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What Happens When You Refuse To Be A Victim And Decide To Take Control

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What Happens When You Refuse To Be A Victim And Decide To Take Control

Sometimes life can be downright nasty. People can wrong you, betray your trust, defy you, and put you in a situation where you are victimized. It’s unfortunate, but it happens. Have you wondered what happens if you refuse to play the role of a victim and take back control in your life?

Let’s first define what a victim is. A victim is someone who has been harmed, injured, or killed as a result of an accident, crime, or other event. Being victimized can come in all shapes and forms. You could have your trust betrayed by someone near and dear to you, you could be a victim of a horrible crime, you could be a victim of your own mindset. You can be victimized by friends, family members, strangers, your country, or even yourself. But you can do something about it, and it starts with you.

“When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation or accept it. All else is madness.” — Eckhart Tolle

Oftentimes when we are victimized, we feel overwhelmed or even alone and struggle with coping appropriately. But after some time, playing the role of the victim is detrimental to our health. However, there are plenty of things you can do when you choose to reclaim your life.

Leave the situation

Ask yourself this question: can I leave or remove myself from the situation?

For example, if you’re in a relationship and your trust has been betrayed for whatever reason, can you leave the situation — can you put yourself out of harm’s way?

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Oftentimes, the environment we surround ourselves with will harbor the role of being a victim. It’s time to change that. You could go stay with a friend, family member, or get a hotel. Either way, refusing to leave a situation that only affords you the role of being a victim is not healthy.

Change the situation

Instead of waiting for a situation or a person to change, why not see what you can do? More often than not, you cannot force a person to change, but you can greatly influence change. You can act as a catalyst for that change.

For example, if you live with a family member or significant other who has a substance abuse problem and tends to be really mean to you when they’re under the influence, what can you do? You can start changing the situation by setting boundaries. You can take your power back by letting a particular person know what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior.

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You cannot change others, it’s up to them, but you can greatly influence their behaviors by changing how you interact with them.

Accept the situation and change your mindset

Accepting the situation and then changing your mindset should be applied to almost any situation where you have been victimized. Trust me, this is a hard thing to do, but you can do it. Accept that a tragic wrong has been done, accept it, put it in the past, and live in the here and now. It may take time, but the greatest gift you have is the present.

Changing your mindset when you have been victimized means you will no longer assume the role of a victim. You will reclaim your power and voice — they are yours and should have never been taken.  Regardless of how you were victimized, changing your mindset to know that you have complete power over your thoughts, actions, and reactions will change your life.

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What happens when you take your life back

You know what will happen when you decide to stop playing the victim and take your life back? A lifetime full of possibilities. You will have your personal power back. Your creative spark will glow to help solve problems where most other people wouldn’t know where to start.

By taking back your power and no longer playing the victim, you will grant yourself permission to have more freedom, as you will no longer depend on others. You will become the master of your own life. You set the pace and decide what road to take.

Yes, it will be hard — I’m not suggesting it will be easy. With perseverance and dedication, your hard work will pay off. In turn, you will have crafted a more relaxed life built on your own power.

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No one wishes to be victimized, but it happens. By changing your role from victim to personal hero, you can begin to reclaim your power and become the hero in your own story.

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Tara Massan

Founder of Be Moved, Life Coach and Writer.

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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