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Once You Replace Negative Thoughts With Positive Ones, You’ll Start Having Positive Results

Once You Replace Negative Thoughts With Positive Ones, You’ll Start Having Positive Results

It turns out that negative thinking isn’t just bad for your success, but also for your health! Numerous studies have shown that people who are more optimistic are physically and mentally healthier than pessimists.

This isn’t your fault, though, says Rick Hanson, Ph.D., a neuropsychologist. He has found that humans are hardwired to be pessimistic as a survival technique. It’s been a long time since humans were in the “survival of the fittest” lifestyle, but we’re still naturally pessimistic.

This can really be trouble for your health. According to Psychology Today, as you dwell on stress and worry, you’re doing damage to the neural system that regulates emotion, feeling, and memory. In fact, this article in Entrepreneur covers a study which found that the health of pessimists deteriorated much more quickly than the health of optimists.

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What a vicious cycle: the more negative you are, the more negative you become!

How to Spot a Pessimist

A lot of people who are pessimistic try to hide it from even themselves behind a curtain of “reality.” How many times have you heard someone say “I’m not being negative; I’m a realist.”  The problem with this thinking is that it requires you to believe that everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. That isn’t very realistic!

Here are other signs of someone’s negativity, according to The Mind Unleashed:

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  • They complain a lot.
  • They would rather talk about what’s wrong with the world than what’s right.
  • They are highly critical.
  • They don’t believe they have control over many results in their life.
  • They believe that they need to make slight changes to be happy, rather than being happy with how things already are.

The Power of Positivity

If negativity can actually hurt us, can positivity help us? Science says yes! In fact, Martin Seligman (of the University of Pennsylvania) has devoted himself to finding the power of positivity. In one study, Martin studied insurance salesmen, some of which identified as positive, and some of which identified as negative. Optimistic people outsold the naturally negative people by 37 percent! Everyone has heard cliches about positive thinking attracting positive results, but Seligman wants to prove it. His research is leading the way when it comes to how we think about positive thinking, and how we can stay positive at all times.

Some Positivity Tips

According to Shawn Achor, author of The Happiness Advantage, staying positive is like exercising. To make a long story short, the more you practice being positive, the better you are at it! Remember that we said we’re hardwired to feel negativity, which means we have to consciously try to overcome that. Here are Shawn Achor’s top five ways to practice positive thinking everyday, without much work!

1. Bring gratitude to mind

Write down three things, every single day, that you are grateful for. In order to make this easier and more effective, you should write one thing about yourself, one big thing about the world, and one thing about someone close to you. This way, you can’t get away with writing “1. Coffee, 2. Chocolate, 3. Seinfeld.” While those things are great, they aren’t life changing.

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2. Journal

Write down something positive that’s happened to you each day.

3. Exercise

Exercise is an amazing way to clear the mind and think through daily issues.

4. Meditate

Every morning, sit in silence for five minutes and pay attention to the motion of your chest as you breathe in and out. This will do wonders to calm your brain and clear your mind.

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5. Help people

Randomly throughout the day, do small nice things for others. Shawn Achor suggest sending a nice email to a friend and complimenting something they’ve been working on. You can even compliment someone out of your reach on Social Media, like someone you look up to. This way, you won’t feel insecure.

You could literally do all of those things, every single day, in just a couple minutes. Think of the incredible power you have now! Anyone can be happier and more successful with such little effort; there’s no reason not to be more positive right away. You can live longer and be more successful if you’re willing to see the good in more things!

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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