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If You Do These 7 Things Often, You’ve Bottled Up Your Feelings Too Much

If You Do These 7 Things Often, You’ve Bottled Up Your Feelings Too Much

Emotional repression is something we’ve all done at one point or another. Maybe you’ve experienced a break-up, and instead of allowing yourself to feel and work through your emotions, you just block out all the feelings and go on as if it never happened. We live in a world that teaches us all to be strong no matter what we’re going through. Here are a few things you could be doing that may mean you’re repressing your emotions too much.

1. You have a rough exterior

You’re that person at the funeral who is probably the only one who isn’t crying. You appear unaffected by your boyfriend breaking up with you. To those around you, you’d probably be described as someone who is unemotional. Believe it or not, there is no such thing as an unemotional person. Even psychopaths experience some sort emotion; it’s just not interpersonal empathy.

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But still never you, though, right? Of course not!

2. You have irrational anxieties

You may think that if you bottle up your feelings, they’ll just go away, but that’s not true. Eventually, they’re going to come out in irrational ways. Do you know someone who has a small ailment and then all of sudden they think they have three weeks to live? Yeah, probably not the friend who is the most in-touch with their emotions.

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3. You find the positive in every negative

Now you may be thinking: “that’s a good thing! It’s a good quality to be able to find the positive things in a negative situation.” Let’s say that you thought things were going well with you and your boyfriend and then out of nowhere he cuts it off. You meet up with your BFF for lunch, and she asks how you’re holding up. It’s something you’d rather not discuss so you tell her that you’re glad it happened because you didn’t see him as someone you’d spend the rest of your life with. But you both know that’s a lie. Being able to appear positive in every situation could mean you’re never confronting your real feelings.

4. You’re always on the go

It’s pretty exhausting to jump from one thing to the next. You’re one of those people who can’t sit still for more than an hour without starting to think about all the things you could be doing. You’d rather work 60 hour work weeks before taking a day for yourself to relax.

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5. You’re famous for pulling the disappearing act

So you’ve been talking to this guy for awhile, and things seem like they’re going pretty well. He’s keeping it cool and low-key and then one day he drops this bomb on you that he’s starting to develop feelings for you. YIKES! That’s just something you can’t handle, so you drop off the face of the earth for awhile until he pretty much forgets who you are and so you don’t have to deal with it.

6. You’re the sounding board for everyone

You know it, I know it, everyone knows it- it’s so much easier to give advice and deal with someone else’s emotions than it is to deal with your own. To take the attention away from your issues, you’re always readily available to take the time to help your friends sort out their emotional crises. And let’s be real- doing that can make you feel like you’re really in touch with your feelings. Here’s a little secret – it’s just a tactic you have to avoid your own.

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7. Always dating the wrong person

You always somehow end up dating the wrong person, but you never have to worry about becoming too close to them. If you’re able to avoid that emotional intimacy with someone, you don’t have to worry about dealing with those emotions yourself.

In all seriousness, though, your mind and your body are all that you have. The next time you find yourself feeling closed off and holding in the feelings that you feel you shouldn’t feel, remember that what your emotions are real. It’s okay and you’re okay. There is so much strength in being real.

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Erica Wagner

Erica is a passionate writer who shares inspiring ideas and lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

There will always be times in your life when you may need to learn how to reinvent yourself. This could come when you experience a big change, such as leaving your job, moving on from a relationship, transferring to a new home, or losing a loved one. If you are going through a major shift in your life, you may have to find new ways of thinking or doing things, or risk failing to reach your full potential.

“When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”

Many people who dared to leave their old unhappy lives enabled themselves to pursue their passions and find a renewed zest for living. You can also achieve the same if you take a leap of faith and make things happen for yourself.

To help you always be at your best wherever you may be in your life, here are some practical tips on how to reinvent yourself.

The Reinvention Checklist

Before embarking on a journey of self-reinvention, you need to make sure that you have everything that you need to make the trip bump-proof. These things include:

Resilience

Problems and obstacles are guaranteed to happen. Some of them will be difficult and may knock you off course; the important thing, however, is that you learn from these difficulties, never lose focus, and always get back up. This requires building resilience to get through the tough times.

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Support

Humans are social beings. Although it is important that you learn to rely on yourself when facing any challenge, it is also important to have a support team that you can lean on to give you a boost when things get too tough and to correct you when you’re making mistakes.

The key is to find the right balance between independence and dependence. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and share the difficulties you’re facing. When you open up, you’ll find the people who are really going to be there for you.

Self-Care

During the process of learning how to reinvent yourself, you will have to pull yourself away from your old comfort zones, habits, roles, and self-perceptions. This can be difficult and cause you to question your self-worth, so it’s important to engage in self-care to maintain a positive outlook and keep your mind and body healthy as you face the challenges that await you. Self-care can include:

  • Participating in a hobby you enjoy
  • Spending time with your support system
  • Taking some time to walk in nature
  • Practicing loving-kindness meditation

Find what works for you and what helps you feel like your true self as you seek a reinvented version of you.

How to Reinvent Yourself

Once you’re sure that you’re equipped with all the tools in the self-reinvention checklist, you can begin your journey of learning how to reinvent yourself.

1. Discover Your Strengths

This step provides valuable information on how you deal with certain situations. If you have this information, you will be able to manage difficulties more efficiently.

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To find out what your strengths are, you can ask your friends and colleagues for feedback, engage in self-reflection, or try these 10 Ways to Find Your Own Personal Strengths.

2. Plan

This step calls for a thorough assessment of your current emotional, psychological, and financial status so that you can develop plans that are realistic and practical.

It’s okay to have ambitious dreams, but your plans have to be realistic. Making use of SMART goals can help you plan your life better.

You can also consult your mentor or life coach for practical tips and advice.

Ultimately, you’ll want to create specific long-term and short-term goals that you can create milestones for. By doing this, you’ll lay out a specific roadmap to your reinvented self.

3. Try Things Out

Sometimes, we don’t know if solutions actually work until we try them out. This is why it is important to experiment whenever possible, especially if you’re dealing with a career change. You may need to simply experiment in order to find the things you like. This can be the same with hobbies. If you’re not sure what you would like doing, accept invitations from friends to join them in their favorite sport or take a class, like pottery or photography.

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By seeing what’s out there in any area of your life, you’ll have a better chance of finding the things you enjoy and the goals you want to create.

4. Manage Your Finances Well

Changes may require a bit of money. If you’re shifting to a new career, you may have to pay for training. If you’re going through a tough divorce or having a hard time dealing with the death of a loved one, you may have to pay for therapy. If you’re moving to a new home, you’ll definitely have to pay a whole lot of expenses.

All of these things are possible, but it will require a bit of money savviness as you learn how to reinvent yourself. If you have that cushion, you’ll feel more comfortable straying from your current path to try new things.

5. Muster Your Courage

Fears and self-doubt may arise when you encounter difficulties and setbacks. Sometimes, they may also come when you’re taking risks. You have to manage these negative emotions well and not allow them to discourage you. Tap into your courage and try doing at least one new thing each week to develop it.

Learn how to deal with your self-doubts to move forward in this article: How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck (And How to Overcome It)

6. Use Your Support Group

As stated above, you need to build a strong support group before you even start the process of reinventing yourself. Your group will keep you from taking wrong turns and encourage you when you get too weighed down by problems. Don’t be afraid to call them, or even ask them out for coffee if you need to vent about the current difficulties you’re facing.

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7. Remind Yourself Every Day of Your Commitment

Write your goals on different-sized cards and scatter them at home and at work in places where you can easily see them. This way, you will constantly be reminded of where you want to be. Remember, writing down your goals helps them stick[1].

8. Accept Failure, Learn, and Resume Your Journey

Failing is normal, especially when we’re trying out something new. When you fail, simply recognize it, learn from it, and move on. Failure, in the end, is the best way to learn what does and doesn’t work, and you simply won’t be able to learn how to reinvent yourself if you don’t accept the inevitable failures that await you.

Final Thoughts

If you truly want to learn how to reinvent yourself and live the life you desire, take the advice above and start taking action. It will take time, patience, and plenty of effort to make the change you want happen, but it will be all worth it.

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Featured photo credit: Ashley Rich via unsplash.com

Reference

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