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After Practicing Mindfulness Instead Of Yelling At Your Kids, These 5 Incredible Things Happen

After Practicing Mindfulness Instead Of Yelling At Your Kids, These 5 Incredible Things Happen

If you are a parent, it is inevitable that you have–at some point in time–yelled at your child. It’s actually quite common for parents to respond to a child’s unwanted behavior negatively. If your parents were yellers–the likelihood of you inheriting the yelling trait is tripled.

Most of us are aware that screaming at kids is bad and most of us would love to stop–but kids can really push and push and PUSH until you find yourself hollering at the top of your lungs in frustration. You then feel guilty, drained and a bit frustrated once the moment has passed. Successful parenting does not involve yelling.

So how do we stop?

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Successful parenting is mindful parenting

In order to change behavior and create new habits you must first raise your level of awareness–or more simply–become more mindful, observant and introspective.

The first thing you must understand and truly internalize is that yelling at kids is ineffective at best and abusive at worst. In fact, this topic has been researched exhaustively by child psychologists. A study published in 2003 in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that in families where there are over 25 yelling incidents in a 12 month period, children are more at risk of developing lowered self-esteem, an increase in aggression toward others and higher rates of depression.

Researchers did note that the kind of yelling categorized as verbal or emotional abuse is more than simply shouting at your kids. It’s a constant form of “psychological aggression,” and often escalates to insults or words of humiliation. Considering how often parents can lose their temper—for some of us, it’s way more than twice a month—these findings are a good reason to cut out the bad communication habits and begin to practice being actively mindful of your responses to inappropriate behavior.

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It is important to understand that successful parenting focuses on providing long term solutions versuses short term fixes. Yelling only yields short term results. Here are a few additional reasons you may want to rethink yelling:

  • Yelling teaches your child that you are only serious when you raise your voice.
  • Yelling escalates the child and incites the fight (they begin yelling as well and a shouting match ensues) or flight (they withdraw) response in your child.
  • Yelling at your child teaches them to yell when they are angry or frustrated

Results of practicing mindful parenting

1. You become more patient and gain self control

Unless your child is in immediate peril–he or she is attempting to stick scissors in a light socket–before you say a word, pause and breathe. Breathe in deeply through your nose and force the breath out through your mouth. This one simple act gives you a chance to regain control of yourself, it slows your breathing and heart rate down and it bathes your brain in oxygen allowing you to think more clearly. Become mindful–in that moment–of what you should say and how you should approach the situation. Remember–long term solutions not a short term fix.

2. You will learn how to address the inappropriate behavior and not your child

Attack the behavior, not the child. This is mindfulness at it’s finest. This step involves explaining to the child why the exhibited behavior is inappropriate and what they should do instead. Addressing the behavior can involve a punishment but it doesn’t always have to. Successful parenting takes into account the individual child’s needs, personality and temperament. This will help you be more in tune with who your child is on a deeper level and lead to a deeper connection.

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3. You teach your child how they should act through your reaction

Before you respond (during your pausing and breathing phase) ask yourself, is this how I want my child to respond to others? Children do what you do more than they do what you say. They will emulate your actions–good and bad. Mindfulness reminds you that you are the ultimate model for appropriate behavior.

4. You will be able to establish clear rules and clear consequences for your child

This will go along way in curbing all of the screaming and frustration. By setting clear rules with consequences you help curb the “knee jerk” reaction of overreacting and over-punishing. When you and your child know the rules and the associated consequences the expectations are clear and your frustration level will be lowered. This is however, a very active process. Rules have to be set and reset periodically. Another way to greatly increase the effectiveness of rule and consequence enforcement is writing them down and posting them in your child’s space.

5. Mindfulness allows you to regroup and recommit when you do flip out

At the end of the day–when all is said and done–you will still lose your cool occasionally. It is going to happen. Mindfulness allows you to accept it, regroup and recommit to the process. If an apology is in order, apologize. Mindfulness allows you to take some time to reflect and figure out why it happened and what, if anything, you need to adjust to decrease the likelihood of it reoccurring.

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In the end, successful parenting begins with being more mindful and aware as a parent. It teaches you to become more calm and helps you to behave better. And when you behave better, your kids will too.

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Denise Hill

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Published on October 18, 2018

Reading for Kids: 17 Reasons Why It’s Important and Where to Start

Reading for Kids: 17 Reasons Why It’s Important and Where to Start

Reading is one of the most important activities that you can encourage your children to do. It’s entertaining, thought provoking, and absolutely critical to success later in life.

Being a proficient reader by the third grade is an integral factor in a child’s future success. Reading for kids is not just a fun pastime. It is the gateway to learning about other people, places, and ideas, with limitless possibilities.

Why Reading for Kids Is Important?

Develops Vocabulary and Language Skills

Before your kids are able to read on their own, it’s important to nurture a love for books early on. Reading aloud to them at a young age is a great way to promote verbal communication skills between parent and child.

As kids get older, we speak to them on a daily basis, but the vocabulary and topics that they are exposed to are limited and often repetitive. Reading books will improve your child’s vocabulary and expose them to different types of sentence structure, writing styles, and ways to express themselves.

Not only will your children’s reading comprehension improve over time, this will also have a positive effect on their writing and communication skills. For children who are bilingual or learning a second language, reading is an important component of attaining or maintaining fluency.

Encourages a Thirst for Knowledge

There are books written about any topic imaginable, many in a wide variety of reading levels.

When reading books, your kids will be introduced to a wide variety of topics, cultures, and ideas. They will realize how much knowledge is out there to be discovered and delve further into the subjects that interest them the most.

In many cases, they will be enjoying the content of the book so much that they won’t even realize they are gaining so much knowledge about a particular topic.

Increases Empathy

Children have a very narrow understanding of the world around them. This is due to the limited number of experiences that they have encountered, based on the circumstances in which they grew up.

Reading books about different types of people who have had a wide range of experiences allow kids to not only appreciate diversity but also to understand what it may be like being in someone else’s shoes.

Doing so will help them appreciate and empathize with people who have very little in common with them and help them develop into more well-rounded individuals.

The Best Form of Entertainment

In the current age, technology has become the go-to for entertainment for adults and kids. Although TV shows and kids apps like these can be a great resource for learning, books are a better choice every time.

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Rather than spending hours in front of a screen, encourage your kids to consider books as the default source of entertainment. Studies show that in families where reading was emphasized, the children are more likely to read independently and develop a passion for books in the long run.

Creates a Bond

There are multiple ways that reading creates a bond between parent and child. Starting from infancy, reading aloud promotes closeness and intimacy through spending time together and being physically close.

As your child gets older, you can continue to read aloud or read the same book separately and talk about the parts that you enjoyed the most.

Use reading as an opportunity engage and interact with your child, asking them about their thoughts on topics covered in the book or connecting the story to everyday life.

Exercises Their Brain

Reading requires more brain power than watching TV. When our kids read books, they utilize the part of their brain that deals with multi-sensory integrations, making connections between words and visual thinking.

For beginner readers, illustrations can be a useful tool to help them grasp the narrative and gain better comprehension. In the case of more advanced readers, they use their brain when gathering context clues to help them figure out words or phrases that are unfamiliar.

Reading also stimulates critical thinking, spurring kids to make connections between the book and real life and to form opinions about the story.

Improves Concentration

Reading a book requires focus and concentration, which are essential skills to work on, even for toddlers who have trouble sitting still.

Consistently reading books will help your kids practice quieting their minds and their bodies to focus on a task for a set period of time.

By taking away distractions and giving them space to read and understand, their attention spans and ability to concentration will greatly improve over time.

Sets Them up for Success in School and Life

There have been numerous studies that indicate reading books to children at an early age has a lasting effect on their success in school, which often directly correlates with success in the workplace.[1] But the benefits are not just limited to academic success.

Reading is a long-term learning experience that promotes growth, which will result in your children becoming more effective people overall – better spouses, bosses, and friends.

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Promotes Creativity and Imagination

When reading a story, our children create an image of how they perceive the story to look in their minds, using creativity and imagination. Every person sees a different image in their mind, and it may change each time the same book is read.

Reading also introduces new worlds, whether real or fictional, that we have never been a part of before. Immersing in the book allows your kids to imagine new experiences and scenarios that they never thought possible.

They will be able to bring these ideas into their play time and use their creativity to go beyond the limits brought on by their everyday lives.

Where To Start

Now that you are aware of the multitude of benefits that reading can provide for your kids, what’s the next step?

If your child has not yet developed a love for reading, it’s not too late to start.

1. Make Reading a Choice, Not a Chore

Don’t make reading a mandatory task or assigned chore. Encourage and remind your kids to read, but let them make the ultimate decision on when to read and for how long. Feeling like they are being compelled to read will inevitably take the joy out of the experience.

If you have a reluctant reader, try to figure out what the root cause of the reluctance is. If your kids are struggling with words, find a few books below their reading level to instill confidence in recognizing the words they DO know. Gradually transition to harder books until they are more eager to read voluntarily.

Another alternative is to try audiobooks. Hearing another person reading confidently is a great way to experience fluency, and they will be able to enjoy the book without having to stumble through it.

If the content is the issue, and they find reading to be boring, introduce them to different types of reading material (see below).

2. Suggest a Variety of Reading Material

Reading can come in so many forms and every type has something unique to offer the reader. If your kids are having trouble finding joy in reading, it may be because they haven’t found a genre that fits their interests.

Traditional books come in many genres, including mystery, history, biographies, fantasy, science fiction, and more. Some books are written in unique and fun styles, such as choose your own adventure books, diary novel, or epistolary novel.

If you are looking for reading material that is more visually stimulating, try a graphic novel, a magazine, or a travel book. Books are also great resources for learning a new skill. Joke books, magic books, and cook books are great examples of these.

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Don’t forget to show your kids the practical side of reading as well. Enlist their help in reading out the grocery list at the store or ask them to read recipe instructions when cooking in the kitchen together. All types of reading counts:

    3. Experience Books Firsthand

    As your kids read more books, they may start to imagine what it would be like if they were characters in the books. A great way to support their love for reading would be to help them depict their favorite parts of their book.

    Look up a recipe for butter beer (Harry Potter) or Turkish Delight (The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe) and make it together. Start planting a garden together after reading The Secret Garden.

    Another fun way to celebrate finishing a book is watching the movie interpretation of it. Seeing beloved characters come to life on screen is an easy way to enhance the enjoyment of reading.

    4. Be an Example

    You are the main person that your kids look up to. Kids love copying their parents and doing the things they observe their parents doing on a daily basis.

    Don’t just tell your kids to read often; show them by doing it yourself.[2] Actions speak louder than words.

    When you model your own love of reading and books and show them the joy it brings to your life, they will be inclined to feel the same way.

    5. Set Aside Time

    For a child with a busy schedule and so many other fun screen-filled activities to choose from, it can be difficult to purposely reserve time for reading.

    Make this decision a little easier by creating dedicated time that is just for reading. This can be just before bed, right after homework, or whatever time works best for your family’s busy schedule. This time can be used for read aloud time with your child or independent reading.

    6. Bring Books to Life

    Finding real life connections to the books that your kids are reading will extend the joy of the reading experience.

    Did your children just finish a book about life on the farm? Take them to visit a local farm and experience what they read about firsthand. Reading a book about planets and space can turn into a trip to the planetarium.

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    For a more memorable excursion, take a family trip out of the country, like visiting London after finishing the Harry Potter series.

    7. Make Books Accessible

    One of my favorite activities to do as a child was to go to the library. The vast number of books that were at my disposal made me so excited to read.

    Find a great library in your area to take your children and let them experience the magic of limitless possibility. Sign your kids up for their own library card and encourage them to take ownership of their reading adventure.

    Start a small collection of books at home so that your kids will always have books at their fingertips. Visit a bookstore, browse online, or sign up for a monthly book subscription. Getting access to new books on a regular basis will keep reading exciting and fun.

    8. Start a Book Club

    Having other people help you stay accountable is a great motivation to read more and to discover new books you may not have otherwise.

    Encourage your kids to start a book club, either with their peers or with you. Choose a book everyone would enjoy and set a deadline for getting together and discussing what each person thought of the book. The tangible due date is a great incentive to stay on track and read on a regular basis.

    The Bottom Line

    Fostering a love for reading in your kids is one of the greatest gifts you can give them.

    Reading books can transport them anywhere they could imagine, and the benefits that it provides for them in the short and long term are innumerable.

    Use these tips to actively encourage reading to be an enjoyable part of their lives, and it will be worth the effort.

    Featured photo credit: Annie Spratt via unsplash.com

    Reference

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