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100 Inspirational Quotes That Summarize The Wisdom About Life

100 Inspirational Quotes That Summarize The Wisdom About Life

1. If you want something you never had, you have to do something you’ve never done.

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    2. Ask yourself if what you’re doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow.

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      3. She believed she could, so she did.

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        4. I’ll be ok. Just not today.

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          5. Don’t let anyone ever dull your sparkle.

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            6. She is clothed with strength and dignity; She can laugh at the days to come.

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              7. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

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                8. I’m very picky with whom I give my energy to. I prefer to reserve my time, intensity and spirit exclusively to those who reflect sincerity.

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                  9. Don’t waste words on people who deserve your silence. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all.

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                    10. Sometimes you need to step outside, get some air, and remind yourself of who you are and where you want to be.

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                      11. Never apologise for being sensitive or emotional. Let this be a sign that you’ve got a big heart and aren’t afraid to let others see it. Showing your emotions is a sign of strength.

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                        12 . The 3C’s in Life” Choice, Chance, Change. You must make the choice, to take the chance, if you want anything in life to change.

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                          13. Be strong & courageous. Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged. For the lord your god will be with you wherever you go.

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                            14. In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take.

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                              15. One day someone is going to hug you so tight, that all of your broken pieces fit back together.

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                                16. The darkest nights produce the brightest stars

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                                  17. Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.

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                                    18. You will forever be my always.

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                                      19. Throw me to the wolves and I will return leading the pack.

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                                        20. One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change.

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                                          21. God has placed you where you’re at in this very moment for a reason, remember that and trust he is working everything out!

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                                            22. What ever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

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                                              23. You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.

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                                                24. They laugh at me because I’m different; I laugh at them because they’re all the same.

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                                                  25. An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. So when life is dragging you back the difficulties, it means that it’s going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming.

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                                                    26. Better than I was, more than I am. And all of this happened, by taking your hand.

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                                                      27. I smile like an idiot when I think about you.

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                                                        28. Someone who really loves you sees what a mess you can be, how you can be, how moody you can get, how hard you are to handle, but still wants you.

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                                                          29. I keep o much pain inside myself. I grasp my anger and loneliness and hold it in my chest, It has changed me into something I never meant to be. It has transformed me in a person I do not recognise; but I don’t know how to let it go.

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                                                            30. Positive mind. Positive vibes. Positive life.

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                                                              31. The things you take for granted someone else is praying.

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                                                                32. By the way, I’m wearing the smile you gave me.

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                                                                  33. Stop waiting for Friday, for summer, for someone to fall in love with you, for life. Happiness is achieved when you stop waiting for it and make the most of the moment you are in now.

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                                                                    34. You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequence of your choice.

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                                                                      35. A girl’s favorite songs will tell you more about how she feels than her lips ever will.

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                                                                        36. It was rather beautiful: the way he put her insecurities to sleep. The way he dove into her eyes and starved all the fears and tasted all the dreams she kept coiled beneath her bones.

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                                                                          37. Sometimes you meet a person and you just click — you’re comfortable with them, like you’ve known them you whole life, and you don’t have to pretend to be anyone or anything.

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                                                                            38. A.S.A.P always say a prayer

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                                                                              39. I knew who I was this morning but I’ve changed a few times since then.

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                                                                                40. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

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                                                                                  41. Sometimes you just need to distance yourself from people. If they care, they’ll notice. If they don’t you know where you stand.

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                                                                                    42. She acts like summer & walks like rain.

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                                                                                      43. The moment you feel like you have to prove your worth to someone is the moment to absolutely and utterly walk away.

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                                                                                        44. If you know me you know that …

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                                                                                          45. When it rains look for Rainbows. When it’s dark look for Stars.

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                                                                                            46. Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.

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                                                                                              47. When you’re happy you enjoy the music. When you’re sad you understand the lyrics.

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                                                                                                48. Don’t tell me what they said about me, tell me why they were so comfortable to say it around you.

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                                                                                                  49. You hate when people see you cry because you want to be that strong girl. At the same time, though, you hate how nobody notices how torn apart and broken you are.

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                                                                                                    50. You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.

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                                                                                                      51. Fear not, …

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                                                                                                        52. Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.

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                                                                                                          53. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so near to Monday?

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                                                                                                            54. A serious girl, when she finds someone who clams her spirit and quiets her busy thoughts, will love you so fiercely, it will defy even her own logic and reasoning.

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                                                                                                              55. Keep clam and think of the beach.

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                                                                                                                56. Stay humble, work hard, be kind.

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                                                                                                                  57. Just a brunette and a blonde with an unbreakable bond. Best friends forever.

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                                                                                                                    58. Do what you can with what you have where you are.

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                                                                                                                      59. Be a Girl with a mind, a Woman with attitude, and a Lady with class.

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                                                                                                                        60. Collect Moments Not Things.

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                                                                                                                          61. Every morning you have two choices: continue to sleep with your dreams or wake up and chase them.

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                                                                                                                            62. Don’t cry over the past, it’s gone. Don’t stress about the future, it hasn’t arrived. I live in the present and make it beautiful.

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                                                                                                                              63. Don’t give up now.

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                                                                                                                                64. And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you.

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                                                                                                                                  65. Live in such a way that if someone spoke badly of you no one would believe it.

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                                                                                                                                    66. Good music doesn’t expiration date.

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                                                                                                                                      67. I’m stronger because I had to be, I’m smarter because of my mistakes, happier because of the sadness I’ve know, and now wiser because I learned.

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                                                                                                                                        68. Never apologize for having high standards. People who really want to be in your life will rise up to meet them.

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                                                                                                                                          69. Whenever you find yourself doubting how for you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome.

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                                                                                                                                            70. Why wish upon a star? When You can pray to the one who created it.

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                                                                                                                                              71. Someday, everything will make perfect sense. so for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.

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                                                                                                                                                72. When someone else’s happiness is your happiness that is love.

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                                                                                                                                                  73. She’s standing on a line between giving up & seeing how much more she can take.

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                                                                                                                                                    74. Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness.

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                                                                                                                                                      75. In Our Home…

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                                                                                                                                                        76. How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.

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                                                                                                                                                          77. Don’t worry when I fight with you, worry when I stop because it means there’s nothing left for us to fight for.

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                                                                                                                                                            78. Your mind is a powerful thing. When You fill it with positive thoughts, your life will start to change.

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                                                                                                                                                              79. You only miss the sun when it starts to snow, only know you love her when you let her go.

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                                                                                                                                                                80. I will walk by faith even when I can not see.

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                                                                                                                                                                  81. Quiet people have the loudest minds.

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                                                                                                                                                                    82. To live will be an awfully big adventure.

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                                                                                                                                                                      83. One of the hardest things to do in life, is letting go of what you thought was real.

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                                                                                                                                                                        84. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye.

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                                                                                                                                                                          85. If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.

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                                                                                                                                                                            86. The mot memorable people in life will be the friends who loved you when you weren’t very lovable.

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                                                                                                                                                                              86. If he makes you laugh. Kiss your forehead. Says he’s sorry. Makes an effort. Holds you hand. Works Hard. Attempts to understand you. then, believe it or not, he’s quite perfect.

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                                                                                                                                                                                88. When something goes wrong in your life, just yell “Plot twist!” and move on

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                                                                                                                                                                                  89. Let your faith be bigger than your fear.

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                                                                                                                                                                                    90. When god gives you a “No”, give him a “Thank you”. He was protecting you from less than his best.

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                                                                                                                                                                                      91. The most confused we ever get is when we try to convince our heads of something our hearts know is a lie.

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                                                                                                                                                                                        92. Time decides who you meet in life, your heart decides who you want in your life, and your behaviour decide who stays in your life.

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                                                                                                                                                                                          93. I love you past the moon and the stars, the planets, and the sun wrapped around everything times twenty million, bajillion times infinity! That’s how much I love you.

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                                                                                                                                                                                            94. I want to show him that he has not been loved before. I want him to feel with one kiss, how I can make love to his soul for eternity.

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                                                                                                                                                                                              95. You are my sun, my moon, and all of my stars.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                96. The true mark of maturity is when somebody hurts you and you try to understand their situation instead of trying to hurt them back.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                  97. I own no explanations for my flaws. I don’t have to justify my mistakes, my past, or my insecurities. I am growing and learning. Let me live.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                    98. The struggle you’re in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                      99. Only those who care about you can hear you when you’re quiet.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                        100. Apologising doesn’t always mean you’re wrong and the other person is right. It means you values relationship more than your ego.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                          101. It’s os amazing when someone comes to your life expecting nothing our of it but suddenly there right in front of you is everything you ever need.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                            102. Be who you are not who the world wants you to be.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                              103. We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                104. As I look back on my life, I realise that every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                  105. Delight yourself in the Lord & he will live you the desires of your heart.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                    106. Sometimes when things are falling apart they may actually be falling into place.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                      107. The moment when you do a Math problem and your answer isn’t even one of the choices.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                        108. To love a person is to see all of their magic and to remind them of it when they have forgotten.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                          109. It’s hard not to fall in love with someone when they see the mixed up parts of your soul. When they understand the darkest and dustiest corners of your minds. When it’s four a.m. and they call because they know you’re not asleep.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                            110. Give it to god and go to sleep.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                              111. The greatest thing a father can do for his daughter is to love her mother.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                112. If you don’t know where you want to go, then it doesn’t matter which path you take.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  113. Some see a weed, some see a wish.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Last Updated on June 12, 2018

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Can a Dysfunctional Family Become Functional?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Can a Dysfunctional Family Become Functional?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    A dysfunctional family is more than disagreement or constant arguments. Anything from plain neglect, to abuse and even verbal and physical violence is the everyday experience of those who are part of a dysfunctional family.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You know how this looks:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Parents constantly comparing children.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Siblings in conflict because of tolerated bullying.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Domestic violence.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Adultery…
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • And many others.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    For all the members, this will mean emotional pain and even trauma; which, in case it doesn’t get resolved, will have a detrimental effect on the individual’s personality and development.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Needless to say, the younger members are the most vulnerable, but that doesn’t mean the parents are out of danger, as most commonly the parents play the roles of abuser-codependent, and in some cases, both parts inflicting pain on one another.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Most like to think these problems stem from deep-seated issues, and that therefore it’s pretty much impossible to deal with them.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    This is only true for families not willing to do what it takes, for if only a single member is determined and knows how to do it, the whole family can do a lot of progress.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    In this article, I’ll break down for you the basic steps of fixing a dysfunctional family. Although it may seem hopeless, it is possible to turn things around.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    If you have ever felt in this position, or if you know somebody who is, this article is for you.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    How to fix a dysfunctional family

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    In a few words the solution for a dysfunctional family lies in dropping the ego, focusing on the solution, switching blame for responsibility and doing the work as a unity, for the good of the whole family.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    And this will accomplish things you once only saw as a dream.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Dropping the ego? Switching blame for responsibility? Doing the work? What does all this mean?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    It’s simple. In a nutshell, it’s that which will allow you to turn a dysfunctional family into a functional one.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Let’s take a look at how exactly this can be done. And near the end we will also talk about what you can do in a dysfunctional family with cynical traits.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Dysfunctional families where not only problems are well-known, but also nobody seems to want a fix or openly decide to perpetuate the harmful behaviors. Such as the case of abuse and physical violence.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    There is also a solution for these, it’s just not what you are expecting…

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Dysfunctional… Or just average?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Most families are dysfunctional, though at varying degrees of dysfunctionality.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    The milder cases, are just marked by “typical” comically-shrouded bullying or lack of interest in other members’ development or wellbeing.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You can know a family is dysfunctional if their interactions are anything different than cooperation, solidarity, care and support. But let’s get more specific…

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    A dysfunctional family is one in which members directly or indirectly suffer emotional and/or physical harm inflicted by other members of their family. Most commonly, perpetrated by the parents.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Even harmful actions as “passive” as neglect, which is inflicted by inaction rather than action, signifies a dysfunction within the family.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Dysfunctional families have conflicts such as:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Unrealistic expectations
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Lack of interest and time spent together
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Sexism
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Utilitarianism
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Lack of empathy
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Unequal or unfair treatment
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Disrespect towards boundaries
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Control Issues
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Jealousy
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Verbal and physical abuse
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Violence and even sexual misconduct or abuse

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You may think a dysfunctional family has very little or nothing to do with personal productivity, but you would be wrong in thinking this way…

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    If a person is not emotionally well, she will not be able to perform as desired, as the emotional harm that has been inflicted will hinder everyday performance in the way of inability to concentrate, lack of mental clarity and low levels of inspiration, motivation and discipline.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Having a functional family does exactly the opposite: It creates productive members with no emotional baggage.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    How to turn it around

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    When you’re part of a dysfunctional family you know it. You can quickly identify in other members the behaviors and conflicts that create the dysfunction.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    But just in case you’re having trouble telling functional from dysfunctional I will tell you the following:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    One of the easiest ways you can recognize if you are in a dysfunctional family is to survey your won feelings.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    We often overlook this, but have you stopped to ask yourself how you feel?

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    As cheesy as it may sound it really sheds a lot of light on the subject.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    What behaviors, actions and attitudes in your family you wish were better?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Do you think certain behaviors and actions from your family marked you in the past?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Sadly, we cannot go back to the past to correct it. But we can do a lot in the present…

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Correction is possible

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    In order to fix a dysfunctional family, you must start by putting an end to the behaviors and actions that are affecting you.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Verbalize it.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    All members of the dysfunctional family have one issue in common: They don’t put a stop to the harm.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Whenever you feel your boundaries being overstepped there is just one single word you have to remember: STOP.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    This is the door to a better, more functional family, because after this, comes the fix.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    But first you have to identify and make others know where exactly lies the problem.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    So go ahead and fearlessly start with “Stop”, followed by your expression of dissatisfaction.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Putting it to work in real life

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    In real life it would be something like this:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    “OK, stop! Every time you belittle me I feel you don’t care. I need attention and respect, and it is your responsibility as my family to provide them to me”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Or:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    “Stop. When you compare me with my cousin it hurts, I feel like I don’t matter and that’s not ok. I ask you to stop doing it.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Or:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    “Please stop. When you start yelling all respect is lost and it turns into a battle of who can do it louder. Don’t raise your voice and let’s work this out the way humans do”.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    As you can see, here you start by putting a stop to the toxic behavior when it arises. And afterwards you verbalize why it’s wrong and what needs of you need to be fulfilled.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    This is what you have to remember:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1-Stop.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    2-Why it’s wrong?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    3-What you need.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    And this will also work well in case you need to do it for another family member.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    It’s a family thing

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    A dysfunctional family cannot be fixed by one member alone.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Yes, a single member can initiate progress and be the leader of the change. But in order to completely become functional all members must contribute to the solution.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    In other words, you will need cooperation…

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    So don’t be afraid of asking for it!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Approach your family member and ask to be listened.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    We sometimes feel our needs are “not that important” or we simply believe they won’t listen. But thinking like this would be like being defeated at an unfought battle.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You will be amazed by how much people listen when you voice your needs, especially if it implies showing yourself open, vulnerable and in need.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    It’s not a free-for-all battle

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    In order to get your family to cooperate, first you must fix your individual relationships with every member of the family. Remember: Relationships are always between two people, and two people only.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    No matter how complex, the quality of a multi-member relationship (like a family) will always depend on the quality of the individual relationships.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Once you have straightened the relationship with every member of the dysfunctional family you will be able to better communicate with other members and help in the betterment of their individual relationship.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    And this is where we will talk about the fix itself. The one I mentioned in the introduction…

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    The method

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. Drop the ego

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Wherever there is conflict there is ego.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You cannot fix a relationship where there is ego, because the ego will want to win. Always. Yours and the other person.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Ego craves control and satisfaction, and in many cases, to establish dominance.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    What does this have to do with a dysfunctional family? Everything. Ego will interfere with every plan you have to fix it.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    It will make people suborn and defensive. And it will also make them drop responsibility. This is why, the first step is to drop the ego.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    After you make sure you are not going to allow your ego to interfere you must work to make the other person do the same. How? By speaking from the heart…

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Tell the other person how important all this is to you.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Tell the other person that it’s not a matter of arguing, but just working things out together.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Point out how it is not possible for you to do it alone.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    And ask for sincere attention without any desire of opposition, because what you are doing is by no means in the hopes of harming the other person, but just to better the relationship and stop the damage being dealt to you.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You will have to point out the mistakes you need corrected, that’s for sure. And that leads me to the next point…

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    2. Not blame, but responsibility

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    When talking about others’ mistakes we often use an accusatory tone. And that’s natural, it’s what things should be like if ego was not present.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    But since we are all creatures of ego, this immediately brings the shields up. And then unsheathes the swords…

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    When we blame others they automatically enter a defensive state, and this only leads to a failed negotiation.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    What you need to do is to shift from blame to responsibility. And even that will have to be done carefully!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Instead of telling them off or demanding change or complaining, calmly point what the problem with their behavior is.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    As much as this feels contradictory, also make them feel understood. You know how difficult it is to accept a mistake, so just make them feel it’s no big fuzz… which does not mean it’s ok, but it takes tension off.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You will do something like this:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    “Hello dad. Can I talk with you for a minute? I really need to tell you something.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I have been feeling pretty sad lately and I know this is something you do care about.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You see, whenever I talk about my accomplishments you mention something else that makes my achievement pale in comparison.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I know you don’t do this intentionally and I know you might have not realized this until now, but I want to let you know this really brings me down.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    It would mean a lot to me if you could stop doing it, and it would help better our relationship, because this has already forced me to distance myself from you. And I don’t want that, I want a good, healthy relationship with you”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    What happened here?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    We started off with making it something important, something that needs both time and attention. Then we openly show ourselves vulnerable, just as we are.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    We also mention why he should listen, and shove our feelings there again, because they are important.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    We describe the issue with no attachment and with no hostile intention. It’s just a description.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    And then we take the blame off. Just before we assign responsibility without actually saying it.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You are not blaming him directly, but you are pointing out the inevitable fact that his actions are causing a dysfunctionality. He is now responsible for changing.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    This is what “switching blame for responsibility” means. What comes next? Doing the work!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    3. Doing the work

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    What would any of this mean if, in the end, nothing changes? Exactly, nothing!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    This is why you must follow up with every change that needs to be done.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Do so in a manner that is not hostile. Bring it up in a casual manner, and emphasizing how you both reached an agreement and how that is important to the family.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    If the person doesn’t follow up don’t hesitate to bring it up again, and tell them you feel disappointed that your honest try at it was not listened.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    It may even be a subject in itself, and therefore the need for another conversation.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    “When you go back to old habits it shows that you didn’t really care about what I said. But back in real life you just reinforce how much contempt you show towards me and my feelings.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I talk with you because I care. Because although it would be easier for me to just distance myself from you I rather do my part in nurturing this relationship.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    But there is just so much I can do, if you refuse to do your part I can do nothing else.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You need very clear and positive communication in order to make this work.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Love is all you need

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You must remember that in order for a dysfunctional family to become functional, all the work needs to stem from love.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    That is the single one requirement for all this to work: Love.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    And what happens if it simply is not there?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    What happens if, nobody is willing to do what it takes?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    What happens if a member of the family refuses to change and is happy with the harm he or she is dealing?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    There is only one thing you can do:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    To break away.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Let’s be honest, people, especially adults, are very difficult to change.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    There is a Jewish proverb that I love, which sums it up like this:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    “We spend the rest of our lives trying to unlearn what we learned before we were 7”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    If you find it very hard to change the very traits that make your family dysfunctional or if it’s simply impossible, you still have a card up your sleeve…

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Although nobody likes to beak away from family members, we must remember we have a responsibility with ourselves as individuals, before any relationship with anyone.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You have the responsibility of making yourself happy and free. Because you matter as an individual, regardless of any relationships you have, be it family, friendship or romantic.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Putting distance

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    So in case you are dealing with a family member who is simply unwilling to change take both physical and emotional distance.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    What do I mean?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Learn, first, to take their damage in a detached manner.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Don’t let it hurt you further. Instead take a deep breath and distance yourself emotionally.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Don’t be attached to feelings such as “Why doesn’t she love me?” or “What did I do to deserve this?” or “If he wasn’t like that my life would be perfect”.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Simply refuse to keep participating in the emotional downward spiral and accept, even if it’s painful” that there is nothing you can do. Accept that even without that relationship you are whole, you are worthy of love and respect.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    They are their responsibility and you are yours. So decide what is best for you.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Realize it only comes down to two possibilities:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I keep the relationship and therefore accept the abuse. Or…

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I choose my peace of mind.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    And don’t let your mind fool you. We often think that since we all are imperfect, we must take the good and the bad behaviors of people. And we are especially forgiving towards our family…

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Well, guess what? We are also responsible adults who are aware and must own to their acts. Never excuse abuse or violence or transgression towards you or anybody else.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Choose your happiness and if possible, also distance yourself physically, as it will increase your peace of mind tenfold.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    How to prevent it

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    There are two key concepts you must bear in mind in order to prevent the dysfunctionality of a family:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • To be completely aware of one’s own mistakes and not allow them to impact others and…
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • To make sure our SO’s are also on the same channel before creating a family (i.e. having children)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Dysfunctional families are the product of irresponsible paternity, for the decades-long unresolved emotional conflict ends up surfacing in the family inevitably, and it will for sure harm those who least deserve it: Innocent children.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You may notice we went from talking about family, to talking about individual relationships, to talking about you. We went from “them” to “us” to “me”.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Why? Because in the end you have the power to fix a dysfunctional family. To correct the mistakes you have in yours and to prevent dysfunctionalities if you don’t have a family but plan to create one.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Priorities and clear thought

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You may be part of a dysfunctional family, but that does not mean you are powerless or that you have to suffer the consequences.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You learned today how it’s all a matter of priorities and thinking clearly.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You learned that, if love exists, everything is possible. You learned that even when there is no love and no fix for your dysfunctional family, there are still things you can do. It’s a matter of choosing your peace, because you deserve it.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Everything will be better if you apply this knowledge. If you talk to that problematic family member. If you help them see the harm they are doing. If you make sure they do change and treat you the way you need to be treated…

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    If you choose yourself over that toxic family member. If you refuse to justify the harm that others can do to yourself. If you realize the most important relationship you have is with yourself.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    And lastly, that you also have to be aware of your actions and be open to criticism. Because we might be unknowingly harming others. And that would be us creating a dysfunctionality. Don’t allow it to happen.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Dysfunctional families are not impossible to fix. It just takes love, cooperation and responsibility.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    But if you tried and those elements are not present, just choose yourself instead.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Featured photo credit: Photo by Juliane Liebermann on Unsplash via unsplash.com

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