Advertising
Advertising

A Philosophical Concept That Will Make You Live a More Peaceful and Fulfilling Life

A Philosophical Concept That Will Make You Live a More Peaceful and Fulfilling Life

I’m sure you’re all more than familiar with the common clichés, “mind over matter,” and “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” But what you may not have known, is that these familiar turns of phrase are actually the paving stones of an ancient ideology: Stoicism. A disciplined system of living where you never sweat the small stuff, and keep all of your priorities in check.

Stoicism is meant to be practiced, not discussed.

Stoicism is the endurance of pain or hardship without a display of feelings and without complaint. It is a unique philosophy in the respect that it is meant to be practiced, and not just pontificated and debated upon. You must find your true passion, your true calling, and nurture it. The practice also emphasizes the importance of virtue, and a distinct separation between emotion and reaction.

Practiced by historical and modern men alike, the ideology is finding it’s way back into the mainstream.

The word Stoic is derived from the Greek term Stoa Poikile meaning literally, “the painted porch.” It is influenced by an open market in Athens where the Stoics would famously gather to discuss important matters and teach philosophy to young, eager minds.

The philosophy itself was founded as a Hellenistic [1](the time period between the death of Alexander the Great who was himself a Stoic, and the beginning of the Roman Empire) philosophy circa 300 B.C.E. by Zeno of Citium.

Stoicism is not the practice of avoiding issues, but rather transforming them into opportunities.

Incredibly misunderstood, the belief system has been given a negative stigma [2], as well as those who choose to practice it. It has been said that those who choose to lead a Stoic life choose to lead a life of avoidance and denial. A bleak existence where nothing is faced head on. Hardships are tolerated and accepted instead of challenging and overcoming the obstacles.

Perhaps for some Stoics this may be true. Acceptance is a virtue of high regard, and must be mastered to truly achieve mental strength. But the premise of stoicism is not the avoidance of obstacles; it’s the transformation of the obstacle. Turning every obstacle into a new opportunity. Instead of mindlessly running into the same dead end, creating a way around it. That is the Stoic way of thinking.

Core Values of Stoicism

As you might imagine, after centuries of discussion by the most intellectual minds throughout history, the complexity of Stoicism has developed many facets. As mentioned, many intellectuals, artists, writers and entrepreneurs live their life by these guidelines to inspire creativity and install discipline [3].

Advertising

• This system is built for action, not debate.

• The source of our discontent is derived from our impulsive need to act on emotion rather than reason. I.e. many of us don’t think before we act.

• Stoicism reminds us how short life is, and how unpredictable it can be.

• Always be in control of yourself, unwavering in your solidarity.

• It helps us to overcome toxic emotions, training ourselves not to get upset over things which we cannot control.

• All emotions come within ourselves. No one can make you feel any emotion, no matter how strong. How you feel and how you react is all entirely mental.

Example: A stranger is rude to you during your commute. You have the choice to be upset, to feel sorry for them for being miserable, or to disregard it and feel absolutely nothing at all. Whether or not you feel justified with your reactive emotions is irrelevant. You are in charge of the reactive emotion. It is too easy to place the blame on external objects.

Advertising

• Find a mentor or model- use them to inspire and encourage yourself to do better and do more.

“Without a ruler to do it against, you can’t make the crooked straight.” – Seneca

• Realize that if you fail, you will survive. You will learn, you will adjust, and you will overcome. Failure it not the enemy. It feeds fuel to the fire.

• Read books that inspire you and expand your knowledge in the areas that you want to grow in. Apply that knowledge to further yourself.

• Stop candy coating things – speak honestly and with conviction. People will respect you for your bluntness. Everyone needs a friend who will tell them the truth when they need to hear it.

• Consider what you spend the most time on. Is it beneficial to your growth? Unless your goal in life is to become a social media super star, browsing Instagram probably isn’t going to advance any opportunities for you. Pick up a book. Listen to a seminar. Do. Something. Productive.

• Fight procrastination. This one I particularly struggle with. But it’s true, get your obligations sorted out in a timely manner, leaving time for leisure and your personal goals.

Advertising

• Time is your most precious resource. Don’t waste it.

• Engulf yourself in your passion and what you love. Don’t waste your time being lazy and taking it easy. Push yourself.

“You don’t love yourself enough. Or you’d love your nature too, and what it demands of you. People who love what they do wear themselves down doing it, they even forget to wash or eat.” – Seneca

Three Men famously set the standard for what it truly means to be a Stoic.

Although many powerful individuals throughout history have famously practiced and helped to shape the foundation of Stoicism, three men in particular brought Stoicism to a new platform, creating a place for it among the scholars.

Marcus Aurelius

The Emperor of the Roman Empire, the most powerful man in existence at the time, ordained by the Gods and with wealth beyond comprehension, preached words of humility, compassion, and restraint. Each day he would write in his journal, notes about what it truly means to be a Stoic. Although that was not his intention at the time. He was merely just trying to better himself.

“Run down the list of those who felt intense anger at something: the most famous, the most unfortunate, the most hated, the most whatever: Where is all that now? Smoke, dust, legend…or not even a legend. Think of all the examples. And how trivial the things we want so passionately are.” – Marcus Aurelius

Epictetus

Born as a slave, he managed to gain his freedom as a teenager. After years of enduring the horrors of slavery, he learned how to channel his emotions and overcome his circumstances by maintaining psychological control. He studied Stoicism as a slave, and went on to open his own school to pass on his teachings after having been freed from slavery.

Advertising

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” – Epictetus

Seneca

A man of noble and wealthy upbringing, a Philosopher who was a close consultant of the emperor Claudius. Claudius exiled Seneca for eight years for supposed adultery. During his exile, he wrote to his family to comfort them, taking no pity on himself or his circumstances. He was released from exile to tutor Nero, son of Claudius who would later rise into power. Seneca stayed a loyal consultant until his suicide was ordered by Nero. Even then he took no pity on himself, just the people who would mourn over his death.

“We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more from imagination than from reality.” – Seneca

How can you practice Stoicism in your everyday life? It’s quite simple, really.

Separate Yourself from Your Comforts

As Seneca suggests, we need to take the time to practice poverty to realize how little we really need. [4] He meant quite literally to go sleep on the streets with nothing but the clothes on your back and what little food and water you need to get by. You can practice this by actually spending a night living on the street, it would be shockingly humbling for sure. A less extreme option would be to go for a trip with a very small bag of limited items. You are not allowed to buy anything else, only bring what you actually need. By the end of the trip, you’ll probably have a few items that you didn’t even touch.

Turn The Obstacle Upside Down

Train your perception to look at things from a broader perspective. Not every occurrence is either cut and dry negative or positive. Perhaps you are faced with an issue, and it can be a bit deterring and it feels like everything is falling apart. Not too quick. Take a moment to walk away and refresh for a moment. Look at it through a new light. There is an opportunity here, you just have to find it. Use it as momentum to better yourself and your goals.

Everything is Temporary

Do not dwell. If something didn’t work out, get over it. Everything is fleeting, especially passion. Think of the things that you so passionately wanted that are bland to you now. A shirt, a new phone, a love interest. It all becomes old and dull at some point. Those things are all pointless on the grand scheme, because you yourself have such a small part in this world that we live in.

Most importantly, don’t get caught up in your passionate emotions. They eat away at your well being and distract you from your goals. Sure, someone may have done you wrong and for that they bite the big them. Maybe they’re horrible, but let them be. Someone else’ shortcomings won’t dull your shine unless you let them. So don’t sweat it.

Related Articles Recommended To Live A Stoic Life

A Really Strong Predictor of Success: Self Awareness (with Ways to Boost It) by Craig J Todd

Why Our Personal Values Matter More Than Ever Today by Heather Poole

Reference

[1] Stanford Encyclopaedia of Philosophy: Stoicism
[2] aeon.co: Indifference is a power
[3] 99U: The Stoic: 9 Principles to Help You Keep Calm in Chaos
[4] Daily Stoic: What Is Stoicism? A Definition & 3 Stoic Exercises To Get You Started

More by this author

Jenn Beach

Traveling vagabond, writer, & plant-based food enthusiast.

How Traveling Can Drastically Improve Your Interpersonal Skills How We Are Confusing Self-Love with Narcissism In This Generation One Small Action Separates Success From Mediocrity. How Not To Turn Meaningful Discussions Into Arguments By Keeping This 1 Thing In Mind. How We Are Attracting Fake News and False Information to Our Lives

Trending in Communication

1 How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide) 2 The Hidden Power of Every Single Person Around You 3 The Purpose Of Friendship: The Only 4 Types Of Friends You Need In Life 4 14 Things That Make You Happy and Enjoy Life More 5 Focus On Yourself, Because Most Of The Time No One Really Cares

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on April 19, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

Advertising

Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

Advertising

Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

Advertising

When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

Advertising

5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go or motivated. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next