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Chasing Happiness Is What Makes You Unhappy, Doing This Can Bring You Lasting Joy

Chasing Happiness Is What Makes You Unhappy, Doing This Can Bring You Lasting Joy

If you’re feeling unmotivated and aimless in life then you’re not alone. Happiness and fulfilment is probably the number one thing everyone is striving to achieve but we often end up chasing after what we believe will make us happy, adopting the mindset that we’ll be happy when we get that new job, relationship, house or car.

The problem is, chasing after these things to make us happy is essentially what’s making us unhappy. Most of the time the perfect life we create in our head isn’t truly what can bring a sense of fulfilment to us. What actually brings more lasting joy is the feeling of flow, contentment and fulfilment that is at the core of what we really want.

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Stop Chasing After What You Think Will Make You Happy

Like a lot of people, from an early age I felt I needed to carve a career path that would equal success, riches and recognition. The problem was, I never really knew what that meant for me. When we’re younger, status is important and society and parents can look down on those that don’t quite have their career plan sorted out – you can get this sense of pressure that if you don’t make the right choice, you’re some kind of failure.

I left university feeling lost and unable to figure out what I was destined to do. I made comparisons to my peers around me who had been ‘sensible’ and planned it out from the start, who were already on their journey to success.

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I got jobs that were successful in the eyes of those around me but to me, they felt soulless. I was making the money but I wasn’t happy. I felt like a zombie getting up to go to work, sitting in front of the computer and felt like I was getting no sense of excitement or flow. Clock-watching where half an hour felt like two hours was a common part of my day until after 5 years I couldn’t take it anymore.

Meaningfulness Comes From The Heart

Sometimes it takes the contrast of feeling sad, depressed, trapped and unfulfilled to really sit up and take notice of what will bring meaningful purpose. For me, I started to think about what fills me with excitement and that was travelling. On one hand, I felt shame for just jetting off and enjoying myself when I should be knuckling down and chained to a desk I hated, but I also needed to stay true to myself.

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I headed to China to teach English as a foreign language which blended what I loved with purpose. It was a million miles from what I had been doing but it suddenly opened my eyes to my buried creative side – the side that was where all my potential to be happy was hiding.

From that experience, I have travelled around the world, lived abroad in different countries working with children and through these experiences I almost fell into writing. But the reason I think this happened was because I was pursuing a journey from the heart rather than the head. In essence, I hadn’t really a clue where I was heading to in my career but I knew it felt good to me. Now I’ve found something that’s allowed me to experience flow, inspiration, creativity and purpose.

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What Is Meaningful To You?

A 20% increase in your salary? A promotion? These will only give you short-term happiness. What really brings happiness is the sense of meaning your days bring to you – it makes you feel good about yourself and allows you to create something of value. Value doesn’t have to be big and grand – it can be found in the smallest things you do.

Motivation creates choices that align with your ‘why’ and contemplating your why is the key to truly understanding and finding the meaning we are all searching for. Don’t chase happiness, let happiness find you when you’re not caught up in what you should be doing.

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Jenny Marchal

A passionate writer who loves sharing about positive psychology.

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

There will always be times in your life when you may need to learn how to reinvent yourself. This could come when you experience a big change, such as leaving your job, moving on from a relationship, transferring to a new home, or losing a loved one. If you are going through a major shift in your life, you may have to find new ways of thinking or doing things, or risk failing to reach your full potential.

“When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”

Many people who dared to leave their old unhappy lives enabled themselves to pursue their passions and find a renewed zest for living. You can also achieve the same if you take a leap of faith and make things happen for yourself.

To help you always be at your best wherever you may be in your life, here are some practical tips on how to reinvent yourself.

The Reinvention Checklist

Before embarking on a journey of self-reinvention, you need to make sure that you have everything that you need to make the trip bump-proof. These things include:

Resilience

Problems and obstacles are guaranteed to happen. Some of them will be difficult and may knock you off course; the important thing, however, is that you learn from these difficulties, never lose focus, and always get back up. This requires building resilience to get through the tough times.

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Support

Humans are social beings. Although it is important that you learn to rely on yourself when facing any challenge, it is also important to have a support team that you can lean on to give you a boost when things get too tough and to correct you when you’re making mistakes.

The key is to find the right balance between independence and dependence. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and share the difficulties you’re facing. When you open up, you’ll find the people who are really going to be there for you.

Self-Care

During the process of learning how to reinvent yourself, you will have to pull yourself away from your old comfort zones, habits, roles, and self-perceptions. This can be difficult and cause you to question your self-worth, so it’s important to engage in self-care to maintain a positive outlook and keep your mind and body healthy as you face the challenges that await you. Self-care can include:

  • Participating in a hobby you enjoy
  • Spending time with your support system
  • Taking some time to walk in nature
  • Practicing loving-kindness meditation

Find what works for you and what helps you feel like your true self as you seek a reinvented version of you.

How to Reinvent Yourself

Once you’re sure that you’re equipped with all the tools in the self-reinvention checklist, you can begin your journey of learning how to reinvent yourself.

1. Discover Your Strengths

This step provides valuable information on how you deal with certain situations. If you have this information, you will be able to manage difficulties more efficiently.

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To find out what your strengths are, you can ask your friends and colleagues for feedback, engage in self-reflection, or try these 10 Ways to Find Your Own Personal Strengths.

2. Plan

This step calls for a thorough assessment of your current emotional, psychological, and financial status so that you can develop plans that are realistic and practical.

It’s okay to have ambitious dreams, but your plans have to be realistic. Making use of SMART goals can help you plan your life better.

You can also consult your mentor or life coach for practical tips and advice.

Ultimately, you’ll want to create specific long-term and short-term goals that you can create milestones for. By doing this, you’ll lay out a specific roadmap to your reinvented self.

3. Try Things Out

Sometimes, we don’t know if solutions actually work until we try them out. This is why it is important to experiment whenever possible, especially if you’re dealing with a career change. You may need to simply experiment in order to find the things you like. This can be the same with hobbies. If you’re not sure what you would like doing, accept invitations from friends to join them in their favorite sport or take a class, like pottery or photography.

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By seeing what’s out there in any area of your life, you’ll have a better chance of finding the things you enjoy and the goals you want to create.

4. Manage Your Finances Well

Changes may require a bit of money. If you’re shifting to a new career, you may have to pay for training. If you’re going through a tough divorce or having a hard time dealing with the death of a loved one, you may have to pay for therapy. If you’re moving to a new home, you’ll definitely have to pay a whole lot of expenses.

All of these things are possible, but it will require a bit of money savviness as you learn how to reinvent yourself. If you have that cushion, you’ll feel more comfortable straying from your current path to try new things.

5. Muster Your Courage

Fears and self-doubt may arise when you encounter difficulties and setbacks. Sometimes, they may also come when you’re taking risks. You have to manage these negative emotions well and not allow them to discourage you. Tap into your courage and try doing at least one new thing each week to develop it.

Learn how to deal with your self-doubts to move forward in this article: How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck (And How to Overcome It)

6. Use Your Support Group

As stated above, you need to build a strong support group before you even start the process of reinventing yourself. Your group will keep you from taking wrong turns and encourage you when you get too weighed down by problems. Don’t be afraid to call them, or even ask them out for coffee if you need to vent about the current difficulties you’re facing.

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7. Remind Yourself Every Day of Your Commitment

Write your goals on different-sized cards and scatter them at home and at work in places where you can easily see them. This way, you will constantly be reminded of where you want to be. Remember, writing down your goals helps them stick[1].

8. Accept Failure, Learn, and Resume Your Journey

Failing is normal, especially when we’re trying out something new. When you fail, simply recognize it, learn from it, and move on. Failure, in the end, is the best way to learn what does and doesn’t work, and you simply won’t be able to learn how to reinvent yourself if you don’t accept the inevitable failures that await you.

Final Thoughts

If you truly want to learn how to reinvent yourself and live the life you desire, take the advice above and start taking action. It will take time, patience, and plenty of effort to make the change you want happen, but it will be all worth it.

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Featured photo credit: Ashley Rich via unsplash.com

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