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Going Man – A Short Guide To Your Ultimate Man Cave

Going Man – A Short Guide To Your Ultimate Man Cave

Modern life is a massive battlefield. Seriously. The only difference between these and some more savage, albeit a lot simpler times, is that we no longer ride off into battle to protect our possessions on a mighty steed. Current battles are fought with mortgages, loans, debit cards, and other far less noble-sounding necessary evils. Is life, at least, easier now?

Physically? Probably. Mentally? Not even remotely.

The outcome, however, is just the same. A true warrior-king needs a stronghold where he can recover from wounds and enjoy good old venison, wine, and lutes. A real modern man needs a cave where he can take a short break from outside life and indulge himself a bit.

But, we have to agree that “true man” is a term so broad that it threatens to level us all to the same measures with the subtlety of a steamroller. Let us then take a look at a few different ideas for different warrior-kings of the 21st century.

1. Entrepreneur’s Man Cave

    An entrepreneur’s lifestyle has a fair share of both pros and cons. One of the things we know the most about entrepreneurs, unfortunately, belongs to the latter group of characteristics – their work time is never truly over.

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    That is why an entrepreneur’s man cave should be less of a pleasure room and more of a place where they can retire and enjoy their hobbies while still being able to get the job done. What does that mean? A comfortable chair, wall-mounted TV,[1] spacious desk, sofa, and of course, an “executive” mini bar fridge to soothe the tired soul.

    2. Movie-goer’s Man Cave

      Image Credit: jeff beyers

      Every avid movie-goer knows how poor the theater experience can be these days. Cellphones, obnoxious people who can’t stop talking, and the mind-numbing sound of someone chewing popcorn. The answer to this problem is very obvious – build yourself a home theater.

      All you need is a good projector,[2] loudspeaker system (you can get away with 5.1, but try going for 7.1), and a few comfortable recliners[3] (Chandler and Joey-style). Details like movie props, posters, or standees can only make the whole experience more special.

      3. Rockstar’s Man Cave

        If you are, on the other hand, more into music, you can turn your man cave into a small private venue where you can jam with your friends. So, in addition to everything we have come to expect in a man cave by now, it would be a good idea to throw some studio equipment[4] into the equation as well.

        Keep in mind, though, that your neighbors may not share the same passion for music as you. Soundproof your cave so you don’t annoy them. Small, genre-centric details (e.g. rockabilly, 80s pop, heavy metal) are always a welcome addition.

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        4. Sportsman’s Man Cave

        There are very few of us who haven’t been, at least few times in life, touched by a sports fever. How does this fever work? You start watching the games, and the more you watch them, more you want to train. The more you train, more you want to watch the games.

        How to stop this fever? Why would you? Instead, decorate one of your rooms with jerseys, trophies, and sports memorabilia. Then move in a huge TV, even bigger couch, and a fridge. Finally, throw in some basic gym equipment[5] (dumbbells, bars, and treadmill) to you satisfy the other side of your inner sports devotee while you are waiting for the next game.

        5. Gentleman’s Man Cave

          Or in other words, a room for the ones with the more refined habits. What does that mean? Out with technology, in with good taste. A proper gentleman’s man cave should feature only a comfortable chair, small table (stylish and timeless pieces are highly preferable), a few wine racks, bookcases, and of course, an espresso machine.

          Remember, you are going for quality, not quantity. If you like to listen to music, move in a gramophone. They feature a large amount of eye-candy, and their sound simply can’t be replaced. Install layered lighting,[6] and you will score a huge design point.

          6. Gamer’s Man Cave

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            Let’s say everyone who considers himself a serious gamer already owns a powerful enough PC, extremely comfortable chair, loudspeakers (or headphones), and three-monitor setup. What’s missing to make this promising foundation into a man cave? Well, if you are old enough to actually make a man cave, you were probably growing up in the late ‘90s or early 2000s, so you know online multiplayer can’t hold a candle to local mayhem.

            Now, bring in more of the same, make some room for your friends, pull the cables through the floor and the walls[7] so you don’t trip over them, and your LAN den will be ready to go.

            7. Fantasy Man Cave

            A room for all of us who wander but aren’t lost. Now, pulling off a fantasy-based man cave is somewhat tricky to do, because you have to incorporate a love for books, games, and movies all into one room. Look to the previous paragraphs for help. However, once you are done with boring technicalities, you’ll finally get the chance to populate the room with swords, flags, tapestries, and all sorts of Tolkien-inspired no-goods.[8]

            The things you don’t want to miss are a comfortable rocking chair, and a substantial, Warhammer-friendly wooden table. Hidden doors (bookcase does seem like an excellent cover) are not necessary, but they are a very cool addition.

            8. Traditional Man Cave

              Image Credit: Elizabeth Anderson

              Essentially, a traditional man cave is a room that fits various tastes, but it’s slave to none of them; sort of the first thing that pops into your mind when you put the words “man” and “cave” together. So, what have you imagined? Okay, the usual suspects like the cozy sofa, huge TV, large fridge, and loudspeakers. But what else?

              That’s right, the things like mini bar, billiard table, dart board, even the old-school arcade games. In other words, a traditional man cave should convey a very strong pub-like impression. Does that make pub the man’s lowest common denominator? Why not.

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              The modern world is full of twist and turns. Granted, our lives are better than they were a couple of centuries ago, and we know much more ways to have fun than our ancestors did. What we sorely lack is time to have that fun and a place where we won’t be distracted.

              Should we then simply give up and surrender to a daily rut? No, we have to carve ourselves a place where we’ll be happy. Do you feel your life is not as awesome as you would like it to be?

              Then give yourself the best man cave ever.

              Featured photo credit: Elizabeth Anderson via flickr.com

              Reference

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              Dejan Kvrgic

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              Last Updated on February 18, 2019

              13 Tips to Face Your Fears, Grow with It and Enjoy the Ride

              13 Tips to Face Your Fears, Grow with It and Enjoy the Ride

              Fear. I spend my life talking about fear — fighting fears, fixing fears and understanding fears. And yet I doubt I get 10 calls a year from people saying “Mandie can you help me fix my fear?”

              Why is this so critically important to you?

              The realization for me is that fear is not the fundamental driving force in your life it’s what regardless of whether I’m talking to a doctor, a teacher, a CEO’s, a senior citizens or teenager – every single one of those conversations has a direct correlation with your world.

              Fear can range from the overwhelming desire to look away or stop in your tracks to literally fleeing your country and the life you knew. In this article, I will share you with 13 tips to face your fears and enjoy the ride.

              1. Know That Fear Is Real, but Can Be Overcome

              Right now around the world people are facing fear — real fear. Fear that I pray my children and I will never experience. Does that lessen my fears or your fears in your relativity safe 21st century life?

              When I look at the world we all live in, I find that fear like so many other emotions can mean so many different things to so many different people:

              • The child who has to be physically dragged to their first day of school.
              • The man facing the judge.
              • The woman with her hand poised over the buttons over her phone because she has to walk down a dark corridor late at night alone.
              • The man as the surgeon says “count backwards from 10 Mr Smith.”
              • The woman that’s told “We are sorry, we can’t help you.”
              • The man that faces the empty circle of a gun and prays for his very existence.

              These and a million more (Portrayed in every kind of movie, book or song you could imagine) are what make us human. We face fear and somehow move forward or are stopped in our tracks.

              Like the rabbit in the headlights of the car that veers off through the field away from the tyres of the car or stays still praying for salvation. Like someone will save them. Sound familiar?

              Fear is huge. Fear is everywhere and yet fear can be overcome, controlled and can even be a power for good.

              2. Accept Your Fear

              Firstly if you aren’t facing the barrel of the gun, atrocities that make the news or impeding death, that’s a good start. However it doesn’t mean your fear is any less real.

              We are quick to say “I can’t moan, my life is not as bad as X.” While in theory, that’s honorable your appreciation of Mr. or Mrs. X’s horrific life won’t change anything directly. So accept your fear is relative to you.

              And here’s what can be done.

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              3. Get Some Perspective

              I found myself asking anyone that would answer “what is your worst fear”. The answer that intrigued me the most came from my daughter (15 years old and she usually has a copy of Fight the Fear – my book – in her school bag so she can help someone else be as positive and confident as her. No matter what life throws up.)

              And her fear, surprised me — heights. I pointed out that we live in a sprawling bungalow (one storey) and the highest she goes is two storeys’ at school! She laughed but added, fear isn’t like that Mum. I know it’s not a real fear, but it’s like when you stand on a chair and feel unsafe.

              That girl will go far. Because she truly gets fear.

              We know something is scary and yet we still do it. Why? Because we have a perspective to the fear. When you lose perspective, it can feel too big, and too scary.

              So look around you to get some perspective on your fear:

              • Are you really at risk?
              • Will this kill you?
              • Which leads us on to..
              • If the worse was to happen what would it be?

              4. Hold a Hand

              As a coach, it is my job to holds someone’s metaphorical hand and help them face a fear.

              Like the child petrified of the thunder storm or the teen that can’t get back in a car again after failing their test, your job as a parent is to reassure, encourage, enable and motivate someone to face something that ideally they never would choose to again.

              We know many of our fears aren’t real. However, it is only when someone guides us with love, respect, lack of judgement and safety are we able to get through fear. And trust me, you can get through your fears. I’ve seen it so many times.

              Ask yourself:

              • If the worse were to happen, what would that be?
              • Could that really happen?
              • If the worse did happen, how would you recover?
              • If the worse were to happen, what would you need to do next?

              By seeing fear as not the end destination but part of being human, you can see through it’s wily evil ways and move forward.

              5. Know Whose Hand You Hold Either Physically or Emotionally

              This helps with fears for the rest of your life.

              Think of someone you can always rely on (and ideally you won’t just answer yourself because that adds a lot of pressure to your existence!) And you will find that you’ve already found a way to get through fear.

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              The beauty of this is that it means that fear becomes part of life not something to be feared and shied away from.

              It means you know you can turn to your friend, partner, colleague, parent, sibling and say “Right I need to deal with this, and I’m going to need you to help me.”

              For one moment, think about it from the other person’s view point. When we get to help other people we feel valued, loved, respected and lots of other positive emotions and we get a good dose of positive chemicals setting off in our bodies too.

              Your fear, and your determination to fight it, helped someone else too. Now that’s cool right?

              6. Understand That There Are Some Things Fear Will Never Touch

              I like to find role models in life — people who have faced heroism, history changing moments, war, atrocities, miracles, life saving inventions.

              Not everyone was looking for greatness, however they all found it. And one of my favourite books to date is written about Alistair Urquhart, the forgotten highlander. If this doesn’t get turned into a film in the future, then no man’s story is likely to.

              Alistair went through the most horrific experiences in the 2nd world war. If you think of one of the awful things that happened back then in our world, Alistair went through at least 3 of them! Asked afterwards how did you cope? He talked about how whatever they did to his body, no matter how they starved, tortured, threatened or mocked him, they couldn’t have his mind. In his mind he was free.

              Of all the people’s voices I’ve heard in my head over the years, this is one of those statements that reminds me anything is possible if you have faith and hope.

              Look for the things in life that fear can’t touch. They will create confidence and faith for the future, whatever you face. And they will give you a sense of why being you is awesome.

              Of all the billions of people on this planet, no one will have an answer identical to yours!

              7. Process Your Fears to Carry on with Life

              Being brave is not about sticking your chest out and smiling regardless of what hell you endure. It is about finding a way to emotionally process your fears to be able to keep going.

              I have a tool kit of things I can rely on – tools, strategies, techniques. They include people to hug or talk to, music. hobbies, walks on the beach and even my favourite food. It sounds mad but at the times where I have questioned “how will I get through this?” I’ve found immense joy in doing the most unlikely of thing that makes me smile.

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              It may be a short lived moment of happiness. However, it reminded that nothing stays the same and I can find away.

              One client told me that it was crazy when it felt like their world was falling around their ears to run a bath to the brim (you don’t waste water) get the best bath oils, light too many candles, lock the door and drink a glass of bubbly (champagne is only for special occasions.)

              Did that moment fix the disaster that my clients life felt? No, however it gave them a moment of calm and the brain is far quicker to find solutions, resolve and motivation to keep going when you do that.

              It may feel like madness to do something you love, however it can be a powerful way to help you find solutions to the fears you face in life.

              8. Assume the Worse

              If you read the statement from the client above. Notice how they assumed it was wrong to fill the bath up to the top? How bubbly is only for special occasions?

              Think how naughty they felt to be doing something that was not allowed?

              • Think about what age it may have made them feel?
              • Think about how they feel about champagne?
              • What special moments it’s been a part of in their lives?

              And you can see how the assumptions they made about their “right” to have these things was not healthy.

              When I drag the assumptions out of people’s words for them to see, they are often struck by how negative the words make them feel.

              Don’t assume your words aren’t impacting on you. You can go through fear and actually enjoy the ride when you take the time to understand how you are letting words get to you.

              9. Take a Fear That Feels Insurmountable Right Now.

              If you were to repeat it to me out loud, what would you say?

              Would you have blame on yourself in there? Would you assume others can do it and it’s just you? Would you feel small, unsuccessful, useless, unworthy?

              Usually, when you do this exercise, you are able to spot the untruths that run wild in your head convincing you that you are doomed. And rarely when we are faced with our assumptions is there is a lot of evidence to them.

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              10. You Are Not Defined by Your Fear

              One fear does not define your life – be mindful of that. It is likely to lead you to thinking of all the times you’ve succeeded and bring a moment of calm, confidence and faith back to you.

              11. Go with Fear

              When you learn to go with fear, you could find yourself actually having fun, no seriously – having fun.

              I have a few amazing clients I’m working with right now who would describe themselves as life long worriers, or pessimists. In the past that has served them well, enabling them to keep safe, steer clear of risks and even develop strategies in the event of disasters. However, now they find it’s becoming hard to break the cycle and they really want to because it’s holding them back.

              Notice how they’ve found their hidden fears and want to face them?

              One client said “I knew this was going to be tough, and I knew I couldn’t fight it alone and I knew you would be the one to help me.” Before I sat an incredibly successful, confident, capable business owner with a family and a social life to die for.

              However, I’ve learned that the most successful looking lives can hide things that impact on life, success, love, happiness and business.

              We didn’t start with the fear that they felt was holding them back, we broke the fear down, and found lots of little obstacles that had been deemed as “life” and “unchangeable” and “that’s just the way it is” by developing awareness to the little steps on the road to their obstacles to happiness and success they were able to tackle them in a different way.

              12. Discover Great Skills in Your Scary Moments

              And in that clients words “I came here to work with you to grow my company, and my own personal skills. I didn’t expect to get the children to be cleaning up after themselves and my partner being more attentive! It all feels a little magic.”

              The moral is that out of the scariest of moments, we can find great skills we didn’t know we had. Find better, healthier, happier ways to live and find ways to enjoy life more. (And have a bit of magic!)

              What a great place to be in ready for the next fear that thinks it’s going to get in the way of you, right?

              13. Own Your Fear

              Think back over these tips and come up with at least one example for each one. Write them down. Put them on your phone. Turn them into a piece of art. Turn them into a poem. Frame them. Go for a fast walk across the fields, beach, down town and repeat these things in your head to the sound of your feet on the ground.

              We rarely take the time to appreciate how far we have come, how much we can achieve or what we are capable of – by really owning the tips in this article you will have given your brain a big fat dose of “Damn right I can do this!” and the motivation and accountability to say “Let’s find a way” through any fear.

              You can’t help but feel good when you see that can you? And fear doesn’t stand a chance, does it?

              More Resources About Fighting Fear

              Featured photo credit: Ben White via unsplash.com

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