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The Polite Way to Reject Writing a Letter of Recommendation

The Polite Way to Reject Writing a Letter of Recommendation

Emma, a senior copywriter at a reputed advertising agency, found herself in a tricky situation when a former colleague rang up to ask her for a letter of recommendation.

This colleague had been quite unpopular in the office and was known for her temper tantrums when things did not go her way. Now how, in good conscience, do you write a letter of reference for someone you don’t actually approve of.

Saying ‘No’ is a skill that many people lack. But, it is one life skill that helps you minimize stress and stay productive.

People often agonise about saying “No” to others and they get pressured into doing things they don’t really want to do. In reality, saying NO isn’t that hard. When you say ‘no’ assertively and clearly, you are more likely to gain respect than lose it.

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There is never an obligation to give someone a reference.

There are ways to politely and diplomatically decline the request without offending the person who asked you. The trick is to do so without making your refusal sound like a personal criticism or a professional rejection.

There are three suitable excuses you can use:

When you don’t know the person well…

The best recommendations come from people who value your character and your work skills. It’s in no one’s best interest for you to endorse someone you can’t speak genuinely about or someone you don’t intimately know.

You can decline the request with the excuse “I don’t know you well enough.” Or in other words:

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“I received your request for a letter of recommendation yesterday and I am flattered that you would ask for a recommendation from me. Letters of reference carry the most weight when they are from colleagues who know your work skills. Since I work in an entirely different section of the company, I can hardly speak with authority about your professional abilities. I hope you will understand if I decline.”

If the individual insists on pursuing the matter, explain that you simply do not feel comfortable writing the recommendation as your integrity and professional brand is on the line with each recommendation you make.

Use “I” statements rather than “you”- “I feel that I don’t know you well enough” rather than “You haven’t made a good impression on me.”

When you can’t provide a glowing review…

If you do know the person very well as in Emma’s case and you have nothing positive to recommend, it best to get out of situation at the earliest.

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There are people who give negative references without considering how it will impact the individual, professionally or psychologically. It’s better not to give a recommendation at all than to give a vague one or a negative one.

It’s one thing to decline endorsing someone, but it’s a below the belt tactic to say yes and then jeopardize their future. You can considering tell them:

“I am honored that you put your trust in me for such an important task and chose me to write a letter of recommendation for you. Regrettably, I must decline your request as I believe that it would serve your requirement better to select another colleague whose endorsement would truly benefit you.”

When you have things that are a lot more important to do…

When you are focused on achieving a goal, finishing a project and getting home to the kids on time, every additional task you take on upsets your time management, decreases your efficiency and disrupts your productivity.

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You definitely don’t have the time to be writing recommendation letters for every Tom, Dick and Harry. People ask for our time every single day. We’ll end up feeling frazzled and grumpy, if we give away our time to everyone who asks for it.

Take the tip from Steve Jobs when he says “Innovation is saying “no” to 1,000 things.”[1]

Featured photo credit: Flaticon via flaticon.com

Reference

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Last Updated on December 7, 2018

10 Steps For Success: Applying The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind

10 Steps For Success: Applying The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind

How big is the gap between you and your success?

What is the difference between successful people and unsuccessful people?

It is as simple as this: successful people think and talk about what they are creating, and unsuccessful people focus on and talk about what they’re lacking.

So how do you bridge that gap between wanting success and having your success? Let’s make an important distinction. You see, there is a big difference between “Wanting” and “Having” something.

Wanting: means lacking or absent. Deficient in some part, thing or aspect.

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Having: means to possess, to hold, to get, to receive, to experience.

You can have one OR the other, but not both at the same time with any particular object of your desire. You either have it or you don’t.

When it comes to your subconscious, if you’re focusing on the “wanting”, i.e. the not having, guess what, you will build stronger neural networks in your brain around the “wanting.” However, through the power of your subconscious mind, you can focus on the “having” as if it has already happened. Research has shown that your brain doesn’t know the difference between what you’re visualizing inside your mind versus what is happening out there in your reality.

This is a regular practice of elite athletes. They spend as much timing creating the internal mental imagery of their success playing out as they do actually physically practicing. This helps create both the neural pathways in their brain and the muscle memory to consistently deliver on that success.

Here are 10 “brain hack” steps for success that you can take to create your version of a happy life. Make these steps a regular habit, and you will be astonished at the results.

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Step 1: Decide exactly what you want to create and have

This is usually the biggest problem that people have. They don’t know what they want and then they’re surprised when they don’t get it.

Step 2: Write down your goal clearly in every technicolor detail

A goal that is not written down is merely a wish. When you write it down in full detail, you signal to your subconscious mind that you really want to accomplish this particular goal.

Step 3: Write your goal in simple, present tense words

…that a three year old can understand on a three-by-five index card and carry it with you. Read it each morning after you awake and just before you go to sleep.

Step 4: Backwards planning

See your goal achieved and identify all the steps required that it took to bring it to life. Making a list of all these steps intensifies your desire and deepens your belief that the attainment of the goal is already happening.

Step 5: Resolve to take at least one step every day from one of the items on your list

Do something every day, even if it is just one baby step, that moves you toward your goal so you can maintain your momentum.

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Step 6: Visualize your goal repeatedly

See it in your mind’s eye as though it were already a reality. The more clear and vivid your mental picture of your goal, the faster it will come into your life.

Step 7: Feel the feeling of success as if your goal were realized at this very moment

Feel the emotion of happiness, satisfaction, and pleasure that you would have once you have achieved your goal. Visualize and feel this success for at least 20 seconds at a time.

Step 8: “Fake it till you make it!”

Confidently behave as if your subconscious mind was already bringing your goal into reality. Accept that you are moving toward your goal and it is moving toward you.

Step 9: Relax your mind

Take time to breathe, pray or mediate each day. Disengage the stress response and engage the relaxation response. A quiet state of mind allows your brain to access newly formed neural pathways.

Step 10: Release your goal to your subconscious mind

When you turn your goal over to the power of the universe and just get out of the way, you will always know the right actions to take at the right time.

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Starting today, try tapping into the incredible power of your subconscious mind.Start with just one goal or idea, and practice it continually until you succeed in achieving that goal. Make it a game and have fun with it! The more lightly you hold it, the easier it will be to achieve. By doing so, you will move from the “positive thinking” of the hopeful person to the “positive knowing” of the totally successful person.

Hit reply and let me know what you’re creating!

To your success!

Featured photo credit: use-your-brain-markgraf via mrg.bz

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