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4 Signs Of Seemingly Nice People With Hidden Motives

4 Signs Of Seemingly Nice People With Hidden Motives

Sometimes we get people wrong and care about people when they don’t really care as equally about us. There are occasions when we see things that aren’t really there in people or we hope for more than others can give. Life is a series of chances and occurrences; of mistakes, trial, and error.

Each time we have an experience, or misjudge something within certain experiences, we learn from what happened. And sometimes it can be really hard to see what is happening, while it happens. We can try to look out for the red flags, however, obscured as they often are, or try to read behavioural patterns, and discover the signs of certain individuals that may not be as nice as they seem. Avoid these people if you witness any of the following!

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They seem to be caring initially but …

Soon their personal interests are revealed and it becomes very obvious that they want you to fulfil them. These people are not your friends. They are people concerned with their own agendas, and not you as an individual. They show interest in you to gain your trust, and then pursue their own needs, wanting something from you specifically.

Be wary of these individuals – but trust your gut. You should never let the fact that SOME people are uncaring and mean, that you aren’t open to new friends. And, you may trust the wrong people from time to time. This is a poor reflection on them, though, not you. And just get out of there as quick as you can when it becomes obvious that they are not genuinely interested in you.

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They are seemingly fragile but …

They want your empathy and compassion all the time and are actually quite manipulative about getting it. Before you know it, they have you sacrificing your needs in order to assist theirs. These types of people are draining. And while they can offer elements of friendship, they aren’t usually genuine. Often some warning signs are that they will not take your advice. At first, they will seem appreciative when you offer sage wisdom about being stronger or ways to move toward happiness, but you will notice that they keep repeating the same negative patterns. And they want you to repeat it with them.

They keep telling you what is good for you even though …

You’ve already told them many times over what you know to be good for yourself. You have asserted control, but it becomes more of a battlefield because they are not really listening to what you need, or want. They like to have control, and it makes them feel better to believe they are in control of everything. This is dangerous. They may say they are listening but they aren’t really hearing you, and it’s a fast track to a bad interaction. Nobody knows what you need but you. Friends are there to support you and discuss your choices with you – not tell you what to choose for your own life.

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They appear to be interested in you but …

They are only around sometimes and only when they contact you. In reverse, they can never be found. In other words, they have control of when they see you and hear from you, but you have no control over when you see them. When you think about these kinds of friendships rationally, you know this is not how a person that cares about you will act. It doesn’t feel nice to be in this situation. And real friends will always make you feel better, not worse. It really is as simple as that. So ditch the haters and refill that space with friends that make you smile. They can be hard to come by. But when you do, hold on tight. They are friends for life.

Featured photo credit: Pablo via pablo.buffer.com

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Last Updated on June 24, 2019

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

A study [1] published in Depression and Anxiety found that social media users are more likely to be depressed. This was just one of the huge number of studies linking social media and depression[2] . But why exactly do platforms like Facebook and Instagram make people so unhappy? Well, we don’t know yet for sure, but there are some explanations.

Social Media Could Lead to Depression

Depression is a serious medical condition that affects how you think, feel, and behave. Social media may lead to depression in predisposed individuals or make existing symptoms of depression[3] worse explains[4] the study above’s senior author Dr. Brian Primack. So, the problem may not be in social media per se, but how we use it.

Signs You’re Suffering From “Social Media Depression”

If you feel like social media is having a negative impact on your mood, then you may be suffering from “social media depression.” Look for symptoms like:

• low self-esteem,

• negative self-talk,

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• a low mood,

• irritability,

• a lack of interest in activities once enjoyed,

• and social withdrawal.

If you’ve had these symptoms for more than two weeks and if this is how you feel most of the time, then you are likely depressed. Although “social media depression “is not a term recognized in the medical setting, social media depression seems to be a real phenomenon affecting around 50% of social media users. As explained in a review study[5] published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, if a person has a certain predisposition to depression and other mental disorders, social media use may only worsen their mental health.

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Social Media Could Crush Self-Esteem

We know that social media and depression are in some way linked, but why is this so? Well, according to Igor Pantic, MD, Ph.D.[6], social media use skews your perception about other people’s lives and traits. To explain this further, most people like to portray an idealized image of their lives, personal traits, and appearance on sites like Facebook and Instagram. If you confuse this idealized image with reality, you may be under the false impression that everyone is better than you which can crush your self-esteem and lead to depression. This is especially true for teens and young adults who are more likely to compare themselves to others. If you already suffer from low self-esteem, the illusion that everyone has it better off than you will just make you feel worse.

Causing Social Isolation and Other Negative Emotions

Another commonly cited reason for the negative impact of social media on mental health is its link with social isolation. Depressed people are more likely to isolate themselves socially and chose only to interact indirectly through social media platforms. But communication online tends to be superficial and is lacking when compared to real-life interaction explains Panic. What this means is not that social media leads to isolation but the other way around, possibly explaining why we find so many depressed persons on these sites.

Lastly, social media use may generate negative emotions in you like envy, jealousy, dislike, loneliness, and many others and this may worsen your depressive symptoms.

Why We Need to Take This Seriously

Both depression and social media use are on the rise according to epidemiological studies. Since each one has an impact on the other, we have to start thinking of healthier ways to use social media. Teens and young adults are especially vulnerable to the negative impact of social media on mental health.

Advice on Social Media Use

Although these findings did not provide any cause-effect explanation regarding Facebook and depression[7], they still do prove that social media use may not be a good way to handle depression. For this reason, the leading authors of these studies gave some suggestions as to how clinicians and people can make use of such findings.

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One suggestion is that clinicians should ask patients about their social media habits. Then they can advise them on how to change their outlook on social media use or even suggest limiting their time spent on social media.

Some social media users may also exhibit addictive behavior; they may spend too much time due to compulsive urges. Any compulsive behavior is bound to lead to feelings of guilt which can worsen depressive symptoms.

Having Unhealthy Relationship with Social Media

If you feel like your relationship with social media is unhealthy, then consider the advice on healthy social media use provided by psychology experts from Links Psychology[8]:

Avoid negative social comparison – always keep in mind that how people portray themselves and their lives on social media is not a realistic picture, but rather an idealized one. Also, avoid comparing yourself to others because this behavior can lead to negative self-talk.

Remember that social media is not a replacement for real life – Social media is great for staying in touch and having fun, but it should never replace real-world interactions.

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Avoid releasing personal information – For your safety and privacy, make sure to be careful with what you post online.

Report users who bully and harass you – It’s easy to be a bully in the anonymous and distant world of social media. Don’t take such offense personally and report those who abuse social media to harass others.

The bits of advice listed above can help you establish a healthy relationship with social media. Always keep these things in mind to avoid losing an objective perspective of what social media is and how it is different from real life. If you are currently suffering from depression, talk to your doctor about what is bothering you so that you can get the treatment you need to get better. Tell your doctor about your social media use and see if they could give you some advice on this topic.

Reference

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