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After Practicing Mindfulness Instead Of Yelling At Your Kids, These 5 Incredible Things Happen

After Practicing Mindfulness Instead Of Yelling At Your Kids, These 5 Incredible Things Happen

If you are a parent, it is inevitable that you have–at some point in time–yelled at your child. It’s actually quite common for parents to respond to a child’s unwanted behavior negatively. If your parents were yellers–the likelihood of you inheriting the yelling trait is tripled.

Most of us are aware that screaming at kids is bad and most of us would love to stop–but kids can really push and push and PUSH until you find yourself hollering at the top of your lungs in frustration. You then feel guilty, drained and a bit frustrated once the moment has passed. Successful parenting does not involve yelling.

So how do we stop?

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Successful parenting is mindful parenting

In order to change behavior and create new habits you must first raise your level of awareness–or more simply–become more mindful, observant and introspective.

The first thing you must understand and truly internalize is that yelling at kids is ineffective at best and abusive at worst. In fact, this topic has been researched exhaustively by child psychologists. A study published in 2003 in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that in families where there are over 25 yelling incidents in a 12 month period, children are more at risk of developing lowered self-esteem, an increase in aggression toward others and higher rates of depression.

Researchers did note that the kind of yelling categorized as verbal or emotional abuse is more than simply shouting at your kids. It’s a constant form of “psychological aggression,” and often escalates to insults or words of humiliation. Considering how often parents can lose their temper—for some of us, it’s way more than twice a month—these findings are a good reason to cut out the bad communication habits and begin to practice being actively mindful of your responses to inappropriate behavior.

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It is important to understand that successful parenting focuses on providing long term solutions versuses short term fixes. Yelling only yields short term results. Here are a few additional reasons you may want to rethink yelling:

  • Yelling teaches your child that you are only serious when you raise your voice.
  • Yelling escalates the child and incites the fight (they begin yelling as well and a shouting match ensues) or flight (they withdraw) response in your child.
  • Yelling at your child teaches them to yell when they are angry or frustrated

Results of practicing mindful parenting

1. You become more patient and gain self control

Unless your child is in immediate peril–he or she is attempting to stick scissors in a light socket–before you say a word, pause and breathe. Breathe in deeply through your nose and force the breath out through your mouth. This one simple act gives you a chance to regain control of yourself, it slows your breathing and heart rate down and it bathes your brain in oxygen allowing you to think more clearly. Become mindful–in that moment–of what you should say and how you should approach the situation. Remember–long term solutions not a short term fix.

2. You will learn how to address the inappropriate behavior and not your child

Attack the behavior, not the child. This is mindfulness at it’s finest. This step involves explaining to the child why the exhibited behavior is inappropriate and what they should do instead. Addressing the behavior can involve a punishment but it doesn’t always have to. Successful parenting takes into account the individual child’s needs, personality and temperament. This will help you be more in tune with who your child is on a deeper level and lead to a deeper connection.

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3. You teach your child how they should act through your reaction

Before you respond (during your pausing and breathing phase) ask yourself, is this how I want my child to respond to others? Children do what you do more than they do what you say. They will emulate your actions–good and bad. Mindfulness reminds you that you are the ultimate model for appropriate behavior.

4. You will be able to establish clear rules and clear consequences for your child

This will go along way in curbing all of the screaming and frustration. By setting clear rules with consequences you help curb the “knee jerk” reaction of overreacting and over-punishing. When you and your child know the rules and the associated consequences the expectations are clear and your frustration level will be lowered. This is however, a very active process. Rules have to be set and reset periodically. Another way to greatly increase the effectiveness of rule and consequence enforcement is writing them down and posting them in your child’s space.

5. Mindfulness allows you to regroup and recommit when you do flip out

At the end of the day–when all is said and done–you will still lose your cool occasionally. It is going to happen. Mindfulness allows you to accept it, regroup and recommit to the process. If an apology is in order, apologize. Mindfulness allows you to take some time to reflect and figure out why it happened and what, if anything, you need to adjust to decrease the likelihood of it reoccurring.

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In the end, successful parenting begins with being more mindful and aware as a parent. It teaches you to become more calm and helps you to behave better. And when you behave better, your kids will too.

More by this author

Denise Hill

Denise shares about psychology and communication tips on Lifehack.

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Published on April 9, 2021

50 Single Mom Quotes On Staying Strong And Loving

50 Single Mom Quotes On Staying Strong And Loving

Being a mom is not easy. Being a single mom is even more challenging. Having children means you are on the job 24/7. Even while you are sleeping, you are still ready to wake at the slightest peep because that is what moms do.

Moms, especially single moms, need more people cheering them on. Your love and care matter to your kids. You are their superhero. I think single moms are superheroes, too.

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The quotes below are words of encouragement for all of the single moms out there. Keep up the great work! Your hard work will pay off. Someday, they will be grown up and living on their own. Your job will never truly be done as a mom, but you can pat yourself on the back today and every day for doing mom duty day in and day out.

Here are 50 single mom quotes to encourage all the single moms out there.

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  1. “Being raised by a single mother, I learned to appreciate and value independent women.”—Kenny Conley
  2. “As a single mum you’ll discover inner strengths and capabilities you never knew you had.”—Emma-Louise Smith
  3. “One thing I know for sure – this motherhood thing is not for sissies.”—Jennifer Nettles
  4. “Mothers and their children are in a category all their own. There’s no bond so strong in the entire world. No love so instantaneous and forgiving.”—Gail Tsukiyama
  5. “And one day she discovered that she was fierce and strong, and full of fire and that not even she could hold herself back because her passion burned brighter than her fears.”—Mark Anthony
  6. “She never quite leaves her children at home, even when she doesn’t take them along.”—Margaret Culkin Banning
  7. “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”—Alice Walker
  8. “Everyone has inside of her a piece of good news. The good news is that you don’t know how great you can be, how much you can love, what you can accomplish, and what your potential is.”—Anne Frank
  9. “Doubt is a killer. You just have to know who you are and what you stand for.”—Jennifer Lopez
  10. “You are more powerful than you know; you are beautiful just as you are.”—Melissa Etheridge
  11. “Motherhood is the greatest thing and the hardest thing.”—Ricki Lake
  12. “You don’t take a class; you’re thrown into motherhood and learn from experience.”—Jennie Finch
  13. “If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more. If you look at what you don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough.”—Oprah Winfrey
  14. “I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.”—Charlotte Brontë
  15. “Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.”—Nora Ephron
  16. “When a woman becomes her own best friend life is easier.”—Diane Von Furstenberg
  17. “If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.”—Margaret Thatcher
  18. “Women have discovered that they cannot rely on men’s chivalry to give them justice.”—Helen Keller
  19. “Successful mothers are not the ones that have never struggled. They are the ones that never give up, despite the struggles.”—Sharon Jaynes
  20. “Success, they taught me, is built on the foundation of courage, hard work, and individual responsibility. Despite what some would have us believe, success is not built on resentment and fears.”—Susana Martinez
  21. “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”—Maya Angelou
  22. “The question isn’t who’s going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.”—Ayn Rand
  23. “God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers.”—Rudyard Kipling
  24. “The women whom I love and admire for their strength and grace did not get that way because stuff worked out. They got that way because stuff went wrong, and they handled it. They handled it in a thousand different ways on a thousand different days, but they handled it. Those women are my superheroes.”—Elizabeth Gilbert
  25. “There will be so many times you feel like you failed. But in the eyes, ears, and mind of your child, you are a SUPER MOM.”—Stephanie Precourt
  26. “Motherhood is the ultimate call to sacrifice.”—Wangechi Mutu
  27. “We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.”—Maya Angelou
  28. “A mother’s arms are more comforting than anyone else’s.”—Princess Diana
  29. “There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.”—Jill Churchill
  30. “There’s no doubt that motherhood is the best thing in my life. It’s all that really matters.”—Courtney Cox
  31. “I realized when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know.”—Mitch Albom
  32. “I have found being a mother has made me emotionally raw in many situations. Your heart is beating outside your body when you have a baby.”—Kate Beckinsale
  33. “Single moms, you are a doctor, a teacher, a nurse, a maid, a cook, a referee, a heroine, a provider, a defender, a protector, a true Superwoman. Wear your cape proudly.”—Mandy Hale
  34. “I’m not really single. I mean, I am, but I have a son. Being a single mother is different from being a single woman.”—Kate Hudson
  35. “Being a single parent is twice the work, twice the stress, and twice the tears but also twice the hugs, twice the love, and twice the pride.”—Unknown
  36. “For me, motherhood is learning about the strengths I didn’t know I had, and dealing with the fears I didn’t know existed.”—Halle Berry
  37. “A single mom tries when things are hard. She never gives up. She believes in her family, even when things are tough. She knows that above all things… a mother’s love is more than enough.”—Denice Williams
  38. “You do the best you can. Some days you feel really good about yourself and some days you don’t.”—Katie Holmes
  39. “I would say to any single parent currently feeling the weight of stereotype or stigmatization that I am prouder of my years as a single mother than of any other part of my life.”JK Rowling
  40. “Just because I am a single mother doesn’t mean I cannot be a success.”—Yvonne Kaloki
  41. “I didn’t plan on being a single mom, but you have to deal with the cards you are dealt the best way you can.”—Tichina Arnold
  42. “Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.”—Garrison Keillor
  43. “A single mom tries when things are hard. She never gives up. She believes in her family, even when things are tough. She knows that above all things, a mother’s love is more than enough.”—Deniece Williams
  44. “Motherhood has a very humanizing effect. Everything gets reduced to essentials.”—Meryl Streep
  45. “Having kids—the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings—is the biggest job anyone can embark on.”—Maria Shriver
  46. “Mother is a verb. It’s something you do. Not just who you are.”—Cheryl Lacey Donovan
  47. “A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dates all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.”—Agatha Christie
  48. “A mother’s arms are more comforting than anyone else’s.”—Princess Diana
  49. “The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world.”—W.R. Wallace
  50. “Being a mother is the greatest blessing and the hardest challenge in all of life.”—Dr. Magdalena Battles

Final Thoughts

Single moms are remarkable women. They are to be respected and honored for all that they do. If you know a single mom, then share this article with them. Tell them “you are doing a great job as a single mom.” They need our encouragement and support.

They may be parenting alone, but it is good to let them know that there are people in their life who care for them. We can all be there for the single moms out there. Even if it is just to say, “keep up the great work, you are an amazing woman!”

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If you are a single mom, keep up the good work! You are amazing, and your kids are lucky to have you!

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Featured photo credit: Alexander Dummer via unsplash.com

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