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Why We Must Do The Thing We Cannot Do

Why We Must Do The Thing We Cannot Do

It’s easy for forget. It’s easy to be overwhelmed  fear…by

But you have to be open to being uncomfortable in order to grow. That’s not to say that you need to struggle profoundly, but you do need to be willing to learn. The process of learning is all about spending time in the ‘unknown,’ dealing with uncertainty.

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We need to intentionally put ourselves in new situations where we encounter the unfamiliar

Take current health and fitness trends, for example. Chances are you’re a well-informed individual, who’s aware of fitness trends and health research. Maybe you’re even personally interested in working out in order to improve your health, achieve a personal goal or learn a new sport. In any case, you know that in order to become stronger, faster, increase agility and balance, you have to challenge your body.

If you don’t periodically switch up your routine – whether you lift weights, do yoga, or run – your level of fitness stabilizes. This is what’s known as homeostasis, a tendency toward equilibrium in the body’s physiological processes. This rule of thumb applies to our psychology as well. In order to learn, we need to intentionally put ourselves in new situations where we encounter the unfamiliar.

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If you’re even remotely like the rest of us, that is, you are not an interstellar alien or mythical creature of some sort, but human and therefore fallible, you can recognize how hard it can be to try new things. Even if you embrace the new in multiple areas of your life –  trying new foods, traveling, meeting new people, and so on, you have some awareness of your own particular patterns that hold you back.

“The Only Thing We Have to Fear is Fear Itself”

Franklin D. Roosevelt said it best.

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Even the most fearless among us experiences fear. It is inarguably a survival instinct, rooted in our ancestral past when we needed to be cautious in order to avoid untimely death. However, we’ve transitioned from a primitive to a more sophisticated way of living, and no longer need to fend for our lives every second of the day. It’s time to challenge the fears that haunt us.

What Will Happen When You Do Things You Couldn’t Do?

When you endeavor to do the thing you cannot do, you’re most likely to fail at least a couple of times. Failure is completely normal and it provides valuable information. If, for example, your goal is to become a competent public speaker, because you’ve been held back by performance anxiety, you’re most likely going to flounder a bit when you first begin. And that’s okay. It’s what learning is all about.

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If you think about it, failure is probably the worst thing that will happen when you set out to do the thing you cannot do (yet). And when we fail, we might experience embarrassment, disappointment, even shame. This is when many of us give up on our big goals. Who wants to voluntarily feel like dirt? No one. It’s wise to plan ahead on what you’ll do when the powerful urge to save yourself from your wretched state has nearly convinced you to quit.

It may be beneficial to have a support group in place before you set out on your goal. To return to the public speaking example, you might consider attending Toastmasters International to learn presentation skills and practice in a support environment. If you want to tackle addiction, look into Alcoholics Anonymous or similar group. Having allies can be particularly important for individuals who are battling conditions like addiction.

Aside from the fact that you have nothing to lose, think about all that you might gain. Odds are good that you’ll find you’re capable of more than you thought. You will definitely learn something, perhaps that you don’t even like public speaking. Or maybe you’ll discover that you love and excel at writing speeches.

Bottom line: Do that thing you cannot do! You’ll make mistakes, even fail, but you’ll probably meet a new friend or two along the way. There’s nothing to lose.

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Last Updated on October 17, 2019

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

You see your partner every single day. They are the first person you talk to in the morning and the last person you kiss goodnight.

But does seeing each other day in and day out equal a healthy relationship? Not necessarily.

Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!

What does quality time mean? It means spending time with your spouse without interruption. It’s a chance for you to come together and talk. Communication will build emotional intimacy and trust.

Quality time is also about expressing love in a physical way. Not sex, necessarily (but that’s great, too!) but through hand-holding, cuddling, caressing, and tickling. Studies show that these displays of affection will boost partner satisfaction.[1]

So how do you spend quality time with your partner? Here are 13 relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

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1. Recognize the Signs

If you want a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to recognize the signs that you need to spend more quality time together.

Some telltale signs include:

  • You’re always on your phones.
  • You value friendships or hobbies over quality time with your spouse.
  • You aren’t together during important events.
  • You are arguing more often or lack connection.
  • You don’t make plans or date nights.
  • You’re not happy.

If you are experiencing any of these relationship symptoms, know that quality time together can reverse the negative effects of the signs above.

2. Try New Things Together

Have you ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language? How about skydive or ballroom dance?

Instead of viewing these as solo hobbies and interests, why not involve your partner?

Trying new activities together builds healthy relationships because it encourages spouses to rely on one another for emotional and physical support.

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Shared hobbies also promote marital friendship, and the Journal of Happiness Studies found that marital satisfaction was twice as high for couples who viewed each other as best friends.[2]

3. Schedule in Tech-Free Time

Your phone is a great way to listen to music, watch videos, and keep up-to-date with friends and family. But is your phone good for your relationship?

Many couples phone snub, or ‘phub’, one another. Studies show that phubbing can lower relationship satisfaction and increase one’s chances of depression.[3]

Reduce those chances by removing distractions when spending quality time together and showing your partner they have your full attention.

4. Hit the Gym as a Couple

One way you can spend more time together as a couple is by becoming workout partners. Studies show that couples are more likely to stay with their exercise routine if they work out together.[4] Couples also work out harder than they would solo. One study found that 95 percent of couples who work out together maintained weight loss compares to the 66 percent of singles who did.[5]

Join a gym, do at-home couples’ workouts, try couples yoga, hit the hiking trails, or get your bikes out. No matter which way you choose to exercise, these healthy activities can promote a healthy relationship.

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5. Cook Meals Together

Pop open a bottle of wine or put some romantic music on while you get busy – in the kitchen, of course!

One of the best relationship tips for spending quality time together when you both have busy schedules is to cook meals together.[6]

Spice things up and try and prepare a four-course meal or a fancy French dish together. Not only is this a fun way to spend your time together, but it also promotes teamwork.

If all goes well, you’ll have a romantic date night meal at home that you prepared with your four hands. And if the food didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, you are guaranteed to have a laugh and create new memories together.

6. Have a Regular Date Night

Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when they are spending quality time together.[7] One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom.[8] It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

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Some great ideas for what to do on your date night include:

  • Have a movie marathon – Gather up your favorite flicks and cuddle up on the couch.
  • Play games together – Cards, board games, video games, and other creative outlets are a fun way to spend quality time together.
  • Recreate your first date – Go back to that restaurant and order the same meal you did when you first got together. You can spice up your evening by pretending you’re strangers meeting for the first time and see how sexy the night gets.
  • Plan a weekend getaway – There’s nothing better than traveling with the one you love.
  • Dinner and a movie – A classic!
  • Try a new restaurant – Make it your mission to rate and try all of the Mexican restaurants/Irish pubs/Italian trattorias in your area.
  • Have a long sex session – Intimacy promotes the release of the oxytocin hormone which is responsible for a myriad of great feelings.[9]

Here’re even more date night ideas for your reference: 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

Final Thoughts

The benefits of spending quality time together are endless. Here are just some of the ways it can contribute to a healthy relationship:

  • Improves emotional and physical intimacy
  • Lowers divorce rates
  • Improves communication
  • Reduces marital boredom
  • Bonds couples closer
  • Improves friendship
  • Boosts health
  • Reduces stress

These are all excellent reasons to start making date night a regular part of your week.

It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected.

These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.

Featured photo credit: Allen Taylor via unsplash.com

Reference

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