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Why You Should Cope With Your Stress Now And How To Deal With It

Why You Should Cope With Your Stress Now And How To Deal With It

Did you know stress can literally eat away your brain (and potentially making you stupider)? And we’re not being dramatic—it may even kill you!

Today we all have reasons to be stressed. Maybe you feel like you’re out of depth at work or at school, maybe you’ve been fighting with your significant other, or maybe there’re a lot of things to take care about your family.

We’re so used to stress that we tend to think it’s normal. But we may just be overlooking how dangerous being stressed out can be.

Stress can slowly kill us and make our brain smaller.

Science has shown that long-term stress can have serious effects on both your physical and mental health.

For instance, researchers from Yale University have found that stress can lead to the loss of brain connections, and as a result, it shrinks your brain.[1]

Besides, various other studies suggest that if the body is constantly under stress, we’re more likely to develop deadly diseases and conditions such as heart diseases and hypertension.[2] Indeed, up to 75% of adults experience physical stress symptoms, according to the American Psychological Association.[3]

All this only means one thing: stress really can kill you slowly, without you even notice it!

So, the next time you think you’re just tired, try to check if you’re suffering from any of these stress symptoms instead:[4]

  • Frequent headaches, neck pain and back pain
  • Light-headedness or dizziness
  • Unexplained rashes, itching, goosebumps
  • Frequent colds or infections
  • Heartburn, stomachache, nausea, change in appetite
  • Constipation, diarrhea, bloating or gas
  • Mood swings, anger, frustration, hostility
  • Difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, indecisiveness
  • Insomnia, nightmares
  • Fatigue, weakness

These are just some of the many physical symptoms of stress — our bodies react to stress differently, depending on many factors. But they are the common signs you’re of anyone struggling to manage stress.

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While we’re taught to hang on and to keep pushing when facing difficulties, too much stress doesn’t work for us.

Some think that stress can always make you perform better, but is it the case?

It’s true that some amount of stress is normal and is beneficial to us. For example, most of us will feel at least a little nervous before an exam, during an interview, or having to speak publicly. This kind of stress gives us the energy and adrenalin boost we need to perform better.[5]

However, when stress becomes too much for us to handle, problems arise. A research from UC Berkeley shows that stress changes the brain structure, increasing our risk of anxiety and depression.[6]

Stress can be damaging to our mental health, and even causes a meltdown in some people.[7]

Therefore, it’s better for us to understand the causes of stress and cope with it.

We feel the stress, but most of the time aren’t sure where it really comes from.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to figure out why you’re feeling stressed:[8]

  1. Are there any new challenges or difficulties I’m dealing with?
  2. Is it really a new challenge or is it something I’m too nervous to face?
  3. Do I lack the abilities needed to tackle these problems? Should I be worried, or am I just not confident enough?
  4. Am I expecting too much of myself? Are my expectations realistic?
  5. Is there someone who causes this or is it someone that I’m upset about?
  6. What would be the ideal solution to my problems? Can I make it happen, or should I ask for help?
  7. Is there one thing on my to-do list that stresses me out every single day? What can I do to deal with it?
  8. Is it something that I really don’t have control over?
  9. Do I feel happier after spending time with someone or after doing something? Have I been seeing less of them or doing less of it?
  10. Do I always feel stressed after talking to someone in particular or after doing something? Is that the reason why I’m upset at the moment?

These questions should help you identify where your stress comes from, and guide you to manage it effectively. You can also reflect on whether it’s related to work, school, family or any of your relationships.

The next step is to look for the solution that fits you most.

Let’s take a look at some quick fixes to relieve your stress first:

Avoid caffeine, alcohol, and cigarettes
They contain chemicals that stimulate your brain and can stress out your body.[9] While you may be tempted to make yourself a strong cup of coffee ahead of work, or unwind with a few cocktails at the end of a stressful workday, remember there are other ways to help you relax (read on!).

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For now, just drink water. It’s good for you.

Practice breathing techniques
Take your mind off your problems for 15 minutes each day just to practice some deep breathing. Try this calming breathe exercise:

It helps you calm down so you can think more clearly about your problems afterwards. It also helps you to fall asleep easier if you have sleep problems.

Sleep
I understand it’d be difficult for you to fall asleep when you’re stressful. If the above two techniques can’t get you to sleep still, try to sleep with a weighted blanket, it’ll get you to sleep soon.[10]

When you’re well rested, you can better tolerate stress and are less likely to feel it’s getting out of control.

Talk to a friend
Yes, talking out your problem seems to be an obvious way, but it really works. Sometimes, we need to learn to ask for help and support. Seeking for help doesn’t mean you’re weak; it actually means you’re brave enough to embrace your problems.

For example, if you’re having an argument with your partner, see what your friend would do in the same situation. An outsider’s perspective can always inspire you.

Exercise
Exercise helps reduce stress hormones such as adrenalin and cortisol,[11] while at the same time increases the level of endorphins, known as the ‘happy hormones’. Keeping these chemicals in your body in balance is essential to managing stress.

If you’re not the “exercise” kind of person, I understand that it’s not easy to kickstart doing any exercises. So I’d suggest you to take a morning walk or an evening walk, which has a similar effect as intense exercise too. Or you can go hiking and explore the nature too, while it’s a kind of good exercise, you can also spend some time with your friends or family together.

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For your long-term benefits, fit these things into your daily routine:

Keep a stress journal (or an emotion tracking app)
At the end of each day, take some time to reflect on what stressed you out during the day. Write down what you’ve done, what happened to you, and how you feel about those things.[12] Write down things that stress you out or make you feel sad. Ask yourself: should i really be so worried about these things?

If you’re not the “journal” kind of person, try these apps:

They’re easy and fun to use. You can record and look at your daily emotions and find out the triggers of stress, sadness and also happiness.

When you learn your triggers, you know what to avoid and what to do instead.

Be realistic with your to-do list[13]
When you’re making plans for work, be realistic about your goals. Honestly assess your abilities, and don’t stress yourself out with too high expectations.

For example, instead of aiming to completing a very difficult task in 1 hour, carefully evaluate the effort you need for the task and set an achievable yet ambitious goal for this.

Also, try to prioritize your tasks and keep your to-do list challenging yet achievable. Don’t underestimate any tasks, or overestimate your abilities.

Always have a backup plan.
Accept that change happens and you don’t always have control of everything.[14]

What’s important to realize is that you do have the power to control how you face change, and you can always be prepared for it.

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“Hope for the best, prepare for the worst” isn’t just a cliche saying. When you always prepare for a backup plan, you have done your part already, and you have to let go of the thought that anything will go wrong. Because things will always go wrong anyway.

When change happens, instead of feeling upset and stressed out, you can change your own perspective. You have to look at the new situation in ways different from the old ones—those were for the old situation only.

For example, instead of worrying about your upcoming speech will not be interesting enough for the audience, simply imagine that silent scenario in your mind and think about what you can do to gain back the audience’ attention. Maybe you can prepare a joke now so you can talk about it at that time? Maybe you can prepare some questions to interact with them?

Be prepared for the worst situation and then you’ll have nothing to worry about any more.

Understand that stress is in your control

Learn to live with stress and don’t let it take over your life.[15]

Don’t stress about stress, literally—don’t obsess over your problems. Instead of worrying about “what’s going wrong”, focus on “what’s going right”.

Instead of thinking of stress as something negative, think of it as a helpful tool. This shift in mindset lets you regain control in difficult situations.

However, this is not to say that you should ignore stress. You should accept it.

Realizing stress can be a helpful friend makes you more confident and happier, which ultimately helps you stay strong in stressful times.

Keep in mind that different things work for different people. Don’t be discouraged if a certain way doesn’t get you what you want immediately. Keep trying and be patient.

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

More by this author

Wen Shan

Proud Philosophy grad. Based in HK.

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Last Updated on October 15, 2019

How To Be Successful In Life? 13 Tips From The Most Successful People

How To Be Successful In Life? 13 Tips From The Most Successful People

What is success to you? How to be successful in life?

To some, when they think of success, they imagine wealth; others want power; some just want to make a positive impact on the world.

All of these are perfectly valid, indeed success is a concept that means different things to different people. Though no matter what success is to you, it almost certainly isn’t something will come easily.

There are countless guides and books to being successful, however, as success is personal and unique to each individual. The advice contained in these books can often not be relevant. Therefore following the advice of a single individual can often be unhelpful.

With this in mind, considering the advice of a great many people, people whose ideas of success were different both to each other, and quite possibly, to you can be a good alternative.

What follows is a list of thirteen of the best pieces of advice from some of the most successful people who have ever lived. If you want to learn how to be successful, these 13 tips are essential:

1. Think Big

    From Michelangelo Buonarroti, Great Renaissance Artist:

    “The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.”

    There are few artists as influential as Michaelangelo. Today centuries after his death, his work still inspires and connects to people. His work is world famous, just think of his statue of David, or the Mural in the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican.

    Imagine then, if he decided not to work as an artist.

    Being a successful artist has always been extremely difficult, imagine if he decided to give up this ambition in favour of something easier?

    Oftentimes, people often decided to put their dreams aside for something more “realistic”. To give up their dream for something easier. This quote teaches us the danger of such a point of view.
    Instead be ambitious.

    2. Find What You Love to Do and Do It

      From Oprah Winfrey, Media Mogul:

      “You know you are on the road to success if you would do your job and not be paid for it.”

      This is a good quote to remember and think about when you’re at work.

      Imagine being as successful as possible in your current job. Ultimately you’ll probably find yourself working extremely hard and this it will take up much of your time.

      If it’s a job you hate, then being successful at it might only mean filling your life with something you hate to do. What’s the sense in this?

      Instead, why not focus on doing something you love? When you’ve found what you’re passionate about, you get the motivation to keep you moving. Success at this means the fulfilment of your dreams.

      Not sure what your passion is yet? You should learn about this Motivation Engine first.

      Even if you’re not successful, you still filled your time with something you love to do. Many successful musicians spent years of their lives doing unpaid performances, the only reason they kept playing was because they loved to perform.

      3. Learn How to Balance Life

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        From Phil Knight, CEO of Nike Inc.:

        “There is an immutable conflict at work in life and in business, a constant battle between peace and chaos. Neither can be mastered, but both can be influenced. How you go about that is the key to success.”

        All too often, people think that to be successful, they need to make the object of their success their life.

        If a person thinks their job will lead them to success, then they may spend countless hours per day, and well into the evening working hard.

        However this comes at the cost of rest, your health and having an enjoyable life. Ultimately they may burn out and cease to be successful at their job anyway.

        If success comes from having a strong social life and a good group of friends, their job may suffer; meaning that they may lose their job, and then be unable to afford going out with friends.

        In these ways, success, as Phil Knight says above, is helped by balance. Think of it as a balance between rest and work, or work and play.

        To achieve that balance, this Ultimate Guide to Prioritizing Your Work And Life can help you.

        4. Do Not Be Afraid of Failure

          From Henry Ford, Founder of Ford Motors:

          “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.”

          There is a story, it’s unconfirmed whether it actually happened, yet the message within is none the less true:

          Thomas Edison inventing the lightbulb was the result of several hundred failed attempts. In an interview, he was asked “How do you feel after all of your failed attempts?”

          His response was great, “I didn’t fail, I learned hundreds of ways not to invent the lightbulb”

          He saw each “failure” as a lesson. From that lesson he learned what won’t work, and also might work instead.

          Each failed attempt, each rejection, were key steps on his path to success. It is easy to feel like you should give up after a failure. But perhaps in that failure is a lesson.

          Pay attention to your failures, study them. Perhaps then you’ll learn how to succeed.

          If you find it difficult to fight your fear of failure, here’s a guide for you: Why You Have the Fear of Failure (And How to Conquer It Step-By-Step)

          5. Have an Unwavering Resolution to Succeed

            From Colonel Sanders, Founder of KFC:

            “I made a resolve then that I was going to amount to something if I could. And no hours, nor amount of labor, nor amount of money would deter me from giving the best that there was in me. And I have done that ever since, and I win by it. I know.”

            This, in many ways relates to the above quote about learning from your failures.

            It’s the easiest thing in the world to give up from a failure. The only way to push on is if you have the true burning desire to succeed, to not be moved or dissuaded from your goals.

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            If you are not truly dedicated towards success, then each failure will hurt more, each set back will slow you down.

            Success is hard; without the unwavering desire to succeed, this difficulty may seem insurmountable. With the desire, it is merely an obstacle to go through.

            6. Be a Person of Action

              From Leonardo da Vinci, Renaissance Genius:

              “It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.”

              Though it was said hundreds of years ago, it works just as much today as it ever had. It applies to literally any successful person.

              Think about it, picture someone like William Shakespeare:

              When we think of the time he lived in, we think of the time in a way shaped by him. When we think of Renaissance era Italy, we think of Michelangelo and Leonardo Da Vinci. Or think about the present day, Bill Gates or Steve Jobs. Our current way of life would simply be incomparably different if they didn’t accomplish what they did.

              You’re probably reading this article on a device by a company that they either founded or companies influenced by them.

              All these figures were proactive, they saw ways to do things differently and did them. If they let the world shape them, then they’d simply fit into the background. Instead they shaped the world.

              Applying this to you?

              Don’t be afraid of going outside the norm. If you can think of a better way to do something, do it that way. If you fail, try again.

              7. Cultivate Positive Relationships

                From Theodore Roosevelt, 26th President of America: “

                The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.”

                The best leaders and some of the most influential people (and Theodore Roosevelt is one of the best leaders and one of the most influential people to have lived) were not those who caused commotions, who fought with people or disregarded people; but were people who were friendly to those around them.

                People liked them. They wanted them to do well.

                This is key to good leadership.

                It’s logical. If someone likes you, they want to help you; if you give them a suggestion, they’ll gladly follow through with it.

                But if someone doesn’t like you, they may either refuse to help or actively get in your way.

                What’s more, it’s always a good idea to cultivate good relationships. You can never tell who will prove to become someone who’ll be able to help you in a big way, or even be a good and supportive friend.

                As such, help people and they may help you; and be good to people, and they my be good to you.

                8. Don’t Be Afraid of Introducing New Ideas

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                  From Mark Twain, Famed Author:

                  “A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.”

                  It is an unfortunate truth that those with the boldest ideas are often disregarded.

                  Most of us are taught from an early age to think and do things similarly to everyone else. This can be great to fill an existing role. But to truly do things differently (and all successful people did things differently), you need to think differently.

                  If you have a new idea, don’t throw it away because it’s new and different; instead, celebrate it. Your strange new idea might one day be the one that leads you to success.

                  9. Believe in Your Capacity to Succeed

                    From Walter Disney, Founder of Walt Disney Company:

                    “If you can dream it, you can do it.”

                    Success has to be something you can imagine yourself achieving.

                    It is possible that you will come across those who doubt you and your ability to succeed. You must not become one of these people because the moment you cease believing and dreaming is the moment these dreams fall away.

                    Keep dreaming!

                    10. Always Maintain a Positive Mental Attitude

                      From Thomas Jefferson, 3rd President of America:

                      “Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.”

                      Like the above quote says, you need to trust in your ability to succeed. This is the only way to cultivate the right mindset.

                      Replace negative thoughts with the positive ones. You need to approach problems, not as obstacles stopping you, but merely tasks that need to be completed for you to keep going.

                      If you stay positive and think like this, setbacks won’t affect you so much, people’s doubts won’t impact you and even the biggest obstacles will seem like minor problems.

                      However with the wrong mindset of doubt, you’ll be much easier to stop.

                      11. Don’t Let Discouragement Stop You from Pressing On

                        From Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of America:

                        “Let no feeling of discouragement prey upon you, and in the end you are sure to succeed.”

                        It is an unfortunate fact of human nature — all of us in some way, doubt ourselves. This can be made far worse if others doubt us too.

                        When surrounded by doubts, giving up can actually seem like a good idea.

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                        Don’t pay attention to the doubts. If you are discouraged, ignore it.

                        If this discouragement moves into your mind and you begin to doubt yourself. It is important to ignore this too.

                        This is How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck and How to Overcome It

                        12. Be Willing to Work Hard

                          From JC Penny, Founder of JC Penney Inc.:

                          “Unless you are willing to drench yourself in your work beyond the capacity of the average man, you are just not cut out for positions at the top.”

                          You might have heard the quote that “success is 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration” or you may have heard about the 10,000 hours idea.

                          Whichever way you frame it, they say one thing:

                          True success comes from work.

                          You’ll never become successful if you don’t work towards your goal in life and keep working towards it.

                          Check out this article and you’ll understand Why Hard Work Beats Talent.

                          13. Be Brave Enough to Follow Your Intuition

                            From Steve Jobs, Co-founder of Apple Inc.:

                            “Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

                            In ancient Greece, there was a group of Oracles who lived in Delphi. Everyone who needed advice or to know their future visited them, from the poorest of society to kings. Above the doorway of the temple were the words “know thyself”.

                            If you strongly believe and desire something, chances are that you already have an idea how to get there. If not, you may naturally know what things will help you and what things will slow you down.

                            It’s like how your body can detect danger even when things seem safe.

                            Ultimately then, you need to trust your own instincts.

                            Final Thoughts

                            What you might have noticed is that many of the above lessons are similar — most are about developing the right state of mind. This clearly suggests that the key to achieving success, in whatever you wish, comes down to the way you approach it mentally.

                            Moreover, no matter what stage of life you’re at now, you can still make a difference and pursue success. You can make resetting your life possible when you do this: How to Start Over and Reboot Your Life When It Seems Too Late

                            More to Help You Succeed in Life

                            Featured photo credit: Ryan Wong via unsplash.com

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