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If You Want To Be More Decisive To Get What You Want, Remember These 4 Rules

If You Want To Be More Decisive To Get What You Want, Remember These 4 Rules

Have you ever met someone who could not make up their mind? Maybe it is a simple choice of cuisine:  Chinese or Indian. Or maybe the decision is a bit more serious like which school should we send our children to: public or private. Regardless of the decision, decisiveness is key to moving forward with daily responsibilities and getting what we want out of life.

Decisive people send a message to the world that they know who they are and what path they have decided to pursue in life. It is the difference between knowing who is goal-oriented or just wasting their time being wishy washy in life and about life. People who don’t make up their mind about simple decisions struggle with choosing a solution for larger dilemmas. Make sure you are decisive in life to fulfill your future dreams and get what you want out of life. In fact, consider these four rules as you move forward:

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1. Fight the Fear

Fear shows its ugly head in a variety of ways. Indecisiveness is one of those ways. If you or a friend struggle making decisions, what are you afraid of? Taking a moment to name your fears and question the authenticity of the concerns. This step can go a long way in helping you understand yourself. It can also help you determine what is a real fear and what is an irrational concern. When we know what we are afraid of, we can then question the reality of the concern and, hopefully, move forward.

Questioning the fears is also a way to discern the best course of action. When we know what we want, we normally strive to get it. Fighting fear to get what we want is imperative to live a happy life.

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2. Decide to Delay

Set a time limit for the decision that needs to be made. If you don’t want to decide right away, don’t. But create a deadline as to when you will state your choice about the dilemma at hand. This is one way to take the time necessary for research or to examine your fears, if there are any.

3. Take a Risk

It takes courage to move forward into the unknown. It is risky business to decide a course of action without any hardcore proof that the results will produce the desired output. However, if we lived our lives on the safe side, not wanting to make any decision unless we knew the outcome, we may wait forever.

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Courageously decide to state your choice of the options available. Use the gifts of reasoning and insight to delete the undesired, expected outcomes of certain choices. Then, with the remaining options left, pick one. You can positively project into the future what might happen based on the decision you choose. But with a positive attitude and pure motives, it is highly likely the results will be desirable.

4. Consult an Advisor

Sharing is caring. Taking the time to share your concerns with a trusted friend, mentor or advisor is one way to demonstrate you care about the impact this decision could make.  It is also a way to step into a role of leadership that highlights the magnitude of responsibility the decision entails.

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There is nothing wrong with not knowing what to do. But there is something wrong with being reckless and not making a decision at all. If you find yourself over analyzing the options or too afraid to think about the situation, maybe this is a great time to talk to someone who is not as emotionally connected to the problem. Their level-headed assessment could make the difference between a good decision and a bad one. Their opinion could help you determine what outcomes could likely occur.

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Michelle Owens

Freelance Writer/Editor

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Last Updated on July 23, 2019

5 Steps To Move Out Of Stagnancy In Life

5 Steps To Move Out Of Stagnancy In Life

In the journey of growth, there are times when we grow and excel. We are endlessly driven and hyped up, motivated to get our goals.

Then there are times when we stagnate. We feel uninspired and unmotivated. We keep procrastinating on our plans. More often than not, we get out of a rut, only to get back into another one.

How do you know if you are stagnating? Here are some tell-tale signs:

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  • If you have been experiencing chronic procrastination on your goals
  • If you don’t ever feel like doing anything
  • If you keep turning to sleep, eating, games, mindless activities and entertainment for comfort
  • If you know you should be doing something, but yet you keep avoiding it
  • If you have not achieved anything new or significant now relative to 1 month, 2 months or 3 months ago
  • If you have a deep sense of feeling that you are living under your potential

When we face stagnation in life, it’s a sign of deeper issues. Stagnation, just like procrastination, is a symptom of a problem. It’s easy to beat ourselves over it, but this approach is not going to help. Here, I will share 5 steps to help you move out of this stagnation. They won’t magically transform your life in 1 night (such changes are never permanent because the foundations are not built), but they will help you get the momentum going and help you get back on track.

1. Realize You’re Not Alone

Everyone stagnates at some point or another. You are not alone in this and more importantly, it’s normal. In fact, it’s amazing how many of my clients actually face the same predicament, even though all of them come from different walks of life, are of different ages, and have never crossed paths. Realizing you are not alone in this will make it much easier to deal with this period. By trying to “fight it”, you’re only fighting yourself. Accept this situation, acknowledge it, and tell yourself it’s okay. That way, you can then focus on the constructive steps that will really help you.

2. Find What Inspires You

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Stagnation comes because there isn’t anything that excites you enough to take action. If you don’t have a habit of setting goals, and instead just leave yourself to daily mundanes, it’s not surprising you are experiencing stagnation. What do you want to do if there are no limitations? If you can have whatever you want, what will it be? The answers to these questions will provide the fuel that will drive you forward.

On the other hand, even if you are an experienced goal setter, there are times when the goals you set in the past lose their appeal now. It’s normal and it happens to me too. Sometimes we lose touch with our goals, since we are in a different emotional state compared to when we first set them. Sometimes our priorities change and we no longer want to work on those goals anymore. However, we don’t consciously realize this, and what happens is we procrastinate on our goals until it compounds into a serious problem. If that’s the case for you, it’s time to relook into your goals. There’s no point in pursuing goals that no longer inspire you. Trash away your old goals (or just put them aside) and ask yourself what you really want now. Then go for them.

3. Give Yourself a Break

When’s the last time you took a real break for yourself? 3 months? 6 months? 1 year? Never? Perhaps it’s time to take a time-out. Prolonged working can cause someone to become disillusioned as they lose sight of who they are and what they want.

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Go take some extended leave from work. A few days at bare minimum; a few weeks or months will be great. Some of my ex-colleagues have quit their jobs and took months out to do some self-reflection. Of course, some of us might not have that luxury, so we can stick to a few weeks of leave. Go on a trip elsewhere and get away from your work and your life. Use this chance to get a renewed perspective of life. Think about your life purpose, what you want and what you want to create for your life in the future. These are big questions that require deep thinking over them. It’s not about finding the answers at one go, but about taking the first step to finding the answers.

4. Shake up Your Routines

Being in the same environment, doing the same things over and over again and meeting the same people can make us stagnant. This is especially if the people you spend the most time with are stagnant themselves.

Change things around. Start with simple things, like taking a different route to work and eating something different for breakfast. Have your lunch with different colleagues, colleagues you never talked much with. Work in a different cubicle if your work has free and easy seating. Do something different than your usual for weekday evenings and weekends. Cultivate different habits, like exercising every day, listening to a new series of podcasts every morning to work, reading a book, etc (here’s 6 Proven Ways To Make New Habits Stick). The different contexts will give you different stimulus, which will trigger off different thoughts and actions in you.

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When I’m in a state of stagnancy, I’ll get a sense of what’s making me stagnate. Sometimes it’s the environment I’m in, sometimes it’s the people I’ve been hanging out with, sometimes it’s my lifestyle. Most of the times it’s a combination of all these. Changing them up helps to stir myself out of the stagnant mode.

5. Start with a Small Step

Stagnation also comes from being frozen in fear. Maybe you do want this certain goal, but you aren’t taking action. Are you overwhelmed by the amount of work needed? Are you afraid you will make mistakes? Is the perfectionist in you taking over and paralyzing you?

Let go of the belief that it has to be perfect. Such a belief is a bane, not a boon. It’s precisely from being open to mistakes and errors that you move forward. Break down what’s before you into very very small steps, then take those small steps, a little step at a time. I had a client who had been stagnating for a long period because he was afraid of failing. He didn’t want to make another move where he would make a mistake. However, not wanting to make a mistake has led him to do absolutely nothing for 2-3 years. On the other hand, by doing just something, you would already be making progress, whether it’s a mistake or not. Even if you make a supposed “mistake”,  you get feedback to do things differently in the next step. That’s something you would never have known if you never made a move.

More to Help You Stay Motivated

Here are some resources that will help you break out of your current phase:

Featured photo credit: Anubhav Saxena via unsplash.com

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