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If You Understand These 2 Important Principles Of Love, Your Relationships Will Be Much Better

If You Understand These 2 Important Principles Of Love, Your Relationships Will Be Much Better

Every day, a marriage or a relationship falls apart. Sometimes we can point to the reason why: he cheated, she lied, he’s irresponsible, she’s too high-maintenance. Sometimes, though, a relationship falls apart and we don’t know why. We think it must be our fault, that we chose the wrong partner and our incompatibility was the cause for the failure. What if finding out that two important principles of love will improve every relationship you will ever have? What if your relationship all boils down to two important things: speaking the same love language with each other, and understanding where you are within the five stages of love?

Speaking the Same Love Language

If you don’t know what a love language is, then this book is for you. Dr. Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts[1] explains how different people love and interpret love in different ways.

Falling in love is easy, but staying in love takes work and communication. Amid the demands, conflicts, and just plain boredom of everyday life, it’s important to keep your love fresh and your relationship alive.

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Dr. Gary Chapman found that in the same way that some people speak different languages, all people have different interpretations for love and therefore they express their love in different ways. This can lead to conflicts if we are not speaking the same love language with each other.

By learning the languages (which he defines as words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch), we can learn how to give our partner what they need. Whether it be regular praise, gifts, doing chores, or physical touch, speaking the same language with each other will keep the relationship alive during tough times.

Understanding the 5 Stages of Love: Why Too Many Stop at Stage 3

We all know that relationships have stages. In the beginning, everything is seen through rose colored glasses. Nothing can go wrong during this “honeymoon” stage when grievances are easily forgiven or overlooked.

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Later on in the relationship, we become disillusioned and things begin to feel bad. We feel unloved and less cared for. We feel trapped and we want to escape. Many see this stage as the end. They go through a grieving process and begin to look for love again, thinking they have made a mistake in compatibility with the previous partner.

What most people don’t realize is that Stage 3 is actually the beginning for achieving real, lasting love.[2]

The stages are defined as:

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Stage 1: Falling In Love

Stage 2: Becoming a Couple

Stage 3: Disillusionment

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Stage 4: Creating Real, Lasting Love

Stage 5: Using the Power of Two to Change the World

In order to move past stage 3, you need to get to the core of what causes your discomfort, pain, and conflict. Your relationship can become the source of helping each other by really understanding who your partner is and helping to heal their wounds. This activity of healing together will bring your relationship closer together than ever and create a lasting, life-long love.

Once you can learn to overcome the differences between you and your partner, you will find real, lasting love in your relationships. Why stop with the relationship between two people, why not work together to apply that love to the world? This last stage allows you to feel full of possibility and spread the love.

So before you end the relationship, think about these two crucial principles of love and relationships. Maybe it’s not a problem of compatibility, maybe the issue is the language you’re speaking together or moving through the disillusionment stage together.

Reference

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Lindsay Mattison

Chef and Cookbook Writer

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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