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The Polite Way to Reject Writing a Letter of Recommendation

The Polite Way to Reject Writing a Letter of Recommendation

Emma, a senior copywriter at a reputed advertising agency, found herself in a tricky situation when a former colleague rang up to ask her for a letter of recommendation.

This colleague had been quite unpopular in the office and was known for her temper tantrums when things did not go her way. Now how, in good conscience, do you write a letter of reference for someone you don’t actually approve of.

Saying ‘No’ is a skill that many people lack. But, it is one life skill that helps you minimize stress and stay productive.

People often agonise about saying “No” to others and they get pressured into doing things they don’t really want to do. In reality, saying NO isn’t that hard. When you say ‘no’ assertively and clearly, you are more likely to gain respect than lose it.

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There is never an obligation to give someone a reference.

There are ways to politely and diplomatically decline the request without offending the person who asked you. The trick is to do so without making your refusal sound like a personal criticism or a professional rejection.

There are three suitable excuses you can use:

When you don’t know the person well…

The best recommendations come from people who value your character and your work skills. It’s in no one’s best interest for you to endorse someone you can’t speak genuinely about or someone you don’t intimately know.

You can decline the request with the excuse “I don’t know you well enough.” Or in other words:

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“I received your request for a letter of recommendation yesterday and I am flattered that you would ask for a recommendation from me. Letters of reference carry the most weight when they are from colleagues who know your work skills. Since I work in an entirely different section of the company, I can hardly speak with authority about your professional abilities. I hope you will understand if I decline.”

If the individual insists on pursuing the matter, explain that you simply do not feel comfortable writing the recommendation as your integrity and professional brand is on the line with each recommendation you make.

Use “I” statements rather than “you”- “I feel that I don’t know you well enough” rather than “You haven’t made a good impression on me.”

When you can’t provide a glowing review…

If you do know the person very well as in Emma’s case and you have nothing positive to recommend, it best to get out of situation at the earliest.

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There are people who give negative references without considering how it will impact the individual, professionally or psychologically. It’s better not to give a recommendation at all than to give a vague one or a negative one.

It’s one thing to decline endorsing someone, but it’s a below the belt tactic to say yes and then jeopardize their future. You can considering tell them:

“I am honored that you put your trust in me for such an important task and chose me to write a letter of recommendation for you. Regrettably, I must decline your request as I believe that it would serve your requirement better to select another colleague whose endorsement would truly benefit you.”

When you have things that are a lot more important to do…

When you are focused on achieving a goal, finishing a project and getting home to the kids on time, every additional task you take on upsets your time management, decreases your efficiency and disrupts your productivity.

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You definitely don’t have the time to be writing recommendation letters for every Tom, Dick and Harry. People ask for our time every single day. We’ll end up feeling frazzled and grumpy, if we give away our time to everyone who asks for it.

Take the tip from Steve Jobs when he says “Innovation is saying “no” to 1,000 things.”[1]

Featured photo credit: Flaticon via flaticon.com

Reference

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Last Updated on June 13, 2019

10 Best Success Books You Need to Read to Be Great at Business

10 Best Success Books You Need to Read to Be Great at Business

Take a minute and think about some of the most successful people you know.

I’d bet they’re great with people, are super-productive, and think differently than most. After all, that’s how they got to be where they are today.

Jealous of them? You don’t have to be.

You can learn these same skills by studying some of the best business and success books that can help you take your game to the next level. Here’re 10 of my favorites:

1. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

    Dale Carnegie’s best-selling book that helped to launch a personal growth empire should be required reading for everyone who wants to learn how to build and nurture relationships for a lifetime.

    Read this book and you’ll learn some simple advice than can help you build popularity points within your current network and just as important, expand it to others.

    Get the book here!

    2. Focal Point by Brian Tracy

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      Got a lot on your to-do list? Of course you do. But what separates productive people from others is their ability to focus on a singular task at a time, and getting it done before moving on to the next one.

      Sounds simple in theory, but this can be extremely difficult in practice. In Focal Point Brian Tracy offers tips to help build discipline and organization into your day so you can get more stuff done.

      Get the book here!

      3. Purple Cow by Seth Godin

        Creating a “me-too” product can be easy at the start but can doom you to business failure. That’s why marketing maverick Seth Godin recommends creating a product that is truly different from anything already available in the marketplace.

        In essence by making the product different you’ll be building the marketing into the actual product development…which just makes your actual marketing a helluva lot easier.

        Get the book here!

        4. The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz

          If you’ve struggled with procrastination or small thinking, this is the book for you. In it Schwartz offers practical advice that can help you get inspired and motivated to create a bigger life for yourself. And with it can be a more lucrative and rewarding career.

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          Get the book here!

          5. Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankel

            It can be difficult for lots of people to keep things in perspective, especially when working on high priority and urgent projects at work.

            Man’s Search for Meaning can be a life-changing book in the sense that it can open your eyes to a first-hand experience of one of the greatest atrocities in the history of mankind, while also teaching a valuable lesson about having purpose.

            Get the book here!

            6. The 4-Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss

              Solo-entrepreneurs can learn a ton from the guy who made lifestyle design popular. But guess what? The 4HWW isn’t just for guys and girls who want to start a small online business.

              Smart moves like outsourcing, following the 80/20 rule, and automating processes should be made by entry-level workers and established executives alike.

              Get the book here!

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              7. Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill

                I remember sitting on a couch and opening this book on a Saturday morning, thinking I’d get through a chapter and then get on with my day. Instead, about 12 hours later, I was finished with the book. The concepts in it were mind-blowing to me.

                To think that thoughts can create your reality sounded a little far-fetched at first. But after going through the book and understanding that your thoughts create your beliefs, which lead to actions, which then lead to habits….well you can get where I’m going with this.

                If you focus your thoughts on success, achieving it will be much more likely than thinking about obstacles, failures and everything else that can get in your way.

                Get the book here!

                8. The One Minute Manager by Kenneth Blanchard

                  If you’re going to read one management book in your life, this should be it. It’s simple. You can read it in an afternoon. And the advice works.

                  Get the book here!

                  9. The Lean Start-Up by Eric Ries

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                    Before you create any sort of business you’ll want to give Lean Start-Up a read through. Doing so can save you money, time and other resources you could have potentially wasted otherwise.

                    Get the book here!

                    10. The Monk and the Riddle by Randy Komisar

                      The story Randy Komisar shares in the Monk and the Riddle offers advice about not just about how you need to think when starting a new business, but also about how to build a life you’re passionate about.

                      Understanding the technical aspects of launching a start-up is great, but if you don’t have the staying power to stick with it when the going gets tough then it’s not likely to work.

                      This book can help you understand this lesson before you spend blood, sweat and tears on a project that you’re heart isn’t into.

                      Get the book here!

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