations [2] to release these urges, because the stimuli in our nervous systems call for it. Denying our body of what it calls for can be a major cause and agitator of disease development. We need to listen to our bodies and honor what they call for. Or it will disrupt the homeostasis, the internal balance of the body and mind.

Just as our nervous systems stimulate us to release these natural urges, our desires and imaginations stimulate us as well; requiring us to act or react in a certain manner in order to find balance.

By nurturing your urges as they arise, you may be avoiding a huge conflict down the line.

Although at times suppression may be necessary; as in an instance where you need to ignore negative feelings in order to overcome an obstacle, or you’re in a situation where acting on your desires just would not be appropriate. Expression is really also equally as vital for your well- being.

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Just as we are conditioned to suppress our natural urges, we are taught to suppress our emotional urges as well. The helpful aspect of this practice is not allowing the emotions to take on a roll of their own by always keeping them in check. But at the same time you are denying yourself the benefits that come with the coping process and allowing yourself to heal.

Various scientific studies have shown that suppression can lead to high levels of stress and relapse.

In a case study [3] orchestrated by scientists Brett J. Peters, Nikola C. Overall, and Jeremy P. Jameison, it had been concluded that the suppression of urges had very negative psychological effects on both the subjects and their partners. In extreme cases, the data shows that suppression can be linked to extreme stress, memory impairment and psychopathology.

When the subject is instructed to suppress their reactions and feelings, it makes their partners uncomfortable because they cannot assess their moods or intentions. In turn, this takes a very negative toll on the relationships.

Another case study [4] carried out by James A.K. Erskine, George J. Georgiou, and Lia Kvavilashvili, a group of individuals who smoke were split into two groups during a 3 week period.

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During this time, half of the group was asked to mentally suppress their urges to smoke. During the second week when they were no longer required to suppress, the controlled group smoked more cigarettes than those who were not asked to suppress. These people also had much higher stress levels than those not asked to suppress.

In conclusion, the individuals who were asked to suppress experiences high levels of stress, and were more inclined to indulge in the activity they attempted to suppress than those who were not asked to do so. Basically, if you deny yourself something, you’re going to want it more.

Don’t suppress, express! Use these methods to indulge in your urges in a healthy manner.

To Compromise

Now before you lower all of your inhibitions and let that freak flag fly, just consider the nature of your urges. If they are at all harmful, you need to find a different outlet for that release.

Let’s say you have the urge to punch someone in the face. Well, you can’t really do that and it will probably pan out very negatively for you. Instead, take a kickboxing class. Punch a bunch of punching bags, it’s what they’re there for. Or perhaps you’re trying to quit smoking. Vaping is an excellent alternative. Or you could also keep a stash of healthy snacks on hand to satisfy your oral fixation.

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To Plan Ahead 

If you know that your urge is going to become overwhelming at some point, make a game plan.

Let’s say that you have strong sexual urges that can sometimes be destructive. If you find yourself in a situation where you can predict a regrettable morning after, acquire a suitable wing-man (or woman) who will keep you entertained and ensure that you go home alone.

Planning ahead and having a substitute for the unhealthy urge will help to disconnect the thought process between the urge and giving in to the temptation.

To Analyze Appropriateness 

Gauge your surroundings. If it’s an appropriate environment to exercise your urges, then have it. Sexual urges? They have clubs for that. Violent urges? Join a gym. Cross-dressing urges? Book a gig at a drag bar. Feel like busting out a dance number as if your life is a musical? Well as long as you don’t hit anyone while you flail about you can do that just about anywhere.

Just ensure that by indulging in your desires, you aren’t harming anyone else.

Reference

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Jenn Beach

Traveling vagabond, freelance writer, & plantbased food enthusiast.

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Last Updated on August 16, 2018

Narcissistic Personality: What Is It and How to Deal with a Narcissist?

Narcissistic Personality: What Is It and How to Deal with a Narcissist?

He asks you for your opinion, but only follows his own advice regardless of what you say.She loves to talk about herself, everything about her is just better than you.  When you try to share anything happy about yourself, she seriously doubts it.

If you know someone who acts like these examples, there’s a chance they might be a narcissist.

What is a narcissistic personality?

Narcissism is a spectrum personality disorder which most of us have.

In popular culture, narcissism is interpreted as a person who’s in love with themselves, more accurately, their idealized selves. Narcissists believe that they are too unique to be understood and that they are so good that they demand for admiration from others.

Psychologist Stephen Johnson writes that,[1]

the narcissist is someone who has buried his true self-expression in response to early injuries and replaced it with a highly developed, compensatory false self.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) describes narcissistic personality as a personality disorder. It is a spectrum disorder, which means it exists on a continuum ranging from some narcissistic traits to the full-blown personality disorder.[2]

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is not very common, but the truth is, we all have some of the narcissistic traits.

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Traits of a narcissist:

  • They have a deep need for admiration and validation. They think they’re special and too unique to be understood.
  • They feel they are superior to other. They achieve more and know a lot more than you.
  • They do not show their vulnerabilities. They fear what others think of them and they want to remain superior in all situations.
  • They are unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. They want to be the centre of attention and believe that showing emotions is a sign of weakness.
  • They are skilled manipulators and are emotionally abusive. They know how to make use of their charm to take advantage of others to get what they want.

How are narcissists different from others?

Narcissism expert and the author of Narcissism in a Nutshell, Zari Ballard, tried to answer some common questions asked by non-narcissists about what a narcissist thinks and feels from a narcissist’s perspective.[3]

Do narcissists know they are narcissists and are they happy?

We could really care less about how others feel. We enjoy our so called cold existence. True narcissists don’t want to change. We feel in total control of our lives using this method.

Do narcissists know or understand right from wrong?

Narcissists know the difference between right and wrong because they understand cause and effect. There is no “guilty conscience” giving them a clue and they are displaying the symptom of being “indifferent to social norms” while most likely presenting as ‘cold-hearted.’

Narcissists have a very different thinking mechanism. They see things from a different perspective. Unlike non-narcissists and empaths, they don’t have much sympathy and are reluctant to show emotions to others.

Why do people become narcissists?

1. Narcissism is vulnerability taken to an extreme.

The root of a narcissistic personality is a strong resistance to feeling vulnerable with anyone.[4]

Narcissists refuse to put themselves in a position where they feel vulnerable. They fear that others will take advantage of their weaknesses, so they learn to camouflage their weaknesses by acting strong and powerful. The think showing emotions to others is a sign of weakness, so they learn to hide their emotions and act cold-hearted most of the times.

Narcissists live in a state of anxiety because they are highly aware of their emotions and how others think of them.

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Vulnerability aversion, is the root of a narcissistic personality.

2. A narcissistic personality could be a result of a wounded past.

Narcissists are desperate to seek validation constantly because they either didn’t feel worthwhile and valued in the past, or were being paid too much attention as the most precious and unique one in the world.

Faulty or inadequate parenting, for example a lack of limit setting, is believed to be a major cause, and both permissive and authoritarian styles of parenting have been found to promote narcissistic symptoms.[5]

Both parents who fail to see the worth in a child, and parents who spoil and give excessive praise to the child promote narcissism as the child grows. While the former ones make the child feel inferior of others and want to get more attention, the latter ones encourage an idealized-self in the child.

How to deal with a narcissist?

1. If someone close to you is a narcissist, embrace the differences.

There’re different personality types and not everyone will think and act the same as you do. Instead of trying to change others, learn to accept the differences and strike a balance when you really have to communicate with them.

2. Don’t try to change them, focus on your own needs.

Try to understand that narcissists are resistant to change, it’s more important for you to see who they really are, instead of who you want them to be. Focus on how you feel, and what you want yourself to be.

Embrace the fact that there’re different types of personality and the only thing you can control is your attitude and your own actions.

3. Recognize what they do only comes from their insecurity.

Narcissists are quite vulnerable deep inside, they question others because that’s how they can make themselves feel better.

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When you learn that what a narcissist does to you is nothing personal, but something that comes from their insecurity, you know that sometimes they just need a certain amount of reassurance.

This is especially important if the narcissist is someone you have to closely work with, or if they’re your family member. The right amount of reassurance can calm them down and get the tasks on hand completed.

4. Ask them what would others think instead of what’d others feel.[6]

Narcissists don’t feel guilty, but they care about how others think of them deep in their heart.

Clinical psychologist Al Bernstein explains:

There are just things, like other people’s feelings, that narcissists rarely consider. If you have their ear, don’t tell them how people might react; instead, ask probing questions. Narcissists are much more likely to act on ideas that they think they thought up themselves.

If you have to work with a narcissist closely, focus on the facts and ideas, not the emotions.

5. Let go of the need of getting a narcissist’s approval.

You’re not who a narcissist says you are. Don’t let their blame game undermine your self-esteem, and don’t argue with them just to defend what you believe is right.

There is no point arguing with a narcissist just to prove them wrong because they will not give in proving themselves right. It’s more likely that you’ll get more upset when they disagree with you in an unpleasant way.

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Know your own worth and detach from a narcissist’s opinion on you.

6. If a narcissist is hurting you, stay away from them.

Remember, a healthy relationship is two-sided. It’s about mutual respect and it’s based on give and take. But any kind of relationship with a narcissist is likely to be the contrary, it’s about making the narcissist happy and constantly supporting them. A relationship like this will only weigh you down and is unhealthy for your growth.

7. Set a boundary and always keep it.

If you’re setting a boundary, you have to be willing to keep it. When a narcissist sees that you’re trying to take back control of your life, they will try to test your limits, it’s just their instinct to do it.

Be prepared that your boundary will be challenged. Make your boundary clear, have all the actions needed to be taken in your mind.

For example, if you have decided to stop communicating with them, they will likely to show up in front of you just to talk to you. Be brave enough to keep your boundary, don’t back down and get close to them again; or else they will not take your boundary seriously any more.

8. Learn when to walk away.

When a narcissist starts to make you feel uncomfortable and doubt about yourself, it’s time to pick yourself up and give yourself enough respect to just walk away from them.

If you’re in love with a narcissist, you should seriously think about ending the relationship and move on for a better life. If the narcissist is your family member, you don’t have to be cruel to them, but it’s better to keep distance from them.

Reference

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