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The Hardest Truth People Learn That Makes Them Much More Successful Than The Others

The Hardest Truth People Learn That Makes Them Much More Successful Than The Others

Do you sometimes wonder why some people are much more successful than the others? Are they really more intelligent? Is it something to do with inborn talents? Or is it all a matter of luck?

Most of us know people who seem to lead much better lives than us. They seem to have it so much easier. As if success was just handed to them on a silver platter for them to enjoy. We admire and are often jealous of such acquaintances and colleagues.

The question is, what is it about them that makes them so different and more prone to success? The answer is quite simple. The problem isn’t with them. It’s with us.

And The Hardest Truth Is This:

The hardest truth that we need to know is this: everybody, and yes EVERYBODY sucks at the beginning. And here’s what most people do: they try a little bit, stumble and just give up way too soon. Only those who persist and persevere at all costs are the successful ones.

As this Quora user [1] points out:

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Your first 100 blog posts will suck.

Your first 5 books will suck.

Your first 30 talks in public will suck.

Your first 50 paintings will suck.

Your first 100 songs will suck.

Your first 40 YouTube videos will suck.

Yes, I made all of those numbers up.

And it doesn’t matter.

What matters is to understand that you’ll suck at everything in the beginning.

Just like I suck at everything in the beginning.

Just like everybody else sucks at everything in the beginning.

It all takes time. And persistence. And patience.

Most people rush through life. So they don’t have enough time.

Most people believe in overnight success. So they just stop when it doesn’t happen over night.

Most people get everything they want right away. So if they don’t, they just want something else.

So most people just give up.

And everything sucks..

This Is What You Gotta Do

So there you have it. The secret of life. If you want to be good at something, practice, practice and practice. Do whatever it takes to get there. At first you’re going to stumble, perhaps even injure yourself really bad and almost give up. And that is the crucial moment where you have to decide: do you want to go back to your normal life and remain a failure? Or do you want to try again, fail a little and keep trying till you get there?

Let’s say you’re a writer. Your first novel might not sell well but that doesn’t mean you should go back to a 9 to 5 job that sucks out all your creativity. Even when the rejection letters keep piling, you know you have a long road ahead. If you’re an athelete and you’ve lost miserably in a championship, it means that you’re destined for success- all you have to do is to put in more effort. If you’re a graphic designer and you aren’t getting enough clients- it means you have to be grateful for how far you’ve come and dive deeper into your work and produce more outstanding stuff. Whatever you do, don’t stop trying and don’t stop believing.

And Here Are The Famous People Who Failed

Do you want real life examples  [2] ? Oprah Winfrey was fired from her first TV job as an anchor and now she’s a billionaire with her own TV show. Steven Spielberg was rejected TWICE by the University of Southern California’s School of Cinematic Arts. Walt Disney was told by his newspaper editor that he ‘lacked imagination and had no good ideas’. And Stephen King’s first book Carrie was rejected 30 times before it saw light of day and spawned a franchise.

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So wherever you are and whatever you do, remember this: if you want to be successful, you’re going to suck A LOT at first, but don’t let failure get you down.

Featured photo credit: Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

Reference

[1] Quora: What is the hardest truth you had to accept that made you stronger
[2] http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/15-highly-successful-people-who-failed-their-way-success.html

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Archita Mittra

wordsmith, graphic designer, ideator, creative consultant, full time freelancer

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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