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Pain Is Temporary, Quitting Lasts Forever: No Matter How Hard It Gets, Do It Till It’s Done

Pain Is Temporary, Quitting Lasts Forever: No Matter How Hard It Gets, Do It Till It’s Done

We all know the value of achieving a goal, especially when it comes round to this time of year.

But all too often we begin that big project we love to do, decide this time we really are dedicated, put up pictures of slim models on the fridge and put the running trainers out ready by the door.

And then what happens? Ten days in and the resolve we had for New Year is as damp as the socks left on our radiators.

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The problem with completing goals is that we meet one or two setbacks and something in us snaps. We think we can’t do it. Maybe we aren’t the fit person we imagined ourselves to be after all. Maybe that resolve was just a lofty other self that never could really exist.

Well, I’m here to reassure you, that fit person is real. You are capable of much more than you think right now. – It’s just the way you are going about getting your goal complete that is holding you back.

So here is some advice for how to keep that goal at the forefront of your mind, even when difficulties set in.

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Breaking through your perceived threshold

As explained in the SEAL book[1], we all have a perceived threshold. But often we can push past this and achieve things we never believed were possible.

When asked how many push-ups Jesse Itzler, who spent time living with a navy SEAL could complete, he managed around eight. The navy SEAL told him that he believed he could do 100. He didn’t believe him, but after some encouragement Itzer began, doing them one by one, until he completed the 100 push-ups, something he never thought he could achieve.

I’m not saying all of us should be navy seals or even have to do 100 push-ups. It’s the principle, that we can make this year the best year of our lives if we just push our boundaries a little further, and accomplish more than we ever have before.

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Achieving more than we ever dreamed and pushing through until a task is done can be a huge confidence boost. Most people, however, don’t realize their true potential. Or, they don’t find the focus to continue, and so miss out to doing things that in twenty years time, they will never remember doing. 

Just begin

Start by simply asking yourself: ‘what is the smallest possible way I can contribute to my goal right now?’ It could be as simple as standing up. As getting dressed. Once done, you can go from there. Whenever we complete a task, even the smallest one, we feel good. True happiness comes from doing something and doing it well. From your life’s work. And from achieving what you set out to achieve.

Know why you want it

Anyone who knows anything about motivation knows that we are fickle creatures who can be easily swayed by emotions and change. We know that. The list of failed New Years resolutions (ours and others!) tells us that. So you need something that will push you to feel positive about your new habit. This is particularly important because you need to be dedicated to something, even when pain and/or boredom inevitably sets in.

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Know that pain is a part of the process

If you fail, or you hate doing it, don’t worry about it, and keep going. This is all a natural part of the process of working towards something. Even if you love something, there will always be hard days. These can be the most rewarding – they show how much you really care.

Focus

Most people these days find it hard to resist the temptations of life. This is a similar idea to the marshmallow test[2]. Never before have we been so distracted; never before has it been so easy to do a million things all at once. The problem with this is that the quality of work goes down. And as this happens, it’s easy to fall into mediocrity. Those really doing well these days know how to shut their browser down, make a shake, and get to work. So try to shut off any distractions whilst you’re working towards your goal.

Don’t be realistic, dream big!

You don’t have to be realistic about your goals, but be realistic about the steps you take to get there. Most of us think small with dreams, but in order to get totally psyched about a dream of yours, it has to be something that inspires you.

Whatever it is you feel inspired to do, whether it be becoming an acrobatic at the Cirque du Soleil or learning three new languages this year. Go at 2017 with all the foolish optimism you can throw at it. Because the freer we are to believe in our dreams, the more wonderful a place the world will become, don’t you agree?

Featured photo credit: Picjumbo via picjumbo.com

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Daniel Owen van Dommelen

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Last Updated on January 16, 2020

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

The way you feel about yourself greatly influences how you live and interact with others. If you are confident about yourself, you tend to see yourself positively and actually enjoy spending time with and around people. You don’t feel self-conscious or awkward around others, and that allows you to live your fullest and happiest life.

However, if you’re drowning in a sea of self-doubt, hesitancy and shyness, you often withdraw and isolate yourself from others and avoid interacting and connecting with people. That anxiety you feel in the pit of your stomach when you are around people is holding you back greatly and it is not good for your emotional health and overall well-being. You need to do something about it if you are low in self-confidence or have friends or family members who are not confident.

“Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you’re better than everyone, it’s walking in not having to compare yourself to anyone” – Anonymous

Here are simple, practical tips to boost your confidence right now and make you feel and act your best.

1. Stop labeling yourself as awkward, timid or shy.

When you label yourself as awkward, timid or shy, you sub-consciously tell your mind to act accordingly and psychologically feel inclined to live up to those expectations. Instead of labeling and entertaining negative self-talk, visualize and affirm yourself as confident and strong. Close your eyes for a minute and visualize yourself in different situation as you would like to be.

Be your own cheerleader. Experts believe that positive affirmation and good mental practices like picturing yourself winning or achieving a goal can lead to greater feelings of self-assurance and prepare your brain for success.[1] As the saying goes, “seeing is believing.” Picture yourself as confident and soon enough you will begin to manifest behavior that gives evidence to this new ‘fact.’

2. Recognize that the world is not focused on you (unless, of course, you are Kanye West).

That means you don’t have to be excessively sensitive about who you are or what you are doing (or not doing). You are not on the center stage; there is no need for preoccupation with self and perfectionism. As rap music star Rocko sings, “You just do you and I will do me, aight?”

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Forget about trying to please everyone or being perfect. Trying to be perfect and being a people-pleaser puts too much pressure on you and creates unnecessary anxiety. Besides, people are too preoccupied with their own issues to pay much attention to your every move unless, of course, you are a mega famous, super celebrity like Beyonce or Kanye West.

3. Focus on other people as opposed to yourself.

If you are low on confidence, self-conscious, nervous and shy in social situations, focus your attention on other people and what they are saying or doing instead of focusing on your own awkwardness.

For example, think about what it is that is interesting about the person who’s the centre of the party or the guy or girl you are talking with. Prompt them to talk more about themselves and be genuinely curious and interested in what they say. You will instantly come across as confident and warmhearted.

People generally want to talk about themselves, be heard and understood. They will love it when you’re eager and willing to listen to them and really hear what they have to say.

This habit of focusing more on what you love in others as opposed to what you dislike in yourself will not only help you become more assertive and comfortable in virtually all social situations, but also instantly make you feel great about yourself.

4. Know (and accept) yourself for who you are.

Chinese military general, strategist and philosopher Sun Tzu, author of the internationally acclaimed book The Art of War, said, “Know yourself and you will win all battles.” Even in the battle with lack of confidence, you will need to know yourself to win.

Knowing yourself starts with understanding that people are not all the same, neither are all social situation suitable for everyone. You might not be confident in large gatherings, but you could be bold and confident in one-on-one and small group interactions. We all have our own unique gifts and unique ways of expressing ourselves. Embrace yours!

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Introverts, for example, have a quiet confidence that is, unfortunately, often confused for shyness. They are naturally low key and prefer to spend time alone. However, this natural disposition affords them certain unique gifts, such as an ability to listen better than most people and notice things that others don’t.

Your uniqueness is where your strength and advantage lies. You won’t be comfortable and confident in all situations all the time. Albert Einstein said,

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

5. Crack a smile.

If there is one sure way to instantly boost your confidence, it’s cracking a smile. Christine Clapp, a public speaking expert at The George Washington University, says that flashing those pretty, pearly white teeth will immediately make you appear both confident and composed. But, the effect of smiling is not just external. Studies show that smiling can also help nix feelings of stress and pave the way for a happier and more relaxed you.[2]

Not a bad return for something seemingly so trite, wouldn’t you agree?

6. Break a sweat—with exercise.

Working out is another great way to make yourself feel amazing and confident. Science has shown that exercising increases your endorphins, helps reduce stress, tones your muscles and makes you feel happy and confident.[3]

And hey, all you have to do is take a walk a few times a week and you’ll see the benefits. What seems to matter—as far as your confidence goes—is whether you break a sweat, not how strenuous your session is, which is pretty cool. Start working out now.

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7. Groom yourself.

This might seem mundane, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and shave can have on your confidence and self-image. And when you spritz on a scent, the boost on confidence and self-esteem is incredible. As it turns out, your favorite fragrance does more than make you smell oh-so-nice.

A study found that a fragrance can inspire confidence in men. Interestingly, the study also found that the more a man likes the fragrance, the more confident he might feel. Another study found that 90% of women feel more confident while wearing a scent than those who go fragrance-free.

8. Dress nicely.

Another one that might seem trite, but it works. If you dress nicely, you’ll instantly feel good about yourself and give your confidence a real boost. That is largely because you’ll feel attractive, presentable and sometimes even successful in nice clothes.

While dressing nicely means something different for everyone, it does not necessarily mean wearing $500 designer outfits. It means wearing clothes that are clean, that you are comfortable in and that are nice-looking and presentable, including casual clothes.

9. Do activities you enjoy.

Whether it is reading a book, playing a musical instrument, riding your bicycle or going fishing, do what you really enjoy and what makes you truly happy often. It will boost your self-esteem, soothe your ego and allow you to identify with your gifts and talents. That will in turn bolster your self-belief and grow your confidence exponentially.

You might not become popular for doing what you love, but you might not even want to be popular at all. Being popular doesn’t make you happy; doing what you love does.

10. Prepare for the possibility of rejection / setback.

Late World No. 1 professional tennis player Arthur Ashe said, “One important key to success is self-confidence. A key to self-confidence is preparation.” You need to prepare for the possibility of rejection and setback.

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Why?

Everybody suffers rejection and setback at one point or another. You are not exempted. The question on your mind, therefore, should not be if you will be rejected, but how you will handle rejection when it comes.

Prepare yourself adequately in every situation to minimize the risk and effect of rejection and so that your confidence is not broken. For example, learn public speaking and rehearse what you are going to say beforehand if you have landed a public speaking engagement. That way, you are sure of yourself and confident you have what it takes to hack it. If you are rejected, don’t take it personally.

Rejection and setbacks happen to the best of us. Take it as a learning experience. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

11. Face uncomfortable situations square in the face.

Don’t run away from uncomfortable situations. Running away from people or situations because you feel scared, shy or timid only confirms and reinforces your shyness. Instead, face the situation that makes you uneasy square in the face. For example, go ahead and talk to that person you are afraid to approach, or go straight to the front of your yoga class! What’s the worst that can happen?

Prepare and be ready for any eventuality. The more you face your fears, the more you realize you are stronger than you thought and the more confident you get. This simple, yet admittedly courageous, act makes you unstoppable. You get comfortable being uncomfortable and begin to feel like you can take on the world. And that is the hallmark of someone destined for great things.

12. Sit up straight and walk tall—you are awesome!

Yes, sit up straight and believe you are awesome. Don’t slump in your chair or slouch your shoulders. Experts say the right stance can not only keep your self-esteem and mood lifted, but also lead to more confidence in your own thoughts.[4]

The way to sit is to open up your chest and keep your head level so that you look and feel poised and assured. And when you get up, stand tall and walk like you’re on a mission. People who sit up straight and walk tall are more attractive and instantly feel more confident. Try it now: you’ll feel fierce and confident just by sitting up straight and walking tall.

Featured photo credit: Freshh Connection via unsplash.com

Reference

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