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7 Seemingly Small Yet Insanely Destructive Lifestyle Choices

7 Seemingly Small Yet Insanely Destructive Lifestyle Choices

We often do harmful things to ourselves because we’re not aware of their consequences. Even the smallest decisions that we make in a nanosecond on a daily basis, like drinking another cup of coffee with the hope that it will make us energized or spending another minute on Facebook instead of going to sleep can be severely destructive if we take a look at the long-term effects.

Somehow, people find it easy to be ignorant when it comes to their body and mind – I’m sure you’ve managed to shush that voice that says you’re tired, hungry or thirsty in time. By doing that, you’re actually neglecting your basic needs and it’s not necessary for you to be a medical expert to understand how bad that can turn out.

The first step towards ending your self-destructive behavior is developing awareness.

1. Physical and Mental Negligence

Ignoring that constant pain in your neck or trying to drown the very same thoughts that pop in your mind each night before you go to sleep won’t make them go away. It’s the very same with cleaning – if you cover up all the dirt with a carpet, that doesn’t mean your home is clean. As a matter of fact, it means it will only get dirtier in time.

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Listen to what your body is trying to tell you in both physical and mental terms. The human body has its own natural alarms like the ones you install in your home, e.g. smoke detectors or those for household security. I’m sure you wouldn’t let an intruder come into your home, steal your stuff and harm you physically – you should simply react the same way to the signals that your body is sending to you.

2. Antisocial Behavior

Spending quality time with your mind is one thing, but being way too much inside your own head is not exactly healthy. Saying “no” to a cup of coffee and skipping a pleasant talk with a friend because you’re nervous can only make things worse – you’re not filtering out your anxiety, you’re allowing it to grow and multiply inside of your head.

There’s an opposite extreme to this behavior and that’s being too social – avoiding solitude can imply that you’re avoiding a problem that needs to be solved. Obviously, moderation is the key and you should try to find a balance here.

3. Acting a Martyr

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    Blaming the whole universe by asking why does everything always happen to me only magnifies your problems. We live in a world where good things happen to bad people – it’s not fair, but we need to deal with that harsh truth.

    That being said, you should take responsibility and take action, because no one will live your life instead of you, nor fix your problems.

    4. Over/Under Eating

    Unhealthy eating habits are a disease of the modern society – food became irrelevant at some point and we just forgot about its main purpose altogether. Starving yourself because you have a busy schedule and simply not enough time, or perhaps because you’re trying to achieve an unrealistic body figure that’s reflected on covers of magazines isn’t a price worthy enough, because you’re paying with your health. Your eating habits affect the quality of your sleep, especially if you try to replace a full meal with energizing beverages or junk food.

    The same thing goes with overeating – you can start small, by having an innocent snack at four AM, but it can end with high blood pressure, cholesterol issues and heart problems. If you’d put in some effort in preparing healthy meals and work out a schedule that meets the needs of your body, you’d feel more energized and more capable throughout the whole day.

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    5. Substance Abuse Instead of Coping

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      Another very efficient way to silence your mind and forget all about your problems is substance abuse. If you’re prone to alcohol, cigarettes or drugs, you’re on a certain path that leads to serious health issues – the longer you stay on that path, the more severe the consequences that lay in front of you.

      The fact you refuse to be present in your own life and you’re trying to escape into the world of vices doesn’t at all mean that everything you don’t like about it will disappear or get improved by itself. Those problems that banished you to a dark place will only get bigger if you stay there.

      Facing your demons is never easy, and if you can’t do it by yourself you should turn to members of your family and close friends. For some people it’s hard to have their loved ones watching them trying to fight addictions – if you’re one of them, you should turn to professionals and medical experts who are trained to guide and help you.

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      6. Careless Spending

      Having a problem with money management isn’t uncommon – a significant percentage of people have serious issues with handling their income. However, if your debts are only increasing and if you’re in serious situations where your paycheck can’t cover your expenses, it may mean that you don’t have respect towards your own effort.

      Each paycheck is a reward for your month’s work and the next time you start thinking about purchasing an overpriced item that you don’t really need, remember to remind yourself how much time and skill is invested in that price tag.

      7. Denying Help Completely

      There’s strength to independence, I won’t argue about that – being on your own is tough and it requires both physical and mental preparedness. However, there’s an extreme to this behavior; if you insist on doing everything on your own, even if it’s not on your list of responsibilities, and you deny every bit of help offered along the way, you have a problem.

      Wasting your time and energy because you’re stubborn or spiteful will come back to haunt you, have no doubt about that. Allow people to get closer to you by accepting their help. It will be beneficial on many different levels for the quality of your life – just try and see.

      Having introspectiveness in your set of skills is a smart thing to do – being transparent with yourself will help you realize what you’re doing and who you’re doing it for. When that becomes clear, you should be able to steer clear of all the destructiveness that you bring into your life, and that’s something you should be able to live without.

      Featured photo credit: https://www.pexels.com/u/jim-jackson-8721/ via pexels.com

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      Nemanja Manojlovic

      Editor at MyCity Web

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      Published on September 23, 2020

      6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

      6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

      I don’t know about you, but many times when I hear the word negotiate I think of lawyers working out a business deal or having to do battle with a car salesman to try to get a lower price. Since I am in recruiting, the term “negotiation” comes up when someone is attempting to get a higher compensation package.

      If we think about it, we tend to negotiate almost every day in a wide variety of things we do. Getting a handle on the important negotiation skills can be incredibly beneficial in many parts of our lives. Let’s take a look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

      What is Negotiation?

      First, let’s take a look at what negotiation is. Put simply, negotiation is a method by which people settle their differences. It is a process in which compromise or agreement can be reached without argument or dispute.

      Anytime two people or sides disagree on something, they are almost always looking for the best possible outcome for their side. This could be from an individual’s perspective or someone representing an organization.

      In reality, it’s rare that one side gets everything they want and the other side gets nothing that they are seeking. Seeking to reach a common ground of sorts where both sides feel like they are getting most of what they want is the key to being successful and maintaining the relationship.

      Places We Negotiate

      I’ve mentioned that we negotiate in just about all phases of our life. For those of you who are shaking your head no, I invite you to think about the following:

      1. Work/Business

      This one is the most obvious and it’s what naturally comes to mind when we think of the word “negotiate”.

      When you first started at your current job, you might have asked for a higher salary. It could be that you delivered a huge new client to your company and used this as leverage in your most recent evaluation for more compensation. If you work with vendors (and just about every company does), maybe you worked them to a lower price or better contract terms.

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      In recruiting, I negotiate with candidates and hiring managers all the time to land the best talent I can find. It’s very common to accept additional work with the (sometimes spoken, sometimes unspoken) agreement that it will benefit your career in the future.

      Recently, I took over a project that was my boss was working on so that I would be able to attend a conference later in the year. And so it goes, we do this all day long at work.

      2. Personal

      I don’t know about you, but I negotiate with my spouse all the time. I’ll cook dinner with the understanding that she does the dishes. Who wants to mow the lawn and who wants to vacuum and dust the house?

      I think we should save 10% for retirement, but she thinks 5% is plenty. Therefore, we save 8%. And don’t even get me started with my kids. My older daughter can borrow my car as soon as she finishes her chores. My younger daughter can go hang out with her friends when her homework is done.

      Then, there are all those interactions in our personal lives outside our homes. The carpenter wants to charge me $12,000 to build a new deck. I think $10,000 is plenty so we agree on $11,000. I ask my neighbor if I can borrow his snowblower in the winter if I invite him over the next time I grill steak. And so on.

      3. Ourselves

      You didn’t expect this one, did you? We negotiate with ourselves all day long.

      I’ll make sure I don’t skip my workout tomorrow since I’m going to have that extra piece of pizza. My spouse has been quiet the last few days, is it worth me asking her about, or should I leave it alone? I think the car place charged me for some repairs that weren’t needed, should I say something or just let it go? I know my friend has been having some personal challenges, should I check in with him? We’ve been friends for a long time, I’m sure he’d come to me if he needed help. I’ve got the #4 pick in this year’s Fantasy Football draft, should I choose a running back or a wide receiver?

      Think about that non-stop voice inside your head. It always seems to be chattering away about something and many times, it’s us negotiating with ourselves. I’ll finish up that report that the boss needs before I turn on the football game.

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      Why Negotiation Skills Are So Important

      Put simply, negotiation skills are important because we all interact with other people, and not only other people but other organizations and groups of people as well.

      We all rarely want the same thing or outcome. Most of the time a vendor is looking at getting you to pay a higher price for something than you want to spend. Therefore, it’s important to negotiate to some middle ground that works well for both sides.

      My wife and I disagree on how much to save for retirement. If we weren’t married it wouldn’t be an issue. We’d each contribute how much we wanted to on our retirement funds. We choose to be married, so we have to come to some agreement that we both feel comfortable with. We have to compromise. Therefore, we have to negotiate.

      If we each lived on a planet by ourselves, we would be free to do just about anything we wanted to. We wouldn’t have to compromise with anyone because we wouldn’t interact with anyone. We would make every choice unilaterally the way we wanted to.

      As we all know, this isn’t how things are. We are constantly interacting with other people and organizations, each one with their own agenda’s, viewpoints, and opinions. Therefore, we have to be able to work together.

      6 Negotiation Skills to Master

      Having strong negotiation skills helps us create win-win situations with others, allowing us to get most of what we want in conjunction with others around us.

      Now, let’s look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

      1. Preparation

      Preparation is a key place to start with when getting ready to negotiate. Being prepared means having a clear vision of what you want and how you’d go about achieving it. It means knowing what the end goal looks like and also what you are willing to give to get it.

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      It also means knowing who you are negotiating with and what areas they might be willing to compromise on. You should also know what your “bottom line” is. By “bottom line” I mean what is the most you are willing to give up to get what you want.

      For instance, several years ago, I decided it was time to get a newer car. I say newer because I wanted a “new to me” car, not a brand new car. I did my research and figured out what type of car I wanted. I decided on what must-have items on the car I wanted, the highest amount of miles that would already be on it, the colors I was willing to get it in, and the highest amount of money I was willing to pay.

      After visiting numerous car dealerships I was able to negotiate buying a car. I knew what I was willing to give up (amount of money) and what I was willing to accept, things like the color, amount of miles, etc. I came prepared. This is critical.

      2. Clear Communication

      The next key skill you need to be an effective negotiator is clear communication. You have to be able to clearly articulate what you want to the other party. This means both clear verbal and written communication.

      If you can’t clearly tell the other person what you want, how do you expect to get it? Have you ever worked through something with a vendor or someone else only to learn of a surprise right at the end that wasn’t talked about before? This is not what you would call clear communication. It’s essential to be able to share a coherent and logical vision with the person you are working with.

      3. Active Listening

      Let’s do a quick review of active listening. This is when you are completely focused on the speaker, understand their message, comprehend the information, and respond appropriately. This is a necessary ingredient to be able to negotiate successfully. You must be able to fully focus on the other person’s wants to completely understand them.

      If you aren’t giving them your full attention, you may miss some major points or details. This leads to frustration down the road on both sides. Ensure you are employing your active listening skills when in arbitration mode.

      4. Teamwork and Collaboration

      To be able to get to a place of common ground and a win-win scenario, you have to have a sense of teamwork and collaboration.

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      If you are only thinking about yourself and what you want without giving much care to what the other person is wanting, you are bound to wind up without a solution. The other person may get frustrated and give up if they see you are unwilling to meet them halfway or care little for what they want.

      When you collaborate, you are working together to help each other get what is most important to you. The other upside to negotiating with a sense of teamwork and collaboration is that it helps create a sense of trust, which, in turn, helps provide positive energy for working to a successful conclusion.

      5. Problem Solving

      Problem-solving is another key negotiation skill. When you are working with the other person to get the deal done many times you’ll face new challenges along the way.

      Maybe you want a new vendor to provide training on the software they are selling you but they say it’s going to cost an additional $20,000 to provide this service. If you don’t have the additional $20,000 in the budget to spend on the software but you feel the training is critical, how are you going to solve that problem?

      From what I’ve seen, most vendors aren’t willing to provide additional services without getting paid for them. This is where problem-solving skills will help continue the discussions. You might suggest to the vendor that your company will also be looking to replace their financial software next year, and you’d be happy to ensure they get one of the first seats at the table when the time comes if they could perhaps lower the pricing on their training.

      There’s a solution to most challenges, but it takes problem-solving skills to work through them effectively.

      6. Decision-Making Ability

      Finally, having strong decision-making ability will help you seal the deal when you get to a place where everyone feels like they are getting what works for them. Each step of the way you can cross off the list when you get what you are looking for and decide to move onto the next item. Then, once you have all of your must-have boxes checked and the other side feels good about things, it’s time to shake hands and sign on the dotted line. Powerful decision-making ability will help you get to the finish line together.

      Conclusion

      There you have it, 6 effective negotiation skills to master to lead a more fulfilling life. Once we realize that we negotiate in one form or another almost every day in every phase of our lives, we realize how critical a skill it is.

      Possessing strong negotiation skills will help you in nearly every one of your relationships at both the workplace and in your personal life. If you feel your arbitration tools could use some sharpening, try some of the 6 effective negotiation skills to master that we’ve talked about.

      More Tips to Improve Your Negotiation Skills

      Featured photo credit: Windows via unsplash.com

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