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4 Reasons Why You Need More Than One Mentor

4 Reasons Why You Need More Than One Mentor

Life tends to be a lot harder navigating your unchartered territories without some help and wisdom from those who’ve journeyed the arduous roads before you; well, I’ve personally found this to be true. At times, I can be rough around the edges and even a complete rookie in certain aspects of my life.

At 18 years old, I realised that if I wanted to grow, learn and challenge myself I needed to trade some self-help books and youtube clips (these can be helpful but should not replace human interaction) for spending time with older, wiser people that I admired and start learning from them. After all, they’ve got a fair bit more life experience than I do plus they’ve been around the block a few times. Life is designed to be shared with others and when we choose to surround ourselves with them there is potential for more growth; you can only grow so much in isolation.

A mentor is a trusted adviser

Having a trusted adviser can be beneficial and can add a whole new flavour to your journey. I personally believe that having more than one mentor is where the ground-breaking magic happens. (Please keep in mind that multiple mentors are acquired over time and not in haste!)

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Here are 4 reasons why you need more than one mentor:

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    #1 More Than One Mentor = More Room to Grow

    Think of it like looking at a diamond; there are many facets to one diamond which all contribute to its brilliance.

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    I have personally found that having more than one person mentor you is valuable because no one person has the gifts, talents, time or ability to be able to advise about every single aspect of your life. Have one mentor that you discuss business/work with, the other finances, the other marriage/relationships/family and another fitness or lifestyle improvement.

    Whatever you want to improve on or excel in look for the people that are winning in that area of life and that you aspire to be like. Get in their world, take them out for coffee and glean from them BUT (this is a huuuuuge ‘but’) use wisdom and discretion when choosing mentors; you want people that are going to empower you, not compete with you.

    #2 More Than One Mentor = More Blindspots Addressed

    Humanity is imperfect and flawed, that’s what makes it so beautiful. None of us is excluded from this imperfection and we could all use some help.

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    Not every person will have access to a concentrated amount of view-time into one particular aspect of your life, so there may be a number of potentially hazardous blind spots that go unaddressed. Having more than one mentor offers some assurance that you are covered from more than one angle. More than one blind spot addressed, more personal growth and development, baby!

    #3 More Than One Mentor = More Advice & Opinions to Shape Your Worldview

    At the end of the day, the decision is ultimately yours; you choose what advice or opinions you take on board.

    The beauty of having more than one mentor is that you have a platter of advice and wisdom that you are able to choose from that can shape and mould your world view. Having mentors with more experience in life adds a depth to your journey and provides a bigger perspective into who you are, who you have the potential to become and what that transition would take.

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    #4 More Than One Mentor = More Accountability

    Accountability may sound like a cuss word but just walk with me for a moment.

    Accountability is NOT you needing someone to babysit you or micromanage your life. You are the one that is in control of your life, you are the one that ultimately has to take responsibility for your choices and you have the freedom to choose who mentors you and who doesn’t. Accountability IS, however, a choice to allow the people that you love and trust (that you have chosen to include into your life) to be able to keep you to your word and ask you the tough questions. Have mentors that want to see you win and aren’t afraid to question you, your choices and your motives. Accountability makes sure you keep rocking up to practice even when you’ve given up on the game.

    Mentoring is an awesome way to not only involve yourself in the community of your choosing, you make friends along the way that care enough to have the tough conversations with you. The wound of a friend is always sweeter than the kiss of an enemy; mentors are a safe place for you to scrape a few knees, fall off your bike a few times, learn and ultimately begin that transition into being the person who you’ve always wanted to be.

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    Ashleigh Clark

    Legal Clerk and Author

    4 Reasons Why You Need More Than One Mentor

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    Last Updated on November 15, 2019

    How Do You Change a Habit (According to Psychology)

    How Do You Change a Habit (According to Psychology)

    Habits are hard to kill, and rightly so. They are a part and parcel of your personality traits and mold your character.

    However, habits are not always something over-the-top and quirky enough to get noticed. Think of subtle habits like tapping fingers when you are nervous and humming songs while you drive. These are nothing but ingrained habits that you may not realize easily.

    Just take a few minutes and think of something specific that you do all the time. You will notice how it has become a habit for you without any explicit realization. Everything you do on a daily basis starting with your morning routine, lunch preferences to exercise routines are all habits.

    Habits mostly form from life experiences and certain observed behaviors, not all of them are healthy. Habitual smoking can be dangerous to your health. Similarly, a habit could also make you lose out on enjoying something to its best – like how some people just cannot stop swaying their bodies when delivering a speech.

    Thus, there could be a few habits that you would want to change about yourself. But changing habits is not as easy as it seems, why?

    What Makes It Hard To Change A Habit?

    To want to change a particular habit means to change something very fundamental about your behavior.[1] Hence, it’s necessary to understand how habits actually form and why they are so difficult to actually get out of.

    The Biology

    Habits form in a place what we call the subconscious mind in our brain.[2]

    Our brains have two modes of operation. The first one is an automatic pilot kind of system that is fast and works on reflexes often. It is what we call the subconscious part. This is the part that is associated with everything that comes naturally to you.

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    The second mode is the conscious mode where every action and decision is well thought out and follows a controlled way of thinking.

    A fine example to distinguish both would be to consider yourself learning to drive or play an instrument. For the first time you try learning, you think before every movement you make. But once you have got the hang of it, you might drive without applying much thought into it.

    Both systems work together in our brains at all times. When a habit is formed, it moves from the conscious part to the subconscious making it difficult to control.

    So, the key idea in deconstructing a habit is to go from the subconscious to the conscious.

    Another thing you have to understand about habits is that they can be conscious or hidden.

    Conscious habits are those that require active input from your side. For instance, if you stop setting your alarm in the morning, you will stop waking up at the same time.

    Hidden habits, on the other hand, are habits that we do without realizing. These make up the majority of our habits and we wouldn’t even know them until someone pointed them out. So the first difficulty in breaking these habits is to actually identify them. As they are internalized, they need a lot of attention to detail for self-identification. That’s not all.

    Habits can be physical, social, and mental, energy-based and even be particular to productivity. Understanding them is necessary to know why they are difficult to break and what can be done about them.

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    The Psychology

    Habits get engraved into our memories depending on the way we think, feel and act over a particular period of time. The procedural part of memory deals with habit formation and studies have observed that various types of conditioning of behavior could affect your habit formations.

    Classical conditioning or pavlovian conditioning is when you start associating a memory with reality.[3] A dog that associates ringing bell to food will start salivating. The same external stimuli such as the sound of church bells can make a person want to pray.

    Operant conditioning is when experience and the feelings associated with it form a habit.[4] By encouraging or discouraging an act, individuals could either make it a habit or stop doing it.

    Observational learning is another way habits could take form. A child may start walking the same way their parent does.

    What Can You Do To Change a Habit?

    Sure, habits are hard to control but it is not impossible. With a few tips and hard-driven dedication, you can surely get over your nasty habits.

    Here are some ways that make use of psychological findings to help you:

    1. Identify Your Habits

    As mentioned earlier, habits can be quite subtle and hidden from your view. You have to bring your subconscious habits to an aware state of mind. You could do it by self-observation or by asking your friends or family to point out the habit for your sake.

    2. Find out the Impact of Your Habit

    Every habit produces an effect – either physical or mental. Find out what exactly it is doing to you. Does it help you relieve stress or does it give you some pain relief?

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    It could be anything simple. Sometimes biting your nails could be calming your nerves. Understanding the effect of a habit is necessary to control it.

    3. Apply Logic

    You don’t need to be force-fed with wisdom and advice to know what an unhealthy habit could do to you.

    Late-night binge-watching just before an important presentation is not going to help you. Take a moment and apply your own wisdom and logic to control your seemingly nastily habits.

    4. Choose an Alternative

    As I said, every habit induces some feeling. So, it could be quite difficult to get over it unless you find something else that can replace it. It can be a simple non-harming new habit that you can cultivate to get over a bad habit.

    Say you have the habit of banging your head hard when you are angry. That’s going to be bad for you. Instead, the next time you are angry, just take a deep breath and count to 10. Or maybe start imagining yourself on a luxury yacht. Just think of something that will work for you.

    5. Remove Triggers

    Get rid of items and situations that can trigger your bad habit.

    Stay away from smoke breaks if you are trying to quit it. Remove all those candy bars from the fridge if you want to control your sweet cravings.

    6. Visualize Change

    Our brains can be trained to forget a habit if we start visualizing the change. Serious visualization is retained and helps as a motivator in breaking the habit loop.

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    For instance, to replace your habit of waking up late, visualize yourself waking up early and enjoying the early morning jog every day. By continuing this, you would naturally feel better to wake up early and do your new hobby.

    7. Avoid Negative Talks and Thinking

    Just as how our brain is trained to accept a change in habit, continuous negative talk and thinking could hamper your efforts put into breaking a habit.

    Believe you can get out of it and assert yourself the same.

    Final Thoughts

    Changing habits isn’t easy, so do not expect an overnight change!

    Habits took a long time to form. It could take a while to completely break out of it. You will have to accept that sometimes you may falter in your efforts. Don’t let negativity seep in when it seems hard. Keep going at it slowly and steadily.

    More About Changing Habits

    Featured photo credit: Mel via unsplash.com

    Reference

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