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8 Common Mistakes That Make You Easily Stressed

8 Common Mistakes That Make You Easily Stressed

In today’s society, most of us have the same struggle: there just aren’t enough hours in the day and in this current information age our personal lives are even busier than our professional lives. It’s hard to keep up.

There are some people who seem to have no problem handling it all. They are always doing something productive; going to work, grocery shopping, washing the car, and hosting a birthday party for 20 five-year-olds, all in the same day! Yet they never seem to even break a sweat.

So, how do we successfully manage all that we have to do without completely losing our minds? The answer to this dilemma is in the how you do what you do instead of the what. Here are 8 common mistakes that are making you more stressed than you should be.

1. You multi-task without prioritizing. 

Multi-tasking is a fact of life. We all do it. But consider this—truly successful people know how to prioritize their tasks, their time, and rarely multi-task. Focusing on too many things at ones makes you mediocre at them all. When you invest all of your energy, attention, and an allotted time frame to one thing‒more often than not‒you will do it well.

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Consider this example: You come home from work and you need to make dinner and help your son with his homework. When you try to do them both at the same time, you over cook the meal and your son becomes frustrated and throws a mini tantrum because he can’t concentrate. You’re both frustrated, the homework takes hours, and the meal is barely edible.

OR: You come home from work and set a timer for 30 minutes and sit down to help your son with his math homework―uninterrupted. When the timer goes off, the homework is most likely complete or close. You, again set the timer for 30 minutes, and you focus on making dinner while your son finishes the last bit of his homework by himself or, if he still needs more assistance, you allow him to take a break while you make dinner and finish the homework after dinner. The result? A tasty meal and a happier little boy.

2. You make “to do” lists.

“To do” lists in and of themselves are actually very helpful and are a way to help us remember things. But remember, it’s not the what that is important it’s the how. Most people’s lists are long and very detailed. We over schedule our time and plan with a level of granularity that makes it impossible to be successful.

If you must make a “to do” list, instead of planning out every moment of the day in graphic detail, write down the top three things you would like to accomplish in broad terms. For example instead of saying, “I am going to drink a gallon of water today” and then plan how much water you need to drink every hour, say “I am going to drink more water today”. Your chances of success with fewer and more broadly defined goals are much higher. And success leads to more success. On the other hand, the opposite is also true. Failure is disheartening and discouraging. The more you fail, the closer you come to giving up.

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Another alternative to the traditional “to do” list is using a live calendar to help arrange your day. You’ll receive updates and reminders that will help you with managing your time and keep you on track. Remember to keep the tasks broad and don’t fall victim to over-scheduling.

3. You rely on your brain to remember things.

This is a no brainer―pardon the pun. Relying on your memory to recall important information is a recipe for disaster. Your brain is very complex and overburdened with information. It needs help remembering things.

WRITE IT DOWN! If there is something you need to recall―write it down. The physical act of writing it down will aid you in remembering it. When you write things down, you are physically connecting the thought to an action. The simple act of writing things down increases the odds of you remembering it 3 fold. And if you still forget, no worries, you have it written down!

4. You instantly respond to electronic messages (emails, instant messages, social media posts, text messages, etc.)

This is by far one of the hardest habits for most of us, technology slaves to get used to. We have been conditioned―a lot like Pavlov’s dogs ‒ to respond immediately. We hear the notification ‘ding’ on our mobile device and we HAVE to check it out. We cannot fight the urge to see what’s happening.

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News flash… texting LOL can wait. Most successful business professionals have a prescribed time―once or twice each day―where they stop what they are doing and answer emails and respond to messages (they don’t multi-task). They also set a time limit. Anything that does not get answered during their ‘mail’ time has to wait until the next time their calendar alerts them that it is time to check the mail. It takes discipline ‒ but you can do it.

5. You neglect the 80/20 rule.

The 80/20 rule (aka the Pareto Principle): the premise of this principle is that 80 percent on an outcome is derived from 20 percent of the expended effort. If you think about this principle in terms of a team―let’s say a basketball team―this theory predicts that 80 percent of the team’s points would be scored by one player. Research shows that this theory is largely accurate in almost every input/output relationship.

The lesson here is, be careful on how you spend your time and energy. Learning to choose which activities will produce the greatest success and be the most productive is the key. This principle is all about priorities and being fully present during these key activities will enable you to better maximize you time and potential.

6. You procrastinate.

Better known as the “touch it once” rule. Simply put, if you touch something ‒ deal with it right then and there. If you open a letter and you are going to respond, respond immediately.

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Think about the time you waste opening a bill, reading its contents, and then waiting until later to actually pay it or act on it. That was wasted time and energy. You now have to remember to pay the bill (and you didn’t write it down). If you see the letter and know that no matter the contents you are not ready to take an action, leave the letter, unopened in a designated spot to deal with it at a time you are ready to take action. It is OK to put things off ‒ as long as you do it intentionally and you have established a bigger priority to tackle at the moment.

7. You don’t say ‘No” and you don’t ask for help.

A shocking fact is that successful people value their time and energy over other people’s feelings. They have no problem saying no to things that do not make maximum use of their energy. In other words, if it is not a resounding “heck yeah!” then it’s a no. It’s not about putting yourself first or being selfish, it’s about being smart and efficient.

Also, people who experience large amounts of success do not see pending tasks as something they must do, they see them as something that must get done. Whatever is the best way, is what they choose. They have no problem asking for help from someone who may be more suited to the task than they are. And a team can do a job a lot faster than one person. Learn to shift your thinking from “I have to do this” to “what is the best way to get this done?”

8. You hyper focus and over fixate on tasks.

If you’re seeking to accomplish something and it just isn’t going well, learn to take a break and work on something else less difficult. You sit down to write your final term paper of the semester. It’s worth half of your grade for the entire semester but the words just aren’t flowing. Sitting there for hours trying to make yourself do it is actually less productive than taking a break and returning to it later. I know, I know this violates the “only touch it once rule”, however in this case, that rule is superseded by the 80/20 rule. You are expending way too much energy for virtually no output. And also remember that success breads success.

Instead, take a break and work on your economics homework which you can do with your eyes closed, do some laundry, and go for a brisk walk around the neighborhood. You’ll feel better.

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Denise Hill

Denise shares about psychology and communication tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on September 18, 2020

How to Be More Self-Assured and Get More Done During the Week

How to Be More Self-Assured and Get More Done During the Week

Time is a great leveler isn’t it? We all have the same 24 hours in a day. Even if you’re self-assured, the day may never feel quite long enough.

Why is it that some people can be so much more productive and achieve so much more in a typical day, while others struggle to achieve anything apart from feeling time crunched and overwhelmed?

Everyone I know and work with wants to make the best use of their time. They want to learn how to be more self-assured, happier, and work less—all while growing in their career.

How effectively we use our time—and how we actually work in our business—can make a huge difference to the amount we accomplish in a day or week. It can also make us more focused and more confident.

Do you want to have more thinking and creative time? Do you want to spend more time working on your business rather than working at or in your business? In this article, we’ll show you how.

Get More Done by Gaining Confidence

What if you had a strategy for making the best use of your time that brings you more joy and allows you to focus on the biggest activities and opportunities in your business? You may find the following outline below to be helpful:

1. Create an Exciting Vision

If you don’t know where you’re going, how do you know when you get there?

You want to be more productive and spend more time getting the right stuff done. Well, you need to create a compelling and exciting vision of your future.

What does this future look like? How will you feel when you get there?

Creating a new vision, especially one that is a lot bigger than where you are right now, has a way of igniting your passion. It may be something that feels hard to achieve, but every step you take towards that bigger vision will certainly build your confidence.

Create a vision board to feel more self-assured.

    Commitment to this vision, and accomplishing continual daily progress depends on your ability to look at any situation you’re faced with or currently in, feel self-assured, and see something bigger ahead.

    Also, when you know where you’re headed, you will instinctively start to see all the new opportunities and connections that will get you there.

    Make a vision map to get you started on the path to better productivity. This doesn’t have to be fully actualized, but you should know at least what direction you are heading.

    2. Build a Strategic Plan

    Once you have your future vision mapped out, the next step is to build a strategic plan to get you there.

    Your future vision may be for 3 years or 5 years, or you may choose a longer time frame. Any timeframe over 3 years may feel like a long way away.

    You may wonder how you are ever going to feel confident and motivated on this bigger future years from now when you feel as though you have so much to accomplish today.

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    The first step is to decide on some specific goals for the next 12 months. Don’t list too many or you may begin to feel overwhelmed.

    The magic number for me and my clients is usually five annual goals.

    These are big goals that will create massive change in your business and life and bridge your current situation to your bigger future; accomplishing these goals one by one will help to increase your confidence on a daily basis.

    3. Get on Goal Planning

    Get yourself a piece of blank paper and a pen and divide the paper into 4 columns: A, B, C, and D.

    Ask yourself the question: What is great in my business and life right now? Write these things down in Column A. This might be a couple of things, five things, ten things, whatever feels right to you.

    Then ask yourself: What things are happening right now that I don’t want in my future? Write these things down in Column B.

    This is your opportunity to take a step back and look at the things that are simply not working. You may list people that are bringing you down or projects that you don’t want to work on any more. Maybe you’ll include a service offering that’s going nowhere. It could be the people you’re working with, or it could be your pricing.

    Now, let’s look at your personal strengths. Write down everything that you’re great at in Column C.

    These could be things that you’re doing right now and having success with. It could also be things you know you’re awesome at but you’re not spending enough time on.

    Column D is for your biggest opportunities. Is there a new service/product you could offer your ideal customers? Is there a new innovation you could bring to market? Just take some time out and really think and list these things in Column D.

    Once you’ve analyzed everything you’ve written down, take some time to really think about what goals you want to set for your business and life in the next 12 months.

    4. Set Outcomes to Build Confidence

    You now have your goals, and you’ll feel self-assured and raring to go. They are written down and you’re committed to achieving them. You feel self-assured and motivated.

    But how do you ensure that you stay on the correct course to achieve these goals?

    Managing and juggling day-to-day projects can get in the way. Dealing with problems can get in the way. Staying on top of orders, managing cash flow, and handling day-to-day stuff can move your ship off course.

    You want to be productive and achieve your goals, but you also need to ensure the day and week runs smoothly.

    One way to ensure this happens is to set 90 Day Outcome Goals; within those Outcome Goals, put some specific process goals that need to be undertaken.

    Let’s say you want to get 10 more speaking jobs in the next 90 days, and you know that you typically convert 50% of opportunities.

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    Therefore, your process goal needs to be to have 20 conversations in the next 90 Days to deliver the 10 new pieces of work. You will then work out who you can have those conversations with.

    It’s smart to overshoot, so you will more easily hit your target. This is a clear plan to work through because with every win, your confidence will grow.

    5. Completely Commit to Your Success

    If you are not truly committed to achieving your goals, then chances are that you won’t reach them.

    Motivation can only take you so far. It is the intentional commitment[1] and emotional investment in your future success that will move you forward.

    Think back to any time that you really committed to achieving something. There must have been a reason you actually achieved what you set out to achieve. What motivated you?

    Were you fully invested? Why did it matter? Did you have to be really courageous to achieve it?

    How did it feel when you achieved it? What difference did it make?

    When have you felt truly self-assured? When you are committed to something, then you are propelled into action. Your mindset is focused, and your body follows; you want to get it done.

    And, when you do get it done, your confidence goes through the roof. You feel a level of certainty in achieving the goal you set out to accomplish.

    6. Focus on Your Strengths

    To feel self-assured and build up the confidence needed to achieve our biggest goals, we need to focus on our strengths.

    What are you best at? What are your unique skills? You want to spend as much time as you can working in the areas that you’re great at.

    Multiply your strengths. These areas are where you add the biggest value. They often bring you the biggest amount of joy, and you feel more and more confident when you are using your unique skills.

    If you think there is a specific capability you need to learn or be better at, spend more focused time in that area.

    Many of us want to do it all. We want to be good at everything. We want to offer a lot of services. But, in reality, there are some very specific things we are great at; nobody is good at everything!

    Spending more time adding value in the areas where you excel can create breakthrough results and boost confidence.

    7. Embrace the Present

    Sometimes we spend so much time thinking about the future or worrying about the past that we forget the present moment[2].

    Are you spending most of your day reacting to things, or have you taken the time to think about what your perfect day looks like?

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    We all have the opportunity to create rather than react, to decide what we do with our day. All of our future success can be created in the present moment if we just take a step back and take action.

    Sometimes, doing it now is more important than doing it perfectly. There are hidden opportunities in every moment. We need to make sure we don’t miss them if we want to feel self-assured.

    8. Calm the Whirlwind

    The day-to-day life in business and life can be hard, which leads us to feel less self-assured.

    Your mind may be full to bursting with all of the things you feel you have to do. The phrase “I don’t have time” has almost become an instant reaction by so many people when new opportunities are presented.

    There is a whirlwind happening inside our minds.

    Appointments, notifications, tasks, phone calls, errands, cash flow, staffing issues, networking, marketing all can clutter up our timeline. The sheer volume of things we feel we should do creates procrastination, stopping us from pursuing the projects and people that matter.

    Many of us feel we have to do everything within our business.

    Rather than simplifying things and doing less, we do more. We work longer, which creates a lack of energy and focus. Because of this, we lose clarity on our biggest opportunities. If you feel this way, take some well-deserved time off.

    Look at where you’re spending your time. How much of your time is being spent moving your ideas forward?

    In the next 90 days, if you could delegate or outsource more daily tasks and spend more time focusing on where you add the biggest value, what difference would it make?

    Calm the whirlwind by slowing down and doing less.

    Focus on areas that you add the biggest amount of value. By doing this, your energy levels will increase, your confidence will grow and you will have more success.

    9. Take More Time off

    This may seem counterintuitive, but taking more time off to recharge and refocus can pay huge dividends.

    If you are constantly fighting fires and caught up in the myriad of different activities that you have to do each day, then how can you move your business forward?

    You may be being pulled in difference directions without any focused time on your biggest projects. If that’s the case, then it’s almost impossible to gain any real momentum in moving your business forward and hitting your goals.

    The best way to get off that treadmill is to take more creative time out of the business.

    Could you realistically take one day off per month to work on your business? If you could, what would you do with this time?

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    Just imagine no distractions, only focused time on the strategic development and growth of your business.

    Every day off per month could have a different focus: New product innovation; Thinking about your biggest clients; Improving operations.

    Add to this a quarterly review to check in with your goals progress, and this could have a dramatic effect on where you spend your valuable time.

    10. Celebrate Wins

    Sometimes you just want to get through the day, right?

    You have so much to do. There are so many things on your task list that you just complete what you can and then start another day. But what would happen if, at the end of each day, you took some time out to look at what you’ve accomplished?

    Celebrating success keeps you motivated and helps you become more self-assured. It is not just another day. It’s a day that included things that should be celebrated.

    If you’re struggling to feel motivated, try celebrating a couple of wins each day.

    Celebrating success combined with the gratitude you have for achieving those wins will boost your confidence and inspire you for the next day.

    11. Give Yourself More Space

    When was the last time you gave yourself time to think?

    Within the hustle and bustle, it can be difficult to give yourself a little bit of space and time to just think[3].

    Imagine giving yourself just an hour a day to just let your mind wander or think about a specific thing.

    If you think about it, we can all free up an hour a day for something without really losing any efficiency or really impacting our business.

    In fact, that hour could be transformational for your business and life.

    A new idea for a product could form, or an idea for adding value to your existing clients could materialize. Perhaps you could do a check in to your ideal future and your goals. You could decide that you want to take your business in a new direction.

    Try this: Just sit alone for an hour with a notebook and let it be your creative thinking time. See what happens.

    Final Thoughts

    Ultimately, being self-assured happens when you have a clear direction.

    This, coupled with having clear goals and working in your unique skill-set, gives you the biggest opportunity to be more productive and get more of the right things done.

    The old mantra that “less is more” is right on the money. By giving yourself more time to work on your goals, you will inevitably increase your confidence; at this point, your ideal future can be anything you want it to be.

    More on How to Be Self-Assured

    Featured photo credit: Nathan Dumlao via unsplash.com

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