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The Secret Of Getting Ahead Is Getting Started

The Secret Of Getting Ahead Is Getting Started

When was the last time you went out for a run, but when you got outside you decided “nevermind”?

My guess is never…

That’s because the hardest part of accomplishing anything is just starting. The hardest part of going for a daily run is just convincing yourself to go out the door! Once you start, you’re going to finish. In business and in life, we’re all struck with ambitions and great ideas. I’d be willing to bet that you’ve had at least 1 business idea in the last year. But somehow, the timing is never right. There are always roadblocks that will stop you from starting your dog-walking empire, or convince you that it’s not the right time to quit your job and travel the world.

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And we always seem to look up to the people who are doing this with envy. For some reason, they have something that we don’t, and it’s allowed them a great amount of success. And you know what? I’ve found out what that great “something” is. Do you want to know what it is?

They just get started.

In an entrepreneurial summit in Moscow, Sir Richard Branson is quoted giving this advice: “Screw it, just get on and do it.” Yes, it really does come down to that. Do you think that mega-stars and the world’s best anything are smarter than you? Probably not. They did, however, just make a choice to do something, then they started.

“If you want to summarize the habits of successful people into one phrase, it’s this: successful people start before they feel ready.”

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There is no secret sauce. There isn’t a special gene that some people are born with and some aren’t. There is simply the courage to try something new. And you know what? It is going to be scary, and you will fail from time to time.

The Worst Thing That Can Happen?

One of our greatest fears is appearing to be a failure. That’s a pretty bizarre idea. We aren’t afraid of failure half as much as we are afraid of looking like a failure. You’ll be a laughing stock, you’ll have to hang your head and go back to life before you set out to accomplish this thing.

Of course, we all know that life is full of failures and successes, and usually the successes happen after a major failure. That’s because failing is awesome. You’ll learn more from first-hand failure than you ever will from studying or reading. So let’s say you want to start a business, and you have to shut down because you’re losing money. If you start another business, you have this wealth of experience to pull from to ensure that you don’t make the same mistake again!

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“Trust me, I never lose. Either I win, or I learn from it.” – Tupac Shakur

The Actual Worst Thing That Can Happen

So if failing isn’t the worst thing that can happen, what is?  If success is a series of failures, then how can we actually fail? If we know that we have to fail again and again to learn how to win, is it possible to actually fail? Yes, it is. There’s only one way to completely fail: to never start.

Whether you’re not starting your first business, or giving up after a failure, the only way to truly fail is to not try at all. When you start, or take any action at all, you’re making progress. Even slow progress is moving in a direction that matters. Don’t stand still, and don’t be afraid to start.

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The Good News

One giant fear that holds people back from starting anything is that they aren’t ready. Let’s take business as an example again. If you’re trying to start an ice cream business, you may think you need all the answers about ice cream, finances, and business management. So you spend all your time learning, and no time doing!  While learning is a great way to be prepared, you won’t actually know what information you need until you need to know.

And the best time to stumble in a business (or any pursuit) is in the beginning. And in the end, you’ll still feel like you don’t know enough. The process of doing anything worthwhile is a perpetual learning cycle, and the sooner you start the better you’ll learn.

The best part is, that once you get started, you’ll realize that nothing is as scary as you thought it’d be. In fact, it’s quite a bit less complicated than you imagined. Business is a matter of logistics. Gaining a great skill is a product of consistent training. There is no secret sauce, you just have to start!

Featured photo credit: QuoteFancy via quotefancy.com

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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