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6 Things I Am Too Old For (But That Means I’ve Matured)

6 Things I Am Too Old For (But That Means I’ve Matured)

Getting older is tough. You’re not as energetic and vibrant as you used to be. Your health deteriorates, and sometimes you may even lose your precious hair. But there is another important aspect of aging, and it is that you don’t find time or patience for the things you have done as a younger person, things that you are too old for. Now, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. In fact, it can actually be looked at as a good virtue–it means that you have matured.

If you’re experiencing this feeling, rejoice and take pride in it, maturity the result a full life’s learning. It is wisdom. Here are six things that you may feel too old for, but it just means that you’ve matured.

1. Keeping What You Want To Express In Heart

Older, more mature people, simply do not find the patience to bottle up their thoughts when they sense that something was done wrong, or unjustly. Either to them, or to other people around them. Younger people, fearful of stepping out of line of their peers, do not always do the same, unless it is widely acceptable for them to shout out. Yet, older, mature people, do not care for their popularity scale.

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When something is wrong, it needs fixing, plain and simple, even if it means that you’ll have to face some social inconvenience.

2. Worrying How Others Perceive You

If there’s anything that is associated to young people, is the strive to make good impression on others, the need to fit in. You simply cannot act as you’d wish to, always keeping yourself concerned about “what will others think of me?”

This is where growing up and becoming mature shows its virtue. As you grow, you realize that whatever others might think of you, will not really change your everyday life. Especially if those involved are actually complete strangers. It finally befalls on you that walking around down the streets with a stained shirt will not make much of an impact on your life, and most definitely should not shape your everyday behavior.

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One important aspect of being mature is being able to differentiate the crucial from the ridiculous. And to be completely honest, you really don’t have anymore patience to change shirts over a small stain after all of these years.

3. Making Excuses For Your Mistakes

As a young person, every mistake you make seems like the end, and your world swirls and turning upside down the more you think of it. If it was bringing a friend over and finding out that you have unclean laundry dropped down on the floor, or if you loaned something from a friend and you realized that it simply slipped out of your mind to bring it back to him the next time you met. Mistakes, for young people, are devastating. Therefore, they will always find excuses to make up for them, not much for others, but more for themselves, so they’ll be able to sleep peacefully at night.

As you get older, and more mature, you realize that mistakes are simply mistakes. No reason to beat yourself down for them, and no reason to justify them for other. You are human, and you make mistakes, just like everyone. You will try to do better next time, but even if you will not, it’s not like you have done it on purpose.

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4. Spending Time On Anything That Is Not Worth It

It can be a person, an animal, or a thing. It doesn’t really matter. Unlike young people, who are obsessed with enlarging their social circle, and with having many things, older and mature people perceive these things as suitable use of their time. When you keep in touch with people you don’t care for only to increase your number of Facebook friends, or when you accumulate possessions as a result of a constant fear that you might “need them one day”, you are actually throwing away that precious little time you have in this world.

Older, more mature people understand this problem, and so they do not bother with people they don’t care about, and possessions they have no sentiment or need for.

5. Guilty Pleasure

Why does the phrase “guilty pleasure” even exists? Why do we need to feel guilty for whatever it is that give us pleasure? Truth is, that it should not, and mature people understand this best. Guilty pleasure comes from the fear of younger people from being percieved as “different” or even “weird”, forgetting that whatever we like best make us special and unique.

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Older and mature people couldn’t care less of what other people might think of their own personal pleasures, and quite frankly, there’s really no reason for them to start.

6. Looking For The Good In Every Person You Know

Well, it’s not like mature people don’t want to look for it, it’s just that they do not care for trying too hard by now. They go by their guts, and take a calculated assumption on whether they’d get along with the other person or not. Young people, on the other hand, are compelled to getting along with different people as part of their never ending social life.

Older people care more dearly about their time, and on whoever they might invest it upon. They don’t want to dig into another person’s life in order to find a shining good in it, they simply have neither the patience, nor the time.

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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