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4 Signs Of Seemingly Nice People With Hidden Motives

4 Signs Of Seemingly Nice People With Hidden Motives

Sometimes we get people wrong and care about people when they don’t really care as equally about us. There are occasions when we see things that aren’t really there in people or we hope for more than others can give. Life is a series of chances and occurrences; of mistakes, trial, and error.

Each time we have an experience, or misjudge something within certain experiences, we learn from what happened. And sometimes it can be really hard to see what is happening, while it happens. We can try to look out for the red flags, however, obscured as they often are, or try to read behavioural patterns, and discover the signs of certain individuals that may not be as nice as they seem. Avoid these people if you witness any of the following!

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They seem to be caring initially but …

Soon their personal interests are revealed and it becomes very obvious that they want you to fulfil them. These people are not your friends. They are people concerned with their own agendas, and not you as an individual. They show interest in you to gain your trust, and then pursue their own needs, wanting something from you specifically.

Be wary of these individuals – but trust your gut. You should never let the fact that SOME people are uncaring and mean, that you aren’t open to new friends. And, you may trust the wrong people from time to time. This is a poor reflection on them, though, not you. And just get out of there as quick as you can when it becomes obvious that they are not genuinely interested in you.

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They are seemingly fragile but …

They want your empathy and compassion all the time and are actually quite manipulative about getting it. Before you know it, they have you sacrificing your needs in order to assist theirs. These types of people are draining. And while they can offer elements of friendship, they aren’t usually genuine. Often some warning signs are that they will not take your advice. At first, they will seem appreciative when you offer sage wisdom about being stronger or ways to move toward happiness, but you will notice that they keep repeating the same negative patterns. And they want you to repeat it with them.

They keep telling you what is good for you even though …

You’ve already told them many times over what you know to be good for yourself. You have asserted control, but it becomes more of a battlefield because they are not really listening to what you need, or want. They like to have control, and it makes them feel better to believe they are in control of everything. This is dangerous. They may say they are listening but they aren’t really hearing you, and it’s a fast track to a bad interaction. Nobody knows what you need but you. Friends are there to support you and discuss your choices with you – not tell you what to choose for your own life.

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They appear to be interested in you but …

They are only around sometimes and only when they contact you. In reverse, they can never be found. In other words, they have control of when they see you and hear from you, but you have no control over when you see them. When you think about these kinds of friendships rationally, you know this is not how a person that cares about you will act. It doesn’t feel nice to be in this situation. And real friends will always make you feel better, not worse. It really is as simple as that. So ditch the haters and refill that space with friends that make you smile. They can be hard to come by. But when you do, hold on tight. They are friends for life.

Featured photo credit: Pablo via pablo.buffer.com

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Last Updated on October 22, 2019

How to Get “I Can’t Do It” Out of Your Vocabulary

How to Get “I Can’t Do It” Out of Your Vocabulary

When someone says, “I can’t do it” . . . I say to myself, “What do you mean you can’t do it?” Maybe you don’t want to do it, but saying you “can’t” do it is a completely different story.

With the right mindset, positive attitude, and a clear vision of what you want to accomplish, the only thing that is holding you back is yourself.

Can’t is a terrible word and it has to be taken out of your vocabulary.

By saying you can’t do something, you’re already doubting yourself, submitting to defeat, and you’re making that barrier around your life tighter.

So today, right now, we are going to remove this word for good.

From now on there is nothing we can’t do.

“Attitude is Tattoo”

Your attitude is everything; it’s your reason, your why and how, your facial expression, emotions, body language, and potentially the end result. How you approach an opportunity, and the result of it, is solely based on you — not your boss or your co-worker or friend.

If you enter a business meeting with a sour attitude, that negative energy can spread like wildfire. People can also feel it — maybe even taste it. This is not an impression you want to leave.

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Now imagine you enter a business meeting with a positive attitude, that whatever happens in here is going to be your result, in your control, not someone else’s. Of course, we can’t always win, but even if the outcome is negative, your attitude and perception can turn it into a positive. The question is: can you do it?

Of course you can, because there is nothing in this world you can’t do.

It’s much better to be known for your positive attitude — your poise, your energy, the reason why things go so well because you are able to maintain such character. A negative attitude is easy. It’s easy to complain, it’s easy to be mad, and it’s even easier to do nothing to change it.

When I say your “attitude is tattoo”, it sounds permanent. Tattoos can be removed, but that’s not the point. Your attitude is like a tattoo because you wear it. People can see it and sometimes, they will judge you on it. If you maintain a negative attitude, then it is permanent until you change it.

Change your attitude and I guarantee the results change as well.

Believe You Can Do It

Do you know why most people say “can’t” and doubt themselves before trying anything?

It’s our lack of self-confidence and fear on many different levels. The one thing we have to purge from ourselves is fear — fear of bad results, fear of change, fear of denial, fear of loss, the fear that makes us worry and lose sleep. Worrying is the same as going outside with an umbrella, waiting for rain to hit it. Stop worrying and move on.

Confidence is fragile: It builds up slowly, but can shatter like glass. Project your confidence and energy into believing in yourself. This is a very important and groundbreaking step — one that is usually the hardest to take. Start telling yourself you can do something, anything, and you will do it the best to your ability. Remove doubt, remove fear, and stick with positive energy.

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Embrace Failure

Do not fear failure. Do not run away from it. Face it, learn from it, grow, and take action. Just remember: You will never know success if you have never failed.

Your confidence will bolster after embracing these facts. You will be immune to demoralizing results, and instead you will find ways to fix it, improve upon it, and make it better than before. You will learn to never say “can’t,” and will realize how many more opportunities you can create by removing that one word.

Don’t let one simple and ugly word plague your confidence. You’re better and stronger than that.

Start Making the Change

But to actually start the process of change is very challenging.

Why is that?

Fear? Time? Don’t know how — or where — to start?

It’s hard because what we’re doing is unlearning what we know. We are used to doing things a certain way, and chances are we’ve been doing them for years.

So here are some ways that I avoid using the word “can’t”, and actually take the steps to put forth the change that I wish to see. I hope you can incorporate these methods into your life.

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Write down What You Want to Change

Write it on post-its, notecards, whatever makes you comfortable — something you will always see. I usually write mine on post-its and put them all over the wall behind my monitor so I always see them.

Tell a Friend and Talk About It

Discussing your goals, what you want to change, is very effective when you say it out loud and tell another person other than yourself. It’s almost like saying, hey, I bet I can do it — watch me.

When you fulfill that goal and tell your friend, it feels rewarding and will motivate you to do it again in a different aspect. Who knows? Maybe your friend adopts the same mindset as you.

Stop Yourself from Saying the Forbidden Word

Sometimes,I can’t control myself in public when I’m with friends, so I have to be careful with the words I use so I don’t embarrass or insult anyone.

Treat the word “can’t” as the worst word you can possibly use. Stop yourself from saying it, mid-sentence if you must, and turn your whole perspective around — you can do it, you will do it, and nothing is impossible!

Repetition, Repetition, Repetition

You think this change will be overnight? No way. This is a practice. Something you’re going to be doing for the rest of your life from now until forever.

As I said earlier, you are unlearning what you know. You know how easy it is to say you can’t do something, so by unlearning this easy practice, you’re self-disciplining yourself to live without boundaries.

Practice this everyday, a little at a time, and before you know it, the word can’t will not be part of your language.

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Do Anything That Can Relieve Your Uncertainty

When I catch myself saying I can’t do something or I don’t know something, looking up information on that action or subject, doing research, educating yourself, relieves that uncertainty.

Sometimes, we think we can’t do something because the whole idea of it seems too large. We skip the small steps in our head and only focus on the end.

Before you say you can’t do something, rewind and slow down a little bit. Focus on what the first step is, then the next. Take it a step at a time, and before you know it you will have done something you previously thought you couldn’t do.

Final Thoughts

You know what you must do. The first step is right now. Once you begin this habit, and really start noticing some change, you’ll realize the door to opportunity is everywhere.

The funny thing is: Those doors have always been there. The evil word that we no longer use put a veil over our eyes because that’s how powerful that word is.

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Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

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