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4 Reasons Why You Need More Than One Mentor

4 Reasons Why You Need More Than One Mentor

Life tends to be a lot harder navigating your unchartered territories without some help and wisdom from those who’ve journeyed the arduous roads before you; well, I’ve personally found this to be true. At times, I can be rough around the edges and even a complete rookie in certain aspects of my life.

At 18 years old, I realised that if I wanted to grow, learn and challenge myself I needed to trade some self-help books and youtube clips (these can be helpful but should not replace human interaction) for spending time with older, wiser people that I admired and start learning from them. After all, they’ve got a fair bit more life experience than I do plus they’ve been around the block a few times. Life is designed to be shared with others and when we choose to surround ourselves with them there is potential for more growth; you can only grow so much in isolation.

A mentor is a trusted adviser

Having a trusted adviser can be beneficial and can add a whole new flavour to your journey. I personally believe that having more than one mentor is where the ground-breaking magic happens. (Please keep in mind that multiple mentors are acquired over time and not in haste!)

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Here are 4 reasons why you need more than one mentor:

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    #1 More Than One Mentor = More Room to Grow

    Think of it like looking at a diamond; there are many facets to one diamond which all contribute to its brilliance.

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    I have personally found that having more than one person mentor you is valuable because no one person has the gifts, talents, time or ability to be able to advise about every single aspect of your life. Have one mentor that you discuss business/work with, the other finances, the other marriage/relationships/family and another fitness or lifestyle improvement.

    Whatever you want to improve on or excel in look for the people that are winning in that area of life and that you aspire to be like. Get in their world, take them out for coffee and glean from them BUT (this is a huuuuuge ‘but’) use wisdom and discretion when choosing mentors; you want people that are going to empower you, not compete with you.

    #2 More Than One Mentor = More Blindspots Addressed

    Humanity is imperfect and flawed, that’s what makes it so beautiful. None of us is excluded from this imperfection and we could all use some help.

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    Not every person will have access to a concentrated amount of view-time into one particular aspect of your life, so there may be a number of potentially hazardous blind spots that go unaddressed. Having more than one mentor offers some assurance that you are covered from more than one angle. More than one blind spot addressed, more personal growth and development, baby!

    #3 More Than One Mentor = More Advice & Opinions to Shape Your Worldview

    At the end of the day, the decision is ultimately yours; you choose what advice or opinions you take on board.

    The beauty of having more than one mentor is that you have a platter of advice and wisdom that you are able to choose from that can shape and mould your world view. Having mentors with more experience in life adds a depth to your journey and provides a bigger perspective into who you are, who you have the potential to become and what that transition would take.

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    #4 More Than One Mentor = More Accountability

    Accountability may sound like a cuss word but just walk with me for a moment.

    Accountability is NOT you needing someone to babysit you or micromanage your life. You are the one that is in control of your life, you are the one that ultimately has to take responsibility for your choices and you have the freedom to choose who mentors you and who doesn’t. Accountability IS, however, a choice to allow the people that you love and trust (that you have chosen to include into your life) to be able to keep you to your word and ask you the tough questions. Have mentors that want to see you win and aren’t afraid to question you, your choices and your motives. Accountability makes sure you keep rocking up to practice even when you’ve given up on the game.

    Mentoring is an awesome way to not only involve yourself in the community of your choosing, you make friends along the way that care enough to have the tough conversations with you. The wound of a friend is always sweeter than the kiss of an enemy; mentors are a safe place for you to scrape a few knees, fall off your bike a few times, learn and ultimately begin that transition into being the person who you’ve always wanted to be.

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    Ashleigh Clark

    Legal Clerk and Author

    4 Reasons Why You Need More Than One Mentor

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    Last Updated on September 23, 2020

    5 Reasons for Your Facebook Addiction (and How to Break It)

    5 Reasons for Your Facebook Addiction (and How to Break It)

    Facebook is embedded into lives around the world. We use it to connect with friends, share important milestones, and check in with the news. However, what may seem like harmless scrolling can become harmful if it takes up inordinate amounts of time and turns into a Facebook addiction.

    The first step to breaking any bad habit is to understand the symptoms and psychological triggers that made you pick up the habit in the first place. Below you’ll find the common causes, and the good news is that, once you’ve identified them, you can implement specific strategies to get over your Facebook addiction.

    Symptoms of a Facebook Addiction

    Do you find that the first thing you do when you wake up is grab your phone and scroll through Facebook? Is it the last thing you see before falling asleep? You may have a Facebook addiction. Here are some more of the signs and symptoms[1]:

    • You end up spending hours on Facebook, even when you don’t mean to.
    • You use Facebook to escape problems or change your mood.
    • You go to sleep later because you’re glued to your screen.
    • Your relationships are suffering because you spend more time on your phone than you do talking with the people you care about.
    • You automatically pull out your phone when you have free time.

    You can check out this TED Talk by Tristan Harris to understand how Facebook and other social media gain and hold our attention:

    Psychological Reasons for a Facebook Addiction

    A compulsive Facebook addiction doesn’t come out of nowhere. There are often root causes that push you into Facebook, which can ultimately manifest as an addiction once you become dependent on it. Here are some of the common causes.

    Procrastination

    Facebook can cause procrastination, but many times, your tendency to procrastinate can lead you to scrolling through your Facebook feed.

    Facebook capitalizes on your tendency to procrastinate[2] by incorporating a news feed with an infinite scroll. No matter how far down you go, there will always be more memes and status updates to keep you distracted from whatever you should be doing.

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    Thus, it might be helpful to change your perception of Facebook. Instead of looking at it like a place to be social or kill time, frame Facebook as the enemy of your productivity and purpose. Doesn’t sound as tempting now, right?

    Loneliness or Indecision

    Facebook resembles a boring reality TV show that is on full display during every hour of the day. Do you really need to tell everybody what you ate for lunch? I doubt it.

    You don’t share such trivial details to add value to people’s lives. You’re likely doing it because you’re lonely and in need of attention or approval[3].

    Seeking opinions from your friends could be a sign of indecision or low self-confidence. If you get a bad suggestion, then you can conveniently blame somebody else, thus protecting your ego.

    Social Comparisons

    Social comparison is a natural part of being human[4]. We need to know where we stand in order to judge our rank among our peers. And Facebook has made this all too easy.

    When we get into Facebook, our brains are bombarded by hundreds of people to compare ourselves to. We see our cousin’s amazing vacation to Europe, our friend’s adorable baby, our brother’s new puppy, etc. Everything looks better than what we have because, of course, people are only going to post the best parts.

    This extreme form of social comparison with a Facebook addiction can, unfortunately, lead to depression. One study pointed out that “people feel depressed after spending a great deal of time on Facebook because they feel badly when comparing themselves to others”[5].

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    People-Pleasing

    Facebook takes advantage of your desire for instant gratification[6]. Your brain receives a dopamine hit every time you see that red notification light up. Dopamine is a chemical in your brain that causes you to seek pleasure from things.

    Pleasure sounds nice in theory, but dopamine is responsible for self-destructive behavior if overproduced. Thus, becoming a slave to your notifications can destroy your self-control in a hurry.

    If that wasn’t bad enough, the human desire to be liked and accepted is at play, too. Every time you get a “Like,” your brain decides that means somebody likes you. Keep this up and you’ll turn into an addict desperate for another “hit.”

    Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

    Facebook wrecks your focus by preying on your fear of missing out. You check your Facebook feed during a date because you don’t want to miss any interesting updates. You check your messages while you drive because a friend might have something exciting to share.

    One study found that “a high level of fear of missing out and high narcissism are predictors of Facebook intrusion, while a low level of fear of missing out and high narcissism are related to satisfaction with life”[7].

    Therefore, while you may feel temporarily glad that you didn’t miss something, research shows that FOMO will actually reduce your overall life satisfaction.

    How to Break a Facebook Addiction

    Now that you know some of the causes of a Facebook addiction, you may be ready to break it. If so, follow these 5 steps to get over your addiction and improve your mental health.

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    1. Admit the Addiction

    You can’t fix a problem if you deny it exists. Don’t beat yourself up, but do try and be honest enough to admit you’re a Facebook addict. If it makes you feel any better, I’m a recovering addict myself. There is no reason to be ashamed.

    Telling a trusted friend might help you stay accountable, especially if they share your goal.

    2. Be Mindful of Triggers

    In order to discover the triggers that lead you to use Facebook, ask yourself the following questions. It may be helpful to write them down at a journal.

    • What did I do? (scrolling, sharing, notification checking, etc.)
    • When did I do it? (down-time at work, as soon as you woke up, right before bed, on a date, etc.)
    • What happened right before? (a stressful event, boredom, etc.)
    • How did this make me feel? (stressed, anxious, sad, angry, etc.)

    Once you’re aware of what pushes you to use Facebook, you can work on tackling those specific things to get over your Facebook addiction.

    3. Learn to Recognize the Urge

    Every time you feel the urge to update your status or check your feed, recognize that impulse for what it is (a habitual behavior—NOT a conscious decision). This is especially powerful when you complete step 2 because you’ll be able to make a mental note of the specific psychological trigger at play.

    Have a plan for when you feel the desire to use Facebook. For example, if you know you use it when you’re bored, plan to practice a hobby instead. If you use it when you’re stressed, create a relaxation routine instead of jumping on Facebook.

    4. Practice Self-Compassion

    Facebook is an epic time-suck, but that doesn’t mean you should criticize yourself every time you log-on to your feed. Beating yourself up will make you feel bad about yourself, which will ironically cause you to be even more tempted.

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    Self-loathing can only lead to failure. You might end up deciding it’s hopeless because you are “too lazy.”  If you want to break your addiction for good, then you need to be self-compassionate.

    5. Replace the Addiction With a Positive Alternative

    It’s a lot easier to eliminate a bad habit when you decide on a good habit that you would like to replace it with. I applied this idea by choosing to pick up a book every time I was tempted to check my feed.

    The result blew my mind. I read over a hundred pages in the first day! Trust me when I say those “few minutes of down-time” can add up to an obscene amount of waste.

    Having a specific metric to track is important. If you want to stay encouraged, you need to have compelling evidence that your time would be better spent elsewhere.

    For example, download an app to help you determine exactly how much time is spent on Facebook so you know how much of your life you’re losing to it. Then, when you find a healthy alternative, you can feel good about all the time you’re giving to it!

    Final Thoughts

    Facebook addictions aren’t uncommon in today’s technologically dependent world. In the pursuit of human connection, we’ve mistakenly taken our interactions online, thinking it would be an easier alternative. Unfortunately, this is no replacement for genuine, face-to-face interaction in real life.

    If you think you have a problem, there are things you can do to tackle it. Get started today and improve your overall well-being.

    More on How to Use Social Media Less

    Featured photo credit: Tim Bennett via unsplash.com

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