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If You Understand These 2 Important Principles Of Love, Your Relationships Will Be Much Better

If You Understand These 2 Important Principles Of Love, Your Relationships Will Be Much Better

Every day, a marriage or a relationship falls apart. Sometimes we can point to the reason why: he cheated, she lied, he’s irresponsible, she’s too high-maintenance. Sometimes, though, a relationship falls apart and we don’t know why. We think it must be our fault, that we chose the wrong partner and our incompatibility was the cause for the failure. What if finding out that two important principles of love will improve every relationship you will ever have? What if your relationship all boils down to two important things: speaking the same love language with each other, and understanding where you are within the five stages of love?

Speaking the Same Love Language

If you don’t know what a love language is, then this book is for you. Dr. Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts[1] explains how different people love and interpret love in different ways.

Falling in love is easy, but staying in love takes work and communication. Amid the demands, conflicts, and just plain boredom of everyday life, it’s important to keep your love fresh and your relationship alive.

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Dr. Gary Chapman found that in the same way that some people speak different languages, all people have different interpretations for love and therefore they express their love in different ways. This can lead to conflicts if we are not speaking the same love language with each other.

By learning the languages (which he defines as words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch), we can learn how to give our partner what they need. Whether it be regular praise, gifts, doing chores, or physical touch, speaking the same language with each other will keep the relationship alive during tough times.

Understanding the 5 Stages of Love: Why Too Many Stop at Stage 3

We all know that relationships have stages. In the beginning, everything is seen through rose colored glasses. Nothing can go wrong during this “honeymoon” stage when grievances are easily forgiven or overlooked.

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Later on in the relationship, we become disillusioned and things begin to feel bad. We feel unloved and less cared for. We feel trapped and we want to escape. Many see this stage as the end. They go through a grieving process and begin to look for love again, thinking they have made a mistake in compatibility with the previous partner.

What most people don’t realize is that Stage 3 is actually the beginning for achieving real, lasting love.[2]

The stages are defined as:

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Stage 1: Falling In Love

Stage 2: Becoming a Couple

Stage 3: Disillusionment

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Stage 4: Creating Real, Lasting Love

Stage 5: Using the Power of Two to Change the World

In order to move past stage 3, you need to get to the core of what causes your discomfort, pain, and conflict. Your relationship can become the source of helping each other by really understanding who your partner is and helping to heal their wounds. This activity of healing together will bring your relationship closer together than ever and create a lasting, life-long love.

Once you can learn to overcome the differences between you and your partner, you will find real, lasting love in your relationships. Why stop with the relationship between two people, why not work together to apply that love to the world? This last stage allows you to feel full of possibility and spread the love.

So before you end the relationship, think about these two crucial principles of love and relationships. Maybe it’s not a problem of compatibility, maybe the issue is the language you’re speaking together or moving through the disillusionment stage together.

Reference

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Lindsay Mattison

Chef and Cookbook Writer

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Last Updated on December 3, 2019

10 Life Lessons You’d Better Learn Early on in Life

10 Life Lessons You’d Better Learn Early on in Life

There are so many lessons I wish I had learned while I was young enough to appreciate and apply them. The thing with wisdom, and often with life lessons in general, is that they’re learned in retrospect, long after we needed them. The good news is that other people can benefit from our experiences and the lessons we’ve learned.

Here’re 10 important life lessons you should learn early on:

1. Money Will Never Solve Your Real Problems

Money is a tool; a commodity that buys you necessities and some nice “wants,” but it is not the panacea to your problems.

There are a great many people who are living on very little, yet have wonderfully full and happy lives… and there are sadly a great many people are living on quite a lot, yet have terribly miserable lives.

Money can buy a nice home, a great car, fabulous shoes, even a bit of security and some creature comforts, but it cannot fix a broken relationship, or cure loneliness, and the “happiness” it brings is only fleeting and not the kind that really and truly matters. Happiness is not for sale. If you’re expecting the “stuff” you can buy to “make it better,” you will never be happy.

2. Pace Yourself

Often when we’re young, just beginning our adult journey we feel as though we have to do everything at once. We need to decide everything, plan out our lives, experience everything, get to the top, find true love, figure out our life’s purpose, and do it all at the same time.

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Slow down—don’t rush into things. Let your life unfold. Wait a bit to see where it takes you, and take time to weigh your options. Enjoy every bite of food, take time to look around you, let the other person finish their side of the conversation. Allow yourself time to think, to mull a bit.

Taking action is critical. Working towards your goals and making plans for the future is commendable and often very useful, but rushing full-speed ahead towards anything is a one-way ticket to burnout and a good way to miss your life as it passes you by.

3. You Can’t Please Everyone

“I don’t know the secret to success, but the secret to failure is trying to please everyone” – Bill Cosby.

You don’t need everyone to agree with you or even like you. It’s human nature to want to belong, to be liked, respected and valued, but not at the expense of your integrity and happiness. Other people cannot give you the validation you seek. That has to come from inside.

Speak up, stick to your guns, assert yourself when you need to, demand respect, stay true to your values.

4. Your Health Is Your Most Valuable Asset

Health is an invaluable treasure—always appreciate, nurture, and protect it. Good health is often wasted on the young before they have a chance to appreciate it for what it’s worth.

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We tend to take our good health for granted, because it’s just there. We don’t have to worry about it, so we don’t really pay attention to it… until we have to.

Heart disease, bone density, stroke, many cancers—the list of many largely preventable diseases is long, so take care of your health now, or you’ll regret it later on.

5. You Don’t Always Get What You Want

“Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.” – John Lennon

No matter how carefully you plan and how hard you work, sometimes things just don’t work out the way you want them to… and that’s okay.

We have all of these expectations; predetermined visions of what our “ideal” life will look like, but all too often, that’s not the reality of the life we end up with. Sometimes our dreams fail and sometimes we just change our minds mid-course. Sometimes we have to flop to find the right course and sometimes we just have to try a few things before we find the right direction.

6. It’s Not All About You

You are not the epicenter of the universe. It’s very difficult to view the world from a perspective outside of your own, since we are always so focused on what’s happening in our own lives. What do I have to do today? What will this mean for me, for my career, for my life? What do I want?

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It’s normal to be intensely aware of everything that’s going on in your own life, but you need to pay as much attention to what’s happening around you, and how things affect other people in the world as you do to your own life. It helps to keep things in perspective.

7. There’s No Shame in Not Knowing

No one has it all figured out. Nobody has all the answers. There’s no shame in saying “I don’t know.” Pretending to be perfect doesn’t make you perfect. It just makes you neurotic to keep up the pretense of manufactured perfection.

We have this idea that there is some kind of stigma or shame in admitting our limitations or uncertainly, but we can’t possibly know everything. We all make mistakes and mess up occasionally. We learn as we go, that’s life.

Besides—nobody likes a know-it-all. A little vulnerability makes you human and oh so much more relatable.

8. Love Is More Than a Feeling; It’s a Choice

That burst of initial exhilaration, pulse quickening love and passion does not last long. But that doesn’t mean long-lasting love is not possible.

Love is not just a feeling; it’s a choice that you make every day. We have to choose to let annoyances pass, to forgive, to be kind, to respect, to support, to be faithful.

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Relationships take work. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s incredibly hard. It is up to us to choose how we want to act, think and speak in a relationship.

9. Perspective Is a Beautiful Thing

Typically, when we’re worried or upset, it’s because we’ve lost perspective. Everything that is happening in our lives seems so big, so important, so do or die, but in the grand picture, this single hiccup often means next to nothing.

The fight we’re having, the job we didn’t get, the real or imagined slight, the unexpected need to shift course, the thing we wanted, but didn’t get. Most of it won’t matter 20, 30, 40 years from now. It’s hard to see long term when all you know is short term, but unless it’s life-threatening, let it go, and move on.

10. Don’t Take Anything for Granted

We often don’t appreciate what we have until it’s gone: that includes your health, your family and friends, your job, the money you have or think you will have tomorrow.

When you’re young, it seems that your parents will always be there, but they won’t. You think you have plenty of time to get back in touch with your old friends or spend time with new ones, but you don’t. You have the money to spend, or you think you’ll have it next month, but you might not.

Nothing in your life is not guaranteed to be there tomorrow, including those you love.

This is a hard life lesson to learn, but it may be the most important of all: Life can change in an instant. Make sure you appreciate what you have, while you still have it.

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Featured photo credit: Ben Eaton via unsplash.com

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